Obnoxious Co Worker

[Titty Meat]

Who here has dealt with an obxnious co worker? I've had plenty of jobs and sure theres been douchebags but not like this. This one mother fucker talks shit everyday and its obxnious as hell. He says shit that would get his mouth punched outside of work. I've told him if it's not about work not to talk to me and if he talks shit again we would have issues.

This loser has a dad locked up for child molestation and a quick criminal background check shows he has a record for domestic violence and phone harrassment. It has taken everything in me not to bring this up when he does his bullshit.

I feel like going to HR is kind of a bitch move and our manager is lazy. Talking to him about it would make me look dramatic and have repercussions.

So if you've dealt with this situation before how did you handle it?

[BWillie]

Who here has dealt with an obxnious co worker? I've had plenty of jobs and sure theres been douchebags but not like this. This one mother ****er talks shit everyday and its obxnious as hell. He says shit that would get his mouth punched outside of work. I've told him if it's not about work not to talk to me and if he talks shit again we would have issues.

This loser has a dad locked up for child molestation and a quick criminal background check shows he has a record for domestic violence and phone harrassment. It has taken everything in me not to bring this up when he does his bullshit.

I feel like going to HR is kind of a bitch move and our manager is lazy. Talking to him about it would make me look dramatic and have repercussions.

So if you've dealt with this situation before how did you handle it?

This is Chiefsplanet.

Antifreeze.

Cmon bro.

[Sassy Squatch]

Billay and searching for someone elses private personal information on the internet. Name a more iconic duo.

[Titty Meat]

Billay and searching for private personal information on the internet. Name a more iconic duo.

The self proclaimed genius told the office he cant travel out of state.

[pugsnotdrugs19]

I’d say you bring him in for a home visit and see if he’s worth offering a contract of friendship. And hopefully you can sign the piece of shit.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I never could tolerate people in the work place so I quickly worked my way up to General manager and then took over the company so i could fire everyone I didn't like. then I started buying rentals wher I'm the only employee and all i have to deal with is tenants that i could tell to get the fuck out. Then I added a rock business where I'm the only employee and I just sell people fucking rocks and if they are assholes I jack the price way up.

Fuck everybody, especially Dee ford.

[Buehler445]

Kick his knee sideways. Enjoy the quiet while he has surgery.

[Titty Meat]

I never could tolerate people in the work place so I quickly worked my way up to General manager and then took over the company so i could fire everyone I didn't like. then I started buying rentals wher I'm the only employee and all i have to deal with is tenants that i could tell to get the **** out. Then I added a rock business where I'm the only employee and I just sell people ****ing rocks and if they are assholes I jack the price way up.

**** everybody, especially Dee ford.

Hogs arent people

[Eleazar]

PIIHB

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Actually those people are best to harass by putting poison Ivy in their work gloves and yellow jacket attractant in their vehicle.

[chinaski]

In my experience regarding toxic situations and toxic people at work, the problems essentially solved themselves. In some of those shituations, it took a few years...But at the end of the day, those people are gone and I am still chugging right along.

In a sense, sit tight and let them screw up on their own merit. Not a firm believer in karma, but sometimes the universe solves its own problems.

That said, I am not in your predicament, and going to HR may be entirely warranted and necessary, that's a decision you are going to have to make on your own.

All I am saying is that if you keep shitting the bed, eventually you are going to have to sleep in it.

Good Luck

[ghak99]

Flex on him until he develop a Phobia.

Then run him over with your truck.

[RunKC]

You need to get yourself an education and get out of a career at Walmart young man

[ptlyon]

More obnoxious than you?

[Titty Meat]

More obnoxious than you?

Yes I dont belittle people in the work place

[Rasputin]

I had a boss that was an aragant prick and surprisingly a Chargers fan. I've never met one before but I'm assuming they are all aragant pricks. That was over ten years ago and I've yet to meet another Charger fan.

[pugsnotdrugs19]

He’s probably posting this same fucking thing about Billay on some other forum. Or maybe Facebook if he’s either the bag of dicks you make him out to be.

[Titty Meat]

He’s probably posting this same ****ing thing about Billay on some other forum. Or maybe Facebook if he’s either the bag of dicks you make him out to be.

I literally dont speak to him whatsoever

[Sassy Squatch]

Chop him in the giblets.

[pugsnotdrugs19]

I literally dont speak to him whatsoever

Just yanking your ball bag....

[ptlyon]

Yes I dont belittle people in the work place

So just on the internet like a little bitch. See you at gate A.

[Titty Meat]

Just yanking your ball bag....

I havent came yet hurry

[Titty Meat]

So just on the internet like a little bitch. See you at gate A.

