Deadspin: Why Your Team Sucks, 2018 Chiefs

[Skyy God]

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-kansas-city-chiefs-1828547529

[Bowser]

<iframe src="https://giphy.com/embed/IV2DvTArF5b9u" width="480" height="480" frameBorder="0" class="giphy-embed" allowFullScreen></iframe><p><a href="https://giphy.com/gifs/sad-crying-kristen-bell-IV2DvTArF5b9u">via GIPHY</a></p>

[Dante84]

I never put the connection together that we should call him “Jr.” instead of “II”

[notorious]

“Two deaths in the stadium parking lot. 1 playoff win”.


ROFL

[notorious]

“How much do the Chiefs suck? Well...Eric Berry had cancer. He said having it was a blessing. You do the math.”

Ouch

[Fish]

Chiefs fans have all the heart disease of Packers fans and none of the rings. Kansas City barbecue is a tourist trap. Texas barbecue owns your shit. I won’t take it back.

https://i.imgur.com/JxZMGaL.gif

[MahiMike]

That was funny as hell.

[loochy]

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2018-kansas-city-chiefs-1828547529

https://i.imgur.com/f7FdEdG.jpg
Posted via Mobile Device

[TambaBerry]

the only thing that was blatantly wrong is sucking alex off but then not giving him any credit for the playoff losses

[siberian khatru]

OK, which of you guys were the rednecks?

A few years back a tailgate full of rednecks had hardcore porn playing on a giant flat screen TV in the back of their pickup truck while I was waiting in line for a porto-potty, and those dipshits saw my puzzled expression and acted like I was the asshole.

[Brooklyn]

there is a difference between Jr and the 2nd or 3rd you dumb dumbs.

Jr. is only used if they have identical names, including middle names. II or III can be the same first name, with different middle name.

[New World Order]

“Two deaths in the stadium parking lot. 1 playoff win”.


ROFL

ROFL

[DJ's left nut]

Wait a minute - this is a CP member, no?

This is a true story.

After somehow managing to hold our opponent to zero touchdowns in a home playoff game, after a bye, and still lose, I wasn’t surprised. This is the general life of Chiefs fandom, and after twenty seven years of this garbage (being winless in home division playoff games my entire life) I was not the least bit surprised. It was probably less painful than all the other times because I am older and expected it... or so I thought.

Everyone at the bar started getting me sympathy shots after the holding call took away our chance to win. I was eight different types of yardsale drunk at this point. I stumbled a few blocks away to see my wife who was spending time with our mutual female friend. My wife kissed me goodbye to go home early and study (she’s going to be a doctor) and I stuck around just having a few more with our mutual friend (who made our wedding cake and is married herself) until I completely passed out on her couch from being sad, Chiefs drunk.

I wake up at five am to a million calls from my wife, who is screaming and has decided that I must be being unfaithful “Staying at another woman’s home.” For the next week, she won’t even speak to me, until she finally says “You just never took me camping enough,” and “I’ve found somewhere else to live,” and proceeds to move out.

Two weeks later and she’s camping with some dialtone whose only interesting part about him is that he’s living with and doing my ex wife.

I guess we had our problems, but it still feels like the Chiefs do everything they can to both directly and indirectly ruin my life.

I swear we've heard that story here.

Y'know what, the sad truth is that we probably HAVE heard that story here and it just happened to a completely different person. Again.

Because Chiefs.

[big nasty kcnut]

Ok this is the most depressing thread i ever been in. That article suck we should be happy that we got a lot of new players and stuff yet you want to whine and complain. Well be cowboys or texans fan then. nobody got time to deal with your butthurt.

[iDeaL]

Ok this is the most depressing thread i ever been in. That article suck we should be happy that we got a lot of new players and stuff yet you want to whine and complain. Well be cowboys or texans fan then. nobody got time to deal with your butthurt.

:clap::clap::clap:

[BryanBusby]

The first email totally crushed it

[loochy]

Ok this is the most depressing thread i ever been in. That article suck we should be happy that we got a lot of new players and stuff yet you want to whine and complain. Well be cowboys or texans fan then. nobody got time to deal with your butthurt.

