Rain Man
01-07-2018, 12:37 AM
Okay, here's the deal.
The franchise is cursed. You know and I know it and the players know it.
The franchise is cursed and we as fans are irretrievably damaged. It will never change. Whether it's because Arrowhead was built on an ancient Indian burial ground or because we traded Super Bowl icon Otis Taylor (see documentation below) or because our cheerleaders are selected based on spirit instead of looks, it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that the Kansas City Chiefs are cursed.
The curse not only affects the team's success, it affects our enjoyment of the game. We know that the Chiefs will lose playoff games in a painful manner, and so we come into the games all hangdog. And my worry is that the fans and writers impact the players negatively, which exacerbates the curse. It's a neverending cycle.
So how do we break the cycle?
Well, let me tell you a little story.
Many years ago, I worked at a company that was kind of dysfunctional. At one point, half the company resigned en masse, and it resulted in an office shuffle. Several senior people with large offices left, so the people who remained moved into them.
One of those people was a good friend of mine, and when the office reallocation got to her, the best remaining office was this really nice corner office. The building was kind of octagonal, so the corner was 45 degrees, but that only made it better because it was a cool shape. The only downside was that it (true story) overlooked a big sign for the next building for a company called Janus, but the J was blocked out from view. So you looked out the window at big 12-foot letters that spelled out A N U S. But it was a nice office.
The problem with this office was that it was previously occupied by a senior guy who was not well regarded at all, and he was particularly a nemesis of my friend. She couldn't stand any aspect of this guy, and she didn't want to be in an office that had been corrupted and ruined by his aura. But it was a corner office, so she couldn't pass it up.
So she did some research and she performed a cleansing ritual. Borrowing some native american customs (because we white people do that), she got some flowers and incense and stuff, and she held a formal cleansing ritual to do a hard reset of the office. She got rid of his aura and replaced it with neutrality, so she could start fresh and not be weighed down by his baggage.
You know where I'm headed with this.
The Chiefs are cursed. The Chiefs will never win a Super Bowl. Heck, at this point I question whether they'll ever win two playoff games in the same year. And even if something miraculous should happen, we're all so scarred and traumatized that we won't enjoy it.
So let's do this. We've got a brand new franchise quarterback coming in. He's all shiny and new and pretty much still in his original packaging. He's not yet tainted by the curse. So let's do a hard reset and give him a whole new franchise to root for, one that's not poisoned and gnarled and miserable.
I propose that for the 2018 season, the Kansas City Chiefs no longer exist. Instead, we are rooting for a hot new expansion team that features the best young quarterback in the league, the league's leading rusher, the fastest man in the NFL, the best young kicker in the NFL, the league's hottest reality show tight end, the best cornerback in the NFL, a former NFL sack champion, and a superhuman horse-fearing safety.
We are an expansion team for the ages, coming to take the NFL by storm. And our name is the ....
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/fa/83/b5/fa83b51ecfd1472e0534a35ada8ca65d--pure-white-small-animals.jpg
Missouri Ermines.
If you support this measure, let's ...
1. change the name of the forum to the Ermine's Den.
2. autocorrect every reference of Kansas City to Missouri and every reference of Chiefs to Ermines.
3. wear snow white on game day.
So let's do this. Let's shed our old skin and emerge new stronger than ever.
Go Ermines!
The franchise is cursed. You know and I know it and the players know it.
The franchise is cursed and we as fans are irretrievably damaged. It will never change. Whether it's because Arrowhead was built on an ancient Indian burial ground or because we traded Super Bowl icon Otis Taylor (see documentation below) or because our cheerleaders are selected based on spirit instead of looks, it doesn't matter. The bottom line is that the Kansas City Chiefs are cursed.
The curse not only affects the team's success, it affects our enjoyment of the game. We know that the Chiefs will lose playoff games in a painful manner, and so we come into the games all hangdog. And my worry is that the fans and writers impact the players negatively, which exacerbates the curse. It's a neverending cycle.
So how do we break the cycle?
Well, let me tell you a little story.
Many years ago, I worked at a company that was kind of dysfunctional. At one point, half the company resigned en masse, and it resulted in an office shuffle. Several senior people with large offices left, so the people who remained moved into them.
One of those people was a good friend of mine, and when the office reallocation got to her, the best remaining office was this really nice corner office. The building was kind of octagonal, so the corner was 45 degrees, but that only made it better because it was a cool shape. The only downside was that it (true story) overlooked a big sign for the next building for a company called Janus, but the J was blocked out from view. So you looked out the window at big 12-foot letters that spelled out A N U S. But it was a nice office.
The problem with this office was that it was previously occupied by a senior guy who was not well regarded at all, and he was particularly a nemesis of my friend. She couldn't stand any aspect of this guy, and she didn't want to be in an office that had been corrupted and ruined by his aura. But it was a corner office, so she couldn't pass it up.
So she did some research and she performed a cleansing ritual. Borrowing some native american customs (because we white people do that), she got some flowers and incense and stuff, and she held a formal cleansing ritual to do a hard reset of the office. She got rid of his aura and replaced it with neutrality, so she could start fresh and not be weighed down by his baggage.
You know where I'm headed with this.
The Chiefs are cursed. The Chiefs will never win a Super Bowl. Heck, at this point I question whether they'll ever win two playoff games in the same year. And even if something miraculous should happen, we're all so scarred and traumatized that we won't enjoy it.
So let's do this. We've got a brand new franchise quarterback coming in. He's all shiny and new and pretty much still in his original packaging. He's not yet tainted by the curse. So let's do a hard reset and give him a whole new franchise to root for, one that's not poisoned and gnarled and miserable.
I propose that for the 2018 season, the Kansas City Chiefs no longer exist. Instead, we are rooting for a hot new expansion team that features the best young quarterback in the league, the league's leading rusher, the fastest man in the NFL, the best young kicker in the NFL, the league's hottest reality show tight end, the best cornerback in the NFL, a former NFL sack champion, and a superhuman horse-fearing safety.
We are an expansion team for the ages, coming to take the NFL by storm. And our name is the ....
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/fa/83/b5/fa83b51ecfd1472e0534a35ada8ca65d--pure-white-small-animals.jpg
Missouri Ermines.
If you support this measure, let's ...
1. change the name of the forum to the Ermine's Den.
2. autocorrect every reference of Kansas City to Missouri and every reference of Chiefs to Ermines.
3. wear snow white on game day.
So let's do this. Let's shed our old skin and emerge new stronger than ever.
Go Ermines!