What can I do?

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

I've got 4 children of my own ranging from high school to grade 2nd grade. I'm not wealthy.... but make enough money that i can provide for the family... when things are tight we are paycheck to paycheck. The wife is from a Southern state and grew up in poverty, now lives up here in the KC metro (We've been married for just short of 18 years).

Now the problem: Her brother is worthless. He's been a drug addict living off of others for the majority of his life. We even brought him up here at one point to try and clean him up. Eventually asking him to leave again cause he was abusing pain killers in our household. He went back to Alabama... he's been in and out of jail and rehabs... the kicker is he has 6 children... He's in Jail currently for robbery.. His ex-wife who has "custody" of the kids doesn't even really have the kids. They've been passed back and forth with my wife's family (aunts and uncles) for most of the last 2-3 years. They're currently staying with my Brother-in-Law's girlfriend because the Mother of the children is on the run from the state regarding the oldest being in Juvy and them wanting her to come get the kid and she's strung out on meth. They want her to take a drug test first, etc... anyway she's on the run, strung out, doesn't have her own kids... Can't care for them... The lady that IS caring for them currently can't, she has 4 kids of her own and is in poverty.

My wife just asked me if we could take the 3 youngest children into our house. Ranging from 5 years old to i believe 12. There's also a 14 year old that the lady caring for them wants to keep cause she'll get state benefits for him. These kids have not had a good life. I told my wife that I don't want to leave the oldest down there, we'll just take them all.

How I'm going to do it, I have no clue... Don't know what to do legally or how to go about any of this.. Just know that these children deserve a chance - And I feel a responsibility to help. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with similar?

[threebag]

get a family lawyer nvolved you should be able to receive benifits through the state when you have them in your care. may have to have them be "awarded" to you. should try to take them all, the kids being togther out weigh the other care giver getting benifits also..

[The Franchise]

Does your wife work?

[Prison Bitch]

Just take them in and worry about $ later. Living is cheap, 2 can live as cheap as 1 and 8 can live as cheap as 4. You'll find a way, poor people have managed to survive for millions of years. I was one of 7 children and I don't recall ever needing anything

[unlurking]

I've got 4 children of my own ranging from high school to grade 2nd grade. I'm not wealthy.... but make enough money that i can provide for the family... when things are tight we are paycheck to paycheck. The wife is from a Southern state and grew up in poverty, now lives up here in the KC metro (We've been married for just short of 18 years).

Now the problem: Her brother is worthless. He's been a drug addict living off of others for the majority of his life. We even brought him up here at one point to try and clean him up. Eventually asking him to leave again cause he was abusing pain killers in our household. He went back to Alabama... he's been in and out of jail and rehabs... the kicker is he has 6 children... He's in Jail currently for robbery.. His ex-wife who has "custody" of the kids doesn't even really have the kids. They've been passed back and forth with my wife's family (aunts and uncles) for most of the last 2-3 years. They're currently staying with my Brother-in-Law's girlfriend because the Mother of the children is on the run from the state regarding the oldest being in Juvy and them wanting her to come get the kid and she's strung out on meth. They want her to take a drug test first, etc... anyway she's on the run, strung out, doesn't have her own kids... Can't care for them... The lady that IS caring for them currently can't, she has 4 kids of her own and is in poverty.

My wife just asked me if we could take the 3 youngest children into our house. Ranging from 5 years old to i believe 12. There's also a 14 year old that the lady caring for them wants to keep cause she'll get state benefits for him. These kids have not had a good life. I told my wife that I don't want to leave the oldest down there, we'll just take them all.

How I'm going to do it, I have no clue... Don't know what to do legally or how to go about any of this.. Just know that these children deserve a chance - And I feel a responsibility to help. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with similar?

You rock. /end

[KCUnited]

Damn, that's sad. I don't have any advice for you, but best of luck and good on ya, Zeke

[Sully]

I believe you will find a way to make it work. I don't know how, and I can't offer advice on that. But Bless you for doing what you can, sir.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Does your wife work?

Yes she does.

[ThaVirus]

It will be tough but I commend you for even thinking about giving it a try.

If you can manage it financially it'll mean the world for them. No one is entitled to iPads and PS4s but every child should at least be raised in a stable, somewhat-loving environment.

From what you say, it sounds like these kids would have no chance in their current situation.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

I'm honestly not worried about money. Like I said, I can care for them financially when it comes down to it. I mean more legally, what can I do. If I have to get a lawyer, I will.. I've just never had to do anything like this, so I don't know where to start. Should I apply for a foster care license or what?

[KC native]

get a family lawyer nvolved you should be able to receive benifits through the state when you have them in your care. may have to have them be "awarded" to you. should try to take them all, the kids being togther out weigh the other care giver getting benifits also..

This.

Most states give support to people who take in children that aren't theirs (Texas which isn't the most generous on welfare does this so I imagine Missouri does too).

If the kids have any kind of mental health or health issues, look into social security disability payments. Be cautious in this area because if you receive payments for something like ADHD that will follow the kids through school. Some teachers just excuse everything and don't hold kids accountable once they get that diagnosis.

[threebag]

I'm honestly not worried about money. Like I said, I can care for them financially when it comes down to it. I mean more legally, what can I do. If I have to get a lawyer, I will.. I've just never had to do anything like this, so I don't know where to start. Should I apply for a foster care license or what?

contact leagal aid, they might be able to put the starting X on yoour map

[ChiTown]

Gawdamn, that is a mess.

