Social Anxiety

[TLO]

Anyone ever have issues with social anxiety before?

I've noticed myself being uncomfortable with large crowds of people as far back as 3rd or 4th grade. Recently though, I'm noticing it around people all together. Yesterday we had a medium size group for Easter dinner, mostly family, and I didn't really talk to anyone. Sometimes I have difficulty going to class because I'm afraid I'll be judged, or God forbid the professor puts us into a small group to do an activity.

Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

[Dante84]

How would your rate your self-image/esteem?

It may be a matter of loving yourself first, and then the rest falling into place.

[ptlyon]

Masturbate more

[TLO]

It depends. Sometimes I'd say average to good. Other times it's very, very low. I'd say it's very low most of the time.

[Grim]

Do you get anxiety attacks when you're about to enter social situations or are you just not sociable in those situations?

[NewChief]

I used to get it really bad though my teenage years. Then I started drinking and became an extrovert in social situations. Interestingly, I'm now pretty extroverted all the time, not just when I'm drinking. I do still get in scenarios where I feel awkward and tend to get introverted.

I'm not suggesting to start drinking as a way to combat your social anxiety, but it did actually work for me.

[TLO]

Panic attacks, not being sociable, and avoiding most social situations.

[TLO]

I used to get it really bad though my teenage years. Then I started drinking and became an extrovert in social situations. Interestingly, I'm not pretty extroverted all the time, not just when I'm drinking. I do still get in scenarios where I feel awkward and tend to get introverted.

I'm not suggesting to start drinking as a way to combat your social anxiety, but it did actually work for me.

Pot helps.

[Dinny Bossa Nova]

I used to get it really bad though my teenage years. Then I started drinking and became an extrovert in social situations. Interestingly, I'm now pretty extroverted all the time, not just when I'm drinking. I do still get in scenarios where I feel awkward and tend to get introverted.

I'm not suggesting to start drinking as a way to combat your social anxiety, but it did actually work for me.

I was going to suggest smoking more dope, but this is legal.

Dinny

[Katipan]

I can brave whatever crowd. Speak in front of whomever. Be outgoing and loud if needed. But all of it is me bullying myself into doing it. I'm happiest in the corner. Not the dark sad corner. But the ones that keep people from approaching me from more than one direction.

Act as if.

[NewChief]

Pot helps.

Some of my really good friends have social anxiety (they're also pot heads, and I think pot has a tendency to make people want to stay in the comfort of their own worlds after prolonged use).

These two friends are interesting, though, because they're extreme extroverts in social situations. Like they are the life of the party and everyone loves to have them around. They're completely "on" when they're in social scenarios, and I think that's why they have social anxiety... because it's exhausting for them to be in social situations. I think they also tend to "lose" themselves in those types of social situations and dislike losing control, so they prefer to stay at home and in control of their actions.

[Dinny Bossa Nova]

My job requires me to be in front of groups of people. I am very comfortable there. But I have never been comfortable on the other side of the line. I don't have anxiety attacks, but I would SERIOUSLY rather be somewhere else than in a large group of people.

Dinny

[Grim]

I'm sure it varies from person-to-person but, for me, pot helped alleviate the symptoms but I feel was a big contributor to the problem.

I've suffered from panic/anxiety attacks for the past 15 years or so.
I quit smoking dope for a few months, got semi-regular exercise and cut out caffeine and the anxiety almost totally went away.
I started taking in caffeine again... no problems.
Exercise has been the same.... semi-regular.
Started smoking dope again and the anxiety attacks came back almost immediately.

Good luck man. Anxiety SUCKS.

[DanT]

The National Institute of Mental Health has a helpful page for the public on Anxiety, including info on Social Anxiety and approaches for getting treatment:

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml#pub5

[keg in kc]

I've struggled with it my entire life. Mine's a little different from yours in that I'm fine with people once I'm around them, talkative even. It's getting me there in the first place that's the hard part. New people and unfamiliar places are extremely difficult for me, particularly pressure situations like tests or interviews. Telephones - I don't do well with those. And I have white coat syndrome that's so bad that I haven't had a physical in 22 years.

My advice would be to seek professional help, because anxiety becomes entrenched and may even grow more severe over time. I know that mine has. It's gotten harder for me to do things over time, not easier. And I don't think it's something you can overcome with happy thoughts and a go-getter attitude.

[Phobia]

I have anxiety but socially I'm fine. Sometimes I can't muster up the courage to leave the house but it has nothing to do with social situations.

[Rain Man]

A lot of this is practice and exposure.

When I was in my 20s, I was petrified to speak in front of a crowd. Even if it was just a "go around the room and let's all say our names", it was petrifying. Then I got a job where I had to do public presentations all the time, and I realized that it's really not terrifying. The people don't care about you anyway. They just want to hear what you're talking about and you're just a vessel for that. So you just get up there and talk. I've found that it's best to know your material, but to not practice. Talking is much easier than reciting a memorized speech. Now I don't think twice about it, and I'm a pretty strong introvert.

I had a new experience last month that pushed my limits a bit. I had to moderate a focus group live in front of 500+ people. That was a bit concerning because I had no idea what people were going to say, and I had to guide the discussion. But it went very well.

Now, social gatherings are a different animal. I really don't like going to parties where you have to break into social conversations and stand there with a drink in your hand. I pretty much just stand by myself the whole time. I was just at a fundraiser party last week, and I stood there like a doofus the whole time because everyone was broken up into groups of two or three people and they were all these "society people" who know each other and it was loud and there were no other people standing around that I could talk to.

