What's your best sex story?

[KCrockaholic]

I know we're all a bunch of old ass men on here (I'm 28) with bald heads and goatees, but surely some of you have cool stories to tell about something wild that happened in your life sexually.

For me, I've had sex in the trunk of a car, outside next to coyotes howling, at the mall, at work (many many times). I could go into details, but I want YOUR details.

GO!

[MMXcalibur]

I've been fucked multiple times by the Chiefs.

[WhiteWhale]

I've been ****ed multiple times by the Chiefs.

I'm sure he meant consensual.

[siberian khatru]

Nothing will top the thread linked to shaggybevo.com that used MS Paint to illustrate sex stories. I almost had a heart attack from laughing so hard.

[wheeler08]

Eric Berry Spirit fucked me

[EPodolak]

Funny how these conquest threads generally show up on Saturday nights.

[AssEaterChief]

I'll let you know when I stop doing massage for a living

:)

[Kyle DeLexus]

I'll let you know when I stop doing massage for a living

:)

A lot of dudes getting happy endings?

[threebag]

I fucked 5 different chicks in a day one of them twice.

[OnTheWarpath15]

Nothing will top the thread linked to shaggybevo.com that used MS Paint to illustrate sex stories. I almost had a heart attack from laughing so hard.

My two favorite threads in internet history:

The one you mention, and this:

https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=279659

The elephant blowing diarrhea out his ass and trunk is as good as it gets.

[IA_Chiefs_fan]

One time I was really going at it. First in the bathroom, then the bedroom, then the hallway, the kitchen, dining room, deck, hot tub, and even in the woods. I'm talking every imaginable position.

Now that I think about it, I bet it would have been better with a partner.

[Sofa King]

My two favorite threads in internet history:

The one you mention, and this:

https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=279659

The elephant blowing diarrhea out his ass and trunk is as good as it gets.

That's a picture I'll never forget. I knew exactly what one you were talking about when you mentioned it. Made me laugh my ass off when i saw it.

[oldman]

It was the '60s. So many stories I'd have to have a new keyboard to write half of them.

[Coochie liquor]

I've been fucked multiple times by the Chiefs.

May be the most truthful answer in this thread.

[Hammock Parties]

I fucked 5 different chicks in a day one of them twice.

What about the other hand?

[ntexascardfan]

OP, this is a weird place to come for your Saturday night wank material.

[threebag]

OP, this is a weird place to come for your Saturday night wank material.

Check out the spread thread. Cooper has delivered.

[2112]

Didn’t Buck get poked in the poop chute a few years back?

[threebag]

Didn’t Buck get poked in the poop chute a few years back?

Probably within the last week

[Hammock Parties]

Best I got is getting a blowjob about 50 yards from a police station.

We were next to a duck pond.

[loochy]

One time I had the sex.

[KCrockaholic]

Best I got is getting a blowjob about 50 yards from a police station.

We were next to a duck pond.

I really don't know my own craziest story. But I do know my first time ****ing my girlfriend in the ass we were 2 feet from her mom while her mom slept on the couch haha.

Had my dick sucked on the music teachers piano back in HS.

Dick sucked at the park back in October. She swallowed and was phenomenal.

****ed on the top of a car. Been caught ****ing inside a car at the community mailbox spot.

Had sex at work roughly 100 times now. Sex at work kinda sucks though. There's only so much you can do. It's literally penis in vagina because you're both horny, and you're trying to keep it quiet and somewhat quick. That part sucks. I'd much rather be on a bed piledriving some ass and able to be as loud and freak as wanted.

Have put on a couple shows for friends before. Basically sexual acts in front of them. Or they joined with their own spouse/gf.

Nothing I've done feels too crazy. I need a threesome I think.

[suzzer99]

On the top floor of the parking lot above Tom Fooleries, on the hood of my Toyota truck, with my best friend's gf. Yeah I'm an asshole but so was he at the time and he was treating us both like shit so long story whatever. This was our early early 20s. We're all still friends now.

Best sex I ever had. My favorite memory is her ripping one of my windshield wipers off while she was coming.

[gblowfish]

What about the other hand?

One of the Chicks was Miss Michigan...

[Frazod]

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. October, 1984. A 19-year-old sailor experiencing his first foreign port, as well as his first social situation outside rural Missouri. Back in the good old days, when everybody loved Americans and the things you might catch could be cured with a couple of shots of penicillin. But I digress....

There was a bar about three blocks off Copacabana Beach called Frank's Night and Day Club. They had live sex shows on stage, as well as hookers, many hookers, some of whom could be engaged, for a modest fee, to blow you under the table. There were probably 25 or 30 people there from the ship, including a few officers. They probably should have known better than to be there in the first place, but there they were, drunk as hell hanging with us enlisted guys. Then, three of them, including a lieutenant commander who was the operations department head, got up on stage, stripped down, and started fucking the hookers, in full view of numerous crewmen that they weren't supposed to be fraternizing with. A LTJG was banging one doggie style when another came up behind him and started playing with his ass - without a word he turned around and puked on her, then continued banging away like nothing had happened. That was, uh, something I'd never seen in Kirksville. We just laughed and cheered them on. Eventually the captain got wind of it, and let's just say I don't recall seeing any of those officers on liberty again. Anywhere. :D

Apparently shit like this was commonplace in the Philippines, but we were east coast sailors, and I never visited another port where that sort of thing happened. Not even Naples.