Hyvee Gate you get free pizza before I push your teeth down your throat

[ptlyon]

I had a boss that was an aragant prick and surprisingly a Chargers fan. I've never met one before but I'm assuming they are all aragant pricks. That was over ten years ago and I've yet to meet another Charger fan.

This is not the case. At all. Unless it's Philip Rivers.

[Bump]

be a prick back, but keep it work related. Every single time he does something even slightly wrong, correct him. Hell, your boss might even notice and be impressed. Going to HR is bad idea, they might try to turn something around on you.

[ptlyon]

Hyvee Gate you get free pizza before I push your teeth down your throat

Hope it's not HyVee pizza.

[Titty Meat]

Hope it's not HyVee pizza.

Free is free hell they even give you a ride on the golf cart if you park too far away. Not even the UFC offers those kind of deals

[Rain Man]

Fortunately, I've compiled a checklist of exactly what you can do in such a situation. Just try these one at a time in random order until one of them works. One of them will always work.

1. Pretend that you don't speak English. Whenever he speaks, shrug and speak back quickly in a made-up language.
2. Forge papers that transfer him to the Vermont office. Throw him a farewell party.
3. Every time he speaks, make noises like you're a hawk and flap your wings threateningly.
4. Call HR and tell them that he's sexually harassing you. Show them pictures of genitalia.
5. Sweep the leg.
6. Find others who feel the same way, and buy a bag of oranges.
7. Douse him in gasoline and hold up a cigarette lighter.
8. Every time he comes near you, blow a rape whistle and yell for your boss to come over.
9. Quit and move to a really cool place and re-create yourself as a great novelist featuring him as the antagonist.
10. Horse head on his desk chair with a warning that he should relocate.

[Iowanian]

This has a simple solution.


Print the pic of you flexing, holding that purple flashlight and slip it into his pocket.

Then profit


If that doesn't work, ask him if he shares a Grindr profile with his dad....and get ready for worldstaaaaaaar.

[ptlyon]

Fortunately, I've compiled a checklist of exactly what you can do in such a situation. Just try these one at a time in random order until one of them works. One of them will always work.

1 Pretend that you don't speak English. Whenever he speaks, shrug and speak back quickly in a made-up language.
2. Forge papers that transfer him to the Vermont office. Throw him a farewell party.
3. Every time he speaks, make noises like you're a hawk and flap your wings threateningly.
4. Call HR and tell them that he's sexually harassing you. Show them pictures of genitalia.
5. Sweep the leg.
6. Find others who feel the same way, and buy a bag of oranges.
7. Douse him in gasoline and hold up a cigarette lighter.
8. Every time he comes near you, blow a rape whistle and yell for your boss to come over.
9. Quit and move to a really cool place and re-create yourself as a great novelist featuring him as the antagonist.
10. Horse head on his desk chair with a warning that he should relocate.

Incomplete list. PIIHB is not one of them.

[Titty Meat]

Fortunately, I've compiled a checklist of exactly what you can do in such a situation. Just try these one at a time in random order until one of them works. One of them will always work.

1 Pretend that you don't speak English. Whenever he speaks, shrug and speak back quickly in a made-up language.
2. Forge papers that transfer him to the Vermont office. Throw him a farewell party.
3. Every time he speaks, make noises like you're a hawk and flap your wings threateningly.
4. Call HR and tell them that he's sexually harassing you. Show them pictures of genitalia.
5. Sweep the leg.
6. Find others who feel the same way, and buy a bag of oranges.
7. Douse him in gasoline and hold up a cigarette lighter.
8. Every time he comes near you, blow a rape whistle and yell for your boss to come over.
9. Quit and move to a really cool place and re-create yourself as a great novelist featuring him as the antagonist.
10. Horse head on his desk chair with a warning that he should relocate.

I was thinking about making orgasm sounds and telling him I love to be dominated but that might get me in trouble

[ptlyon]

Free is free hell they even give you a ride on the golf cart if you park too far away. Not even the UFC offers those kind of deals

I bet you want to give me a ride, big boy

[pugsnotdrugs19]

Rain Man seems to have your answers. I’d consider using his options in reverse order.

[ptlyon]

I was thinking about making orgasm sounds and telling him I love to be dominated but that might get me in trouble

See below

[T-post Tom]

Fortunately, I've compiled a checklist of exactly what you can do in such a situation. Just try these one at a time in random order until one of them works. One of them will always work.