Truuuueeeeee faaaaaaannnnnnnnnnn
Posted via Mobile Device

[bdj23]

Ok this is the most depressing thread i ever been in. That article suck we should be happy that we got a lot of new players and stuff yet you want to whine and complain. Well be cowboys or texans fan then. nobody got time to deal with your butthurt.

They will just screw it up in the end, it's the Chiefs, that's what they do.

[Chiefs4TheWin]

“Two deaths in the stadium parking lot. 1 playoff win”.


ROFL

I spit my drink out. ROFL

[Chiefs4TheWin]

Sam:

"They beat both teams that played for the Super Bowl.

Fuck Herm Edwards with a rusty rake."

Best random comment so far this year.

[Nickhead]

PMJR

sounds like the name of a beer :D

[displacedinMN]

F this guy. No one is allowed to criticize the Chiefs unless he is from KC.

No, wait, that is No one is allowed to criticize the Vikings unless they are from Minnesota.

I get confused. Still F this guy.

[mcaj22]

This article made me rewatch that Mariota self pass and wow those 3 Chiefs near him are absolutely horrible. Revis jumps then just stands there and watches. KPL is running in quicksand the whole time. And the biggest culprit, Sorensen goodness he is horrible.

[TwistedChief]

Ok this is the most depressing thread i ever been in. That article suck we should be happy that we got a lot of new players and stuff yet you want to whine and complain. Well be cowboys or texans fan then. nobody got time to deal with your butthurt.

Wow. THIS is the most depressing thread you've ever been in? At least here we're able to make light of our team's ineptitude. Go read over some of the threads from the days of our playoff meltdowns. That's real pain.

This is just comedic value as we've become numb to the inevitable suck-age.

This article made me smile as I silently cried. That's much better than the usual audible crying. Onward and upward.

[Easy 6]

These are always awesome, even when some of it rings a bit too true... dudes a very talented writer with a 'rapist' wit

'It took Doug Pederson like 30 seconds to win a Super Bowl after he left KC. And with a backup QB the Chiefs had on their roster the year before.'

The good news is this guy will have to work much harder for his slam next year...

[KChiefs1]

the only thing that was blatantly wrong is sucking alex off but then not giving him any credit for the playoff losses



Keitzman wrote it.

[DJJasonp]

the user comments are the best (punched by a fellow chiefs fan....because chiefs):

Things I have seen/experienced at Chiefs games over the years:

A knife fight. Maybe not that unusual, but this was in the 7th row on the 50 yard line, lower level.
Crystal meth, smoked openly (upper, upper level).
Vomit. A literal sea of vomit.

Lastly, once when I was probably 15 (so decades ago), my family and I were leaving Arrowhead following a night game win - my dad is a huge Chiefs fan and was driving at the time a red Suburban with Chiefs shit all over it. I was in the back seat yelling out the window the type of dumb shit a 15yo would yell - “Let’s go, Chiefs,” etc - and a Chiefs fan in full regalia came up to the car and punched me through the open window.

I realize I deserved it, but come on.

[ChiefaRoo]

the user comments are the best (punched by a fellow chiefs fan....because chiefs):

Things I have seen/experienced at Chiefs games over the years:

A knife fight. Maybe not that unusual, but this was in the 7th row on the 50 yard line, lower level.
Crystal meth, smoked openly (upper, upper level).
Vomit. A literal sea of vomit.

Lastly, once when I was probably 15 (so decades ago), my family and I were leaving Arrowhead following a night game win - my dad is a huge Chiefs fan and was driving at the time a red Suburban with Chiefs shit all over it. I was in the back seat yelling out the window the type of dumb shit a 15yo would yell - “Let’s go, Chiefs,” etc - and a Chiefs fan in full regalia came up to the car and punched me through the open window.

I realize I deserved it, but come on.

The reason you got punched was because you are a KU fan.

[notorious]

KC has our pieces of shit fans just like anywhere else.

[DJJasonp]

The reason you got punched was because you are a KU fan.