Funny story, though, and I'll share this at the risk of sounding like a snobby wannabe, which is truly not my intent. It's just kind of funny. The event was a small fundraiser for the governor's race, maybe 50 or 60 people. I'm standing there not sure what to do and everybody else seems to know each other and are chattily gabbing. At one point the only other person standing there alone was the governor. So I went over and introduced myself and we had a pleasant conversation. I thought it was really weird that he wasn't surrounded by hangers-on.

[GordonGekko]

Now, social gatherings are a different animal. I really don't like going to parties where you have to break into social conversations and stand there with a drink in your hand. I pretty much just stand by myself the whole time. I was just at a fundraiser party last week, and I stood there like a doofus the whole time because everyone was broken up into groups of two or three people and they were all these "society people" who know each other and it was loud and there were no other people standing around that I could talk to.


This shit happens to me all the time. I frequently go to things where I do not know anyone, and just try to play cool. What helps is that I try to think what Van Wilder, (Ryan Reynolds) would do. It seems like in all his movies he just kind of goes with the flow and adds in laughterous comments every now and again. It helps to have that kind of gameplan.

[NewChief]

Now, social gatherings are a different animal. I really don't like going to parties where you have to break into social conversations and stand there with a drink in your hand. I pretty much just stand by myself the whole time. I was just at a fundraiser party last week, and I stood there like a doofus the whole time because everyone was broken up into groups of two or three people and they were all these "society people" who know each other and it was loud and there were no other people standing around that I could talk to.



You sound a lot like me. I, too, had anxiety earlier, and I conquered it as I became a teacher and had to be in front of people constantly. Since then, I actually enjoy being in front of people and use the same preparation techniques as you do (don't memorize, have talking points/outline, etc...).

I, too, hate those sorts of cocktail parties and find myself having to attend them more and more as I get older. I usually find a person or two to talk to (often the bartender, hah), and just spend the majority of the evening chatting with them.

[TLO]

I can relate to you guys about the party situations. Nothing more awkard then just standing by yourself with a drink in your hand.

It's sad, but I'm often much happier just sitting in my dorm, watching sports, and playing around on CP.

[tooge]

I generally hate people in general, unless they are part of my inner circle of 30 or so friends. So, if I'm at a social gathering that is mostly those people, I'm all good. If not, I'm not anxious, but I lighten my own mood by secretly making fun of all the other people there. Plus I drink.

[Buehler445]

I probably have some. But I'd say if it is there at all it is pretty mild. I'd rather just not talk to people. I've pissed away some potential opportunities because I was too much of a pussy to step out and start an uncomfortable conversation. Part of it is that I've had very very little success doing it but I have to. Shit isn't going to just land in my lap.

I'd say see a professional. I've known some people with debilitating anxiety.

[TribalElder]

Quit smoking weed it is making you paranoid

Get shitfaced drunk and go to rockfest to get over your issues

[Demonpenz]

Smoke weed/Drink more.

[Rain Man]

I can relate to you guys about the party situations. Nothing more awkard then just standing by yourself with a drink in your hand.

It's sad, but I'm often much happier just sitting in my dorm, watching sports, and playing around on CP.

The weird thing to me is that CP is basically the same thing as a party. It's just written and not spoken. But for some reason I like hanging out here but I don't like hanging out with people in person. If CP had a party I'd probably just stand around by myself.

[Mr. Plow]

I used to get it really bad though my teenage years. Then I started drinking and became an extrovert in social situations. Interestingly, I'm now pretty extroverted all the time, not just when I'm drinking. I do still get in scenarios where I feel awkward and tend to get introverted.

I'm not suggesting to start drinking as a way to combat your social anxiety, but it did actually work for me.

This is about how it was for me. I'm a bit more confident now which allows me to be comfortable in larger groups. Generally, if there is one person in a place I know, I'm solid. But, as I've gotten older I've gotten better at even sitting in a bar by myself to watch a game and chatting up whoever is around.

[Mr. Plow]

The weird thing to me is that CP is basically the same thing as a party. It's just written and not spoken. But for some reason I like hanging out here but I don't like hanging out with people in person. If CP had a party I'd probably just stand around by myself.

I'd be willing to bet that if you attended a CP party that you would have no shortage of people sitting there chatting with you - whether you wanted it or not. :D

You're like the Dos Equis guy.....the most interesting person in the world.

[DaveNull]

The weird thing to me is that CP is basically the same thing as a party. It's just written and not spoken. But for some reason I like hanging out here but I don't like hanging out with people in person. If CP had a party I'd probably just stand around by myself.

You'd be surprised. I go to an event every year that's full of folks that are usually very introverted. Getting together with other people that really do share the same interests and have common experiences really greases the wheels.

I'm pretty extroverted, but I'm not a person who waltzes into many happy hours and just works the room.

[Otter]

Is not liking most people you meet social anxiety? I don't get nervous or uncomfortable around people it's more of a 'I just have no desire to talk to you' kind of thing.

Mabey I just need to stop going to Wal Mart.

[Dante84]

It depends. Sometimes I'd say average to good. Other times it's very, very low. I'd say it's very low most of the time.

What is your sticking point? (i/e: body image issues, bullying issues from growing up, etc...)

What are some of the thoughts you have when you feel this way?

It could be something stemming from a bad situation earlier in life (therapy needed) or it could even be something as simple as a chemical imbalance that can be fixed with a prescription.

[BlackHelicopters]

Seek professional help. Your school should have a health services office that can help or refer you. I had to quit weed and seek help. It will help you.

[Chaunceythe3rd]

[QUOTE=Rain Man;10575899]A lot of this is practice and exposure.......