1. Pretend that you don't speak English. Whenever he speaks, shrug and speak back quickly in a made-up language.
2. Forge papers that transfer him to the Vermont office. Throw him a farewell party.
3. Every time he speaks, make noises like you're a hawk and flap your wings threateningly.
4. Call HR and tell them that he's sexually harassing you. Show them pictures of genitalia.
5. Sweep the leg.
6. Find others who feel the same way, and buy a bag of oranges.
7. Douse him in gasoline and hold up a cigarette lighter.
8. Every time he comes near you, blow a rape whistle and yell for your boss to come over.
9. Quit and move to a really cool place and re-create yourself as a great novelist featuring him as the antagonist.
10. Horse head on his desk chair with a warning that he should relocate.

Aren't these from the Dwight K. Schrute playbook?

[Rain Man]

Aren't these from the Dwight K. Schrute playbook?

More beatings, fewer beets.

[Iowanian]

My real advice is to ignore him, keep your mouth shut, work really hard....excel at your job and get promoted above and away from him.

[Titty Meat]

I bet you want to give me a ride, big boy

I want to give u a nude hug

[Titty Meat]

My real advice is to ignore him, keep your mouth shut, work really hard....excel at your job and get promoted above and away from him.

Thanks man

[ptlyon]

My real advice is to ignore him, keep your mouth shut, work really hard....excel at your job and get promoted above and away from him.

GAY

[T-post Tom]

Didn't you have some sort of physical altercation a few years back and get your nose boxed?

[cosmo20002]

Who here has dealt with an obxnious co worker? I've had plenty of jobs and sure theres been douchebags but not like this. This one mother ****er talks shit everyday and its obxnious as hell. He says shit that would get his mouth punched outside of work. I've told him if it's not about work not to talk to me and if he talks shit again we would have issues.

This loser has a dad locked up for child molestation and a quick criminal background check shows he has a record for domestic violence and phone harrassment. It has taken everything in me not to bring this up when he does his bullshit.

I feel like going to HR is kind of a bitch move and our manager is lazy. Talking to him about it would make me look dramatic and have repercussions.

So if you've dealt with this situation before how did you handle it?

Maybe you're just a snowflake. Toughen up, buttercup.

[ptlyon]

I want to give u a nude hug

I'm sure you do CeePee

[hotrod]

give Jussie Smollette a call, he has a plan that he says will work for you.

[Iowanian]

Everyone deals with someone who is t easy to like at their job...especially people who work alone.

In the meantime....watch letterkenny videos and speak to him in Canadian squirly dan.


Feel free to borrow or ask for any assistance with subtle insults to share with him.

I personally feel like sharing a Grindr account with his kid hunter dad is a pretty solid body blow.

[Titty Meat]

I'm sure you do CeePee

Need to take a shower if you're interested in reducing our carbon footprint hmu

[Chiefs=Champions]

Tell him he's trash.

[Iowanian]

GAY

Does a duck with a hardon drag weeds?

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

My real advice is to ignore him, keep your mouth shut, work really hard....excel at your job and get promoted above and away from him.

And Bee's. Lots of Bee's :D

[Rain Man]

Y'know, another option is to take a Pygmalion approach.

Sit him down and tell him that he's an idiot and he's destroying his own chance at success, but under your careful tutelage you can remake him into a successful human being. He'll scoff at you and laugh, but thereafter, every single time he does something inappropriate, you can take a lecturing tone to tell him what he's doing wrong and how he should have behaved, and you can justly claim that you're doing it for his own good. In the end, you will either create a functional coworker who owes you a great debt of gratitude, or you'll frustrate him enough that he'll quit.

[baitism]

Hide gay porn throughout his desk/office.

[CoMoChief]

Hire a hitman.

Just dont hire Motherfucker Jones.

[scho63]

Who here has dealt with an obnoxious co worker?

Answer: EVERYONE :rolleyes:

[scho63]

or.....shoot hit 6 times in front of his house and run him over with a pickup truck at night.

[KCUnited]

The best part about being a remote employee, besides having my own personal bathroom and never having to smell burnt popcorn in a breakroom ever again, is not having to overhear annoying coworker conversations. Especially "mom talk". "So your last 2 kids have deep special needs that are taxing your marriage, yes trying for a 3rd sounds like a wonderful idea, Tammy".

[wheeler08]

The best part about being a remote employee, besides having my own personal bathroom and never having to smell burnt popcorn in a breakroom ever again, is not having to overhear annoying coworker conversations. Especially "mom talk". "So your last 2 kids have deep special needs that are taxing your marriage, yes trying for a 3rd sounds like a wonderful idea, Tammy".

Ugh fucking burnt popcorn...:or fish! I don’t miss working with people one bit. I work alone and still laugh out loud just as much

[wheeler08]

Have Clay hack his Facebook and put edited nude photos of him and the boss and get him fired.

[TwistedChief]

But did he like Alex Smith?

