Help me find a creative way to call into work tomorrow

[TLO]

Go.

[allen_kcCard]

Tell them your Fivehead feels warm.

[RealSNR]

Dear Boss:

I can't come into work because I need to drink lots of beer and watch football. See you tomorrow!

Love,
Big Smoke

[Beef Supreme]

poison ivy in your ass crack.

[Titty Meat]

Tell them bout the chick with herpes u banged and tell them u are having a flare up

[bdj23]

Tell them you were sexually assaulted by a tranny and are having emotional problems.

[JakeLV]

The trick is to leave early today and then call out tomorrow.

[Jewish Rabbi]

Tell them you were having sex with a dead dog in an elevator and the elevator is stuck.

[Graystoke]

Call in with a vision problem:

"I just can't see coming into work today"

[srvy]

Call in and tell them you murdered a guy and spend most the night cutting him up and disposing the body in the River near Missouri City.


Or you could do like most people who seen the schedule months ago. Request the day off months ago.

[tooge]

start by going to a bathroom where everyone can hear you. Stick your finger down your throat till you dry heave a few times. Then, go back into the bathroom when your boss goes in there. Bring in a squirt bottle of Sriracha sauce. Squirt the entire bottle in the toiled while grunting and moaning. Forget to flush.

Go to boss at the end of today complaining of a super runny, bloody stool and vomiting. You will be good to go tomorrow

[Discuss Thrower]

Go to work you fucking bum.

[jonzie04]

http://prod.static.chiefs.clubs.nfl.com/assets/images/imported/KC/photos/RedThurs-ExcuseNote-Thumb.jpg


Big Andy has you covered lol. Dont you have some vacation days? I guess it might be too late to put one in depending on where you work.

[Fish]

Cut off a finger.

[eDave]

You are sick. It's not hard.

[stumppy]

Tell them you're not coming in today in order to make up for leaving early last week.

[Eleazar]

Tell the boss you are busy sleeping with his wife. Won't be a problem.

[lewdog]

So you work at night?

Otherwise, the day to call in is Friday since you'll be hungover after we rape the Donkeys.

[ModSocks]

Tell them li'l Chiefy just broke his dick off in some Donkey ass....

...wait don't tell them that....that doesn't sound right...

On second thought....Yeah, tell them that.

[Perineum Ripper]

Tell the boss some coworkers raped you with a spicy sausage

[FishingRod]

You could try a telephone

[TimBone]

Anal glaucoma

[ptlyon]

You were raped by an octopus

[alpha_omega]

Your first mistake is just thinking about this today....the schedule has been out for a while.

[COchief]

Easiest out is to say you went out for some food and paid dearly, up all night and couldn't keep anything down. Also sort of implies issues with the other end which most managers will quickly reply with "ok then, hope you feel better bye".

[Bugeater]

Go to work you fucking bum.
This. Don't fuck over the people that you work with.

[DaNewGuy]

Am I too late to suggest a possible rape scenario?

[Over Yonder]

Which comedian was it who talked about calling in sick? His boss said "you dont sound sick?" He said, well, I'm banging my cousin, is that sick enough for you!!

ROFL

I also like the vision problem one:thumb:

[thabear04]

https://igcdn-photos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/t51.2885-15/s750x750/sh0.08/e35/11856644_516362631854937_297144026_n.jpg

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I just found out Monday my daughter is singing the National Anthem at the High School Home coming pep rally Thursday night. AND I BELIEVE IT TAKES PLACE AT 7 O FUCKING CLOCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

[DaNewGuy]

I just found out Monday my daughter is singing the National Anthem at the High School Home coming pep rally Thursday night. AND I BELIEVE IT TAKES PLACE AT 7 O ****ING CLOCK. **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

What its like a 2-3 min song? get in and get out

[ChiliConCarnage]

accidentally drank antifreeze

[Bugeater]

What its like a 2-3 min song? get in and get outyeah kickoff probably isn't until 7:20 or so,

[srvy]

I just found out Monday my daughter is singing the National Anthem at the High School Home coming pep rally Thursday night. AND I BELIEVE IT TAKES PLACE AT 7 O FUCKING CLOCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Send the wife have her video tape it.

[lewdog]

What its like a 2-3 min song? get in and get out

yeah kickoff probably isn't until 7:20 or so,

I'm gonna guess the school is pretty far removed from the ranch where Hog Farmer has his hog fisting business.

DVRs have been around a while though.

[ThaVirus]

Go to work you fucking bum.



Your first mistake is just thinking about this today....the schedule has been out for a while.



This. Don't fuck over the people that you work with.


All of these. I made sure I had this Thursday and the @ GB Monday night off months ago.

[BigRichard]

Tell them the antifreeze you drank didn't go over so well.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

What its like a 2-3 min song? get in and get out

DEFINITELY THIS. TAKING 2 VEHICLES YOU THE WIFE CAN WAIT ON THE KID ! I told them this is the most important game of the year and she just rolled her eyes. THEY JUST DON'T GET IT !