I was posting someone else's comments from the article....but ok....

:rolleyes:

[Flying High D]

OK, which of you guys were the rednecks?

It wasn’t really hardcore porn as far as I could tell. It was more of a cross of Japanese porn and Afghanistan animation.

[AssEaterChief]

Ok this is the most depressing thread i ever been in. That article suck we should be happy that we got a lot of new players and stuff yet you want to whine and complain. Well be cowboys or texans fan then. nobody got time to deal with your butthurt.

....uhhh ya you're basically the exact type of fan he is describing in that fucking article.

Deal with it

I thought it was his funniest Why Your Team Sucks: Chiefs since Andy got to KC

Why you ask?

Because it is 100% true and he had yet another year of material to work with.

[PunkinDrublic]

This is his best slam on the Chiefs. Years past they were generic slams but this one twists the knife. I love most of Drew’s writing. The dead cast is a good listen as well.

[eDave]

This is his best slam on the Chiefs. Years past they were generic slams but this one twists the knife. I love most of Drew’s writing. The dead cast is a good listen as well.

I thought last years was better, TBH. But I'm jaded over the absolute shit formatting of this years edition. Christ!

And LOL at those pissed at this. The do it every year, for every team. Someone post the rest of the west, please.

[007]

I thought last years was better, TBH. But I'm jaded over the absolute shit formatting of this years edition. Christ!

And LOL at those pissed at this. The do it every year, for every team. Someone post the rest of the west, please.

LMAO true. These things do hit close to home. Because I'm a jaded fan, I always tend to expect the Chiefs to choke away a win. Drives my buddy nuts. So I walk away with that whole, I knew it vibe, while he walks away pissed because I was right.

[OldSchool]

ROFL

Damn the truth burns.

[DRM08]

Lot of truth in good humor.

[redfan]

It's funny/sad 'cuz it's true.

[Lzen]

the user comments are the best (punched by a fellow chiefs fan....because chiefs):

Things I have seen/experienced at Chiefs games over the years:

A knife fight. Maybe not that unusual, but this was in the 7th row on the 50 yard line, lower level.
Crystal meth, smoked openly (upper, upper level).
Vomit. A literal sea of vomit.

Lastly, once when I was probably 15 (so decades ago), my family and I were leaving Arrowhead following a night game win - my dad is a huge Chiefs fan and was driving at the time a red Suburban with Chiefs shit all over it. I was in the back seat yelling out the window the type of dumb shit a 15yo would yell - “Let’s go, Chiefs,” etc - and a Chiefs fan in full regalia came up to the car and punched me through the open window.

I realize I deserved it, but come on.

Uhhhh......WTF? A chiefs fan punched a teen fellow Chiefs fan for yelling Lets go, Chiefs?

Oh, and I can add one to the things seen at Arrowhead. Last year at the Broncos game, a guy (think he was a Chiefs fan) was so drunk that he just whipped it out right there in the stands and takes a piss. It was all over in the aisle and even some splattered on the seats next to my wife. Yeah, they took him out. We didn't know what had happened when security came to take him away. But yeah, we figured it out real fast. I reported it to the proper people but nobody ever got up there to clean up the piss. :rolleyes::grr:

[Lzen]

That piece actually was kind of funny. I don't really care because it's mostly true and I believe in PMII. This will change and it will be sooner rather than later, IMO.

I couldn't continue reading the fan posts, though. Those got to be pretty depressing. And this one, WTF?
Nothing can compare to what happened to me during the Steelers playoff game. I was attending with a buddy, and we were both excited but not optimistic, having experienced too much Chiefs-ing to have any hope left but false hope. In the second quarter, Eric Berry intercepted a Ben Roethlisberger pass. The crowd starts chanting “Berry, Berry, Berry.” I say casually to my buddy that while the scoop was nice, “Frank Zombo really made the play with his tip at the line.” Mr. Meth-mouth sitting in the row in front of us turns around and yells “Zombo!” and raises his hand. So being a decent human being I return the favor and we high five. At the moment our gloved hands touch he proceeds to shout “WHITE POWER.”
My buddy said I looked like I watched someone drown a puppy. **** Missouri, and extra **** the kicker that shall go unnamedt.