They just want to hear what you're talking about and you're just a vessel for that. So you just get up there and talk. I've found that it's best to know your material, but to not practice. Talking is much easier than reciting a memorized speech.

This. Being comfortable around crowds, public speaking, etc. for most people is a learned skill. It has a lot to do with the feedback that you receive in these situations. If you start out with low self esteem or doubts about your abilities and that shows in your demeanor then things may be awkward for you.

Maybe start small with situations that you know from experience are comfortable and work up from their. Or maybe in familiar situations such as family gatherings you have experience and knowledge of those in attendance and may simply be wanting to avoid them. Nothing wrong with that.

[Direckshun]

I believe that I have some social anxiety.

The easiest solution for me is to go to parties and such with someone else who is far more social, so you can take a backseat until you get more comfortable.

I always start out quiet, then get progressively more gregarious.

Alcohol usually helps.

[InChiefsHeaven]

I get anxious in small spaces with lots of people, I guess you'd say mildly claustrophobic. I got stuck on an airplane on the runway. We sat there for like 45 minutes, and I really felt like getting up and running around. My wife knew as soon as they said we were going to be delayed that I was going to start having an issue. I mean, it's not horrible, but it's more than just an annoyance. As a tangent, WTF don't they serve drinks when you are on the ground?? It would make things MUCH better...

I got mugged in KCK about 15 years ago, and to this day I have some paranoia about certain situations, but I think that's just recall kicking in. It's not as bad as it used to be, thank God...

[Fish]

Have you tried killing any strippers? It's usually a very effective way of overcoming your social anxiety..

[BlackHelicopters]

Have you tried killing any strippers? It's usually a very effective way of overcoming your social anxiety..

They are already dead inside anyway.

[KC native]

Seek professional help. Your school should have a health services office that can help or refer you. I had to quit weed and seek help. It will help you.

This.

Anxiety can come from many different sources. Best to have a professional help figure it out.

[ptlyon]

I just don't understand why people just don't masturbate more

[Easy 6]

The only time I ever got shy and quiet in public was if I was stoned, other than that I'll jump right up and give a presentation or put on a play in front a big crowd no problem.

Wish I had some great advice, but it just seems to be one of those things people have to work through on their own.

[C3HIEF3S]

I know exactly how you feel Big Smoke.

Mine mainly stems, I think, from being afraid of being judged. The worst part about going to a party or hanging out with friends for me is the first 10 minutes or so. I need to know what to expect from whatever I am going into. The worst part about going to a party or whatever for me is the fear that I go and don't know anyone and look like an idiot.

[Nirvana58]

Some of my really good friends have social anxiety (they're also pot heads, and I think pot has a tendency to make people want to stay in the comfort of their own worlds after prolonged use).

These two friends are interesting, though, because they're extreme extroverts in social situations. Like they are the life of the party and everyone loves to have them around. They're completely "on" when they're in social scenarios, and I think that's why they have social anxiety... because it's exhausting for them to be in social situations. I think they also tend to "lose" themselves in those types of social situations and dislike losing control, so they prefer to stay at home and in control of their actions.

This is me to a T. I am extremely extroverted when I need to be but honestly it is exhausting and would rather just stay at home. It is even worst now with my job because I have so be social 24/7 there. By the time I get home I really don't want to see anybody.

Pot can also play a factor with long term use in social anxiety. I don't know if its more of a chicken or the egg conundrum. Did these behaviors draw me to pot or did pot help bring out this anxiety. I have been clean for about 7 months after 10 years of use. I can honestly say my anxiety has gone down but I still can be a hermit.

[Bearcat]

Anyone ever have issues with social anxiety before?


Anyone here, on an internet/football message board?

Doubt it.

[Rain Man]

I just don't understand why people just don't masturbate more

For me, that tends to generate more even social awkwardness at parties.

[ptlyon]

For me, that tends to generate more even social awkwardness at parties.

You just don't know how to party RM

[Mojo Jojo]

I've had/still have anxiety issues. See a medical professional...I've had input from both primary care and a shrink. Things that have helped me. Regular exercise even if it's just walking. Yoga or other stretching activities. And of course I do have a script for anti anxiety meds, but it's take only as needed. I use them a lot less than I use to. For me Xanax was over rated, Hydroxyzine works great for me...when I feel an attack coming on and nothing else has helped take one...20 minutes later you feel like you've just had a glass or two of wine.
Good luck!

[keg in kc]

I know exactly how you feel Big Smoke.

Mine mainly stems, I think, from being afraid of being judged. The worst part about going to a party or hanging out with friends for me is the first 10 minutes or so. I need to know what to expect from whatever I am going into. The worst part about going to a party or whatever for me is the fear that I go and don't know anyone and look like an idiot.That sounds like projection. I know that one real well. The underlying thing is that whether you realize it or not on a conscious level you have a certain ingrained image of yourself, whether it's permanent or just based on the situation you're facing, and basically you expect other people to see you that way, too. And it doesn't even have to be a 'real' thing, some of my favorites are fantasy worst case scenarios that are basically just figments of my imagination.

[Bearcat]

Seriously though, it's all public speaking for me... hell, even the difference between presenting something in a meeting while sitting or while standing makes a big difference.

It sucks, because in my mind, it's just not a big deal, but once I'm standing there ready to go, my subconscious and body think differently.

[keg in kc]

I've had/still have anxiety issues. See a medical professional...I've had input from both primary care and a shrink. Things that have helped me. Regular exercise even if it's just walking. Yoga or other stretching activities. And of course I do have a script for anti anxiety meds, but it's take only as needed. I use them a lot less than I use to. For me Xanax was over rated, Hydroxyzine works great for me...when I feel an attack coming on and nothing else has helped take one...20 minutes later you feel like you've just had a glass or two of wine.
Good luck!Yeah, definitely exercise helps. Regular sleep is good, too.

