Times you've been an asshole

[RobBlake]

Steal a parking stall while someone was waiting for it? Cut someone off? Not home the door open? Not return home o your wife and kids?

[SAUTO]

ROFL.

[hometeam]

Long time ago I got drunk and tried to fight a guy that has now turned into a great man who I immensely respect.

Cause I was being a dick :/

[Rain Man]

I like to think I've never been mean without provocation. There's probably been some times that my counterattack was out of proportion to the offense, though. I need to think of a good example.

[Hammock Parties]

About 10 people have let me go ahead of them in the grocery store, because usually I have just two or three items, unless I'm buying bulk at Sam's.

Not one single fucking time have I paid it forward.

[TambaBerry]

About every time I drive because people are fucking assholes

[notorious]

A customer from a town 25 miles away showed up at my home door, on a Sunday afternoon, when I was sick.


Their problem: a tiny knot came out of their hickory floor. I was a prick to her.

Don't work for really old people. They have all the time in the world to figure out something to complain about.

[GayFrogs]

Yesterday I talked to one of those girls on a dating website with close up face pics, asked for a full body picture, received it, looked at it then stopped talking. :shake:

[SAUTO]

A customer from a town 25 miles away showed up at my home door, on a Sunday afternoon, when I was sick.


Their problem: a tiny knot came out of their hickory floor. Needless to say, I was a prick to that old hag. Don't work for really old people. They have all the time in the world to figure out something to complain about.

Dude...I've had people show up at all hours at my house wanting me to go to the shop and do something right then

I've gotten to where I dont even answer my door if I don't know you are coming.

[rico]

Yesterday I talked to one of those girls on a dating website with close up face pics, asked for a full body picture, received it, looked at it then stopped talking. :shake:

LMAO

[notorious]

Dude...I've had people show up at all hours at my house wanting me to go to the shop and do something right then

I've gotten to where I dont even answer my door if I don't know you are coming.

Fuck, there is no escape for you. That would drive me insane.

My home is my bubble. Unless your wood floor has become a serial rapist I am not going to look at it until Monday.

[Prison Bitch]

Kept getting calls from a window replacement company, kept telling them I wasn't interested. Finally told a caller "You're looking for prison bitch?" When she said yes I told her "I'm sorry he committed suicide last week". She actually sounded sad

[SAUTO]

Fuck, there is no escape for you. That would drive me insane.

My home is my bubble. Unless your wood floor has become a serial rapist I am not going to look at it until Monday.
Yeah. And I live less than two minutes from the shop. But when I'm not there the air is off, cars are parked in front of the doors, everything is put up...and its my time.

I always just say "man, sorry. I must have been napping" lol.

[rabblerouser]

How much time ya got? This could just be a thread about what an asshole I am...

[BWillie]

Steal a parking stall while someone was waiting for it? Cut someone off? Not home the door open? Not return home o your wife and kids?

I was at Home Depot the other day, apparently I did not come to a complete stop at a stop sign in the parking lot in the middle of the store lot. It was 9:30 PM, nobody was there, not busy scene at all. This old hag in a mini van pulls up from a parked position 15 parking spots down and starts yelling at me that I didn't stop at the stop sign. I just said "Oh yeah, sorry to endanger you while you were parked 100 feet away. Have a nice meal at Golden Corral" and walked away.

Was pretty snarky for me IRL.

[Chiefshrink]

Yeah. And I live less than two minutes from the shop.

And here is your problem and why people in their own self-absorbed narcissistic mindset think they aren't really burdening you. And my guess is you are a really nice guy and can't say no. These 2 aspects are a perfect storm for massive personal boundaries being violated all the time. So the cycle continues. I know you know this already but.....

This is an excuse to make a legit move letting your client base know you live at least 5-10 miles away.:D

[notorious]

That commute, though.


The days/nights where you don't want to be in the house so you go and knock out some work at 1am.


I see a lot of benefits to Sauto's setup.

[Kman34]

Fuck you.. it's none of your God dam business....stupid fucking thread........

Oh......you mean in real life......I'm never a A-hole to anybody....I'm a peach...:D

[TambaBerry]

Kept getting calls from a window replacement company, kept telling them I wasn't interested. Finally told a caller "You're looking for prison bitch?" When she said yes I told her "I'm sorry he committed suicide last week". She actually sounded sad

we went to the home show and gave our number to one of them. Wished I wouldn't have done that these assholes don't take the hint

[MOhillbilly]

my neighbors crazy horse showed up in the yard and right as she was yelling for the horse i smacked it with a stick. ****er took off like the preakness. I also throw her dead cat carcass back into her yard.

[rabblerouser]

I could let this very attractive, extremely petite, extremely awesome, extremely cool chick I've been hanging out with off the hook and allow some other dbag to totally ruin her life...

But where the sense of adventure in that??

[Eleazar]

I was at arrowhead one time, was completely partied out from the pre-game, and at the end of the 1st quarter I got up to go get something to eat. I wait in a line that is forever long, I miss almost the entire 2nd quarter, then when I get up to the front, this particular stand is out of basically all food, and the beer taps aren't working either.

I am ashamed to say that I ripped the guy working there 4 or 5 new orifices, even though it was not his fault at all, and he just stood there and took it politely. It was booze and probably dehydration talking, but still. I wish I knew who this guy was so I could write him a letter of apology or something. I was angry that they'd let people wait in that long of a line only to find out that they had nothing when you got up to the front. Still though. Totally classless on my part and he was completely professional.

Here's to you, Arrowhead concession worker who looked like Jon Gruden. Sorry about that. I owe you a tall boy if I ever see you again... and if the taps are working...

[Chiefshrink]

I was at arrowhead one time, was completely partied out from the pre-game, and at the end of the 1st quarter I got up to go get something to eat. I wait in a line that is forever long, I miss almost the entire 2nd quarter, then when I get up to the front, this particular stand is out of basically all food, and the beer taps aren't working either.