I would see a Social Worker and see what you can do to get some assistance from the State for taking in the 4 kids.

That aside, you are doing the right thing. These kids deserve some stability and love in their life. Bravo to you and your wife, Sir!:clap:

[threebag]

If the kids have any kind of mental health or health issues, look into social security disability payments. Be cautious in this area because if you receive payments for something like ADHD that will follow the kids through school. Some teachers just excuse everything and don't hold kids accountable once they get that diagnosis.

If you and the kids have to work through something like ADD or any other behavior disorder, the school shouold build a plan to aid their education. Don't be afraid of it there is a lot of help out there, good luck.

[tooge]

Start a Gofundme campaign. KCNut will help out

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

From what you say, it sounds like these kids would have no chance in their current situation.

No, these kids would end up in the system... every last one of them. And the oldest may still. He's been abused mentally for a long, long time. He's a little slow and overweight, and the mother has not been a kind woman.

It's tough to even think about... but i just want to do this right... and not having the kids brought up here, just to have the junkie mom try to get them back in a year, etc etc.

[threebag]

No, these kids would end up in the system... every last one of them. And the oldest may still. He's been abused mentally for a long, long time. He's a little slow and overweight, and the mother has not been a kind woman.

It's tough to even think about... but i just want to do this right... and not having the kids brought up here, just to have the junkie mom try to get them back in a year, etc etc.

Do as you and your wifes heart leads you, you may be the light at the end of the tunnel. in the end you will be one of the luckist families for sure

['Hamas' Jenkins]

This.

Most states give support to people who take in children that aren't theirs (Texas which isn't the most generous on welfare does this so I imagine Missouri does too).

If the kids have any kind of mental health or health issues, look into social security disability payments. Be cautious in this area because if you receive payments for something like ADHD that will follow the kids through school. Some teachers just excuse everything and don't hold kids accountable once they get that diagnosis.

To be eligible for SSDI payments, he will have fall below a certain income threshold, even if the children are legitimately disabled.

[Halfcan]

One way or another you will need both parents to give you full custody of the children. If they do not show up for court-I think they waive their rights as long as they were legally served. You will have to go through the legal adoption process. There are a lot of websites showing the process, church and charity programs that can help with the cost. Do everything by the book and it will save a lot of drama and problems down the road.

As far as the lady wanting to keep a kid only for benefits- that is bullshit. Keep all the kids together-they need each other.

You will grow old surrounded by lots of children, grand children, love and laughter. It will be tough financially in the near future, but will be worth it in the long run.

Best of luck!!

[MIAdragon]

I have two girls, if I can send you any of their outgrown clothes/Toys ect please let me know. What you're thinking about doing is awesome. I have my girls volunteer in a youth home once a week, while its better than being in a neglected abusive environment its nowhere near being with family.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Start a Gofundme campaign. KCNut will help out

Haha, nah... like i said... we're good there. I have a nice house in OP, my kids might not be happy with the sleeping arrangements but that's the least of the concerns here.

The other issue, that I left out... is that if the junkie mom gets caught up to by the State, these kids are going to end up in the system immediately. So we're kind of on a time crunch.

[KC native]

If you and the kids have to work through something like ADD or any other behavior disorder, the school shouold build a plan to aid their education. Don't be afraid of it there is a lot of help out there, good luck.

Should and will are the operative words there.

The ex works with kids on felony probation and mental health issues. She has had to help families get SSI payments for this type of stuff.

Sometimes once the diagnosis is in place, the schools get really lazy about trying to come up with a solution and say, "Well the kid has XYZ disability we've done what we can." while shoving them in classes or programs that don't address their needs.

If the compensation is needed, then it is needed and don't be afraid to go for it. Just be cautious on marginal issues because once you start receiving the payments/diagnosis, it can be detrimental to the kid.

[Oxford]

No, these kids would end up in the system... every last one of them. And the oldest may still. He's been abused mentally for a long, long time. He's a little slow and overweight, and the mother has not been a kind woman.

It's tough to even think about... but i just want to do this right... and not having the kids brought up here, just to have the junkie mom try to get them back in a year, etc etc.

Zeke, you are a better man than I am. Not sure I would have the guts to do what you and your wife are contemplating. I would talk to your pastor, they may have some insight on what needs to be done, although legal advice would best come from an attorney. Make sure find one that specializes in this and has done what you propose. Interview the client that had this done so you can get a feel for what is coming.

God bless you and yours

[KC native]

To be eligible for SSDI payments, he will have fall below a certain income threshold, even if the children are legitimately disabled.

Since the kids aren't his biological kids and he isn't formally adopting them at this time, the thresholds are easier to meet.

A family lawyer will be able to help direct them to the right resources.

Obtaining SSDI payments for kids is a lot easier than I thought was. The ex has helped people get payments that I thought they would never qualify for because of their income.

[Prison Bitch]

Before going to State agencies, apply for a Costco card

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Before going to State agencies, apply for a Costco card

LOL we get Sam's Club through my work!

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Since the kids aren't his biological kids and he isn't formally adopting them at this time, the thresholds are easier to meet.

A family lawyer will be able to help direct them to the right resources.

Obtaining SSDI payments for kids is a lot easier than I thought was. The ex has helped people get payments that I thought they would never qualify for because of their income.

