Poop What's the WORST that you've had to shit? [Archive]

teedubya

11-25-2015, 09:55 AM

We need a good shit thread around here.

I've just had my personal worst. I'm currently in Romania and I can speak very little Romanian... none of the places that I went into would let me use their toilet... I had to do the turd-turtle walk of shame for about 1.5 miles back to the hotel, with super clenched muscles, while praying to the poop God. I barely made it back to my hotel room... and I shat a good 2 pounds worth.

I almost didn't make it multiple times. I had to do some lamase breathing to keep the beast within the confines of my colon.

And so this was a memorable life moment, one too shitty to post on Facebook, however perfect for CP. ROFL

What's the worst you had to shit? And did you make it to the toilet or nah?

Dayze

11-25-2015, 09:56 AM

since having my gal bladder removed a few months ago, pretty much about 8 minutes after I eat anything, I need to shit NOW.

so, I've got that going for me.

BigMeatballDave

11-25-2015, 10:00 AM

Usually any time I eat Mexican, Italian, and Chili it's the worst shit ever.

teedubya

11-25-2015, 10:01 AM

since having my gal bladder removed a few months ago, pretty much about 8 minutes after I eat anything, I need to shit NOW.

so, I've got that going for me.

I bet that's healthy though... you probably don't eat as much fast food now. :-)

BigMeatballDave

11-25-2015, 10:02 AM

I made some Alfredo last week and it looked like I shit out a gangbang from the night before. :)

Dayze

11-25-2015, 10:04 AM

I bet that's healthy though... you probably don't eat as much fast food now. :-)

It's incredible.

sometimes if I even 'think' or crave certain foods, I have to shit.

but it sucks when I'm out with friends or family. I basically need a bathroom within sprinting distance anytime I eat now.

so that sort of sucks.

Grim

11-25-2015, 10:10 AM

The worst for me was when I had to take a shit while waiting for my flight in John Wayne Airport.
All of the toilets had a line of people waiting to use them. I felt like I was going to shit myself while waiting in line.
Finally got into the stall. The toilet seat didn't appear to have any shit on it so I dropped trousers, spun around and plopped down on the toilet. That's when I noticed how HOT and sweaty the toilet seat was.
Didn't enjoy that bowel movement at all. Didn't help knowing that there was a line of people right behind me waiting to use the same toilet.... felt rushed.

KCUnited

11-25-2015, 10:13 AM

I got some type of food poisoning at a resort in Mexico. The resort was set up where the rooms were separated from the restaurants by this long winding sidewalk through the jungle, lit up all romantical with torches. We were having dinner and without any warning it hit me. I got up from the table, left my wife sitting there, looked frantically for a bathroom, couldn't find one, so I duck walked as fast as I could down this winding path, weaving in and out of strolling couples holding hands til I got back to the room. My wife showed up 20 minutes later and I was completely naked, in a cold sweat, still sitting on the shitter like The Thinker.

kepp

11-25-2015, 10:24 AM

Oh man...definitely during my family's last trip to Thailand to see my wife's family. It was about day 4 of eating the local food...which is awesome, but can mess with your insides. We had rented a van to go to the mountain region in the north. I started feeling the urge pretty soon after we started the trip, and it became urgent quickly. I discreetly told my wife I needed to stop at a bathroom, but as it turned out, the nearest was about 1/2 hour down the road. I was prairie-dogging the entire way. We finally get to the "rest stop" and, let me tell you, Thai rest stops are not like American rest stops on the interstates. The toilets were "squatty potties". So I squatted and exploded....all over. The locals probably thought John Rambo was in the area again with his M60. Then, to "flush", you pour a bucket of water in and hope it goes down. It didn't. I cleaned up as best I could...used a bunch of Clorox wipes and a gallon of sanitizer...and hopped back in the van. It was my worst restroom experience.

Hog's Gone Fishin

11-25-2015, 10:38 AM

If I've eatin some Jalapenos with supper then the next morning I drink coffee it hits hard. Can't hardly get from the kitchen to the bathroom without crapping my pants.

Cheater5

11-25-2015, 10:55 AM

Saccopoo

11-25-2015, 11:05 AM

When I had amoebic dysentery from eating haji food in Iraq. Hot magma out of my anus for three days, and yes- I did shit my pants on a mission because of it. Soon after I was in the aid station delirious with IV's jabbed into my cramping arms.

That straight sucked.

Winner. (And I was about to go into my three buckets of garlic mussels and 12 pack of beer in Annapolis for lunch story, but this beats that easy.)

Lonewolf Ed

11-25-2015, 11:15 AM

You all do not want to know the details. Ever since my cancer hit me, it has been a totally changed experience and often the thing of nightmares.