I am ashamed to say that I ripped the guy working there 4 or 5 new orifices, even though it was not his fault at all, and he just stood there and took it politely. It was booze and probably dehydration talking, but still. I wish I knew who this guy was so I could write him a letter of apology or something. I was angry that they'd let people wait in that long of a line only to find out that they had nothing when you got up to the front. Still though. Totally classless on my part and he was completely professional.

Here's to you, Arrowhead concession worker who looked like Jon Gruden. Sorry about that. I owe you a tall boy if I ever see you again... and if the taps are working...

How long ago??

[Eleazar]

How long ago??

I think it would have been 2003.

[Rain Man]

Kept getting calls from a window replacement company, kept telling them I wasn't interested. Finally told a caller "You're looking for prison bitch?" When she said yes I told her "I'm sorry he committed suicide last week". She actually sounded sad

About once a year I get a call from some sleazy wine sales place, and it always catches me by surprise. It enrages me because they're the most dishonest, lying, garbage on the planet today (possible exception being ISIS, but I'm not sure).

They tell my screener that they've got an appointment with me, and then when they get through, they say, "A friend of yours told us that you really like wine!" That's always their opening line and they say it with great fake excitement.

I don't drink, so I now know that they've lied twice over the course of two sentences.

In the past, I would say, "Who said that?" and then I'd argue with them a little while they kept lying about it, and then I'd call them liars and hang up. But I've been thinking about it, and I think next time I'm going to pretend that I'm an alcoholic who killed someone and is wearing an ankle bracelet. I'm going to see how terrible I can be to see if there's any person they wouldn't sell to.

"You have alcohol? Do you take cash? Will you deliver? I can't go more than a 100 foot radius from my home and my workplace, so you have to deliver. And who will know about it? Will you destroy the records? Because I can't have any record of me buying alcohol or I'll go back to prison. It wasn't the alcohol that caused the wreck, it just happened, you know what I mean? So about that wine? Do you have anything stronger? And how much can I get?"

My goal will be to cause psychological trauma to the sleazy salesperson, so maybe that's mean. But I despise dishonest salespeople.

[Buehler445]

It's pretty tough. I've behaved myself lately.

I was kind of a dick to my loan officer a month or so ago, but to be fair, he was too stupid to understand what I was trying to say.

[SAUTO]

That commute, though.


The days/nights where you don't want to be in the house so you go and knock out some work at 1am.


I see a lot of benefits to Sauto's setup.
Yeah it's nice to get up, take a piss, brush my teeth, get dressed and be at work all in less than ten minutes if I want.

And I've spent many nights there working, my kids ride their bikes there...

[SAUTO]

Yeah it's nice to get up, take a piss, brush my teeth, get dressed and be at work all in less than ten minutes if I want.

And I've spent many nights there working, my kids ride their bikes there...

And I don't really mind not answering my door lol.

[C3HIEF3S]

Working at Allen Fieldhouse in December, I decide to take a shit before the men's game. This was before I knew of bathrooms that are closed off from the public, so I used the bathroom on the north side of the Fieldhouse across from the concession stand. I get done with my poo and exit the stall. As I walk out I see a visibly-disgruntled man sitting in a wheelchair waiting for me to finish, to which made me realize I was using the handicap stall.

[MMXcalibur]

A long time ago, I used to purposely piss in the corner of men's room stalls and laugh about it knowing that a janitor had to clean up my mess.

....I have grown up considerably since and wish I could go back in time to kick my own ass.

[Bearcat]

When I landed in Mexico, the only way I could get my men to defeat the Aztecs was by burning all of my own boats, so they could never return home. Huge dick move, but very effective.

[rico]

I've had my moments...and to be honest, it makes me depressed thinking about it...I'm a pretty nice guy now, considering I don't feel provoked or prompted to be an asshole. I always have been nice...with just a couple-few exceptions.

The first (out of many) thing that comes to my mind is this:

When I was a Junior, our JV 145 lber (I was the varsity 145 lber) was this pimply, odd, socially awkward guy. He challenged me for the spot like 10 times that year and it was always a "haha, are you serious? Why are you even wasting my time?" type of deal. I think I pinned him in less than 20 seconds every time.

One day at the conclusion of practice, we were doing sprints for finish-ups. They seemed to be lasting forever and I was a workout warrior in practice and generally worked my ass off...so I was exhausted. Our coach made the comment, "if you guys don't stop dragging ass, we will be doing sprints for another hour!!!" I noticed our JV guy was dogging it, so I looked at him and told him that if he didn't start picking it up, I'd stomp another crater in his face. He told me to **** myself. This didn't go over well with me. I was all, "what'd you say to me, mother****er?!?!" and threw him against the wall by his neck. The guy about pissed his pants and the coaches jumped in and pulled me off him. As a result, since I was a captain, we had to run more sprints...because of my outburst.

From that point on, I was out to get that guy. I should have just dropped it, but didn't... I had nothing to prove by messing with this poor guy anymore...he wasn't a bad guy...just shy, awkward, very homely and apparently mouthy when confronted.

He and I had study hall together and after that day I made it a point to sit right next to him and **** with him. I can't even begin to write every instance in which I came up with elaborate ways of messing with this guy, so I'll just share one instance...