[ChiliConCarnage]

I just found out Monday my daughter is singing the National Anthem at the High School Home coming pep rally Thursday night. AND I BELIEVE IT TAKES PLACE AT 7 O ****ING CLOCK. **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

You can always have another daughter; Don't miss this game!

[Pablo]

I can't imagine you work somewhere that you'll be missed too badly. Just call and say you won't be in. It's not rocket surgery.

[Pablo]

This isn't the same place where that dude was gonna kick your ass is it?

Just tell them you're afeared of the ass-beating JohnnyToughStuff is gonna put on you and you can't make it in.

[vailpass]

wouldn't you rather have the day after the game off?

[88TG88]

AIDS

/thread

[Sully]

You could try a telephone

This is not creative.

[BigMeatballDave]

"I won't be coming in because I'd rather watch the Chiefs than work for your dumbass"

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I'm gonna guess the school is pretty far removed from the ranch where Hog Farmer has his hog fisting business.

DVRs have been around a while though.

The game does rerun again at 1:00 A.M. but it's just not the same. And actually the stadium is 5 minutes from home so if they don't drag it out .......

[Otter]

Go.

Tomorrow? Do you work nights? Friday would be my worry otherwise.

[eDave]

Don't people have vacation days?

[Buehler445]

Your truck is munched.

[ptlyon]

Don't people have vacation days?

They're paid. Vacation. Days.

[lewdog]

Tell them it's gay appreciation day and you're a raging homo.

[Iowanian]

How about sacking up and going to work on time and give them a fair day if you're not going to use a vacation day?

[bevischief]

Anal glaucoma
ROFLROFLROFL

[TimBone]

How about sacking up and going to work on time and give them a fair day if you're not going to use a vacation day?
This sounds very unreasonable.

[TimBone]

Tell them it's gay appreciation day and you're a raging homo.
...and with this one he'd only be telling ONE lie. I like it.

[kcjayhawks5]

Just don't show up and get fired. You don't need that job anyway.

[Iowanian]

I just found out Monday my daughter is singing the National Anthem at the High School Home coming pep rally Thursday night. AND I BELIEVE IT TAKES PLACE AT 7 O ****ING CLOCK. **** **** **** **** **** **** ****

I'm traveling for work and found out I have a business dinner at 630....

It pisses me off that it came up last minute, but priorities are priorities. Hopefully we can get the game on a TV at the predetermined location.

[bevischief]

Emergency Hemorrhoid surgery

[cosmo20002]

Help me find a creative way to call into work tomorrow

Smoke signals would be a pretty creative way to call in.
Flying a banner?

[RunKC]

Explosive diarrhea.

[ModSocks]

Go into work. Shart yourself. Go home.

[Saccopoo]

Brain cancer has worked for me the past two weeks.

[kepp]

"My wife poisoned me with...ANTIFREEZE."

[loochy]

"Hey, I'm sick. I won't be in today."

:shrug:

Is that so hard to say?

[Reerun_KC]

No work. Smoking pork shoulder all day.

[Reerun_KC]

DEFINITELY THIS. TAKING 2 VEHICLES YOU THE WIFE CAN WAIT ON THE KID ! I told them this is the most important game of the year and she just rolled her eyes. THEY JUST DON'T GET IT !
I've missed Chiefs games to watch my kids play sports. Would never put the Chiefs above my kids.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I've missed Chiefs games to watch my kids play sports. Would never put the Chiefs above my kids.

Not my fault your priorities are all wrong ! :D

[Titty Meat]

I'm traveling for work and found out I have a business dinner at 630....

It pisses me off that it came up last minute, but priorities are priorities. Hopefully we can get the game on a TV at the predetermined location.

I'm surprised the movie theatre has one of its popcorn makers travel.

[Dave Lane]

Tell them you were sexually assaulted by a tranny and are having emotional problems.

Better yet tell them you and Jim Jones hooked up and not you have issues.

And he beat you up after he found out you were't a tranny if the first part isn't good enough.

[Iowanian]

I'm surprised the movie theatre has one of its popcorn makers travel.

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/le-miiverse-resource/images/1/17/Stupid-gifs-3.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150721065551

One of the jobs I had in HS was at a grocery store. That's the only job I've had in 25 years that you could handle for a day, and you wouldn't do as well at it as my pal with Down Syndrome.

[The Franchise]

My kids have soccer practice that night. I'll be recording the game and watching it after the kids go to bed.

[bevischief]

No work. Stroking pork all day. fixed.

[Titty Meat]

http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/le-miiverse-resource/images/1/17/Stupid-gifs-3.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150721065551

One of the jobs I had in HS was at a grocery store. That's the only job I've had in 25 years that you could handle for a day, and you wouldn't do as well at it as my pal with Down Syndrome.

Well it's better than copy and pasting Bob Sagget lines but your gifs are still fucking stupid.

[Shawny2X4]

Tell him you've got the J.J. Watt flu. It worked for Fisher for the better part of Sunday.

[Valiant]

Well I assume you work retail or food, just say you have diarrhea, normal jobs you would just call out. That is what you get sick days for when not actually being sick. Well at least at my job. Sick days and unscheduled days count the same.

[gblowfish]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EzGoDtmTllg" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[ModSocks]

My kids have soccer practice that night. I'll be recording the game and watching it after the kids go to bed.