[chinaski]

When I was dating my now wife, she had a friend that would occasionally stay at her apartment during the week, as her place was far away from some of the jobs she was doing at the time. She walked in as I was receiving oral from my (now) wife. A bit embarrassing. Actually a lot embarrassing. :(

Oh, and said friend is a former Playboy Magazine model. Not Lying, dead serious. :)

That's about the best I got.

[dlphg9]

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. October, 1984. A 19-year-old sailor experiencing his first foreign port, as well as his first social situation outside rural Missouri. Back in the good old days, when everybody loved Americans and the things you might catch could be cured with a couple of shots of penicillin. But I digress....

There was a bar about three blocks off Copacabana Beach called Frank's Night and Day Club. They had live sex shows on stage, as well as hookers, many hookers, some of whom could be engaged, for a modest fee, to blow you under the table. There were probably 25 or 30 people there from the ship, including a few officers. They probably should have known better than to be there in the first place, but there they were, drunk as hell hanging with us enlisted guys. Then, three of them, including a lieutenant commander who was the operations department head, got up on stage, stripped down, and started ****ing the hookers, in full view of numerous crewmen that they weren't supposed to be fraternizing with. A LTJG was banging one doggie style when another came up behind him and started playing with his ass - without a word he turned around and puked on her, then continued banging away like nothing had happened. That was, uh, something I'd never seen in Kirksville. We just laughed and cheered them on. Eventually the captain got wind of it, and let's just say I don't recall seeing any of those officers on liberty again. Anywhere. :D

Apparently shit like this was commonplace in the Philippines, but we were east coast sailors, and I never visited another port where that sort of thing happened. Not even Naples.

So you had a crush on one of your superiors and it manifested into this weird ass story?

[Frazod]

So you had a crush on one of your superiors and it manifested into this weird ass story?

I'm sorry if I offended your delicate parts. Maybe this thread is too much for you.

[dlphg9]

I'm sorry if I offended your delicate parts. Maybe this thread is too much for you.

My penis and vagina are on tge opposite side of delicate.

[cooper barrett]

I've been ****ed multiple times by the Chiefs.

Carl or someone else???

[2112]

I'm sorry if I offended your delicate parts. Maybe this thread is too much for you.

Tell him your ghost story. Lol

[Frazod]

Tell him your ghost story. Lol

Wrong thread. :D

[threebag]

One of the Chicks was Miss Michigan...

I did try like Hell one time to hook up with Martina McBride at Norm’s Country in Oklahoma way before she was famous.

[cooper barrett]

I ****ed 5 different chicks in a day one of them twice.


Bagged hens from Sam's or Dillan's?




In San Diego, it's probably shit you have never dreamed of.

I have great convention stories from yearly trips to SD plus the only 3 some(ever) with my ex wife happened in a nice suite in the Gaslight district.....She swears it never happened (I have pics) but legally ( I am sworn...)... that's in the past.

[Randallflagg]

1970. My Mom was in the hospital and I was introduced to her Nurse. We began dating - and for six weeks - it was UNBELIEVABLE!! 7-8 times a day (I was a young man then) and doing shit that was/is still most likely illegal in 28 states ;)

After the six weeks - we went our separate ways. Never saw her again - but think of her now and again fondly.............

[Rivaldo]

Drove to Indiana once to meet a gal. She was a juicy fatty but answered the door in a red negligee. Her fridge was so full, the beer she purchased for me was sitting outside beside the front door.(I guess it may have been a cold time of year, so outside was preferable to inside but not in the fridge)

Anyway, she went to the bathroom at one point. Upon exiting, she experienced the welcoming vision of me sitting on the coach with my pants around my ankles.

Then it got weird

[Inspector]

Morgan Fairchild & butterscotch pudding.

[threebag]

Morgan Fairchild & butterscotch pudding.

Instant or cook and serve?

[Inspector]

Instant or cook and serve?

Snack pack.

:D

[MVChiefFan]

Recently, as I was working as a CNA, there was this hottie in a vegetative state. Yadda yadda yadda... now I have a kid with a dead eye.

[cooper barrett]

Instant or cook and serve?

just add hot/ warm water to rehydrate but it takes about 15 minutes

[dlphg9]

1970. My Mom was in the hospital and I was introduced to her Nurse. We began dating - and for six weeks - it was UNBELIEVABLE!! 7-8 times a day (I was a young man then) and doing shit that was/is still most likely illegal in 28 states ;)

After the six weeks - we went our separate ways. Never saw her again - but think of her now and again fondly.............

I thought fucking your mom was illegal everywhere. Not entirely sure why you mentioned the nurse.

[KCrockaholic]

Fuck yes, now we're getting somewhere. Good stuff.

[Cornstock]

College basketball arena, picked the lock to get in. Doing it at midcourt off to the side. Security guard comes in and shines his flashlight around, somehow didn't see us. Proceeded.

[Hamwallet]

When I turned 23 we had a big party with a couple kegs. People just started pouring into the house/backyard as word spread around town. I ended up in my room with a redhead and got a nice blowjibber from her. She leaves the room and I am putting myself back together when I hear my roommate and his GF in a heated argument. Not 5 minutes after this girl swallowed my load, my roommate got caught kissing her in the backyard by his girl. That was 14 years ago and I still give him shit about it every year on my birthday. It usually is in the form of a text message around 7am to remind him.