I don't think any of us can emphasize the professional help part enough. I never had that option (no medical insurance for basically my entire adult life) so I've had to fight through it on my own. I hate to drop the "if I knew then what I know now" card, but I would put 25 year old me in therapy if I could. I think it would make 40 year old me's life a whole lot better than it is.

[Jimmya]

Sometimes I feel that way. I think maybe it's because I was raised in a very small community. Best of luck.

[ptlyon]

Personally, I blame the Chiefs. Never seeing a SB in my lifetime I'm sure has had an affect on having some psychosis.

[Rain Man]

Seriously though, it's all public speaking for me... hell, even the difference between presenting something in a meeting while sitting or while standing makes a big difference.

It sucks, because in my mind, it's just not a big deal, but once I'm standing there ready to go, my subconscious and body think differently.

I wonder why that happens. Like I mentioned, it's gone away for me due to practice, but I still have to tamp it down a bit if there's a long introduction or if I'm the third speaker or something and have to wait.

I bet it's an evolutionary thing where cavemen would rush a speaking caveman and kill him if they got bored with the presentation. There's got to be some good reason for it.

[ptlyon]

I bet it's an evolutionary thing where cavemen would rush a speaking caveman and kill him if they got bored with the presentation. There's got to be some good reason for it.

I think you just know you are poor at presentations

[keg in kc]

I wonder why that happens. Like I mentioned, it's gone away for me due to practice, but I still have to tamp it down a bit if there's a long introduction or if I'm the third speaker or something and have to wait.Unfortunate how picturing everyone in their underwear stops being a viable option after college.

[Rain Man]

I think you just know you are poor at presentations

I took an NFL-sponsored course on public speaking, and it helped a lot. My only weakness at this point is that every fourth word I say is "yaknowwhatImean".

[Rain Man]

Unfortunate how picturing everyone in their underwear stops being a viable option after college.

My challenge is that I do that when I'm not speaking, so it makes no difference.

[ptlyon]

I took an NFL-sponsored course on public speaking, and it helped a lot. My only weakness at this point is that every fourth word I say is "yaknowwhatImean".

Well, that's better than aiiiiiite or mmmmhmmmm

Funny you do that. Have a friend that does the same thing all the time. It does tend to drive you crazy

[NewChief]

Speaking of public speaking:

I just sponsored a high school team at a Start Up Weeekend. Our pitch guy kept trying to memorize his pitch, and it was killing me. I kept trying to get him to just hit the talking points and use the AV to help him remember the statistics/numbers in the pitch. Sadly, he wasn't comfortable with that and ended up going with his memorized presentation. He flubbed his first few lines (missing his killer hook), and it was painful. He recovered for the rest of the pitch, but the damage was done.

Anyway, after working with them (all high school kids), I realized how speaking extemporaneously in front of people is such an acquired skill that most are uncomfortable performing.

[Bearcat]

I think you just know you are poor at presentations

The amount of confidence I have in knowing what I'm talking about definitely helps at work, but not other times. The first time I did some training in front of 20-30 people at work, I thought I'd be really nervous, but wasn't at all, and I attributed it to basically being an expert at the material (well, and it was pretty simple material, too).

Spoke at a wedding about a year ago and all I had to do was read, which I'm pretty good at, and I thought my leg was going to fall off from the shaking. Two minutes prior? I've got this. 30 seconds after? Life is normal once again. Those 45 seconds or 3 months or whatever it was really sucked though.

I've thought about doing Toast Masters... it would probably only be Hell the first handful of times.

[vailpass]

You aren't what you think you are. You're what you think others think you are. Fuck ' em. Change that way of thinking and you'll be fine.

[ptlyon]

You aren't what you think you are. You're what you think others think you are. **** ' em. Change that way of thinking and you'll be fine.

You forgot one important piece

[vailpass]

You forgot one important piece

?

[Bearcat]

Speaking of public speaking:

I just sponsored a high school team at a Start Up Weeekend. Our pitch guy kept trying to memorize his pitch, and it was killing me. I kept trying to get him to just hit the talking points and use the AV to help him remember the statistics/numbers in the pitch. Sadly, he wasn't comfortable with that and ended up going with his memorized presentation. He flubbed his first few lines (missing his killer hook), and it was painful. He recovered for the rest of the pitch, but the damage was done.

Anyway, after working with them (all high school kids), I realized how speaking extemporaneously in front of people is such an acquired skill that most are uncomfortable performing.

Can't find it with a quick search, but there's a good talk on ted.com about this... the point of the talk was to link talking points in your presentation with absurd situations and create a plot in your mind that basically walks you through the presentation. It's a slightly more complicated version of this:

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/KQfW1G6Me5E" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[ptlyon]

?

I see somebody didn't read the thread in it's entirety :spank:

[Bearcat]

Speaking of public speaking:

I just sponsored a high school team at a Start Up Weeekend. Our pitch guy kept trying to memorize his pitch, and it was killing me. I kept trying to get him to just hit the talking points and use the AV to help him remember the statistics/numbers in the pitch. Sadly, he wasn't comfortable with that and ended up going with his memorized presentation. He flubbed his first few lines (missing his killer hook), and it was painful. He recovered for the rest of the pitch, but the damage was done.

Anyway, after working with them (all high school kids), I realized how speaking extemporaneously in front of people is such an acquired skill that most are uncomfortable performing.