Ya I think this is what we're just gonna do.

Thanks everyone for the insight and comments!

[ModSocks]

Just take them in and worry about $ later. Living is cheap, 2 can live as cheap as 1 and 8 can live as cheap as 4. You'll find a way, poor people have managed to survive for millions of years. I was one of 7 children and I don't recall ever needing anything

This. Good advice from PB for once. You'll be surprised how far you can stretch a dollar when you absolutely need to.

[luv]

Best bet for advice is to find a family law attorney. I'm not sure if they are hourly based or contingency based (more than likely to offer a free consultation if they are contingency based). If you're unsure of who to call, I can see if I can find the number of the local bar association up there. I know the one in Springfield has a referral line. Just call, tell them the situation, and they'll refer you to someone who can best help. If money is an issue, I'm sure most attorneys in this area of law accept payment plans. I know several in this area do.

Best of luck, and good on you.

[Prison Bitch]

Rather than answering "What can he do", maybe we should ask "what can we do?" and PayPal you some loose change. I'll send you $25 if you PM an address. I'm pretty sure you're not making this up

[ModSocks]

I'd start looking at ways you can feed that many mouths on a budget. IMO, pasta dishes and casserole bakes go a long way for the $$$.

You're also going to find that your Gas & Electric bill will go up from running the washer/dryer/water heater more often, so consider being very frugal with those showers. Turn 10 minute showers into 5 minute showers, make sure every appliance is turned off that you don't need, and only run major appliances when needed during off-peak times etc.

There may be some quality of life changes you have to make, but i'm guessing you'll view it as a minor concession.

[Graystoke]

Geez, wishing you good luck on all this.
Your doing the right thing. Family is Family.
Let us know what you need.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Rather than answering "What can he do", maybe we should ask "what can we do?" and PayPal you some loose change. I'll send you $25 if you PM an address. I'm pretty sure you're not making this up

Nope... I'd love to meet up with some of you all and watch a KU game this year, though!

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Also the oldest (that's in Juvy) is i think 17, and he's not my nephew by blood, only through the original marriage... He's a lost cause that I don't want anything to do with.. he is in to drugs, and robberty etc.. And there's also a 6th that isn't even in the picture at this point. I don't even know how old that kid is. He's off with the wife's family or something and no one is even sure if that kid is Brother-in-Law's or not.

What a mess.

But the 4 younger ones (including the 14 yr old) who isn't blood, but was adopted by the brother-in-law at a young age are still salvageable, i think. I've talked to the 14 yr old before and it he has a good heart.

My wife was told by the Alabama DRH that if we do take them in, she believes the state of Kansas will actually cover their medical bills... even for therapy if we were to go that route.

[KC native]

Also the oldest (that's in Juvy) is i think 17, and he's not my nephew by blood, only through the original marriage... He's a lost cause that I don't want anything to do with.. he is in to drugs, and robberty etc.. And there's also a 6th that isn't even in the picture at this point. I don't even know how old that kid is. He's off with the wife's family or something and no one is even sure if that kid is Brother-in-Law's or not.

What a mess.

But the 4 younger ones (including the 14 yr old) who isn't blood, but was adopted by the brother-in-law at a young age are still salvageable, i think. I've talked to the 14 yr old before and it he has a good heart.

My wife was told by the Alabama DRH that if we do take them in, she believes the state of Kansas will actually cover their medical bills... even for therapy if we were to go that route.

You're going to be doing triage for awhile to start. Concentrate on the younger ones. If the 17 year old is already incarcerated for robbery, that would be too much to take in IMO.

Also, you absolutely need to get those kids in therapy ASAP. You won't be able to address all the psychological damage that two drug addicted parents will have done to those kids. If you want to be able to maintain your family and bring in your nephews and nieces successfully, then they need to be in therapy fast and often.

Edit: these are the exact types of situations that my ex works with. You can be successful with this and make those kids functional and productive members of society. It won't be easy so take advantage of any resources that you can get.

[ChiTown]

Rather than answering "What can he do", maybe we should ask "what can we do?" and PayPal you some loose change. I'll send you $25 if you PM an address. I'm pretty sure you're not making this up

:clap: - Yep, I'd donate in heart beat

[ModSocks]

You're going to be doing triage for awhile to start. Concentrate on the younger ones. If the 17 year old is already incarcerated for robbery, that would be too much to take in IMO.

Also, you absolutely need to get those kids in therapy ASAP. You won't be able to address all the psychological damage that two drug addicted parents will have done to those kids. If you want to be able to maintain your family and bring in your nephews and nieces successfully, then they need to be in therapy fast and often.

Edit: these are the exact types of situations that my ex works with. You can be successful with this and make those kids functional and productive members of society. It won't be easy so take advantage of any resources that you can get.

Meh. My personal opinion is that therapy is highly over rated. A stable home and allowing these kids to be...kids, will go a long way for their mental health. What they need is support, comfort and stability. That'll hold far, far more weight than anything else.

Make no mistake though, the first few months of their transition will be very tough for them.

[KC native]

Meh. My personal opinion is that therapy is highly over rated. A stable home and allowing these kids to be...kids, will go a long way for their mental health. What they need is support, comfort and stability. That'll hold far, far more weight than anything else.

Make no mistake though, the first few months of their transition will be very tough for them.