[Mephistopheles Janx]

I lived with a couple and their kids when I was in my early 20's. I was smashing the mom (about 12 years older than me) for about 10 months and here husband was good with it. He never asked to jump in or anything other than the times we were running a train.

In fact, more than once we would go out to a bar and he would hand me the keys to his truck and her leading me out of the place by my belt.

Good times in Louisiana. :D

[DeepPurple]

I had been married about 5 years living in Pensacola, my wife's brother lived with us temporarily. It was 1977 and I was 27, she left to visit her home in Tulsa. Ricky (BIL) and me went to Triple Decker Big Daddy's, got drunk and we picked up two girls. Very pretty teacher from Shreveport. Ricky had her friend. We took them home, Ricky and his girl fell asleep watching TV. Me and my girl went in our BR and had sex. Then I saw my wife's picture on the dresser and I freaked out, made both the girls leave at 2am. I still feel bad about it.

When my wife came home a couple of days later. First we had sex and then I told her. She throw all my clothes out in the yard. We patched it up and stay married until 1987. It was actually me that moved out, she didn't want us to break up. I think I was reliving my youth.

[ARROW2]

The time I had sex with all of your wives at the same time....ahhh..good times

[Chris Meck]

y'all are pretty tame. :D

[DeepPurple]

I got one more good story. 1987 and I had moved out from my wife, it was in Hinesville Georgia right outside Ft. Stewart. I was living in a Shoney's Motel. $350 a month for a kitchenette, had a pool, color TV w/HBO, had the Shoney's Restaurant. I ended up staying there for 3 months and then I got an appartment.

I had just left this heavy metal club and was headed back to the motel. I was driving a 1981 white T-Top Corvette. I see a beautiful blonde walking down the street. I ask if she needed a ride. She was built like a brick house. She got in, said she was with one of the guys in the band I had just been watching, and they had a fight and she left. We go back to the motel and talk about music for a couple of hours. She was into Dio and heavy metal. After a while we had sex all night and it was great, huge tits and a tight body.

I had to go to my store at 9:30, she had told me she was from Mississippi and was only 18. I gave her all the money I had on me, $80 bucks and took her to the bus station, and that's the last I saw of her. I sometimes think, why didn't I ask her to stay. It's was probably not a good time living in a motel and trying to run a business.

[threebag]

So my friends wifes sister is married to Max Cavalera of Sepultura/Soulfly. I go watch anytime they are close. I get the whole Family on the tour bus/back stage the whole boat. One time in Wichita we had just watched a show and we talked on the bus for like an hour after the show. He was going back home to spend thanksgiving and all that good stuff. I have been invited to their family functions in Arizona. I had my signed Soulfly shirt and all the goods. At the time I had hair down to my ass all one length. I come out the bus and there are like 200 people just hanging out. I walk through the croud and pick two chicks and they leave with me to the Marriot. What a ride.


They are all awesome. Thank you my buddy Roy

[cooper barrett]

You're a true friend, did his children meet yours?

Who was the "redhead"? 14 years ago I knew such a redhead....

When I turned 23 we had a big party with a couple kegs. People just started pouring into the house/backyard as word spread around town. I ended up in my room with a redhead and got a nice blowjibber from her. She leaves the room and I am putting myself back together when I hear my roommate and his GF in a heated argument. Not 5 minutes after this girl swallowed my load, my roommate got caught kissing her in the backyard by his girl. That was 14 years ago and I still give him shit about it every year on my birthday. It usually is in the form of a text message around 7am to remind him.

[threebag]

Just sends him a simple text.

‘Mornin’ Snowball’

[oldman]

In 1968, I had a late summer romance with my hippie-dippy girlfriend (more about her later, if there's enough interest) and her freak flag had yet to fly. I headed back to college, looking for greener pastures when one of my fraternity brothers suggested we volunteer at one of the local political campaigns. He swore up and down that was a great place to meet women, especially those that were a little more "free". So we went down to office and joined up. In those days, it was not uncommon for several state office campaigns to share office space to save money, so we met a lot of women. There was one that showed up on weekends that just had that look. Long, dark hair to the waist, 5'2", maybe 100 lbs., I never saw her in anything but jeans or a long granny dress, always obviously braless. I don't remember if her father or older brother was running for office, but she needed some help in getting material ready to mail. Nice guy that I was, I volunteered. Since she went to another school, she asked if I could come to her apartment the next weekend to work. I couldn't say yes any faster.
So the next weekend I made the trek over to Lawrence, armed with a couple 6 packs. She met me at the door, invited me in, and we ate and drank while we stuffed envelopes. After all the stuffing was done, we drank a little more and a bong appeared. Lights were turned off, one thing lead to another and the next thing I knew I was face down in one of the hairiest muffs I had ever seen. But I'm a trooper, so carry on I did --more than once, but less than 6 or 7 times. It was wonderful.
The next morning came and I got up to take a morning pee. She was just stirring when I returned and she greeted me by dropping down on Mr. Happy. It was a glorious sight, that long hair flowing and head bobbing up and down. But then I noticed hair in places that it shouldn't be -- like her armpits ---and her legs. Now I'm a little freaked out, but I had been at the Y enough the previous night that I knew there was nothing extra down there, so I just laid back and enjoyed. Now many of my fellow CPers would have just said thanks and left, but I'm not rude, I stayed the weekend. Let's just say I was really, really tired when I returned to the house Sunday night.
I'd like to tell you all we went on for several months, but she and her boyfriend reconciled and I only saw her at the office from there on out. But we always smiled at each other.