How will your kids sleep with you hootin' & hollerin'?

My dog usually leaves the room when the game is on because i scare the shit out of her.

[big nasty kcnut]

Easy tell them you got the sniffles and don't want other to get sick and will try to fix it at home.

[Kman34]

Had to have your gall bladder removed unexpectedly......

[ModSocks]

You stubbed our pinkie toe and it really hurts.

[ModSocks]

Wife gave you the best BJ ever and now you can't walk.

[bevischief]

Surprise

[Bowser]

Have your mom call in for you.

[bevischief]

The farting sickness

[Shaid]

Yeah, I requested Friday off a while ago. Gotta cover yourself.

[Shaid]

Tell them the Chiefs are playing the Broncos Thursday Night and you have a case of the JIMPs.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4pXfHLUlZf4" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Rain Man]

Here are ten for you:

You have a high ankle sprain and won't be ready for tomorrow's meeting with JJ Watt.

You covered yourself in butter and now you can't turn the doorknob.

You watched a movie about Hunter S. Thompson and are having trouble disengaging yourself from the character.

The hooker left with the handcuff key.

The SWAT team outside will rush you if you open the door.

You're in the middle of that native american ritual where you get hung by hooks in your skin, and you don't want to have to start over.

You're watching the moon landing.

Von Miller came over after the game and you haven't yet come down from the coke binge.

You're still finishing up the scoring from the Republican debate.

A comet has been sighted, and the wise leader has called for a special meeting of the church tomorrow.

[TLO]

Yeah, I'm probably just going to class, and then going to work.

Friday on the other hand. :hmmm:

[jerryforeverrice80]

just tell him you have an eye problem you just cant see coming in today

[Easy 6]

The trick is to leave early today and then call out tomorrow.

Not bad, gotta plan ahead... "oh man, I feel something coming on"... and then yep, sure enough it becomes a full blown issue the next day.

[srvy]

If you work nights tell the boss about your fear of werewolves. Explain the moon is in a new phase and hate to get caught out in a full moon after dark.

You were doing the David Carradine thing and its gone horribly wrong. You are hanging by the neck by your belt waiting for fire and rescue.

Your batch of meth hasn't finished cooking.

Your on a good high and dont want to kill the buzz.

You were abducted by aliens they let me make one phonecall but they cant say for sure when the anal probing will be done.

[FlaChief58]

Your wife's pussy stinks really bad, so I need the day off to freshen up. I'm not sure I'll ever get that taste out of my mouth.

I'm sure he'll understand

[stevieray]

explosive diarrhea

[Chiefs4TheWin]

Tell them your injured from interacting with a chiefs helmet.

[bevischief]

Sand in the v :-)&!_(7

[Reerun_KC]

Not my fault your priorities are all wrong ! :D


LOL were empty nesters now. Game on.

[Coochie liquor]

Either A) tell them you were banging one of the fat girls you bang on occasion, she got on top and pinched a nerve in your back.... OR...
B) see if your coworker Marcus can cover your shift in the dish station and you'll cover one of his shifts later in the week

[Reerun_KC]

fixed.


Yes exactly. Like a boss!

[TimeForWasp]

Tell them "Eric Fisher is soft and you want to help him out"

[bevischief]

Butt hurt.

[rabblerouser]

"Hey, I'm sick. I won't be in today."

:shrug:

Is that so hard to say?

First thing that pooped into my mind

[bevischief]

Famous anus.

[thabear04]

First thing that pooped into my mind

Must of have shitty thoughts if it pooped in your mind.

[Lonewolf Ed]

Go.

Go full Joe Pesci on him and *tell* him you're not coming in and he had better like it.

[RINGLEADER]

Well I just ate some moldy turkey. If anyone searches the Internet all they'll find is page after page referencing the quite horrible stomach problems I will evidently soon start experiencing...

[Pasta Little Brioni]

Go work your shift and dvr the damn game like an adult. Next time request off in advance.

[Kaepernick]

Tell them Caitlin Jenner has inspired you to live the life and you are getting surgery tomorrow. Then next day, say you were in the waiting room and just changed your mind.

[bevischief]

Having testicle removal surgery.

[Quesadilla Joe]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">If you need a note to leave work early for <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/TNF?src=hash">#TNF</a>, Andy Reid has you covered. His note to Chiefs season ticket holders: <a href="http://t.co/AC66qNlt8R">pic.twitter.com/AC66qNlt8R</a></p>&mdash; Andrew Siciliano (@AndrewSiciliano) <a href="https://twitter.com/AndrewSiciliano/status/644529438613352448">September 17, 2015</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

[pr_capone]

Anal leakage.

Guaranteed there will be no questions asked.

[Reerun_KC]

Sorry cant make it into the office today. I have to monitor my smoker for tonights game.

Come on over and bring beer, we can have our meetings on the patio.

[Mr. Flopnuts]

Anal glaucoma

This.

https://igcdn-photos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/t51.2885-15/s750x750/sh0.08/e35/11856644_516362631854937_297144026_n.jpg

And now you have a note to give them.