I taught myself how to create a webpage...for the mere purpose of trolling this guy. This was in the year 2000 when a lot of people in my area were just getting used to the internet. The webpage was titled "Iowa Cheerleaders' Vote for Iowa High School Wrestler with the Sexiest Body Award." I created a list with a bunch of ridiculous fake names. This guy was #1. At the bottom of the page I wrote, "*This year's winner will accept his award at the awards ceremony prior to the State Wrestling Tournament at Veterans Auditorium in Des Moines, IA and will have a photo shoot for Noxcema." During study hall, I logged onto one of our computers and was all like, "hey Erik, look at the incredible award you won!!!" He gazed at it in amazement and I could just tell that he was having the most difficult time containing his excitement. "He actually bought this dumb shit?!?" I thought to myself... He looked at me (in which I had pulled like 100 other pranks on him at this point, so why he believed anything I said or did was completely beyond me) and said, "so the cheerleaders voted for this?" I replied, "yeah dumbass, it says right there, you silly knucklehead! It's an actual website, bro!!! Wow man, what an accomplishment!!!" He asked, "so, I'm gonna be a professional model now?" I replied, "YES!!! Do I have to teach you how to read??? It's on the website!!!" He seriously was just trying so freaking hard to contain his smile. He proceeded to write down the webpage address and sat back down in his chair...smiling into space for the remainder of study hall.

Keep in mind this kid's physical appearance was absolutely hideous...And his body? Well I mean, the thing that sticks out to me the most when I think about what his body looked like was the acne he had all over his face, back, upper arms, chest, neck, etc.

State wrestling was like 3 weeks away and on top of preparing for districts and state and what-not, I continued working on this "Sexiest Body" award that I made up for this guy.

I gathered up like 15 people from our school to leave comments on this page congratulating this guy, some of them claiming to be cheerleaders who voted for him, asking him to meet them at various hotels in Des Moines so they could hook up.

So state weekend rolls around and after one of my state practices that week, my coach called me into his office. I thought we were going to go over scouting reports from some of the guys in my bracket...Nope. My coach asks, "so what is this about a Sexiest Body award being given to Erik?" I was thrown off guard and was all like, "uhhh...you heard about that, where'd you hear about that?" He said, "his parents called me today and asked about hotel reservations and whether they should stay at the same hotel as the team or not. I told them that no such award exists. They are crushed. Let me get this straight...you went as far as making an actual webpage to do this?" I was all, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." My coach concluded by assuring me that practice was going to be an absolute bitch the next day and that the whole team was going to know why (which my teammates had been laughing their asses off behind the scenes since I created the page...they couldn't believe he actually bought it).

Yeah, that was a douche move on my part. I contacted him 3 years later for being an asshole to him...Billy Madison style. I did this with 2 other people. I was a pretty nice guy to everyone in high school except for those 3... all of them had pissed me off somehow and I just pushed things too far in my trolling of them in "retaliation" to them mouthing off to me.

Overall joke is on me...17 years have gone by and I still feel bad about it when I think about it.

[Dunit35]

****, there is no escape for you. That would drive me insane.

My home is my bubble. Unless your wood floor has become a serial rapist I am not going to look at it until Monday.

I am a police officer with a patrol unit parked in front of my house.

Once I had a guy knock on my door to talk about problems....I arrested him a couple days prior and he found my house. I was so pissed and wanted to stab him.

Another incident this lady knocks on my door wanting to speak to the police. It was during the day and my wife answered. My wife got pissed and told her to call the police.

I also hate when people recognize me out on the town and bother me about police issues.

[TimeForWasp]

I was at arrowhead one time, was completely partied out from the pre-game, and at the end of the 1st quarter I got up to go get something to eat. I wait in a line that is forever long, I miss almost the entire 2nd quarter, then when I get up to the front, this particular stand is out of basically all food, and the beer taps aren't working either.

I am ashamed to say that I ripped the guy working there 4 or 5 new orifices, even though it was not his fault at all, and he just stood there and took it politely. It was booze and probably dehydration talking, but still. I wish I knew who this guy was so I could write him a letter of apology or something. I was angry that they'd let people wait in that long of a line only to find out that they had nothing when you got up to the front. Still though. Totally classless on my part and he was completely professional.

Here's to you, Arrowhead concession worker who looked like Jon Gruden. Sorry about that. I owe you a tall boy if I ever see you again... and if the taps are working...



I was working a concession stand at arrowhead once and i have to admit, I kind of look like Jon Gruden. There was this guy waiting patiently in line for an order and I just got a mean streak and told him we were out of everything.

[Willie Lanier]

I was at Home Depot the other day, apparently I did not come to a complete stop at a stop sign in the parking lot in the middle of the store lot. It was 9:30 PM, nobody was there, not busy scene at all. This old hag in a mini van pulls up from a parked position 15 parking spots down and starts yelling at me that I didn't stop at the stop sign. I just said "Oh yeah, sorry to endanger you while you were parked 100 feet away. Have a nice meal at Golden Corral" and walked away.

Was pretty snarky for me IRL.

I had a (somewhat) similar situation in a parking lot recently...

I was driving through a relatively deserted parking lot, going 5 mph, and this guy 50 ft in front of me walks from his vehicle to cross in front of me (50 ft in front of me and I'm going 5mph) and yes, I did roll through an unnecessary stop sign, at 5mph, but there was zero chance of me hitting him as he was well ahead of me...

The little fucker stops in the middle of the road and just stares me down. He says, "watch where youre going asshole theres a stop sign back there"

So after about 10 seconds of him impeding my progress, I step out of my truck. He lowered his head, kept walking and no further dialogue occurred.. complete napoleon complex

But I did feel bad about it later, because technically he was right about the stop sign... kinda made me feel like a bully

[Pablo]

Stop signs in private lots are suggestions to me. Nobody around. No fucking way I'm stopping.

[Jewish Rabbi]

One time in a Wendy's parking lot, these kids were playing and not watching where they were going and I had to slam on my brakes, although I wasn't close to hitting them. The mom got mad at me and told me to slow down. I told her to fuck off and called her a bitch in front of her kids.

Kinda feel bad about that, but my parents would have slapped me if I was messing around in a parking lot, this lady blamed the person who was driving where I was supposed to be.

[cosmo20002]

Times you've been an asshole

I've bookmarked this thread and will update if it ever happens.