[chefs fan in omaha]

Sweep the leg

[srvy]

Who here has dealt with an obxnious co worker? I've had plenty of jobs and sure theres been douchebags but not like this. This one mother fucker talks shit everyday and its obxnious as hell. He says shit that would get his mouth punched outside of work. I've told him if it's not about work not to talk to me and if he talks shit again we would have issues.

This loser has a dad locked up for child molestation and a quick criminal background check shows he has a record for domestic violence and phone harrassment. It has taken everything in me not to bring this up when he does his bullshit.

I feel like going to HR is kind of a bitch move and our manager is lazy. Talking to him about it would make me look dramatic and have repercussions.

So if you've dealt with this situation before how did you handle it?

Never go to HR they arent there for you they protect the company at all costs. Plus co-worker will not trust you afterward no matter how big a dick the guy is.

[Titty Meat]

Well well guess whos an hour late thus far. i'm thinking a reach around while i whisper into his ear "you're late"

[Skyy God]

Well well guess whos an hour late thus far. i'm thinking a reach around while i whisper into his ear "you're late"

Sounds like you two have a lot of unresolved sexual tension and should just fuck already.

[Oxford]

Any of these, start leaving the want ads on his desk every day, or set him up a linked in profile so he gets lots of job offers, or have the boss give him a glowing recommendation for a promotion to an other department

[TLO]

Well well guess whos an hour late thus far. i'm thinking a reach around while i whisper into his ear "you're late"

That's the most homosexual thing I've ever read.

[Marcellus]

You should just ask to transfer to the McDonalds across town, problem solved.

[MTG#10]

Challenge him to a cock measuring contest. If yours is bigger he'll be humiliated and likely quit. If his is bigger STFU and deal with it, he'll probably be your boss someday.

[Al Bundy]

When I was in college I worked at a record store. I had an assistant manager that was a complete shithead and he fucked with me all the time until I challenged him to a fight in the parking lot. He quit fucking with me after that, but I have worked with guys that are racist and sexist.

[eDave]

Reverse is mouse buttons. That'll show him.

[Titty Meat]

When I was in college I worked at a record store. I had an assistant manager that was a complete shithead and he ****ed with me all the time until I challenged him to a fight in the parking lot. He quit ****ing with me after that, but I have worked with guys that are racist and sexist.

Jesus. did you get in any trouble for that? Seems like a company wouldnt let that one slide today.

[wheeler08]

Has this piece of shit been fired yet?

[GayFrogs]

Here, get some ideas from this video

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/imwXuPQuXQ0" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Bearcat]

LMAO

"How do I deal with a teammate who has anger issues?" -Ndamukong Suh

[wheeler08]

You could have Tyreek take care of him....too soon?

[Coochie liquor]

The guy I work with/for is an ass. He’s completely OCD about the dumbest things. Spends a whole off day cleaning his Porsche and Rover that’s parked in front of his trailer that’s worth less than either. Yet spits every time he talks (and he won’t ever shut up), is a ridiculously dirty person who bites his nails, never washes his hands, then wonders why he gets sick every 3 months. Snorts, hocks loogies, spits, and snots all over himself and every square foot around him all day. Continuously tells you how awesome he is at everything he does while cutting everyone around him down at all times. Yet can’t spell very good, and has to have everything explained to him in detail, all while forgetting what you or him are talking about because his ADD is worse than mine. He’s by far the most impatient person I’ve ever met by a long shot. If it takes more than 2 minutes in a line at a store he freaks out and starts yelling at employees and customers. Drives erratically and then yells at people who do the same thing. And he is beyond bi polar. He can go from laughing to freaking out in less than a minute over nothing at all. Makes up scenarios in his head or brings things up that happened a long time ago and gets worked up over it. Then when it’s to the point we’re fighting always comes back with sorry I’m just so stressed, but has nothing to be fucking stressed about. Dude need meds in a bad way but he’ll never get them because he’s oblivious to his issues.

Sorry rant over. Been working with this guy for years and Jesus I sometimes just dread going in because you never know what’s gonna happen from hour to hour. At his best he’s a really good guy, at his worst I can’t get along with him at all. Frustrating but I guess it is what it is.

[Pablo]

The real question is: Could you take this guy in a fight? Would you fuck him up if you were in a cage together?

[JohnnyHammersticks]

Kill his parents and feed them to him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VvZvorXasI

[Otter]

This needs a little more input before any useful advice can be provided.


What kind of environment do work in? Office, warehouse, factory, etc.
How expendable are you?
How expendable is the co-worker?
What is saying to make you uncomfortable?
Did you try to catch these alleged interactions on an audio/video recording? A smart phone will do wonders for that method.


The best advice until you figure out the above is compartmentalize work and private life and ignore the co-worker.