Bam...

http://www.ted.com/talks/joshua_foer_feats_of_memory_anyone_can_do

[vailpass]

I see somebody didn't read the thread in it's entirety :spank:

Guilty as charged. What did I miss that makes my statement incomplete?

[ptlyon]

Guilty as charged. What did I miss that makes my statement incomplete?

Seek and ye shall find truth my son

[vailpass]

Seek and ye shall find truth my son

It's 90 degrees out, I'm floating in the pool, on my tablet. Fuck all that back reading.

[ptlyon]

Sounds like an Obama supporter :)

[Canofbier]

Sounds like an Obama supporter :)

We made it onto the fifth page before someone had to try and derail the thread. That's incredible by CP standards.

[ptlyon]

Good God yet another non reader. I tried in the 2nd reply...

[Bearcat]

...

Masturbate more
Masturbate more
Masturbate more
Masturbate more
Masturbate more
Masturbate more

[Canofbier]

Good God yet another non reader. I tried in the 2nd reply...

Dude, I'm referring to your need to drag politics into the thread. I've read every post up to this point.

This has been a surprisingly genuine thread with a lot of helpful and personal replies, so I think I speak for everyone when I say that you can keep DC shit in DC.

EDIT: Ehh, never mind. You're not being serious and I'm overreacting.

[J Diddy]

Panic attacks, not being sociable, and avoiding most social situations.

It is all mental and most likely due to setting too much importance on a single event. Force yourself to ask someone how they're doing, look them in the eye, and if they reject you (and if so fuck em anyway cause it sounds like you're better not knowing them). If you feel a panic attack coming on question every negative thought that enters your mind. Look at it reasonably and make yourself assign a percentage of probability to the worst possible scenario occurring then focus on the much larger percentage that it won't. Most importantly deep breaths or get a glass of water if you can. Accept those negative thoughts, realize there is a slim chance, if any, of it being that bad. Don't repress them because trying to force them away gives them strength (seriously negative thoughts are like a loanshark you owe money to) let them come, analyze their realism, and they will run like the wind.

[vailpass]

...

:) thanks. Pylons I bow to your wisdom....though I'd substitute that with blow jobs for maximum effect...

[mr. tegu]

Pot helps.

No it doesn't. Any thoughts on why I would say that?


It's sad, but I'm often much happier just sitting in my dorm, watching sports, and playing around on CP.

Not to get too therapuetic in a public forum, but could tell me a bit about your belief that "it's sad" in regards to those things that make you happy?

[keg in kc]

:) thanks. Pylons I bow to your wisdom....though I'd substitute that with blow jobs for maximum effect...I think you just offered to blow ptylons instead of bowing to his wisdom. NTTAWWT

[Eureka]

If you haven't taken one yet I would suggest a speech class!

[Rain Man]

Not to get too therapuetic in a public forum, but could tell me a bit about your belief that "it's sad" in regards to those things that make you happy?

Good point. We tend to assume that extroversion is a good thing and introversion isn't. Who really cares? It's about what makes us happy (with the acknowledgement that some extroversion traits like networking inevitably lead to more career opportunities).

My wife and I have some similar interests and some different ones. As we enter our third decade of marriage, we've figured out that we don't have to do everything together. She's much more social than I am, so sometimes she goes to theater events or parties without me. I like travel more than she does, so sometimes I'll wander off on a trip without her. We have enough common interests that we still do things together, but we've decided that we can do things separately and be just fine. It keeps one partner from dragging the other to a non-enjoyable thing, and feeling guilty doing so.

[Dayze]

i had it as a kid, I'm sure of it. my job in the Navy required me speaking in front of officers, pilots, and even CO/XO of the ship when deployed; and a few times in front of the RADM of Third Fleet.

My school, required us to deliver near daily mock-briefings. I was petrified. but after doing it over and over and over again, I got used to it. After time, gaining more confidence in my job and what I was speaking about, I didn't mind it. Once the confidence is there, it really does go away. That, and just saying "Fuck it" and not giving a shit helps too. lol.

I used to think while I was up in front of everyone (high school, middle school etc) that everyone was judging me. But, once I said fuck it, I don't care what they think, it helped quite a bit.

It's odd, because I was a gymnast for 5 years; competitive, not just recreational. there were times I would be the only one on my event performing and a majority of the meet would be watching me. but it didn't bother me. Again, it was probably a confidence thing t at that point because I knew I was fairly good etc.

[Radar Chief]

I think you just offered to blow ptylons instead of bowing to his wisdom. NTTAWWT

Margarita:30 must've come early today.

[vailpass]

I think you just offered to blow ptylons instead of bowing to his wisdom. NTTAWWT

You know me better than that...

[vailpass]

Margarita:30 must've come early today.

And you know me too well :)

[TLO]

No it doesn't. Any thoughts on why I would say that?



Not to get too therapuetic in a public forum, but could tell me a bit about your belief that "it's sad" in regards to those things that make you happy?

I'd say maybe you've had the same experience, and pot made you more anti social?

The reason I say "it's sad" is because I feel like I should be out meeting people and socalizing. Chiefsplanet has become a huge part of my social group.

[TLO]

What is your sticking point? (i/e: body image issues, bullying issues from growing up, etc...)

What are some of the thoughts you have when you feel this way?

It could be something stemming from a bad situation earlier in life (therapy needed) or it could even be something as simple as a chemical imbalance that can be fixed with a prescription.

I'm medicated now. Effexor-225mg per day, Trazadone- 50mg at bedtime, and Abilify -2mg in the morning.

No body image issues. I played baseball all through high school, and right now we'd be playing games, which I miss.