Therapy for kids has come a long way from when you went through it.

[ModSocks]

Therapy for kids has come a long way from when you went through it.

Maybe so, idk.

I just remember that every transition away from my father brought a huge sense of relief. Often times i didn't want to to go back. Whether i was staying with a friend, relative or an institution, the sense of stability from being with normal, sane people and living a normal, stress free life, even if only temporary, mattered a lot.

[ModSocks]

The stress of being around people on Meth is hard on kids. Wondering whether or not dad is coming home, eating inconsistently, sleeping at random homes, inconsistent sleeping patterns because mom is up all night meth'd out or because you're staying at someone else's place....the random strangers that druggies bring around at all hours of the day/night....that all goes away when you take these kids in, Zeke.

Some of the kids may be excited and relieved when you get them. Some of them might hate it and miss their parents/friends/GF&BF etc. The first few months will probably be the hardest and you'll just have to weather the storm of emotions these kids will have.

[Iowanian]

I don't have any specific experience to offer advice, I just want to chime in that you're a fine human for considering this in the first place. Not everyone would, and it says a lot about you that you're asking for ALL of them to keep them together.

I'm certain there are ways to get help for taking custody of the kids. If you don't need it, still apply for it, and set up savings/ mutual funds for these kids with the money to help them moving forward with college or whatever. It sounds like they'll need a boost.

You're a fine fellow, remember that when it gets tough.

[KC native]

Maybe so, idk.

I just remember that every transition away from my father brought a huge sense of relief. Often times i didn't want to to go back. Whether i was staying with a friend, relative or an institution, the sense of stability from being with normal, sane people and living a normal, stress free life, even if only temporary, mattered a lot.

Yes, a good therapist recognizes that phenomenon and works it into their treatment plan.

My ex had a kid that kept fucking up after his initial charge. His parents were gang affiliated (a different gang than he was because they were from a different part of the city). He was gang affiliated and since he was smart and a juvenile, they put him in charge of a drug crew and would have him drive stolen cars to their eventual chop shop location. He got in high speed chase with the FWPD helicopter being called while on the program. When the judge finally decided to bring the hammer down on him and put him in jail, he told my ex that he was kind of relieved because he could get away from all the chaos in his life.

[go bo]

To be eligible for SSDI payments, he will have fall below a certain income threshold, even if the children are legitimately disabled.

stick to pharmacy stuff, my friend...

you are thinking of ssi (supplemental security income) which they would not qualify for living in a household that is not in extreme poverty...

ssdi (social security disability insurance benefits) is based soley on disability, not income and there are special rules for childhood disability...

zeke, once you have the kids, and if any of them appear to be disabled, you should contact an attorney who specializes in disabilty claims...

if you have questions please feel free to contact me as i represented ssdi clients for over 25 years...

[go bo]

Since the kids aren't his biological kids and he isn't formally adopting them at this time, the thresholds are easier to meet.

A family lawyer will be able to help direct them to the right resources.

Obtaining SSDI payments for kids is a lot easier than I thought was. The ex has helped people get payments that I thought they would never qualify for because of their income.

that's because ssdi is not based on income, but solely on disability...

you're thinking of ssi which is based on being disabled and having little or no household income...

[go bo]

Since the kids aren't his biological kids and he isn't formally adopting them at this time, the thresholds are easier to meet.

A family lawyer will be able to help direct them to the right resources.

Obtaining SSDI payments for kids is a lot easier than I thought was. The ex has helped people get payments that I thought they would never qualify for because of their income.

is what you need, right away...

[ModSocks]

When the judge finally decided to bring the hammer down on him and put him in jail, he told my ex that he was kind of relieved because he could get away from all the chaos in his life.

Oh yea, i believe it. I know exactly what he's talking about. And that's what Zeke will be doing for these kids, so good on him if he does in fact go through with it.

[KC native]

that's because ssdi is not based on income, but solely on disability...

you're thinking of ssi which is based on being disabled and having little or no household income...

:thumb:

[Dayze]

Zeke is a good egg. Good on ya brother.

[Hydrae]

I don't have anything to add but to say kudo's to you for looking at doing this.

I have helped (and housed) a number of young people who were not my own but they were actually adults who had been kicked out of the house on their 18th birthday with nowhere to go. We now have about a dozen young people who call us mom and dad. It is good to help them and worth the investment even if the return is not monetary.

[scho63]

I just binged watched the entire Showtime series Shameless and that's the first thing that popped into my head.

You're a noble character Zeke for trying to help out what is clearly a horrible situation. Difficult part is when the parents try to inject themselves back into the kids lives, it is an emotional mess to the umpteenth degree.

I had a first cousin who was a heroin addict along with his wife for nearly 30 years. Numerous jail and rehab stints for both of them, stealing from family members, and worse of all, psychologically screwing up their only daughter who went on to meet horrible men and have kids out of wedlock because she was looking for the love her parents never gave her.

He also got AIDS from sharing needles in NY city in a heroin den back in the 90's. Was the longest living AIDS patient until he died last year.

My uncle and aunt, her grandfather and grandmother spent years raising her and countless money trying to help. That's for ONLY ONE KID.

I applaud your desire to help with 6 kids but you better be prepared for a lot of psychological and emotional pain along the way. It could come back to taint your own kids.

Good luck and God bless!

[Prison Bitch]

Nope... I'd love to meet up with some of you all and watch a KU game this year, though!