[ClevelandBronco]

Mine is sort of a voyeur story, for those who are into such stuff: I once watched the New Orleans Saints get totally fucked out of the Super Bowl.

[MTG#10]

I did a girl in the supply closet at church when I was a teen. And went down on her in our youth pastor's office. Yeah I'm probably going to hell.

[gblowfish]

I haven't read this entire thread, it sounds like "Dear CP Penthouse: I never thought something like this could happen to me.... but.... "
Do all the stories include the CPer having a partner?

[Hamwallet]

You're a true friend, did his children meet yours?

Who was the "redhead"? 14 years ago I knew such a redhead....

This happened Clermont Florida, a suburb of Orlando. I doubt you know her.

[64 Chief]

A girlfriend (now ex) said she was open for a 3 way. I called another woman I knew, she arrived and we started having fun. However, my ex very early had cold feet and decided not to participate. She held my hand while I was serviced magnificently. That evening and for months thereafter, my girlfriend gave me the best sex ever.

[Otter]

I haven't read this entire thread, it sounds like "Dear CP Penthouse: I never thought something like this could happen to me.... but.... "
Do all the stories include the CPer having a partner?

As I ran around the perimeter of pool to meet Krystal and her plump, topless breasts I lost my footing and my blackberry wine cooler flew out of my hand and shattered on the concrete. As she put her top back on and the party laughed at me, my erection went flaccid and I knew it was time to leave and cry myself to sleep while masturbating to underwear section of a Sears Catalog.

[srvy]

Clever way for the OP to toss his rocks while reclined back in his spermalounger.

Nice try OP yall bein usedROFL

[cooper barrett]

I did a KY 102 morning on air sidekick who had the same demeanor...... legs, arm pits and bush. I guess you could get used to it but not me! One thing that wasn't exploited enough was that all the gals at KY102 had amazing mouths.:D:D:D:D

Always wanted to fuck Katie McGucken but Big John (King Henry) was a friend. More about my exploits at 39th and Summit if there's enough interest:D:D

In 1968, I had a late summer romance with my hippie-dippy girlfriend (more about her later, if there's enough interest) and her freak flag had yet to fly. I headed back to college, looking for greener pastures when one of my fraternity brothers suggested we volunteer at one of the local political campaigns. He swore up and down that was a great place to meet women, especially those that were a little more "free". So we went down to office and joined up. In those days, it was not uncommon for several state office campaigns to share office space to save money, so we met a lot of women. There was one that showed up on weekends that just had that look. Long, dark hair to the waist, 5'2", maybe 100 lbs., I never saw her in anything but jeans or a long granny dress, always obviously braless. I don't remember if her father or older brother was running for office, but she needed some help in getting material ready to mail. Nice guy that I was, I volunteered. Since she went to another school, she asked if I could come to her apartment the next weekend to work. I couldn't say yes any faster.
So the next weekend I made the trek over to Lawrence, armed with a couple 6 packs. She met me at the door, invited me in, and we ate and drank while we stuffed envelopes. After all the stuffing was done, we drank a little more and a bong appeared. Lights were turned off, one thing lead to another and the next thing I knew I was face down in one of the hairiest muffs I had ever seen. But I'm a trooper, so carry on I did --more than once, but less than 6 or 7 times. It was wonderful.
The next morning came and I got up to take a morning pee. She was just stirring when I returned and she greeted me by dropping down on Mr. Happy. It was a glorious sight, that long hair flowing and head bobbing up and down. But then I noticed hair in places that it shouldn't be -- like her armpits ---and her legs. Now I'm a little freaked out, but I had been at the Y enough the previous night that I knew there was nothing extra down there, so I just laid back and enjoyed. Now many of my fellow CPers would have just said thanks and left, but I'm not rude, I stayed the weekend. Let's just say I was really, really tired when I returned to the house Sunday night.
I'd like to tell you all we went on for several months, but she and her boyfriend reconciled and I only saw her at the office from there on out. But we always smiled at each other.

[Sorce]

This one time I went for 3 whole minutes instead of the usual 2.

Sent from my Pixel 3 using Tapatalk

[eDave]

Billay's mom tells it better.

[Simply Red]

20 hour fap session and ruined my chaise lounge

[TribalElder]

In high school I took this girl I was seeing down to the end of this dead end road in the town I grew up in. We parked and started to get busy. She liked doggy and was in the passenger seat with one knee on the passenger door armrest and the other on the console with the passenger seat fully reclined. We were going at it pretty good until a car headlights appeared behind our car.

Soon those headlights turned into cherries and the fear shot through me. I was 18 and she was a couple years older so it wasn't a big deal but I only had enough time to dismount and hop into the drivers seat. I grabbed my shirt to cover my junk right as the cop walked up to my window. I rolled the window down and it was this hot ass blond cop lady and she had a big ass smile on her face. She leaned in and looked at the girl in the passenger seat who was clearly embarrassed and proceeded to explain that we needed to get a room and sent us on our way. ROFL I'll never forget that shit. I always thought I could have probably banged the cop lady if the situation was right. It did fuck my night up a bit as I never got to finish, so maybe not the best story but reading shit in this thread reminded me of that. :clap:

[Demonpenz]

One time before a Raiders came I put on my best Carhardt jacket and headed out to Arrowhead for some pregame fun. There was a girl that was a 2nd cousin twice removed by marriage. She wasn't too fat and I heard she was disease free. I pulled down her Overalls and was getting her so hard from behind she pealed of my calvin pissing on the raiders sticker. This was with a few of my buddies from the local IBW union sitting inside the camper shell of my Dodge ram. It was the longest I ever had sex. It started before Freebird and ended right after the first guitar solo. I didn't take a shower for 6 days because I smelt so cheesy

[BWillie]

Fucked the police chiefs daughter when I was 20 and she was 17. That was pretty scary.