I have had some bullying issues. Both at home, and from school. But they both went away by the time I was a freshman in high school. Well, the being bullied at school did anyway.

[Tribal Warfare]

Anxiety, no just usually don't care or want to deal with bullshit that doesn't involve me.

I like to read other people's responses(wallflower), but usually believe I can put my time in that's more meaningful.

[mr. tegu]

I'd say maybe you've had the same experience, and pot made you more anti social?

Haha. No not that at all. If you had to define anxiety in your own words, how would it go?


The reason I say "it's sad" is because I feel like I should be out meeting people and socalizing. Chiefsplanet has become a huge part of my social group.

Do you believe you use CP as a replacement for something you desire in real life? Or do you enjoy CP for its own properties and benefits?

If you don't want to continue with it that's okay. Especially if you see a therapist already. Do you? If you would would rather talk in pm that is cool with me. And just so you are aware I am a professional. I am not trying to solicit you or anything (would be inappropriate) instead I am just trying to encourage you to think in different ways you may not have.

[WilliamTheIrish]

I can relate to you guys about the party situations. Nothing more awkard then just standing by yourself with a drink in your hand.

It's sad, but I'm often much happier just sitting in my dorm, watching sports, and playing around on CP.

You are gay. / Prison Bitch

Just kiddin.

[TLO]

I'll send you a PM later tonight, mr. tegu.

Thank you.

[mr. tegu]

mr. tegu I'll send you a PM later tonight.

Thank you.

Sounds good. I will respond tomorrow. Now lets get back to the Royals dominating!

[Chiefs=Champions]

Have suffered with social anxiety since high school. Ironically I think I am naturally quite chatty when I dont feel anxious. Around the right people im almost the loudest in the group. I got professional help, which really changed my life to be honest. I would highly recommend doing so.

[NewChief]

Have suffered with social anxiety since high school. Ironically I think I am naturally quite chatty when I dont feel anxious. Around the right people im almost the loudest in the group. I got professional help, which really changed my life to be honest. I would highly recommend doing so.

This was me through high school. I was a great converstionalist on small groups or one-on-one, but I hated making small talk in large group settings. I've since gotten to where I feel like I'm able to be myself in large group settings as well, though I usually talk to small groups or one on one indepth rather than floating around and making small talk with everyone.

[Chiefs=Champions]

This was me through high school. I was a great converstionalist on small groups or one-on-one, but I hated making small talk in large group settings. I've since gotten to where I feel like I'm able to be myself in large group settings as well, though I usually talk to small groups or one on one indepth rather than floating around and making small talk with everyone.

Good on ya dude! I seem to think that nothing helps quite like repetition. The more you do it, the more you feel comfortable doing it. It always helps to have strategies to deal with episodes though, which is why I think it is important to seek professional help.

[Iconic]

Don't say you have SA, your just putting yourself in a box. I used to be like this until I confronted it. Talk to random people; smile and just say hi, you'd be surprised with the results... in fact this is how I got my first GF when I was 17.

[BWillie]

Wow I didn't know so many ppl had some of these social anxiety feelings. I'm probably more introverted than extroverted, but I had quite a bit of social anxiety up until college. I think it stemmed from grade school stuttering problems, which just maybe made me not want to talk much.

Nowadays, I don't have as much of a problem with it except in certain situations where I feel like I really need to "impress" someone AND I'm in unfamiliar territory. If I'm somewhere I'm comfortable with, with people I'm comfortable with, or without them, I'm very personable and have little to no social anxiety. It really is situational with me. Most of the time I'm talking to new people with ease at new events anywhere and everywhere and joking around. Just depends.

Honestly, alcohol goes a long way. Don't need to get shitfaced, just have a few, and you'll feel way better. That is one of the reasons why everybody loves alcohol in social situations, it's life's ice breaker. I don't really see what use pot would help, it would just make me sit in one place and be paranoid. Doesn't work at all for that kind of anxiety with me.

[Hammock Parties]

Just remember that it's OK to be an introvert.

[ThaVirus]

I used to be shy when I was a kid but I wouldn't go so far as to say I had social anxiety. I just would usually rather listen than speak.

Then I turned 18 and became a stud; now I don't ever shut the fuck up.

['Hamas' Jenkins]

I tend not to like loud, chaotic scenes. Because of that I hate concerts, but don't mind sports, as there is a sense of order to the chaos. Smaller scale versions of such things get me antsy: For example, I hate waiting in line at a busy place during a rush--like a Chipotle. It makes me viscerally uncomfortable.

Still, I speak in front of people every day with great ease.

[Hammock Parties]

I tend not to like loud, chaotic scenes. Because of that I hate concerts, but don't mind sports, as there is a sense of order to the chaos. \

People look at me like I'm an alien when I tell them I hate live music.

I'd rather listen at home and truly appreciate the music.

The exception is going to the symphony. You know, where people SHUT THE FUCK UP.

[TLO]

Just remember that it's OK to be an introvert.

I think this is key, for me anyway. I have this perecption that I need to be this outgoing person, out partying all the time, etc.

I'm happy with my introverted ways 99% of the time. But when I do go out, I don't want to be crippled by irrational fear.

[Hammock Parties]

I think this is key, for me anyway. I have this perecption that I need to be this outgoing person, out partying all the time, etc.


There's a very stupid perception in society that you're a lesser person if you're not that way.

[tecumseh]

For me, it was pot. When I was a teenager it wasn't much of a deal. But as I got into my thirties, I began to have panic or anxiety attacks. Which is not good if you have to make presentations to groups of various sizes. I enjoyed pot. However, I knew it was the cause and I gave it up in 07'. It took about six months before I didn't feel anxious or flushed speaking in groups. Believe in yourself and battle through it. Things will improve.