[Otter]

I've had my moments...and to be honest, it makes me depressed thinking about it...I'm a pretty nice guy now, considering I don't feel provoked or prompted to be an asshole. I always have been nice...with just a couple-few exceptions.

The first (out of many) thing that comes to my mind is this:

When I was a Junior, our JV 145 lber (I was the varsity 145 lber) was this pimply, odd, socially awkward guy. He challenged me for the spot like 10 times that year and it was always a "haha, are you serious? Why are you even wasting my time?" type of deal. I think I pinned him in less than 20 seconds every time.

One day at the conclusion of practice, we were doing sprints for finish-ups. They seemed to be lasting forever and I was a workout warrior in practice and generally worked my ass off...so I was exhausted. Our coach made the comment, "if you guys don't stop dragging ass, we will be doing sprints for another hour!!!" I noticed our JV guy was dogging it, so I looked at him and told him that if he didn't start picking it up, I'd stomp another crater in his face. He told me to **** myself. This didn't go over well with me. I was all, "what'd you say to me, mother****er?!?!" and threw him against the wall by his neck. The guy about pissed his pants and the coaches jumped in and pulled me off him. As a result, since I was a captain, we had to run more sprints...because of my outburst.

From that point on, I was out to get that guy. I should have just dropped it, but didn't... I had nothing to prove by messing with this poor guy anymore...he wasn't a bad guy...just shy, awkward, very homely and apparently mouthy when confronted.

He and I had study hall together and after that day I made it a point to sit right next to him and **** with him. I can't even begin to write every instance in which I came up with elaborate ways of messing with this guy, so I'll just share one instance...

I taught myself how to create a webpage...for the mere purpose of trolling this guy. This was in the year 2000 when a lot of people in my area were just getting used to the internet. The webpage was titled "Iowa Cheerleaders' Vote for Iowa High School Wrestler with the Sexiest Body Award." I created a list with a bunch of ridiculous fake names. This guy was #1. At the bottom of the page I wrote, "*This year's winner will accept his award at the awards ceremony prior to the State Wrestling Tournament at Veterans Auditorium in Des Moines, IA and will have a photo shoot for Noxcema." During study hall, I logged onto one of our computers and was all like, "hey Erik, look at the incredible award you won!!!" He gazed at it in amazement and I could just tell that he was having the most difficult time containing his excitement. "He actually bought this dumb shit?!?" I thought to myself... He looked at me (in which I had pulled like 100 other pranks on him at this point, so why he believed anything I said or did was completely beyond me) and said, "so the cheerleaders voted for this?" I replied, "yeah dumbass, it says right there, you silly knucklehead! It's an actual website, bro!!! Wow man, what an accomplishment!!!" He asked, "so, I'm gonna be a professional model now?" I replied, "YES!!! Do I have to teach you how to read??? It's on the website!!!" He seriously was just trying so freaking hard to contain his smile. He proceeded to write down the webpage address and sat back down in his chair...smiling into space for the remainder of study hall.

Keep in mind this kid's physical appearance was absolutely hideous...And his body? Well I mean, the thing that sticks out to me the most when I think about what his body looked like was the acne he had all over his face, back, upper arms, chest, neck, etc.

State wrestling was like 3 weeks away and on top of preparing for districts and state and what-not, I continued working on this "Sexiest Body" award that I made up for this guy.

I gathered up like 15 people from our school to leave comments on this page congratulating this guy, some of them claiming to be cheerleaders who voted for him, asking him to meet them at various hotels in Des Moines so they could hook up.

So state weekend rolls around and after one of my state practices that week, my coach called me into his office. I thought we were going to go over scouting reports from some of the guys in my bracket...Nope. My coach asks, "so what is this about a Sexiest Body award being given to Erik?" I was thrown off guard and was all like, "uhhh...you heard about that, where'd you hear about that?" He said, "his parents called me today and asked about hotel reservations and whether they should stay at the same hotel as the team or not. I told them that no such award exists. They are crushed. Let me get this straight...you went as far as making an actual webpage to do this?" I was all, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." My coach concluded by assuring me that practice was going to be an absolute bitch the next day and that the whole team was going to know why (which my teammates had been laughing their asses off behind the scenes since I created the page...they couldn't believe he actually bought it).

Yeah, that was a douche move on my part. I contacted him 3 years later for being an asshole to him...Billy Madison style. I did this with 2 other people. I was a pretty nice guy to everyone in high school except for those 3... all of them had pissed me off somehow and I just pushed things too far in my trolling of them in "retaliation" to them mouthing off to me.

Overall joke is on me...17 years have gone by and I still feel bad about it when I think about it. BO and pimples should be an automatic disqualification if you expect another man to fight you while wearing tights.

[TimBone]

Yeah, that was a douche move on my part. I contacted him 3 years later for being an asshole to him...Billy Madison style. I did this with 2 other people. I was a pretty nice guy to everyone in high school except for those 3... all of them had pissed me off somehow and I just pushed things too far in my trolling of them in "retaliation" to them mouthing off to me.

You asshole. What did the kid say when you reached out to him?

[rico]

You asshole. What did the kid say when you reached out to him?

He was cool and appreciative. Kind of acted like he expected it.

[TambaBerry]

He was cool and appreciative. Kind of acted like he expected it.

well fuck him then

[BucEyedPea]

I stuffed a young kid into a pillowcase once. But I was still a kid too—just older than her.

[Buehler445]

I stuffed a young kid into a pillowcase once. But I was still a kid too—just older than her.

LMAO

[rico]

well **** him then

Haha, expected the apology that is.

[rico]

BO and pimples should be an automatic disqualification if you expect another man to fight you while wearing tights.

Haha, I'm sure you can relate to the pain I endured having that jabroni wrestler challenge me for the spot every week. State champ, right?