[WhawhaWhat]

http://66.media.tumblr.com/ce78ab75892cd1481fa9fabdfce1022d/tumblr_mi8k9mfv2M1rmm419o1_400.gif

[Buehler445]

In high school I took this girl I was seeing down to the end of this dead end road in the town I grew up in. We parked and started to get busy. She liked doggy and was in the passenger seat with one knee on the passenger door armrest and the other on the console with the passenger seat fully reclined. We were going at it pretty good until a car headlights appeared behind our car.

Soon those headlights turned into cherries and the fear shot through me. I was 18 and she was a couple years older so it wasn't a big deal but I only had enough time to dismount and hop into the drivers seat. I grabbed my shirt to cover my junk right as the cop walked up to my window. I rolled the window down and it was this hot ass blond cop lady and she had a big ass smile on her face. She leaned in and looked at the girl in the passenger seat who was clearly embarrassed and proceeded to explain that we needed to get a room and sent us on our way. ROFL I'll never forget that shit. I always thought I could have probably banged the cop lady if the situation was right. It did fuck my night up a bit as I never got to finish, so maybe not the best story but reading shit in this thread reminded me of that. :clap:

I knew all the places on the farm nobody would be. That’s the benefit to being a hayseed.

[LiveSteam]

I'm still a virgin..




I'm saving myself

[gblowfish]

I knew all the places on the farm nobody would be. That’s the benefit to being a hayseed.

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[Easy 6]

I once had a girl who loved it when I took her to Browntown, does that count?

[ThaVirus]

Fucked the police chiefs daughter when I was 20 and she was 17. That was pretty scary.

I fucked the police chief's daughter a few times. I boned her in his house once, while he wasn't home obviously, and a couple other times in the backseat of his Toyota Matrix. He'd let her drive his car when he was on duty. We'd move her son's car seat out of the back so I could plow her like there was no tomorrow lol actually got caught by the cops outside a bar after hours one time. She never mentioned anything to me so I'm not sure what ever came of it.

She told me he was pretty racist so I always look back on the times I was balls deep in his daughter with extra fondness.

[golfindude]

When I turned 23 we had a big party with a couple kegs. People just started pouring into the house/backyard as word spread around town. I ended up in my room with a redhead and got a nice blowjibber from her. She leaves the room and I am putting myself back together when I hear my roommate and his GF in a heated argument. Not 5 minutes after this girl swallowed my load, my roommate got caught kissing her in the backyard by his girl. That was 14 years ago and I still give him shit about it every year on my birthday. It usually is in the form of a text message around 7am to remind him.

So he gave u a blowjob by proxy ?

[IowaChiefs83]

I saw boobies once.

[cooper barrett]

I saw boobies once.

I saw a girl with 3 boobies once. It was an Applebee's/ Chili's kind of place in Columbus OH. during happy hour and she was proud to show them to me, right at the bar. I thought my buddy was going to cum in his jeans

I was at Blue Moose in PV on a Saturday afternoon and 2 gals pulled their sweaters off and wanted opinions on who's new bolt ons were better. I was afraid my GF was going to get weird on me but she didn't.

[scho63]

I've been very fortunate to have had met some wonderful woman and eventually had sex on vacations when younger meeting woman from all over; Cuban in Havana, Brazilian in Rio, New Zealand hottie in Fiji (she sadly died in her 40's from cancer), Chinese in Beijing and an Australian in Australia.

I never slept with any hotties in Germany, Italy or Amsterdam.

The best sex story I've ever had was when the Playboy Casino in Atlantic City sent two women to my room after I won close to $15,000. I needed to get some sleep as I worked nights in the newspaper business as a pressmen and had driven there straight from North NJ after working a few back to back shifts.

They asked me what I needed and I said a simple room with a clean bed for a few hours to sleep as I was exhausted. They asked me did I need anything else; food, drinks, tickets to a show and I jokingly said "no I'm all good but you can send up a couple of hot women." The guy grinned and said if that's what you want it will be taken care of.

I said sure thinking he was bullshitting me but after taking a shower and starting to fall asleep there was a knock on the door and two pretty damn hot women were there for me courtesy of the hotel. All I did was tip them after we were done.

I was pretty nervous at first but once the clothes came off I lost my inhibitions.

Definitely a worthwhile adventure! :D

[scho63]

The best sex story I have with me NOT getting laid was that I fixed up Wade Boggs the night the 7th game of the 1986 World Series was cancelled due to rain and he was at the NY Club called Heartbreak. He was with Spike Owen and Marty Barrett and also Tom Cruise and Cher were there that night.

A hot blonde was dancing all night with me and my buddy and I kept telling her how great a baseball player Wade Boggs was. She never heard of him.