If you change your mind, let us know. We have probably thousands of $ in unused stuff in our house/garage.


You wouldn't want to watch a KU game with me. I'm always 2hrs behind on DVR.

[Earthling]

Zeke you are an inspiration. Good on you and hope all the best.

[Lono]

We took in a one yr old family member over a year ago. We hired a lawyer and they drew up a document that the parents signed and gave us joint custody with us having final say. We did not get any support but we didn't really care about that. Lawyer is the way to go unless dfs will just take the child.

[Simply Red]

you're a good man Zeke - I'd like to offer you a huggy. You can redeem it at your leisure.

[displacedinMN]

Praise and good karma to you!!!

You are doing the right thing. Petition for adoption and sole custody with no parental visits.

Their life will be better this way.

[Don Corlemahomes]

If you start a gofundme, I will donate. You've made it clear that money isn't an issue, but if you find your bills creeping up and you need assistance, I think many here would be willing to help ease the burden.

If not, I wish you the best. What you're doing for those kids is incredible.

[LiL stumppy]

Meh. My personal opinion is that therapy is highly over rated. A stable home and allowing these kids to be...kids, will go a long way for their mental health. What they need is support, comfort and stability. That'll hold far, far more weight than anything else.

Make no mistake though, the first few months of their transition will be very tough for them.

Therapy is highly underrated, especially for kids in this situation. It's been one of the only things that helped me get through parts of my life.

[Perineum Ripper]

Hey man I have a 11 year old son who has outgrown some of his clothes and a 8 year old girl that also outgrew some..I would be willing to give those to you if that would help out any

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

I appreciate the kind words folks, it's a tough situation for sure. But that's why i have an outlet like this, to help make you all as miserable as myself. :)

[Buehler445]

Holy shit. I thought my family was fucked up. Credit to you. You are taking on one hell of a big job. My sister is a pretty significant fuck up, not as bad as this situation for sure. I have tried to work with my nephew on some things and he is in a pretty tough spot. It was really hard for me to relate to what he was going through because my parents were there for me. It's hard for me to believe what is happening to him or to imagine what I would have done in his situation. And his isn't as bad as these kids'.

The other thing I will mention is it is hard k get kids away from blood relatives legally. Especially if they want them. Maybe it is less hard if they are in jail, but I've talked to people that have tried to get custody of kids and it's like the state has no common sense.

Good luck man. I really wish the best for you, your family, and hopefully your new family. I'm proud to know you.

[Rukdafaidas]

You're a good man, Zeke!

[Rain Man]

You're a good man, Zeke!

Yeah, this. Good luck to you and the kids however it works out.

I realize sometimes that I lead a pretty charmed life.

[KChiefsQT]

I'm honestly not worried about money. Like I said, I can care for them financially when it comes down to it. I mean more legally, what can I do. If I have to get a lawyer, I will.. I've just never had to do anything like this, so I don't know where to start. Should I apply for a foster care license or what?

Every state is different but here in California they want the children to stay in state for a period of time in a foster before they will let children go out of state - even with family (in hopes the parents will get it together) Best to contact legal aid and see how that would work being that you're out of state. Best of luck to you & your family. I'll say a prayer for the children. I can't imagine a mother not caring for her babies. Makes me sick.

[stevieray]

God Bless you, Zeke.

Your sacrifice is what love is made of.

Me thinks this helps your family as much as it does those kids.

You ever need someone to bend an ear, let me know.

[duncan_idaho]

Zeke - If you need the name of a good family lawyer, PM me. I'm friends with one of the top ones in the metro, who actually works in family court as a judge a few days a month. I'd be happy to refer you.

You're a good man.

[eDave]

God Bless you, Zeke.

Your sacrifice is what love is made of.

Me thinks this helps your family as much as it does those kids.

You ever need someone to bend an ear, let me know.

Indeed. This is unfathomably generous to me and I like to think myself as generous. But I am not made for this type of generosity and commitment.

Words can't express how impressed I am with this.

[Brock]

I foresee a lot of therapy for all involved

Good on you for doing it anyway

[Pitt Gorilla]

Incredible story of love and generosity. It's always awesome to hear about wonderful people doing wonderful things.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Ya'll are making me cry. It's this community. I was brought up here in the KC area, and know the most of you would do similar. We live in one of the best communities in the entire world right here in Kansas City, I truly believe that.

We'll keep ya'll updated.

[King_Chief_Fan]

Zeke
Never met you but you and your wife are awesome
I put you and your family on my prayer list.
Your thoughtfulness and generosity is awesome.
Very Christ like.

[JakeLV]

You're all good people.

Nice to see a thread like this, and the responses it garnered.

Zeke, God speed man. You're doing the Lord's work. You're giving those kids a real shot at having a normal life, which is more than they could possibly ask for.

Good luck man.

[Hoopsdoc]

Good luck, Zeke, and God Bless.

[Fairplay]

I grew up in a big family and to this day I don't know how my dad did it as he was the sole provider. We always had a decent home to live in and plenty of food on the table. I truly believe the Lord provides for one's needs especially if you rely on him. You're doing to right thing zeke.

[Squalor2]

zeke, you gotta do it. and you already are. its not about you, its about them, god trusts you.

[J Diddy]

There are foster care subsidies and even adoption subsidies available (depending on how far you take custody). I work some with children's division through the department of mental health and have a little experience with it. I can ask a few people at work who have some experience in children's division who might have some knowledge to point you in the right direction if you want.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Got an update for you guys. We've met with lawyers here in Kansas, and a social worker. In the end, it's all Alabama jurisdiction and up to Alabama law what happens to the children. We've been referred to a lawyer down there and are going down to meet the lawyer Monday morning, and then filing the paperwork for an emergency injunction to obtain possession of the kids.. They said it'll take up to a week, and my work is being amazing with accommodating my schedule to make it happen.

Our Kansas City family is about to swell a few in the next week. Thanks you all for the well wishes, prayers, and offers of support. When it comes down to it, ya'll are a great community to be a part of!

I may even post a pic or three for ya'll.

[Pitt Gorilla]

Got an update for you guys. We've met with lawyers here in Kansas, and a social worker. In the end, it's all Alabama jurisdiction and up to Alabama law what happens to the children. We've been referred to a lawyer down there and are going down to meet the lawyer Monday morning, and then filing the paperwork for an emergency injunction to obtain possession of the kids.. They said it'll take up to a week, and my work is being amazing with accommodating my schedule to make it happen.

Our Kansas City family is about to swell a few in the next week. Thanks you all for the well wishes, prayers, and offers of support. When it comes down to it, ya'll are a great community to be a part of!

I may even post a pic or three for ya'll.Awesome news. Look forward to seeing the happy family.

[Hydrae]

Excellent news and very pleased to hear that you job is working with your schedule to help out. That is not always the case.

Looking forward to pics of the newly enlarged family! :thumb:

[Demonpenz]

It makes me grateful that I always took care of business when it comes to birth control.

[ROYC75]

I've got 4 children of my own ranging from high school to grade 2nd grade. I'm not wealthy.... but make enough money that i can provide for the family... when things are tight we are paycheck to paycheck. The wife is from a Southern state and grew up in poverty, now lives up here in the KC metro (We've been married for just short of 18 years).

Now the problem: Her brother is worthless. He's been a drug addict living off of others for the majority of his life. We even brought him up here at one point to try and clean him up. Eventually asking him to leave again cause he was abusing pain killers in our household. He went back to Alabama... he's been in and out of jail and rehabs... the kicker is he has 6 children... He's in Jail currently for robbery.. His ex-wife who has "custody" of the kids doesn't even really have the kids. They've been passed back and forth with my wife's family (aunts and uncles) for most of the last 2-3 years. They're currently staying with my Brother-in-Law's girlfriend because the Mother of the children is on the run from the state regarding the oldest being in Juvy and them wanting her to come get the kid and she's strung out on meth. They want her to take a drug test first, etc... anyway she's on the run, strung out, doesn't have her own kids... Can't care for them... The lady that IS caring for them currently can't, she has 4 kids of her own and is in poverty.

My wife just asked me if we could take the 3 youngest children into our house. Ranging from 5 years old to i believe 12. There's also a 14 year old that the lady caring for them wants to keep cause she'll get state benefits for him. These kids have not had a good life. I told my wife that I don't want to leave the oldest down there, we'll just take them all.

How I'm going to do it, I have no clue... Don't know what to do legally or how to go about any of this.. Just know that these children deserve a chance - And I feel a responsibility to help. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with similar?




:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:


Yes, a stand up American! This is the America I use to know and loved for years, people stepping in and helping when there is a need, regardless of the circumstances.

Props to you Zeke! Sorry I got to the party late, but doing the right thing in life concerning children is always rewarding if your heart is in the right place.
Your actions and concerns have proven this, I hope these children will be thrilled and understanding to the sacrifices the 2 of you are making.

Props !:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:

[eDave]

I admire you.

[rocknrolla]

Haha, nah... like i said... we're good there. I have a nice house in OP, my kids might not be happy with the sleeping arrangements but that's the least of the concerns here.

The other issue, that I left out... is that if the junkie mom gets caught up to by the State, these kids are going to end up in the system immediately. So we're kind of on a time crunch.

When the the mom does get caught, doesn't the state state look for someone stable in the family first? I would think you would be compensated for fostering them.

[Buehler445]

Good news. Best of luck bud.

[Buzz]

You have a big heart, we have taken in teenagers that where kicked out by parents. Some call it tuff love, I call it bullshit.

[TimBone]

Got an update for you guys. We've met with lawyers here in Kansas, and a social worker. In the end, it's all Alabama jurisdiction and up to Alabama law what happens to the children. We've been referred to a lawyer down there and are going down to meet the lawyer Monday morning, and then filing the paperwork for an emergency injunction to obtain possession of the kids.. They said it'll take up to a week, and my work is being amazing with accommodating my schedule to make it happen.

Our Kansas City family is about to swell a few in the next week. Thanks you all for the well wishes, prayers, and offers of support. When it comes down to it, ya'll are a great community to be a part of!

I may even post a pic or three for ya'll.
Nice work, man.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Back from Bama. Just have to say, my job\work is amazing. They have been unbelievably flexible and understanding in allowing me to take off the past week and half on short notice.

Unfortunately, we came back empty handed. After spending a crap ton of money, time and effort we were unable to return with any of the children. The States work with an interstate organization to essentially transfer custodial ownership between the social sevice organizations within each State. We are told this process takes anywhere from 90 days to 12 months. This is to protect the children, even if it is occurring to blood kin. We have to go through an entire process of "vetting" to ensure we are who we say we are, our home is suitable, etc. Completely understanding and the right thing to do, but it doesn't ease the suffering of the children by drawing it out so long. This is going to be difficult.