Fairplay

11-25-2015, 11:43 AM

After I read a post by KC native or cosmo my bowels start yearning and a churning and the cramping begins to rumble and tumble.

I make a bee line for the glorious throne to deposit what I just read. I can't hold on to long I've tried a few times and like you have mercifully made it to the poop chair just in time.

I should thank them for never having constipation sometime.

Saccopoo

11-25-2015, 11:45 AM

You all do not want to know the details. Ever since my cancer hit me, it has been a totally changed experience and often the thing of nightmares.

http://sunsweet.com/img/products/standard/prune-juice-product.png

My best friend this past two months.

scho63

11-25-2015, 02:00 PM

POOP THREAD #274

CP'ers sure do love their poop threads. :eek:

Lonewolf Ed

11-25-2015, 02:07 PM

http://sunsweet.com/img/products/standard/prune-juice-product.png

My best friend this past two months.

Ohhh, no. I get the runs badly enough from treatment, no need to make the stuff even worse!

beach tribe

11-25-2015, 02:07 PM

What?

Never seen a grown man taking a shit before?

beach tribe

11-25-2015, 02:09 PM

"I'm going to go inside and take a huuuuge Morty"/Rick Sanchez

Mr. Laz

11-25-2015, 02:18 PM

Carlota69

11-25-2015, 02:41 PM

OK, I just had my worst experience about a month ago...

I had been taking these Detoxing pills. They told me I wouldnt have those "emergency moments". HA!

Im on my way home from work, and Im in dead traffic and IT hits me. I have nowhere to go, completely stuck. Then we begin to move, and I jam down a side street trying to take a short cut, to no avail. MORE TRAFIC!. Man, I am holding on for dear life, and I thought for sure I was gonna shit my pants. I mean, IM clinching, punching the steerig wheel, begging outloud to hold on..lol...Finally I see a gas station, on my left, on the other side of the street. Easy access? Hardly. I had to cross all the way over in traffic and then manage to get into left hand turn lane, and the WAIT...AND WAIT...AND WAIT for the light to turn green. FINALLY the light turns green and I U Turn and fly into the gas station parking lot, in full prayer mode "PLease God, Hold on"...Thankfully my prayers were heard, and NO one was in the PUBLIC bathroom. I cant stand going in a public bathroom, but sometimes survival is more important than vanity. And survived is what I did without shitting myself, but wow, I came close. It was horrible.

NewChief

11-25-2015, 02:46 PM

Similar to the OP. I was on Crete back in 1996 hiking and camping. Came to a resort town called Paleochora and couldn't wait to find a shitter. Finally find one and its a squat above hole in the ground that was absolutely covered in filth. I balked. Things got more and more dire. I finally waddled out onto the beach and went back among the dunes. I dug like a foot deep hole in the sand and proceeded to pretty much fill it to the brim with two days worth of gyros back up.

Feeling immensely relieved, I tore some pages from my journal and wiped up. I stood up and turned around to face away from the ocean and pull up my pants and noticed an entire tour bus group at an overlook, looking down at my site of shame.

Tribal Warfare

11-25-2015, 02:46 PM

During a 4 hour fraternity trip, I had Montezuma's Revenge so bad that when I finally got to a toilet it looked like I killed a squirrel in the motherfucker.

Hog's Gone Fishin

11-25-2015, 02:46 PM

They say if you gotta go really bad think about sex and it will go away. It works when you gotta piss but I've never tried it in full shit mode.

Red Dawg

11-25-2015, 03:10 PM

This is the play when Kelce dropped the ball. It made me shit bad.https://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/3XZu0I50W8LL-et5qpAX6N6IrjI=/800x0/filters:no_upscale()/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/4298223/Chiefs_Pic_3.0.png

Fire Me Boy!

11-25-2015, 08:52 PM

You haven't had a real shit until you've had to drink a gallon of that stuff they give you before a surgery.

fair warning ... don't drink it all like they say!!

Drink until you start shitting and then ease back.

You will fill your toilet up with 'MUD' so far that it won't flush.

Dump
flush
Dump
flush

Felt like one of the soft serve ice cream dispensers.

:(

My wife had to do this. They told her to drink until she pooped. It took a while, and she drank most of it before it hit her. It was taking long enough we'd called the doctor.

Considering it wasn't me, it was pretty funny.