[SPATCH]

I think this is key, for me anyway. I have this perecption that I need to be this outgoing person, out partying all the time, etc.

I'm happy with my introverted ways 99% of the time. But when I do go out, I don't want to be crippled by irrational fear.

This is very important to remember.

I had a small bout with anxiety, and it helped me a great deal to examine the fear response itself.

Evolutionarily speaking, having a healthy fear of things and good fear response was pretty important in the event that you rolled out of the cave and heard a saber-toothed tiger nearby. That was rational fear.

And fear has stuck around. Today, for a lot of people, fear manifests itself in circumstances that have no rational basis.

Whenever I found myself getting anxious about strange things like talking over the phone, I found it very helpful to consciously acknowledge the fact the fear I was experiencing was irrational.

After a short time I was able to begin to harness the vagal fear response and sort of just turn it into mild excitement instead.

Whenever the fear strikes you, you can do little things like straighten your back and widen your stance to trick your body into feeling more empowered.

[Pasta Little Brioni]

It isn't an easy thing to get over. The more social situations you get involved in, the better it will get though. Join a gym, say hi to a random person at the grocery store, meditate. Stop watching porn if you do. Withhold masturbation. You will be surprised by the results.

[ThaVirus]

It isn't an easy thing to get over. The more social situations you get involved in, the better it will get though. Join a gym, say hi to a random person at the grocery store, meditate. Stop watching porn if you do. Withhold masturbation. You will be surprised by the results.


The fuck, Peej!?

Why would you ever tell a many not to flog the dolphin? He needs to release the demons!

[SPATCH]

Ahhh the old masturbation debate. A polarizing topic.

Like a lot of things, the best course of action is probably healthy moderation.

[Eureka]

I used to be shy when I was a kid but I wouldn't go so far as to say I had social anxiety. I just would usually rather listen than speak.

Then I turned 18 and became a stud; now I don't ever shut the **** up.

You missed all that pew-tang in H.S. Atleast college pew-tang is more convenient.

[ChiTown]

Panic Attacks

I had my first one when I was in grade school. I had them in a big way all the way through College. I hated being somewhere that I believed I couldn't just get up and walk out of whatever/whenever I wanted to (class rooms, church, meetings, etc). I assume it was/is some form of claustrophobia I suppose. It's also an issue of control. I have a significant need to be in control at all times.

At times, it was so bad that I literally thought I was going to have a heart attack - flop sweats, rapid heart rate, dizziness, etc. I self medicated with prayer, meditation and Jack Daniels ;) - mainly prayer and meditation. Today, I have to talk my way though it and rationalize what I am going through. It calms me down and I manage. At 47, I suppose I will never outgrow it, but I do feel more confident that I can "deal with it" in a less intrusive manner.

If you were to meet me, you would NEVER know this is a part of who I am. I am a very outgoing, Type A personality. I'm not trying to mask it. I just refuse to let it define me as a person and to let it control my life (any more than it already has).

[ThaVirus]

You missed all that pew-tang in H.S. Atleast college pew-tang is more convenient.


I really did.

I ended up fucking 3 chicks within a month or so of losing my virginity. It was strange to go from getting no puhh to swimming in it.

[SPATCH]

Oh shit, I just remembered that you're the guy who had the medical scare a few weeks back.

Dude, minimize the fast food/soda and start being a little more active. Taking better care of yourself goes a hell of long way to reinstilling confidence in yourself.

[Aries Walker]

I probably have some kind of social anxiety. I don't like crowds, I don't like meeting people, I even have a hard time going out with a lot of my friends. I don't want to deal with customers; just give me a pair of headphones and a corner of the office and let me process paperwork all day and I'll be fine. I hate being recognized or even noticed, I will never ever dance in public, and at parties I tend to stand in the corner. The biggest perpetual hurdle I have with my schoolwork is when they put us in groups with strangers and we all grade each others' work. People suggest I become a teacher or a professor, but I really have little interest in getting in front of a room full of people and have them all. watching. me. I hate that.

I also don't care if I have a social anxiety. I have a perfectly good life, doing what I like alone or with the few people I love, without feeling the burning need to make new friends.

[cdcox]

Talking in front of a large group of people, no problem.

I'm very comfortable in leadership positions when I know everyone well, or when everyone is standing around with their hands in their pockets waiting for someone to step forward.

Throw me into a room full of strangers in a mixer situation and I can't wait to leave. Work in progress.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

[QUOTE=Big Smoke;10575863]Panic attacks, not being sociable, and avoiding most social situations.[/QUOTE

That's me. Although I did figure out that for some reason the blood pressure medication I was taking was making my anxiety 100 times worse.

[Fish]

http://i62.tinypic.com/wvcy68.jpg

[ChiTown]

http://i62.tinypic.com/wvcy68.jpg

ROFL

[Mr. Plow]

http://i62.tinypic.com/wvcy68.jpg

LMAO

[Dayze]

that's awesome.

[NewChief]

I probably have some kind of social anxiety. I don't like crowds, I don't like meeting people, I even have a hard time going out with a lot of my friends. I don't want to deal with customers; just give me a pair of headphones and a corner of the office and let me process paperwork all day and I'll be fine. I hate being recognized or even noticed, I will never ever dance in public, and at parties I tend to stand in the corner. The biggest perpetual hurdle I have with my schoolwork is when they put us in groups with strangers and we all grade each others' work. People suggest I become a teacher or a professor, but I really have little interest in getting in front of a room full of people and have them all. watching. me. I hate that.