[listopencil]

At one time I worked around mechanics although I'm not one. I noticed that they each had at least one idiosyncrasy related to how they went about their work. So, I was bored one day, and pitted all of them against each other just for fun. One guy (Mark) would become unglued if anyone messed with his boxes of rubber gloves. So while he was away busy I stole both boxes of his gloves and hid them in my locker. Then I grabbed a fist full of them and set them on a different (Steve) guy's work bench. So when Mark came back he looked around and asked me if I knew what happened to his gloves, of course I say I don't know but I think I saw some on Steve's bench. They had a short but intense disagreement about it. When Mark came back over to me he was pissed and wanted to do something to Steve so I pointed out how much Steve hated it when people messed with his tools. And then once Steve noticed that his tools were messed with I mentioned to Steve that another mechanic (Mike) was near his tools earlier. So, you can see where this went. I managed to insinuate myself into each conflict and egg it on. By lunch time they all wanted to kill each other. At one point one of the mechanics actually drove through the shop and hurled another guy's toolbag about ten feet spilling them everywhere. And they never suspected me because I'm more of the 'glue' kind of guy at work that keeps things going and is always helpful. So much so that they would tend to forget that I am also occasionally evil for no reason whatsoever. They never did figure out that I caused the entire mess.

[listopencil]

Oh I forgot to mention there were six or seven mechanics in the shop that day and I got them all going. As a side note, try not to piss of guys who have a very high degree of mechanical aptitude. It ain't pretty.

[Mile High Mania]

I've had my moments...and to be honest, it makes me depressed thinking about it...I'm a pretty nice guy now, considering I don't feel provoked or prompted to be an asshole. I always have been nice...with just a couple-few exceptions.

The first (out of many) thing that comes to my mind is this:

When I was a Junior, our JV 145 lber (I was the varsity 145 lber) was this pimply, odd, socially awkward guy. He challenged me for the spot like 10 times that year and it was always a "haha, are you serious? Why are you even wasting my time?" type of deal. I think I pinned him in less than 20 seconds every time.

One day at the conclusion of practice, we were doing sprints for finish-ups. They seemed to be lasting forever and I was a workout warrior in practice and generally worked my ass off...so I was exhausted. Our coach made the comment, "if you guys don't stop dragging ass, we will be doing sprints for another hour!!!" I noticed our JV guy was dogging it, so I looked at him and told him that if he didn't start picking it up, I'd stomp another crater in his face. He told me to **** myself. This didn't go over well with me. I was all, "what'd you say to me, mother****er?!?!" and threw him against the wall by his neck. The guy about pissed his pants and the coaches jumped in and pulled me off him. As a result, since I was a captain, we had to run more sprints...because of my outburst.

From that point on, I was out to get that guy. I should have just dropped it, but didn't... I had nothing to prove by messing with this poor guy anymore...he wasn't a bad guy...just shy, awkward, very homely and apparently mouthy when confronted.

He and I had study hall together and after that day I made it a point to sit right next to him and **** with him. I can't even begin to write every instance in which I came up with elaborate ways of messing with this guy, so I'll just share one instance...

I taught myself how to create a webpage...for the mere purpose of trolling this guy. This was in the year 2000 when a lot of people in my area were just getting used to the internet. The webpage was titled "Iowa Cheerleaders' Vote for Iowa High School Wrestler with the Sexiest Body Award." I created a list with a bunch of ridiculous fake names. This guy was #1. At the bottom of the page I wrote, "*This year's winner will accept his award at the awards ceremony prior to the State Wrestling Tournament at Veterans Auditorium in Des Moines, IA and will have a photo shoot for Noxcema." During study hall, I logged onto one of our computers and was all like, "hey Erik, look at the incredible award you won!!!" He gazed at it in amazement and I could just tell that he was having the most difficult time containing his excitement. "He actually bought this dumb shit?!?" I thought to myself... He looked at me (in which I had pulled like 100 other pranks on him at this point, so why he believed anything I said or did was completely beyond me) and said, "so the cheerleaders voted for this?" I replied, "yeah dumbass, it says right there, you silly knucklehead! It's an actual website, bro!!! Wow man, what an accomplishment!!!" He asked, "so, I'm gonna be a professional model now?" I replied, "YES!!! Do I have to teach you how to read??? It's on the website!!!" He seriously was just trying so freaking hard to contain his smile. He proceeded to write down the webpage address and sat back down in his chair...smiling into space for the remainder of study hall.

Keep in mind this kid's physical appearance was absolutely hideous...And his body? Well I mean, the thing that sticks out to me the most when I think about what his body looked like was the acne he had all over his face, back, upper arms, chest, neck, etc.

State wrestling was like 3 weeks away and on top of preparing for districts and state and what-not, I continued working on this "Sexiest Body" award that I made up for this guy.

I gathered up like 15 people from our school to leave comments on this page congratulating this guy, some of them claiming to be cheerleaders who voted for him, asking him to meet them at various hotels in Des Moines so they could hook up.

So state weekend rolls around and after one of my state practices that week, my coach called me into his office. I thought we were going to go over scouting reports from some of the guys in my bracket...Nope. My coach asks, "so what is this about a Sexiest Body award being given to Erik?" I was thrown off guard and was all like, "uhhh...you heard about that, where'd you hear about that?" He said, "his parents called me today and asked about hotel reservations and whether they should stay at the same hotel as the team or not. I told them that no such award exists. They are crushed. Let me get this straight...you went as far as making an actual webpage to do this?" I was all, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." My coach concluded by assuring me that practice was going to be an absolute bitch the next day and that the whole team was going to know why (which my teammates had been laughing their asses off behind the scenes since I created the page...they couldn't believe he actually bought it).

Yeah, that was a douche move on my part. I contacted him 3 years later for being an asshole to him...Billy Madison style. I did this with 2 other people. I was a pretty nice guy to everyone in high school except for those 3... all of them had pissed me off somehow and I just pushed things too far in my trolling of them in "retaliation" to them mouthing off to me.