Then at the end of the night when me and my drunken 4 friends were all getting into our limo, he got into a cab with her! My friend never forgives me for giving away a hot blonde.

[rtmike]

I had an on-off girlfriend.
I was out of town working so she thought she’d surprise me by buying satin sheets for my water bed. All installed.
Well I got home early and went out and hooked up with my ex. I was still in love with her.
I took her to my place, done the deed.
Well the gf shows while the ex is here but only knocks and leaves.

Ex leaves and current shows up.
She went down on me right away and all I thought was, “oh shit, oh shit they same women can smell other women right away.” Nothing, lol.

She later turned lesbian, lol.

[cooper barrett]

Some stories are of the "Pictures or it didn't happen" variety.

Other's were simply overlooked but were probably discreetly listed on the detailed statement when checking out from the hotel.

[Iowanian]

About a month ago I was checking tinder and had a unique match and you can bet your ass I swiped right. It was your girlfriend.

It turns out you never listen to her and she is an aspiring rapper who wanted me to call her by her stage name...the Notorious P.I.G. Tuesday morning I met her at a reasonably priced location that I hoped didn't have bed bugs. We shared a couple of Busch Lights and talked about her love of the Broncos before she flopped in the bathtub of instant mashed potatoes she warmed in the microwave a box at a time. Upon her request and after she paid me, I dumped a couple of boxes of generic beef gravy on her while she made squealing noises as I used a set of vintage ringing pliers to embed a couple of rings in her nose. I barfed on the floor and left feeling unsatisfied.

[ChiefBlueCFC]

if i peruse the nsfw threads on here does that count as sex

[BIG_DADDY]

About a month ago I was checking tinder and had a unique match and you can bet your ass I swiped right. It was your girlfriend.

It turns out you never listen to her and she is an aspiring rapper who wanted me to call her by her stage name...the Notorious P.I.G. Tuesday morning I met her at a reasonably priced location that I hoped didn't have bed bugs. We shared a couple of Busch Lights and talked about her love of the Broncos before she flopped in the bathtub of instant mashed potatoes she warmed in the microwave a box at a time. Upon her request and after she paid me, I dumped a couple of boxes of generic beef gravy on her while she made squealing noises as I used a set of vintage ringing pliers to embed a couple of rings in her nose. I barfed on the floor and left feeling unsatisfied.

ROFL

[loochy]

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[Chief Roundup]

Before I was married I loved to have sex with married women. I viewed them as the best fuck buddies. They didn't tell, they didn't swell. If they did swell they wouldn't tell so oh well.
Make sure that her husband is actually out of town when using her house and bed. Husband will approach from behind with a gun and try to shoot you. Even grazes remove tissue and hair.
If you get into a fight with him make sure he doesn't have a knife. He will try and stab you in the dick and ball region when you are over the top of him.
Living in a smallish town there are few judges. So when you have to go in front of the Judge about these situations in less than a years time the Judge will give you some advice. It is best to follow his advice.

[Titty Meat]

Fucking your mom in her ass

[Chief Roundup]

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So whos head was in the sand ass up? Hope it wasn't you for your sake.

[BryanBusby]

I fucked 5 different chicks in a day one of them twice.
That never happened. Virgin.

[loochy]

So whos head was in the sand ass up? Hope it wasn't you for your sake.

not sand...thousand island dressing

you've never lived until you've experienced asphyxiation via midgets and thousand island dressing

[threebag]

https://imgix.bustle.com/rehost/2016/9/13/cc6ab2f5-fdf8-4bc9-8666-90d45b3de712.jpg


The tall one only but she’d have to cover up her midget foot.

Hard pass on the others

[oldman]

Since there was some interest, I'll tell you all about hippie-dippy girlfriend, or hdgf. She and I had a brief summer romance, but after a few painful (guys know what I mean) makeout sessions, it was clear that while I was ready to mingle body fluids, she wasn't. So I used the old "going back to college" excuse and didn't see her for a couple of months. I came home one weekend to get my snow tires and ran into her. She said she had missed me and that she was ready to try some new things. Well OK, then! We went out that weekend and engaged in some mutual masturbation, resulting in her first ever orgasm. She was still a virgin! I had learned a valuable lesson from my female guru some years before that never be pushy and the woman will eventually think it's her idea. So over the next few weeks things progressed to the point of me eating at the Y and her trying to reciprocate. I say trying as she never could seem to do it long or well enough to finish the job and had to finish me manually.
Well hdgf had a BFF that was a little more experienced. She was the very picture of a 60s flower child, so we'll call her fc. FC's parents were musicians that had a steady weekend gig, so we'd often wind up at her house for beer and bong to keep her company. One evening hdgf told fc that she was having trouble mastering the art of fellatio and fc offered to help. The next thing you know is I'm in the easy chair with my pants down to my ankles and hdgf is going to town. FC sat down next to her and as much as I'd like to tell you that fc demonstrated, it didn't happen. Instead she just coached and by golly hdgf was able to complete the job. Simply wonderful. True enough there was some mess because she wasn't quite ready for the volume. But with some more expert coaching that wasn't a problem going forward. In fact, she was pretty into the whole thing and doing it multiple times a night and just about anywhere.
I eventually did deflower hdgf, thanks in part to fc, but that's another story.

[T-post Tom]

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[RN47]

I banged a retarded cab driver on a bare mattress in her trailer in Cusseta, Georgia a long, long time ago. She must have had five or six cats, and a dish of cat food was right by the bed making me want to puke. I was quite inebriated.


