Gladiator 2018 - Round 2, Match 9 - Graystoke versus canoworms

[Rain Man]

Vote for the person that you think would win this match in a battle to death or submission. As background, assume that prior to the tournament you received 10 minutes of training on every weapon. The time listed is the amount of time before the match where you learn what the weaponry and venue is. All participants are handed their weapons at t=0 unless stated otherwise.


Venue - Bourbon Street in New Orleans on a Friday Night
Starting Distance - 693 feet

Graystoke

Main Weapon - Bowie knife
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 8 Minutes
Special Factors - Naked East Asian women are screaming and running around panicked

canoworms

Main Weapon - Small pocket knife with instantly deadly poison coating
Backup Weapon - None

Prep Time - 44 seconds
Special Factors - A drunk average-sized college guy will help you, though he's unarmed and is having trouble standing.

[Rain Man]

I'm pretty sure that this exact scenario has actually happened at some point.

[RockChalk]

In a crowd like that, Canoworms has the advantage, since he only requires a small stab anywhere on Gray's body.

[ClevelandBronco]

The word "instantly" would seem to seal the deal unless Graystoke throws his knife and gets very, very lucky.

[Bowser]

I'm pretty sure that this exact scenario has actually happened at some point.

Sounds like an average Tuesday night on Bourbon Street.

[ModSocks]

The streets smell like cheap margaritas and urine. It's a hot humid night and the drinks are pouring in, but maybe a little too much as the tour bus full of hot east asian women are unable to handle their liquor, flinging their school girl skirts off and prancing around like panicked lunatics.

Canoworms wanders through the crowd searching for his advisery. AH HA! He spots Graystoke in a drunken haze, #metooing the little Asian women. An easy kill he thinks. Canoworms stalks his prey sneaking ever closer behind Graystoke....

He's within arms reach now, he can taste the victory as the sweat rolls down his brow.

Canoworms reaches back, ready to thrust forward with all his might....

BUT OH MY GOD IT'S DETOXING RUNNING DOWN THE RAMP AND HE'S GOT A STEEL CHAIR!

WHAAAAM! DETOXING, still salty about his loss, beats the shit out of Canoworms with a STEEL CHAIR! Somebody stop the mayhem!

In shock Graystoke turns around to find that his ass was saved by Detoxing, who's now pummeling Canoworms with a STEEL CHAIR. OH MY GOD IT'S PURE CARNAGE!

Graystoke takes the opportunity to stab Canoworms with his bowie knife.

IT'S ALL OVER. The bell rings. It's OVER. Someone call an Amberlamps, he bleedin' errywhere.

[Bowser]

BAH GAWD KING ITS DETOXING AND HE HAS A CHAIR! A STEEL CHAIR!!

[Why Not?]

canoworms pushes the drunk guy into Graystoke and then nicks him w the poison knife

[Graystoke]

This works out perfectly for me because I happen to be a East Asian woman and I am willing to get naked to kill this sumabitch Canoworms.
Just disrobe-then run around naked with my Trusty Bowie Knife behind my back.
Canoworms has no idea which naked East Asian I AM!
SLICE...TO THE THROAT!
BTW, that drunk average college dude got lucky with one of the other Asian gals

And that whole Detoxing thing to. Did he mention it was a STEEL CHAIR?

[Rain Man]

The steel chair could be the game changer here.

[Graystoke]

Where is my opponent?
Its almost like I am losing to a ghost here

[Rain Man]

Graystoke is haunted by his loss as canoworms wriggles through the crowd and nicks him next to the semi-naked women pretending that she's the Statue of Liberty. canoworms moves to Round 3.