Overall joke is on me...17 years have gone by and I still feel bad about it when I think about it.

The real life Andrew and Larry Lester...

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/20131227/4936340/andrew-clark-win-win-win-o.gif

[Eleazar]

I was working a concession stand at arrowhead once and i have to admit, I kind of look like Jon Gruden. There was this guy waiting patiently in line for an order and I just got a mean streak and told him we were out of everything.

https://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/unnamed.gif

[scho63]

I'm never an asshole, I'm perfect! Didn't you all know that? :D

[In58men]

Picked on this kid in elementary because I thought it was cool, after a month or so of teasing him I was told he was autistic. Since then growing up I've been against bullying and stood up to many bullies afterwards.

[BlackHelicopters]

I love it when patients call me on Sunday night/ early Monday morning when the office will be open in a few hours.

[rabblerouser]

I am a police officer with a patrol unit parked in front of my house.

Once I had a guy knock on my door to talk about problems....I arrested him a couple days prior and he found my house. I was so pissed and wanted to stab him.

Another incident this lady knocks on my door wanting to speak to the police. It was during the day and my wife answered. My wife got pissed and told her to call the police.

I also hate when people recognize me out on the town and bother me about police issues.

A person you a rested showed up at your house two days later to talk about his problems?

Does he know that he should talk about things BEFORE he gets arrested??

In all seriousness, that would be completely annoying.

Dude : "Man, you said anytime I need someone to talk to to hit you up man and here I am..."

Dunit35 : "I'm eating my ****ing dinner, sir."

[rico]

The real life Andrew and Larry Lester...

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/20131227/4936340/andrew-clark-win-win-win-o.gif

Haha, I never though about that.

[SAUTO]

ROFLOh I forgot to mention there were six or seven mechanics in the shop that day and I got them all going. As a side note, try not to piss of guys who have a very high degree of mechanical aptitude. It ain't pretty.

ROFLROFL

[Iowanian]

I was coming through Oklahoma this weekend and stopped to sleep. I got stir crazy and hit a casino across the road.

While playing blackjack, a lady that looked like the the syrup bottle was sitting by me chatting. She was pleasant, she was funny, she was sexually aggressive....and probably 55-60 and 250. She informed me that she was going to perform a certain kind of marital act upon me.....I politely declined suggesting brideowanian would disapprove.

A little while later, she said she would pay me $4/minute to use my man parts for her own satisfactory reasons. I laughed and told her it would be the worst $2 she ever spent.

oh wait...wrong thread.


When I write the online reviews(that were requested multiple times during my less than satisfactory paid adventure)....I'll be an asshole that day.

[ptlyon]

ROFL Iowa...

[Eleazar]

A little while later, she said she would pay me $4/minute to use my man parts for her own satisfactory reasons. I laughed and told her it would be the worst $2 she ever spent.

ROFL

[Pennywise]

my neighbors crazy horse showed up in the yard and right as she was yelling for the horse i smacked it with a stick. ****er took off like the preakness. I also throw her dead cat carcass back into her yard.

I would think that your love of the animal and your skills as a horse whisperer, you'd have been able to look deep into his eyes like Robert Redford and make a connection with her pony, and teach it to stay home.

[Demonpenz]

I jumped ahead in line today at a convience store when they opened a new lane. THUG LYFE

[Demonpenz]

I had a friend in HS piss me off and he had kind of a beater car. I went out and just curb stomped the quarter panel and dented. It was a teenage beater so it wasn't noticed

[frozenchief]

20+ years ago, I was taking the California Bar Exam. It was a 3 day exam. Days 1 and 3 involved three 1 hour essays on any number of subjects in the morning and a 3 hour essay in the afternoon based upon a packet of information they give you. That packet was presumed to be all of the law on the subject at hand and you were to write an answer based on the law given you. (Day 2 was a day long multiple choice test if you were interested).

I was taking the test in San Diego. I was typing (which should tell you how long ago it was) and there were about 500 people typing. Another 2500 or so in the main room. We all had badges to identify that we were taking the bar exam.

The last day, I finished the morning portion and left for lunch. I was waiting for the light to turn green to cross the street and another bar examinee came up and was waiting too. She started to talk about one of the questions and whether a particular item was admissible and I knew she got the wrong answer. (Weirdly, I knew I passed at that moment.) She was bright and cheerful and friendly and we were all in this horrible, stressful situation and she says,, "And so I think [whatever her answer was about the issue]. What do you think?"

I just stared at her for a second and just snarled, "I never talk about my tests," and walked away. Didn't look back. Just totally blew her off.

Normally I'm pretty gregarious but anybody who has been through the bar exam can understand why I was an asshole to her.

[BigBeauford]

I was a freshman in high school, who was asked to a homecoming dance by a junior, who happened to be a friends' girlfriends' friend. Sort of a blind date. She was reasonably attractive, but she kept poking me all night asking if I was having a good time. I said fuck this to my fiend, and walked out of the dance 15 minutes into it when she went to the bathroom. She ended up writing about it in some article in the yearbook under the section "worst thing to happen to me". Her response came in at number two.

[rico]

I was coming through Oklahoma this weekend and stopped to sleep. I got stir crazy and hit a casino across the road.

While playing blackjack, a lady that looked like the the syrup bottle was sitting by me chatting. She was pleasant, she was funny, she was sexually aggressive....and probably 55-60 and 250. She informed me that she was going to perform a certain kind of marital act upon me.....I politely declined suggesting brideowanian would disapprove.

A little while later, she said she would pay me $4/minute to use my man parts for her own satisfactory reasons. I laughed and told her it would be the worst $2 she ever spent.

oh wait...wrong thread.


When I write the online reviews(that were requested multiple times during my less than satisfactory paid adventure)....I'll be an asshole that day.

LMAO

[BigBeauford]

I said thank you after the person took my order at Chick Fil A just to make them say "My Pleasure".