I got a jibber from an Albanian whore in Mannheim, Germany about 19 or 20 years ago while sitting in a restaurant. She had hand lotion in her purse and proceeded to jack me while I ordered a schnitzel or something.

The night before my wedding my friends took me to a titty bar, where I was eventually brought up on stage and "tied" to a chair. After many boobs and asses in my face, I was fairly aroused. One of the dancers grabbed my junk and said "OMG he's as hard as a rolling pin!" I had a threesome with her and another slut later that night. She had a trimmed beaver but a hairy butthole. I ate it.

I met a chick going through medical school at a UGA football game a long time ago. She was a horny, horny young lady. We had a rendezvous in a hotel one weekend and bought a huge roll of plastic drop cloth and some kind of edible oil. She wanted to give me a full body massage. Sure. She starts sucking my toes. Then she tossed my salad. I boned her butt and she went bananas. Loved it.

[DeepPurple]

Before I was married I loved to have sex with married women. I viewed them as the best **** buddies...

I did the same thing, except I married her. I had just got out of the army and my best friend and me went to a bar. Someone said, bet you can't drink a shot of beer a minute for an hour, and he said I'll buy you the 4 beers. I was poor having just got out, so everytime the girl's face showed up as the clock turned, I took a shot. Sounds easy, but after about 45 minutes, those shots are coming fast.

My friend then tried it, and he goes over two hours. Now we've both been in this bar for about six hours and we're totally drunk. His wife comes looking for him for his pretty friend. We hook up that night, come to find her husband is in the army and is away. He comes back in about a month, we sneaked around for another month, usually met at the highway patrol office parking lot. Then she told him and moved in with me. We were married for 14 years, I messed up and left her.

[Graystoke]

I did a girl in the supply closet at church when I was a teen. And went down on her in our youth pastor's office. Yeah I'm probably going to hell.

Dam and I thought I was going to hell for yanking one out after Sunday School

[T-post Tom]

I banged a retarded cab driver on a bare mattress in her trailer in Cusseta, Georgia a long, long time ago. She must have had five or six cats, and a dish of cat food was right by the bed making me want to puke. I was quite inebriated.


I got a jibber from an Albanian whore in Mannheim, Germany about 19 or 20 years ago while sitting in a restaurant. She had hand lotion in her purse and proceeded to jack me while I ordered a schnitzel or something.

The night before my wedding my friends took me to a titty bar, where I was eventually brought up on stage and "tied" to a chair. After many boobs and asses in my face, I was fairly aroused. One of the dancers grabbed my junk and said "OMG he's as hard as a rolling pin!" I had a threesome with her and another slut later that night. She had a trimmed beaver but a hairy butthole. I ate it.

I met a chick going through medical school at a UGA football game a long time ago. She was a horny, horny young lady. We had a rendezvous in a hotel one weekend and bought a huge roll of plastic drop cloth and some kind of edible oil. She wanted to give me a full body massage. Sure. She starts sucking my toes. Then she tossed my salad. I boned her butt and she went bananas. Loved it.

God bless AND you CAN bogart that joint.

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[chinaski]

I flew out to Upstate Maine with some friends a few years ago to do some fishing and camping. One night, we saw this bright light in the sky, and ended up blacking out and waking up the next morning next to our extinguished campfire, I was sunburned, which was weird and my butt hurt. BAD.

I don't remember much, but with the help of a hypnotherapist I was able to recall a few things.

We went up into this "thing" sort of an egg shaped machine deal with these odd looking beings with long necks. Most of them didn't really appear to have any kind gender, but there were a few that were females, as they had blonde hair and killer bodies, camel toe etc.

When I got "up there" I was greeted by a few of the chicks and low and behold, I am not shitting you, Andy Reid.

He was sitting on Simply Red's lazy boy scratching his balls. He looked at me and said "How would you feel about eating some Pizza?"

Next thing I know, I am standing outside of a Pizza Hut off of 50 Hwy in Lone Jack in a complete stupor. I walked in, kind of mystified, and the clerk handed me three large Pizza's and some smaller boxes (I think they were wings), the Pizza smelled kind of like Meat Lovers, but I'm not sure. After that, within the blink of an eye, I was back on the ship with the Pizza and there again was Andy Reid. He was standing next to one of the hot alien chicks. Outside of the googly eyes and a little mouth, this "chick" was HOT. Andy took the food out of my hands and motioned toward the alien chick and said "Time's Yours..."

So off we went. Into this little room with a steel "bed" and some kind of apparatus that looked like scissors attached to it. And a weird clicking noise in the background too.

Alien gal proceeded to "rock my world" and as I was getting ready to climax, I felt an extremely painful "poke" in my backside. I screamed. The alien girl said don't worry, it's just an examination by Billay's Mom. I heard some laughter (telepathic laughter) and I guess the joke was on me because I don't know who Billay is.

After they were done, and I was done I was hungry as hell, craving Pizza no doubt. I went back into the main room and Andy was sitting there with three empty Pizza boxes and two empty wing boxes. He ate all the food. He said he was sorry and also said "I have to do a better job" and "It's on me" and the next thing I remember was waking up next to that burned out campfire in Maine.

:shrug:

[stevieray]

I married her twenty seven years ago.

I am almost jealous o myself.