[Mecca]

Man there are a lot of racial things in those stories...I never realized we had so many white power types in the fan base.

[Pablo]

Man there are a lot of racial things in those stories...I never realized we had so many white power types in the fan base.You've never visited CPDC?

[Mecca]

You've never visited CPDC?

I try to avoid that place..but you do raise a solid point.

[Chiefnj2]

This years article was virtually identical to the previous 4 years. Let us reminisce:

2014
The Chiefs passed the ball TWENTY-FIVE times in the second half in that game against the Colts. Whyyyyyyyyy??? Why would you do that? This team was averaging 4.7 yards per carry that game. Knile Davis was DESTROYING the Colts. And yet here is Andy Reid, who can never help himself, calling eight million passes and extending the game by 50 hours. Jesus. It's like the polar inverse of Martyball. Every year, fans scream at Andy Reid to run the ball more when his team is running well and he never listens. Why does he hate running the ball? Does it remind him of exercise?

2015
You Chiefs fans have now experienced the full portfolio of what Andy Reid has to offer. You’ve had your crushing playoff collapse. And now you’ve had your deadening, mediocre season to follow up that collapse. You’ve run the gamut. Oh, and did the Chiefs hand the 0-10 Raiders their first win of the season last year? You know they did. Life with Andy Reid means experiencing at least one utterly inexplicable loss to a horrid team every season.

2016
I wish that I could have gotten an audio recording of every living American screaming in unison at this man through their televisions last January. It would have been majestic. Regardless of your race, or your religion, or your political affiliation, or even your feelings toward our National Anthem, the one thing that brings us together as a people is shouting “WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?!” at this… this breathtakingly oblivious man. Why is he so bad? Why can’t he LEARN? A nation stands in utter bafflement at you, Andy.

Shall we recap? We shall. Here we have the Patriots up 27-13 over the Chiefs with 6:29 left to go on the clock. Like Super Bowl XXXIX, this is a game that Andy Reid’s team was probably going to lose no matter what. But, just as in that game, the inevitable loss was exacerbated by a stunning and truly outrageous lack of urgency. The Chiefs used 5:16 of that remaining time to run 16 PLAYS, just to get within a touchdown. Nine of those 16 plays took them more than 20 seconds to run. Statistically, it was the second slowest drive by a losing team in history.

2017
You’re not gonna believe this, but the Chiefs ended their season with a divisional round playoff loss at home! WHY I’M GOBSMACKED I AM. Every year, there’s a five-minute window where TV people are like, “You know, the Chiefs may very well be the best team in the AFC!” and then we all have good hearty laugh.


I wanna take you back to that Steelers game for the moment, because it was the most Chiefs loss possible. Every time I think the Chiefs can’t lose in Chiefs-ier fashion, they outdo themselves. Remember that they postponed that game due to an ice storm, and remember that the Steelers didn’t score a single touchdown that night and still won anyway. And then, remember this…

Ugh. It really is amazing how every Andy Reid playoff team will lose in the exact same way: by barely hanging around until the near-end, and then ****ing up in the lamest, most disappointing possible fashion. They can’t even make a game of making a game of it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been like, “Well, it’s still an eight-point game! Something exciting might happen!” only to have the Chiefs extinguish ANY excitement by committing a dumb penalty and/or taking nine years to kick a field goal and then blowing the onside kick. Then I turn the TV off in disgust. EVERY TIME. God, what an awful game. I should have been paid a stipend to watch it.

[DJ's left nut]

Man there are a lot of racial things in those stories...I never realized we had so many white power types in the fan base.

70,000 people in the stadium every week. If 1/10th of 1% of them are skinheads, that's still 70 virulent racists bopping about that are going to interact in a virulently racist fashion with hundreds of people every single week.

There's not a stadium you'll go to in the country that doesn't have a handful of these guys.

I've been a STH for over a decade now and I've still never seen anything like that. I've never seen a fight apart from pre-Cassel era when I spent some time up high.