[Spott]

I peed all over the toilet paper dispenser in port-a-potty located in a parking lot of a rival NFL team's stadium.

[alanm]

Times you've been an assholeWhat? You mean like today?

[BWillie]

I said thank you after the person took my order at Chick Fil A just to make them say "My Pleasure".

This is really good. I thought about that the other day. What if I said thank you seven times, at different times in the order. Do they have to say my pleasure every time?

[alanm]

I am a police officer with a patrol unit parked in front of my house.

Once I had a guy knock on my door to talk about problems....I arrested him a couple days prior and he found my house. I was so pissed and wanted to stab him.

Another incident this lady knocks on my door wanting to speak to the police. It was during the day and my wife answered. My wife got pissed and told her to call the police.

I also hate when people recognize me out on the town and bother me about police issues.I never had that problem. But then I worked for a higher power :) Retired from the *** in 2003. I feel your pain though.

[cabletech94]

i drive a company vehicle with a pretty big target on it. you'd be surprised how agressive drivers can be in a small college town. i'll see some douche-canoe in my rear view oncoming pretty fast. i'll position myself in the acceleration lane, while a little old lady is driving 5 miles an hour, and wait for said douche to come up behind me. and then i'll drop my speed down to match the old blue hair.
morale of the story, douchebags: slow the eff down!!!

[EPodolak]

Let's see if I can tell this clearly: to begin, I'm 15 or so in a movie theater in my hometown with a group of friends. Some of us are being loud and rowdy, a theater employee, Paul G----, who was a few years older than us comes down the darkened aisle and tells us to be quiet. He singles me out in the dark to make an example of, the best behaved of us all, and hollers at me to sit down and that I'm close to being booted. As we got older I knew of Paul G. a bit more. He dealt in cocaine and cars, had a bad temper and was a big fan of the rock group Yes.

Fast forward 30 years. I'm living in the same state, but far away in a different city hours from my hometown. My girlfriend and I get tickets to see Yes play at an arena not far from where we live. I'm excited to see these guys for the first time. They are musical heroes of mine, in particular Steve Howe the guitarist. For whatever reason I'm in a mood the night of the show, I'm wearing a ridiculous fedora and I march us into this small venue and get our seats. The show starts and I wander up closer to the left side of the stage, soon realize there's virtually no security so I barge and push my way up right to the foot and pull out my phone (a blackberry at the time, what an asshole), I lean in and start video taping Steve who is playing just a couple feet directly in front of me. I'm right in the grill of this legend, a hero of mine and all that. I could hear a guy screaming "sit the f--k down" at me. I'm leaned in with the blackberry out in front taping, the guitarist and I make eye contact and then he looks away a little disgusted and I think, worried. Had to be wondering why there's no security to get me away from there. I was a star-struck idiot in that moment, I guess, and oblivious to myself. That's the - I'm an asshole -part of the story. Jesus.

The weird post-script. A couple days later I go to the Yes website and check the reviews of the show. Great show, everyone says. One guy says the venue was great, it was one of the best shows of the many he's seen of the band over the years. He also commented on his seats close to the stage, and about the lack of security and some "yahoo" in the crowd getting too near the musicians. I clicked on the user name below his comment and it brought up my email template with the "To:" field populated with the name, you guessed it: Paul G----.

[kjwood75nro]

I am a police officer with a patrol unit parked in front of my house.

Once I had a guy knock on my door to talk about problems....I arrested him a couple days prior and he found my house. I was so pissed and wanted to stab him.

Another incident this lady knocks on my door wanting to speak to the police. It was during the day and my wife answered. My wife got pissed and told her to call the police.

I also hate when people recognize me out on the town and bother me about police issues.
I hate that. Even without the fear of being targeted, it's still annoying as shit.

I had a lean-to garage that I finally converted into an enclosed garage so people wouldn't know if I was home or not.

Problem is, in a small town, everybody already knows you and where you live, so you still get unsolicited visits.

And then you're the asshole for not dropping everything, or telling them to call your public number or not show up unannounced.

And eating in public, my God. Billy Bob Thorton did it best in Bad Santa.

[Dartgod]

At one time I worked around mechanics although I'm not one. I noticed that they each had at least one idiosyncrasy related to how they went about their work. So, I was bored one day, and pitted all of them against each other just for fun. One guy (Mark) would become unglued if anyone messed with his boxes of rubber gloves. So while he was away busy I stole both boxes of his gloves and hid them in my locker. Then I grabbed a fist full of them and set them on a different (Steve) guy's work bench. So when Mark came back he looked around and asked me if I knew what happened to his gloves, of course I say I don't know but I think I saw some on Steve's bench. They had a short but intense disagreement about it. When Mark came back over to me he was pissed and wanted to do something to Steve so I pointed out how much Steve hated it when people messed with his tools. And then once Steve noticed that his tools were messed with I mentioned to Steve that another mechanic (Mike) was near his tools earlier. So, you can see where this went. I managed to insinuate myself into each conflict and egg it on. By lunch time they all wanted to kill each other. At one point one of the mechanics actually drove through the shop and hurled another guy's toolbag about ten feet spilling them everywhere. And they never suspected me because I'm more of the 'glue' kind of guy at work that keeps things going and is always helpful. So much so that they would tend to forget that I am also occasionally evil for no reason whatsoever. They never did figure out that I caused the entire mess.

Needful Things

[gblowfish]

There was this one time in 2009 where I was at Arrowhead. It was Dec 20th, the last home game of the year, and it was Fan Appreciation Day. The game was blacked out in KC (last one to be blacked out) because it was a 39 degree and drizzling, cold crappy day. Tickets sold were 53,000, but the crowd was maybe 40,000 or less.