2112

11-25-2015, 08:59 PM

My worst was on a flight to Vegas about 15 years ago. My intestines always decompress on planes, so I always fart a lot when we get up to altitude. But this time I couldn't fart because I had this big cannon ball of shit in the way. So after massive stomach cramps I go to bathroom and blow the cannon ball out. The ball was larger than the circumference of the hole in the shitter. And since there's no water just suction there was a ring of fecal matter around the hole. Knowing my luck some hot looking chick would be waiting for the shitter lol luckily for me there was nobody in line (thank god)

2112

11-25-2015, 09:01 PM

You haven't had a real shit until you've had to drink a gallon of that stuff they give you before a surgery.

fair warning ... don't drink it all like they say!!

Drink until you start shitting and then ease back.

You will fill your toilet up with 'MUD' so far that it won't flush.

Dump
flush
Dump
flush

Felt like one of the soft serve ice cream dispensers.

:(

The stuff they give you before a colonoscopy? Damn I thought it wouldn't end in time to go to the hospital

DJJasonp

11-25-2015, 09:09 PM

i was in cancun....after a night of delicious tacos with amazing habanero.....

I'm on hole 4 of the golf course, and it hits me like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber..

Tell my guys, you're gonna have to waste some time.....as I hop on the cart, and head back to the clubhouse.

I was sweating, freaking out....all the while driving backwards through the course, dodging golf balls from players on holes behind us.

Get to the clubhouse just in time, and it's Johnny Cash's "ring of fire" for a good 15 minutes.

Baby Lee

11-25-2015, 09:16 PM

In terms of urgency, I've noticed a correlation between steak and urgent squats 1/2 hour later. Usually the better the steak, the more urgent. Or maybe it's just memorable because we'll often 'walk off' a good meal in a shop or mall, so I have to beat feet to an unfamiliar restroom.
Nothing else stressful about it. Medium soft. Clean breaker. But it's like there's an enzyme in beef that gets the tract moving.
Kind of like morning coffee.

cdcox

11-25-2015, 09:23 PM

George Brett might be have something to contribute.

Rasputin

11-25-2015, 09:55 PM

seclark

11-25-2015, 10:33 PM

tell you about it tomorrow
sec

teedubya

11-25-2015, 10:56 PM

this thread is shitty. Glad to know that i'm not alone!

Dave Lane

11-25-2015, 11:51 PM

I ate a half pound of sugar free gummy bears.

There are no words...

DaNewGuy

11-26-2015, 12:01 AM

I ate a half pound of sugar free gummy bears.

There are no words...
Dude I did this too in high school, was awful
https://mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/sig-3817167.noooo-o.gif

Dave Lane

11-26-2015, 12:03 AM

Dude I did this too in high school, was awful
https://mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/sig-3817167.noooo-o.gif

It was the greatest Amazon review in history though.

Dayze

11-26-2015, 12:09 AM

Never heard of the gummy bear thing. Sounds like I'm glad I didnt. Lol

Cornstock

11-26-2015, 12:13 AM

On a camel trek in the middle east having eaten a bunch of local food the night before. I was fine in the morning and we traveled until it got warm around 11. I could feel it beginning to come on shortly before we stopped but being out in the open with no cover there was no decent place to go. When we stopped under a small tree to wait out the heat it was around 110 degrees (cool by most standards). There was a bush to the side of the tree and I figured I would need to use that as a screen. I wandered about 100 yards from the camp in the scorching sun, scraped a hole, and squatted. Having been in the middle east for several months I was accustomed to this technique by this time. Luckily I remembered TP in my pack.

There must have been something wrong with that food because it lead to me becoming pretty dehydrated and having some decent heat exhaustion. I'd had it a few years before so I knew how to treat it, and under normal circumstances I would have been able to cope with it all together, but the food pushed me over. But I didn't feel well for a few days obviously.

Baby Lee

11-26-2015, 12:43 AM

Never heard of the gummy bear thing. Sounds like I'm glad I didnt. Lol

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears/product-reviews/B008JELLCA

Baby Lee

11-26-2015, 12:44 AM

I guess I was confused, judging by the responses.

Was this 'worst you had to shit' thread, or a 'worst shit you had' thread?

Fire Me Boy!

11-26-2015, 05:55 AM

Never heard of the gummy bear thing. Sounds like I'm glad I didnt. Lol

Sugar-free candies often contain sorbitol, a sugar alcohol that sweetens foods but your body can't process. But it's a natural laxative. Eat very much, and you'll poo... A lot.

I knew a woman at the newspaper gig I worked. I passed by her desk and she was raving about these sugar-free Reece's. I warned her not to eat too many for the reason I just explained, and her eyes got big and she replied THAT must be why she'd been having so much diarrhea - she was eating a bag a day. ROFL

Chiefs=Champions

11-26-2015, 06:50 AM

Went out to a greek restaurant and ate far too much and drunk a bottle of wine myself and more drinks with buddies at a friends house. Decided to walk home and about 10 minutes in to a 30 minute walk i was busting. Duck walked the whole 20 minutes home and absolutely let loose. Was a horrible experience.

threebag

11-26-2015, 07:40 AM

since having my gal bladder removed a few months ago, pretty much about 8 minutes after I eat anything, I need to shit NOW.

so, I've got that going for me.