I also don't care if I have a social anxiety. I have a perfectly good life, doing what I like alone or with the few people I love, without feeling the burning need to make new friends.

I wasn't as antisocial as you are, but the thought of standing in front of people every day sounded absolutely miserable to me when I was in college as well. Then I actually had to do it as a TA teaching Freshman Composition in graduate school in order to pay for my education, and I started to love being in front of a classroom. YMMV, though.

[BIG_DADDY]

I know this is really painful for some people. We have all seen people who seemed ordinary completely meltdown when confronted in a group or needing to give a public speech. I am as comfortable talking to 100 people as I am 1. That's a blessing.

[TLO]

The odd thing for me is that I'm actually more comfortable in front of a large group of people, as opposed to being around 4-5 friends or peers. Even family members at this point. :(

[TLO]

Oh shit, I just remembered that you're the guy who had the medical scare a few weeks back.

Dude, minimize the fast food/soda and start being a little more active. Taking better care of yourself goes a hell of long way to reinstilling confidence in yourself.

I'm not in awful shape though. I'm about 5'9 and weigh 176 pounds. Eating healthier might make me feel better physcially though.

[ptlyon]

I'm not in awful shape though. I'm about 5'9 and weigh 176 pounds. Eating healthier might make me feel better physcially though.

How is your sleep? You typically get 8 hours a night? Snore?

[NewChief]

The odd thing for me is that I'm actually more comfortable in front of a large group of people, as opposed to being around 4-5 friends or peers. Even family members at this point. :(

I'd definitely recommend staying off the weed. It may seem to help, but I suspect it's actually making your problem much worse.

[morphius]

I'm well known here for being overly quiet. I can't give a speech to save my life, even if I'm friends with everyone in the room. I run a bowling league and every year have to do the award presentation and it kills me. I say um, like it is going out of style when I try. It is funny, because I know everyone is on my side in those situations, but I can't fight my way through it.

[Mr. Plow]

I'm well known here for being overly quiet. I can't give a speech to save my life, even if I'm friends with everyone in the room. I run a bowling league and every year have to do the award presentation and it kills me. I say um, like it is going out of style when I try. It is funny, because I know everyone is on my side in those situations, but I can't fight my way through it.

I hate public speaking regardless of the event.

[Rain Man]

The odd thing for me is that I'm actually more comfortable in front of a large group of people, as opposed to being around 4-5 friends or peers. Even family members at this point. :(

I'm the same way. I'd rather give a presentation to a group of 300 strangers than a small group that contains people I know. I figure that's because if the presentation goes poorly I would feel more guilty doing a Carrie and burning the room down if it contains people I know.

[morphius]

I hate public speaking regardless of the event.
The fact that I was able to even contribute to the conversation with you and the small group at the last CP gathering was impressive for me, lol.

[Iconic]

I'd definitely recommend staying off the weed. It may seem to help, but I suspect it's actually making your problem much worse.

Similar to how people handicap them selves to alcohol in social situations. People in general need to learn to deal with a problem head on and not use crutches.

[Bob Dole]

Bob Dole joined a social anxiety support group about 14 months ago. $25 a month to pay the clinical psychologist.

We have not met yet.

[Mr. Plow]

The fact that I was able to even contribute to the conversation with you and the small group at the last CP gathering was impressive for me, lol.

LMAO

[TLO]

How is your sleep? You typically get 8 hours a night? Snore?

Ever since I was put on trazadone I sleep like a baby. Good 8 hours of sleep, (depending on work and school schedule). My roomate says I very rarely snore.

I'm assuming you're going down the sleep apnea route here?

[TLO]

Similar to how people handicap them selves to alcohol in social situations. People in general need to learn to deal with a problem head on and not use crutches.

Agreed. I'm great at running away from my problems though.

Edit - wasn't supposed to be a LMAO there

[ptlyon]

I'm assuming you're going down the sleep apnea route here?

Yep. Poor sleep does bad things to da brain. Good to hear.

[DTLB58]

Anyone ever have issues with social anxiety before?

I've noticed myself being uncomfortable with large crowds of people as far back as 3rd or 4th grade. Recently though, I'm noticing it around people all together. Yesterday we had a medium size group for Easter dinner, mostly family, and I didn't really talk to anyone. Sometimes I have difficulty going to class because I'm afraid I'll be judged, or God forbid the professor puts us into a small group to do an activity.

Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.

Yep. I've felt this way for awhile now, in fact I talked to my wife about it awhile back when I left our sons 21st birthday party early cause of the big crowd in the bar that night. I think she just kinda blew me off as not wanting to be sociable.

Sunday at both my mom's and her sister's house for Easter I just sat outside by myself at mom's. There were some people with me at the other place but one was my son so that helped and the other was my nephew and we talked football the whole time. Otherwise I didn't talk to anybody else all day at either place.

I just hate being around crowds and making small talk. I would rather just stay home in my own surroundings in my Chiefs Man Cave and chill.

[DTLB58]

Good point. We tend to assume that extroversion is a good thing and introversion isn't. Who really cares? It's about what makes us happy (with the acknowledgement that some extroversion traits like networking inevitably lead to more career opportunities).

My wife and I have some similar interests and some different ones. As we enter our third decade of marriage, we've figured out that we don't have to do everything together. She's much more social than I am, so sometimes she goes to theater events or parties without me. I like travel more than she does, so sometimes I'll wander off on a trip without her. We have enough common interests that we still do things together, but we've decided that we can do things separately and be just fine. It keeps one partner from dragging the other to a non-enjoyable thing, and feeling guilty doing so.

That is awesome. :clap: