Head to head competition: Rain Man versus Joe Montana.

[Rain Man]

The Joe Montana ailment thread http://www.chiefsplanet.com/bb/showthread.php?t=298067 got me wondering about this.

I would certainly concede that Joe was a better athlete than me for most of our lives. But while Joe was getting hit by Lawrence Taylor and the 1985 Bears, I was sitting at a desk and keeping fresh legs. If you read the article above, you could draw a conclusion that the athletic gap between me and Joe is narrowing. But has it closed?

To find out, I am issuing a challenge to Joe Montana.

The rules:

5 on 5 football. We will play four 15-minute quarters. Each team gets two receivers/corners and two rushers/blockers who switch teams every drive so that we always have the same players on offense and defense. Assume that these are average guys that you'd find at a pickup game in the park.

We then have Joe and me who oppose each other and play both ways at QB and as a FS/LB. Therefore, the only variable between the two teams is the difference between Joe Montana and me.

So let's do a quick comparison.

Rain Man stats

Age: 52
Height: 6-0
Weight: 185 pounds
Health status: nearsighted.
Current athletic activity: runs a half-marathon every month.
Past athletic resume: 2nd place in 50 yard dash in 2nd grade elementary school field day, 12 years of informal sandlot football, intramural football rotational starter at FS and WR in 1991 and 1992 at the University of Texas.

Joe Montana stats

Age: 59
Height: 6-2 (last measurement in approximately 1993)
Weight: 200 pounds (last measurement in approximately 1993)
Health status: balky knee that gives out when running up a basketball court, knee won't straighten, muscles in left foot have been numb for 30 years, one eye wanders off course due to nerve damage, neck damage that may soon require a fourth vertebrae fusion, arthritis in both hands, one elbow, and both knees
Current athletic activity: unknown.
Past athletic resume: 3 year QB starter at Notre Dame, 14 year NFL starter + 1 backup year, 8 pro bowls, 3 times All Pro, 4 Super Bowl wins all with 100+ QB rating, 2 time NFL MVP, member of Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Whose team will win?

[Bugeater]

He probably still throws a football better than you.

[Rain Man]

He probably still throws a football better than you.

It's likely, but he has arthritis and inflammation in both hands and an elbow. And he can't scramble, which also means that his defense would be suspect. Could he beat me to the edge for four quarters?

I wish I knew his current 40 time. I know for a fact that mine is faster than 8.9 seconds based on my long-distance running pace, and I suspect that it's a lot faster than that. 8.9 is based on the fastest speed I remember seeing on my watch when I was sprinting to get through a stoplight on a long run.

[Toby Waller]

Really? ....really? Lol

[Al Bundy]

He still looks too much like Barry Fucking Manilow.. so you win.

[TimBone]

It's really gonna depend on how adequate you are as a passer. I certainly believe you will outshine him on defense.

I do know that I'd rather watch this much up than watch the Pro Bowl.

[Rain Man]

It's really gonna depend on how adequate you are as a passer. I certainly believe you will outshine him on defense.

I do know that I'd rather watch this much up than watch the Pro Bowl.


I'm not a very good passer. I'd be mostly a running quarterback. In fact, I'd probably be 99 percent a running quarterback, so my offense would depend a lot on being able to beat Montana to the edge and outjuke his bad knee up the middle.

[Toby Waller]

I'm not a very good passer. I'd be mostly a running quarterback. In fact, I'd probably be 99 percent a running quarterback, so my offense would depend a lot on being able to beat Montana to the edge and outjuke his bad knee up the middle.

Your avatar confuses me when I read your posts

[Rain Man]

Your avatar confuses me when I read your posts

Confuses or terrifies? Ermines are stone cold killers.

[srvy]

I'm not a very good passer. I'd be mostly a running quarterback. In fact, I'd probably be 99 percent a running quarterback, so my offense would depend a lot on being able to beat Montana to the edge and outjuke his bad knee up the middle.

Competitive spirit Joe had it in spades. You are an unknown so its hard to vote this. With Joe the juices get to flowing he could be a bear to handle. Just my two cents don't take it personally.

[Rain Man]

Competitive spirit Joe had it in spades. You are an unknown so its hard to vote this. With Joe the juices get to flowing he could be a bear to handle. Just my two cents don't take it personally.

No offense taken at all. I fully recognize that Joe would have an advantage on the intangibles. If it's close in the fourth quarter, he's going to be ice and the pressure will be on me to stop him.

[tk13]

I bet you Montana world surprise you. He could probably throw a football way more accurately than you give him credit for, probably still better than some college QBs, or Tim Tebow. The problem is if you rush him and get to him he'd be dead.

Larry Bird was crippled and broken at the end of his career, and there are still stories of him showing up Indiana Pacers players in practice and shooting the lights out of the ball. You could put him on the floor with Steph Curry today and he'd hold his own in a game of HORSE.

[srvy]

Also Joe could get dirty like bursa sack to the groin dirty.

[TimBone]

No offense taken at all. I fully recognize that Joe would have an advantage on the intangibles. If it's close in the fourth quarter, he's going to be ice and the pressure will be on me to stop him.
If you're relying on beating him to the edge consistently, and it comes to down to a close game in the fourth quarter, I've got faith in you. He's gonna be tired, and that eye is gonna start wandering. He may have trouble even finding the edge.

[Toby Waller]

LOL

[New World Order]

Rain Man do you play dirty?

[Rain Man]

Rain Man do you play dirty?

I'd definitely play clean against Joe. He was never a Bronco or a Raider. I think he would afford me the same respect, so the game would go to whomever deserved it the most.

I wonder how hard Joe hits. I would think the neck problems would keep him from trying to lay me out.

[Toby Waller]

Rocky 75"did you just hit me? It didn't feel like you hit me? "

In theatres everywhere!....for a week,maybe

[threebag]

Papa John will slip some HGH in your pizza, its a banned substance.

[Quesadilla Joe]

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/H_A5q5cktQU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[eDave]

Always bet on Rain Man.

- eDave

[wazu]

Joe would go into competitive mode. During his playing career he no doubt learned how to shut out and play through pain. Joe wins big here.

[ChiliConCarnage]

Always bet on Rain Man.

- eDave

I always bet on black. Rain Man it is.

[jonzie04]

ROFLROFL

Rain man you're a crazy son of a bitch.

[tmax63]

When you have 4 other players I'm thinking Joe gets you. No offense meant or intended. You would both be throwing to capable wide receivers so big edge Joe there. When playing defense is it required that you both play S/CB or can you/him play the position that minimizes your weakness? If S/CB only then I give an edge to you but not a big enough edge to make up for his arm.

[Easy 6]

Sorry, Rainman... but I'm afraid Joe is going to put his size 11 Skechers up your keister.

[TimBone]

Attn: I will be adding votes for Winona in this thread to her total overall votes in the hottest celebrity contest.

[Indian Chief]

Attn: I will be adding votes for Winona in this thread to her total overall votes in the hottest celebrity contest.

Along those lines, do you have short hair Rainman? I can't vote for you if you do. :hmmm:

[rabblerouser]

Bruce Lee would win, hands down.

[Bowser]

http://i.imgur.com/NikWcYQ.gif

[Rain Man]

Along those lines, do you have short hair Rainman? I can't vote for you if you do. :hmmm:

I do not have short hair.

I have no hair, but per Bill Belichick's philosophy, that's not the exact letter of the law in what you said, so I win.

[Rain Man]

My reason for asking this question was to assess Joe's quality of life. Has he gone downhill from his prime? Yeah. But a majority of people still believe that he's more mobile and athletic than a healthy average guy who's 7 years younger. I guess we don't need to feel sorry for Joe, then.

[ThaVirus]

He's gonna be tired, and that eye is gonna start wandering. He may have trouble even finding the edge.

Good points.

[ThaVirus]

I'm gonna need you to upload a video of yourself throwing a tight spiral.

[TimBone]

I just saw him during the coin toss, Rain Man. He looks nervous. You got this.

[SDChiefs]

Joe Montana is the greatest qb of all time but Rain Man is the greatest poster of all time. Team Rain Man 58-3.