We got a lawyer, worked with the courts (had two separate emergency hearings last week and this week), got the children their own lawyer, worked with social services, sat through numerous testimonials, and filled out paperwork till we were blue in the fingers... Was NOT a fun process, but in the end the ball has started rolling. The State of Alabama has claimed legal custody of the Four children we filed for - and they are filing for the remaining three from the mother as well.

Quick funny story while we were there - The step-father (current husband of the mother) went to the Juvenile center to fill out paperwork on the eldest (not of wife's kin). While he was there, the officers asked him to perform a drug test (because of everything going on) that was ordered by the court. He bolted out of court and ran through the security gate and got away. Needless to say, that helped our case.

The worst part of the whole week was listening to the testimonials of the children, family and acquaintances that we brought in to meet with lawyers and Social services. The one that sticks out to me the worst was a mutual friend going to check on the welfare of the children at the mother's trailer. No one was answering the door, but she could hear a baby crying within. She entered the residence, and was horrified. There was a man passed out on the front couch, no idea who he was... He wouldn't wake. There was drug paraphernalia laying all over... Broken beer bottles, cigarette butts, trash and filth. She went back to the back bedroom where the baby was crying and was overwhelmed by the smell. The baby was standing up in a daybed, completely covered from head to foot in her own feces. The crackhead of a mother had left the baby abandoned for days.... kid was about a little over a year old at the time... this was another of her youngest, not one of the ones we were filing for. There are numerous more that i could post about, but won't clutter this up too much.

Now to the children... the 13 year old and the recently turned 6 year old we were able to find and gave to Social Services (DHR). They have the kids in their physical possession. They are being put into a temp foster home while the process goes on. The mother has taken her other children, except for the 15 year old who is living with friends. This includes the 8 and 10 year-olds that we filed for. The State is going after her and her husband at this point. She is a horrible human being for what she has done, i just hope those kids are found and the State gets them under their protection, soon.

My wife and I are thankful to be home, with our own kids. I'm reminded what a beautiful community and place we live in here. Sure there are bad apples and communities here in Kansas City. But it's nothing like there. The best way I can describe it - Mobile is city of bad people\neighborhoods with small pockets of good communities sprinkled within. Kansas City is more of the opposite, where you have good people\neighborhoods all throughout, with a few bad pockets here and there. It's just a different world, altogether.

The Judge told us, had we lived in Alabama, those children would be in our custody that very day, but because it's inter-State that this process would need to take place. So here's to hoping for a State of Kansas Social Services that won't drag their feet during the transition. We can't wait to get the kids up here and safe.

On a lighter note, we did get to have a Crayfish Boil, we went to a Mardi Gras parade Sunday night, went to the Senior Bowl Saturday, and also hit the boats in Biloxi. Sorry for the rambling and incoherence. Still lagging as we just drove through the night Tuesday Night and got home yesterday at lunchtime.

[Pitt Gorilla]

Back from Bama. Just have to say, my job\work is amazing. They have been unbelievably flexible and understanding in allowing me to take off the past week and half on short notice.

Unfortunately, we came back empty handed. After spending a crap ton of money, time and effort we were unable to return with any of the children. The States work with an interstate organization to essentially transfer custodial ownership between the social sevice organizations within each State. We are told this process takes anywhere from 90 days to 12 months. This is to protect the children, even if it is occurring to blood kin. We have to go through an entire process of "vetting" to ensure we are who we say we are, our home is suitable, etc. Completely understanding and the right thing to do, but it doesn't ease the suffering of the children by drawing it out so long. This is going to be difficult.

We got a lawyer, worked with the courts (had two separate emergency hearings last week and this week), got the children their own lawyer, worked with social services, sat through numerous testimonials, and filled out paperwork till we were blue in the fingers... Was NOT a fun process, but in the end the ball has started rolling. The State of Alabama has claimed legal custody of the Four children we filed for - and they are filing for the remaining three from the mother as well.

Quick funny story while we were there - The step-father (current husband of the mother) went to the Juvenile center to fill out paperwork on the eldest (not of wife's kin). While he was there, the officers asked him to perform a drug test (because of everything going on) that was ordered by the court. He bolted out of court and ran through the security gate and got away. Needless to say, that helped our case.

The worst part of the whole week was listening to the testimonials of the children, family and acquaintances that we brought in to meet with lawyers and Social services. The one that sticks out to me the worst was a mutual friend going to check on the welfare of the children at the mother's trailer. No one was answering the door, but she could hear a baby crying within. She entered the residence, and was horrified. There was a man passed out on the front couch, no idea who he was... He wouldn't wake. There was drug paraphernalia laying all over... Broken beer bottles, cigarette butts, trash and filth. She went back to the back bedroom where the baby was crying and was overwhelmed by the smell. The baby was standing up in a daybed, completely covered from head to foot in her own feces. The crackhead of a mother had left the baby abandoned for days.... kid was about a little over a year old at the time... this was another of her youngest, not one of the ones we were filing for. There are numerous more that i could post about, but won't clutter this up too much.