Feel lucky if you get a solid shit ever. It's like a lottery win.

rtmike

11-26-2015, 12:20 PM

Never a WORST with me.

I had a staph blood infection that about killed me in March '13. I had a port shoved into my inside left bicep pumping me with antibodies 24/7 for 3 months.

My level of injury dictates no bowel or bladder control and the antibodies give me the runs. So about 3 times a day I'd have to lay down to clean myself. That in itself is a chore when I can't see what I'm cleaning. Try imagining taking off a diaper through your legs full of doop when you can't move or feel them. Lots of showers in those 3 months, lol.
Then every time I'd have to lay down to do the cleaning I was always fighting the antibody pump's tube. I pulled the port out enough that any more and I'd have to of had it re-inserted.

I do remember in grade school walking home from school about 2 miles & pinching loafs the last hundred feet or so & not actually making it a few times. Weak sphincter I guess, lol.

Mosbonian

11-26-2015, 12:37 PM

since having my gal bladder removed a few months ago, pretty much about 8 minutes after I eat anything, I need to shit NOW.

so, I've got that going for me.

When I had mine taken out, it was 10 minutes after I ate anything, save for Mexican food, which for some reason barely stayed around to shake hands with my colon.

It gets better over time....you can actually know when and what to eat and how to eat at carefully chosen places and knowing where the closest DECENT bathrooms are.

Someday I am going to have to break a promise to a friend I made never to tell his worst story of this.

BTW....the best thing to have on your phone if you are traveling the interstate is the Cracker Barrel app...

My wife and I call it the "CR-app"

Dayze

11-26-2015, 02:33 PM

Feel lucky if you get a solid shit ever. It's like a lottery win.

Yeah, solid shits are a thing of the past.

Mr. Laz

11-26-2015, 03:36 PM

Yeah, solid shits are a thing of the past.

Weird, I had by gall bladder removed and i'm the exact opposite.

No longer store bile to break stuff down.

I shit rocks.

Unless i take some edible THC(Weed) then it's soft serve ice cream time.

my body is so fucked up. :sulk:

Mr. Laz

11-26-2015, 03:46 PM

Never heard of the gummy bear thing. Sounds like I'm glad I didnt. Lol

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Sugar-Free-Gummy-Bears/product-reviews/B008JELLCA

I ate a half pound of sugar free gummy bears.

There are no words...

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Fu5i2gguCH0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

BucEyedPea

11-27-2015, 01:28 AM

thumbtacks

Athis

10-21-2018, 07:44 PM

This happened during Mardi Gras..The Saturday before Mardi Gras I drank Vodka and cranberry all day. Wake up Sunday morning feeling good and try to take a dump and that is a no go. Packed up the car to go to my brothers house for more parades. While on the parade route I start to feel the rumbles. I tell my GF we have to leave now.

What would usually take about 15 minute ride back to her house took about 45 minutes. That ride was from hell. I was sweating..Traffic and red lights..I thought I was going to crap myself while driving. Finally make it back to her house and as I was getting out of the car I start yelling "I am losing control" she is laughing..I crapped my pants in a big way. I was able to get to the bathroom and just as I was pulling down my pants I lost control again and crapped all over the toilet. She was an angel because she took my clothes and cleaned them up and washed them.

Titty Meat

10-21-2018, 07:46 PM

Ate at this place called Joe Joe's on 43rd and Main. Had to shit si bad driving home back then I didnt believe in using public restrooms for shitting. I got to Overland Park from the Plaza in 7 mins. Barely made it to the toilet.

scho63

10-21-2018, 08:05 PM

Baby Lee

10-21-2018, 08:12 PM

So you haven't posted very much in 14 years and you decide to bump a three year old thread about the worst shit you ever took. :hmmm:

Strange, very very strange.

Maybe he experienced an urgent need to share, before the memory made a mess all over everything.

Athis

10-21-2018, 08:19 PM

So you haven't posted very much in 14 years and you decide to bump a three year old thread about the worst shit you ever took. :hmmm:

Strange, very very strange.

Yeah I see I made a mistake...I was looking at another thread and had this link in there and posted to the wrong thread.....My humble apologies.

scho63

10-21-2018, 09:22 PM

Yeah I see I made a mistake...I was looking at another thread and had this link in there and posted to the wrong thread.....My humble apologies.

No need to apologize. If you need to shit you need to shit. Next time don't wait so long! ROFL