[scho63]

I banged a retarded cab driver on a bare mattress in her trailer in Cusseta, Georgia a long, long time ago. She must have had five or six cats, and a dish of cat food was right by the bed making me want to puke. I was quite inebriated.


I got a jibber from an Albanian whore in Mannheim, Germany about 19 or 20 years ago while sitting in a restaurant. She had hand lotion in her purse and proceeded to jack me while I ordered a schnitzel or something.

The night before my wedding my friends took me to a titty bar, where I was eventually brought up on stage and "tied" to a chair. After many boobs and asses in my face, I was fairly aroused. One of the dancers grabbed my junk and said "OMG he's as hard as a rolling pin!" I had a threesome with her and another slut later that night. She had a trimmed beaver but a hairy butthole. I ate it.

I met a chick going through medical school at a UGA football game a long time ago. She was a horny, horny young lady. We had a rendezvous in a hotel one weekend and bought a huge roll of plastic drop cloth and some kind of edible oil. She wanted to give me a full body massage. Sure. She starts sucking my toes. Then she tossed my salad. I boned her butt and she went bananas. Loved it.

We gotta go out together! :D

[Titty Meat]

I did a KY 102 morning on air sidekick who had the same demeanor...... legs, arm pits and bush. I guess you could get used to it but not me! One thing that wasn't exploited enough was that all the gals at KY102 had amazing mouths.:D:D:D:D

Always wanted to **** Katie McGucken but Big John (King Henry) was a friend. More about my exploits at 39th and Summit if there's enough interest:D:D

You shared some of Tommy Morrisons women between goin to Westport and the bar on top of the radisson on 87th in OP

[cooper barrett]

I don't think I ever did that bar/ dance club, don't even remember the name of the place.

I certainly didn't run in Tommy Morrison's circles. As a matter of fact, I never met Morrison. I did know Tony Chiaverini and his dad, Gino.

[Titty Meat]

I don't think I ever did that bar/ dance club, don't even remember the name of the place.

I certainly didn't run in Tommy Morrison's circles. As a matter of fact, I never met Morrison. I did know Tony Chiaverini and his dad, Gino.

That's surprising

[cooper barrett]

Why is it surprising?? I took a new direction and moved to the 'burbs and concentrated on making money and acquiring stuff.

[Rain Man]

...But then I noticed hair in places that it shouldn't be -- like her armpits ---and her legs...

It's not a scoring story, but I have to share something that traumatized me recently.

I was in Seattle a couple of weeks ago, and I was riding the light rail. Some young woman got on, probably mid-20s, and she had the worst fashion sense I've seen in a long time. I think she was trying to dress Bohemian with a devil-may-care flair, but it was just terrible. She was wearing saggy flannel pajama bottoms and army boots and some kind of dumpy cartoon animal shirt, and it was just gross, in no small part because I could tell that she had actually planned the look. Now, she was an adult, so it's her right to dress however she wanted, but as a guy who appreciates a good fashion sense I had to fight the urge to slap her in the face and tell her to hire someone who could dress her in the morning.

So anyway, I'm riding the light rail and eventually I have to position myself to get off, so I go over near the door. She was sitting in a seat right next to the door, and when I looked down the leg of her saggy pajama bottoms had ridden up over her combat boots, and she had grotesquely hairy legs. Her legs were notably more furry than mine, and it was very dark hair.

I'm sure that I gave her the same look as the first medic at My Lai.

[wutamess]

I think I've told this story on here before on one of the sex threads. Anyways. I love telling it so...

My dad used to throw these yearly block parties back in the mid to late 90's. Everyone used to come. One particular party, I hooked up with this one chick. I was the guy that always tried to get everyone laid. The best wing-man EVER.

Anyways, she had some friends with her and my cousin was messing with one of her friends that was there that night. So, fast forward a couple of days (maybe a week or so). I got it hooked up to where we're going to Marshall, MO to meet up with these chicks and more of their friends. I bring a caravan of my friends. Literally we all packed into my Dodge Caravan at the time. So it's like 5-6 of us down there in this apartment of one of the chicks. In walks the entire Mo-Valley women's basketball team.

It was an all you can eat buffet until... Jermaine gets drunk!

Jermaine was the younger brother of my best friend. He had that 300 (movie) six pack and always found a reason to be "hot" at just the opportune time. He was THAT guy!

So the basketball team walks in and within 15 minutes - right on queue - Jermaine is "hot". So we decided to all relax by playing spades and listening to music and shooting the shit with drinks and shit. Jermaine is my - shirt off - spades partner and we're having a good time... Until Jermaine gets drunk.

After about 30 minutes of spades, Jermaine decides he's now bored. He has that crazy stare drunk people have; cases the room and says... "Fuck this shit! This shit is boring! What's Up!?!" Everyone (males and females) looks at him like, WTF is his problem?

"Roger said y'all bitches was sucking dick"!
All Eyez On ME (Tupac)!

"Roger you told him that?"

Needless to say, one of the girl's male cousin called for his partners to come over because everyone was tripping at that point. We end up having to evacuate the premises. Everyone rides back MAD AS SHIT staring at this drunk MF for messing up the potential orgy. He's getting his beauty rest in the back of my minivan the entire hour long trip back to the city.

We get back to my dad's house. He gets out and falls asleep on the sidewalk and throws up some red shit while passed out!

To this day he denies any of it happening!