Now to the children... the 13 year old and the recently turned 6 year old we were able to find and gave to Social Services (DHR). They have the kids in their physical possession. They are being put into a temp foster home while the process goes on. The mother has taken her other children, except for the 15 year old who is living with friends. This includes the 8 and 10 year-olds that we filed for. The State is going after her and her husband at this point. She is a horrible human being for what she has done, i just hope those kids are found and the State gets them under their protection, soon.

My wife and I are thankful to be home, with our own kids. I'm reminded what a beautiful community and place we live in here. Sure there are bad apples and communities here in Kansas City. But it's nothing like there. The best way I can describe it - Mobile is city of bad people\neighborhoods with small pockets of good communities sprinkled within. Kansas City is more of the opposite, where you have good people\neighborhoods all throughout, with a few bad pockets here and there. It's just a different world, altogether.

The Judge told us, had we lived in Alabama, those children would be in our custody that very day, but because it's inter-State that this process would need to take place. So here's to hoping for a State of Kansas Social Services that won't drag their feet during the transition. We can't wait to get the kids up here and safe.

On a lighter note, we did get to have a Crayfish Boil, we went to a Mardi Gras parade Sunday night, went to the Senior Bowl Saturday, and also hit the boats in Biloxi. Sorry for the rambling and incoherence. I'm still lagging as we just drove through the night Tuesday Night and got home yesterday at lunchtime.Man, I hope they can get moving on this. Your story of the little girl really hurts, though. Hopefully, the system can work for her.

[Buehler445]

:(

People suck man. Here's hoping the government doesn't suck.

[Fansy the Famous Bard]

Man, I hope they can get moving on this. Your story of the little girl really hurts, though. Hopefully, the system can work for her.

The thing that bothers me the worst is Social Services had a case open for the past year and had recently closed it. They apparently have too many cases and just close the difficult ones if the offending parties simply hide until it goes away. It took us going down there and getting legal assistance to even get them to re-open the case and get something done. At first, DHR wouldn't even talk to us and we had to basically fight the system to get anything accomplished. Now that it has opened up in court and Judges are hearing what's going on, DHR is FINALLY following through and taking action.

[Sully]

Anything I can type will sound cliche and trite. But I really mean this...

God bless you, man. You are doing God's work in the world, and it's inspiring and I pray for you.

[SAUTO]

Anything I can type will sound cliche and trite. But I really mean this...

God bless you, man. You are doing God's work in the world, and it's inspiring and I pray for you.
I think there are several here that feel this exact same way

[Buehler445]

I think there are several here that feel this exact same way

Seconded. I couldn't handle it. I really can't stand seeing kids suffer.

[Fairplay]

Anything I can type will sound cliche and trite. But I really mean this...

God bless you, man. You are doing God's work in the world, and it's inspiring and I pray for you.

My feelings as well Zeke. I'll find myself thinking about your situation at work or driving around. I'll say a little pray for you also, the lord has been nudging me I guess, the least I can do.

[Pitt Gorilla]

The thing that bothers me the worst is Social Services had a case open for the past year and had recently closed it. They apparently have too many cases and just close the difficult ones if the offending parties simply hide until it goes away. It took us going down there and getting legal assistance to even get them to re-open the case and get something done. At first, DHR wouldn't even talk to us and we had to basically fight the system to get anything accomplished. Now that it has opened up in court and Judges are hearing what's going on, DHR is FINALLY following through and taking action.You may have saved this child's life. Even if nothing else good comes from this, I'm glad you did it.

[Nirvana58]

The thing that bothers me the worst is Social Services had a case open for the past year and had recently closed it. They apparently have too many cases and just close the difficult ones if the offending parties simply hide until it goes away. It took us going down there and getting legal assistance to even get them to re-open the case and get something done. At first, DHR wouldn't even talk to us and we had to basically fight the system to get anything accomplished. Now that it has opened up in court and Judges are hearing what's going on, DHR is FINALLY following through and taking action.

There just isn't enough money for them to do there jobs properly. The rate that kids are coming into custody is mind boggling. Add in illegals and the system is just failing all over. The best thing you have going for you is that lawyers are involved. Be a pain in the ass of the system until they get tired of you. Kansas will probably drag their feet as long as possible because they don't want to have to transfer the kids to our state and make it their problem. It sounds horrible but your fastest route was if someone "took" the kids to Kansas and abandoned them here. I fear for those kids in states custody. A lot can happen in a years time.

Also I can't stress this enough. If everything works out and you do get the kids. Do not leave them unsupervised with your kids. Ever... Get them into therapy right away. Sexual abuse is rampant in the system. I can not tell you how many times I have seen family take in an innocent kid as little as 5 years old who ends up molesting their own children. It is not the kids fault they don't understand. But they are just doing what has been done to them. The road ahead will only get harder so make sure that you are really ready for route you are taking. Bless your heart for making the effort. You are a better man than me.

[scho63]

Our government sucks so bad in this country that 6 children are living in complete squalor and horrific conditions and you and your wife, who are related to the children, are trying to help these kids out substantially, get them off the dole, improve their lives tremendously, and clear the courts of another horrible child services mess.

Now here you are fighting the mess that is the bureaucracy.

You are a noble person who deserves sainthood and the people who are standing in your way, no matter their rhyme or reason, are complete scum! Common sense takes a back seat.

I hope you succeed!

http://astroquestastrology.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Hero-being-knighted.jpg