The Chiefs and Browns were both 3-11. Todd Haley was the head coach. The Chiefs gave up 351 yards rushing and 3 TDs on defense, plus two 100 yard plus kickoff returns for TDs to Josh Cribbs. They lost at home, on Fan Appreciation Day, 41 to 34, to a 3-11 team. They blew a 24-20 halftime lead. Brady Quinn was the Browns starting QB. Brady.....Frickin....Quinn.

After the game, I enthusiastically suggested to the coach that his employment status should be re-evaluated by Chiefs Management immediately after such a dismal performance, and the subsequent dismal season results. I suggested that perhaps it would be best for all concerned if he were to explore and arrange alternate career opportunities. Coach Haley acknowledged these suggestions by replying non-verbally before retiring into the tunnel to the locker room.

I guess we were both assholes that day.

http://www.pro-football-reference.com/boxscores/200912200kan.htm

[Iowanian]

When I was in college, computers were new and I knew very little about them. When it came to papers, I would write them on notebook paper and typically would make arrangements with girls in the dorms to type them. Sometimes pay, sometimes car service....sometimes...the appropriate amount of pickle.

One night my freshman year I'm in the dorm and for some reason I couldn't get any of the "usuals" to type a paper I had due the next morning. I open the computer in the room which is on a network I didn't understand at the time...

I'm 1 finger willy typing a click at a time...and the computer starts binging noise...I realize it's notifications of some kind. Eventually I click it and it opens what is a campus network-communication system....all of the students online can see names, click names and chat.....novel concept today right....

Anyway, some username kept trying to chat with me. I'd never done that before and didn't even really know how it worked. So I engage in a painfully slow conversation because I didn't type like a champion as I do today.

Eventually the person suggests we speak by phone, so I call. We're engaging in enough conversation that I can tell it's a girl. At some point, she says something about a fat girl that tipped over in her dorm or something....and I make some random joke about this hog in my 8am lifetime wellness lab who is about the size of a monster truck.

The phone gets quiet....she says "uh....which lifetime wellness instructor".....and I feel the rush of blood run to my head...the top one.....there's only 1 8am wellness lab......and she informs me she's in it.....and then basically asks if I'm a monster...if I've done this on purpose....that she knew she was fat but had never been compared to a monster truck.

So....out of the thousands of possibilities to have my first online chat...my first call of that kind....I randomly throw out a barbaric insult to an anonymous person whom I've never met.....and it you guessed it....turned out to be THAT person.

She was sad...I tried to apologies because it truly was an accidental coincidence...hell, i'd hoped she was skinny and interested in giving a hummer. She said she accepted my apology and asked who I was in class.....I told her I was a Delta Chi that wore a blue jean jacket.....and didn't go to that class the next week.

It was an asshole thing to do....but a complete coincidence.

I was an asshole to a number of girls in college for various reasons, but I feel the worst about that one.

[RobBlake]

When I was in college, computers were new and I knew very little about them. When it came to papers, I would write them on notebook paper and typically would make arrangements with girls in the dorms to type them. Sometimes pay, sometimes car service....sometimes...the appropriate amount of pickle.

One night my freshman year I'm in the dorm and for some reason I couldn't get any of the "usuals" to type a paper I had due the next morning. I open the computer in the room which is on a network I didn't understand at the time...

I'm 1 finger willy typing a click at a time...and the computer starts binging noise...I realize it's notifications of some kind. Eventually I click it and it opens what is a campus network-communication system....all of the students online can see names, click names and chat.....novel concept today right....

Anyway, some username kept trying to chat with me. I'd never done that before and didn't even really know how it worked. So I engage in a painfully slow conversation because I didn't type like a champion as I do today.

Eventually the person suggests we speak by phone, so I call. We're engaging in enough conversation that I can tell it's a girl. At some point, she says something about a fat girl that tipped over in her dorm or something....and I make some random joke about this hog in my 8am lifetime wellness lab who is about the size of a monster truck.

The phone gets quiet....she says "uh....which lifetime wellness instructor".....and I feel the rush of blood run to my head...the top one.....there's only 1 8am wellness lab......and she informs me she's in it.....and then basically asks if I'm a monster...if I've done this on purpose....that she knew she was fat but had never been compared to a monster truck.

So....out of the thousands of possibilities to have my first online chat...my first call of that kind....I randomly throw out a barbaric insult to an anonymous person whom I've never met.....and it you guessed it....turned out to be THAT person.

She was sad...I tried to apologies because it truly was an accidental coincidence...hell, i'd hoped she was skinny and interested in giving a hummer. She said she accepted my apology and asked who I was in class.....I told her I was a Delta Chi that wore a blue jean jacket.....and didn't go to that class the next week.

It was an asshole thing to do....but a complete coincidence.

I was an asshole to a number of girls in college for various reasons, but I feel the worst about that one.


Lmao. You honestly y crushed my own soul reading that. Dayum. Poor girl

[Dallas Chief]

I've been accused of following BRC around D.C. and being an asshole to him. That's pretty accurate, but he's a sensitive ginger. He appears to be entirely likable though. I'm pretty much a selfish a-hole in real life. I accept that.

[MOhillbilly]

I would think that your love of the animal and your skills as a horse whisperer, you'd have been able to look deep into his eyes like Robert Redford and make a connection with her pony, and teach it to stay home.

i had already walked the horse out once only to have it come right back. I hate them like Devil Anse hated the McCoys.

[listopencil]

Needful Things

I just googled that. It's pretty much spot on but I didn't get any souls and I'm not a hunchbacked dwarf.

[JakeLV]

So are the people in this thread fair game, or are we meant to consider their feeling because they owned up to how shitty they are?

[RobBlake]

So are the people in this thread fair game, or are we meant to consider their feeling because they owned up to how shitty they are?

This is Cp.. fair game

[Rasputin]

At Western Sizzler in Salina I took the very last chicken leg on the buffet and this little old lady said. "Well Shit!"


I think I was scumbag of the Earth and Galaxy to her.



I didn't even apologize.