Stay out of the $15 ticket regions and you'll stay away from the meth-heads and prison rape crowd.

[MahiMike]

This article made me rewatch that Mariota self pass and wow those 3 Chiefs near him are absolutely horrible. Revis jumps then just stands there and watches. KPL is running in quicksand the whole time. And the biggest culprit, Sorensen goodness he is horrible.

I blame it all on Revis. He messed up the whole playoffs.

[Dark Horse]

My first Chiefs game was Bo Jacksons first game in KC as a Raider, lots of fights and probably hundreds of baseballs thrown in the stadium that day it was wild.

[NWTF]

This years article was virtually identical to the previous 4 years. Let us reminisce:

2014
The Chiefs passed the ball TWENTY-FIVE times in the second half in that game against the Colts. Whyyyyyyyyy??? Why would you do that? This team was averaging 4.7 yards per carry that game. Knile Davis was DESTROYING the Colts. And yet here is Andy Reid, who can never help himself, calling eight million passes and extending the game by 50 hours. Jesus. It's like the polar inverse of Martyball. Every year, fans scream at Andy Reid to run the ball more when his team is running well and he never listens. Why does he hate running the ball? Does it remind him of exercise?

2015
You Chiefs fans have now experienced the full portfolio of what Andy Reid has to offer. You’ve had your crushing playoff collapse. And now you’ve had your deadening, mediocre season to follow up that collapse. You’ve run the gamut. Oh, and did the Chiefs hand the 0-10 Raiders their first win of the season last year? You know they did. Life with Andy Reid means experiencing at least one utterly inexplicable loss to a horrid team every season.

2016
I wish that I could have gotten an audio recording of every living American screaming in unison at this man through their televisions last January. It would have been majestic. Regardless of your race, or your religion, or your political affiliation, or even your feelings toward our National Anthem, the one thing that brings us together as a people is shouting “WHAT THE **** ARE YOU DOING?!” at this… this breathtakingly oblivious man. Why is he so bad? Why can’t he LEARN? A nation stands in utter bafflement at you, Andy.

Shall we recap? We shall. Here we have the Patriots up 27-13 over the Chiefs with 6:29 left to go on the clock. Like Super Bowl XXXIX, this is a game that Andy Reid’s team was probably going to lose no matter what. But, just as in that game, the inevitable loss was exacerbated by a stunning and truly outrageous lack of urgency. The Chiefs used 5:16 of that remaining time to run 16 PLAYS, just to get within a touchdown. Nine of those 16 plays took them more than 20 seconds to run. Statistically, it was the second slowest drive by a losing team in history.

2017
You’re not gonna believe this, but the Chiefs ended their season with a divisional round playoff loss at home! WHY I’M GOBSMACKED I AM. Every year, there’s a five-minute window where TV people are like, “You know, the Chiefs may very well be the best team in the AFC!” and then we all have good hearty laugh.


I wanna take you back to that Steelers game for the moment, because it was the most Chiefs loss possible. Every time I think the Chiefs can’t lose in Chiefs-ier fashion, they outdo themselves. Remember that they postponed that game due to an ice storm, and remember that the Steelers didn’t score a single touchdown that night and still won anyway. And then, remember this…

Ugh. It really is amazing how every Andy Reid playoff team will lose in the exact same way: by barely hanging around until the near-end, and then ****ing up in the lamest, most disappointing possible fashion. They can’t even make a game of making a game of it. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been like, “Well, it’s still an eight-point game! Something exciting might happen!” only to have the Chiefs extinguish ANY excitement by committing a dumb penalty and/or taking nine years to kick a field goal and then blowing the onside kick. Then I turn the TV off in disgust. EVERY TIME. God, what an awful game. I should have been paid a stipend to watch it.

Chiefs/playoff bashing is low hanging fruit for critics. We get it. Every time they to just enough to sucker you in, despite your better judgment knowing this franchise. Up 38-10, who wouldnt have fell for that one? Once they accomplish that they proceed find a new and unique way to shit the bed, defying all odds along the way. every. time.