Renaming the Chiefs: Round 1, Heat 4

[Rain Man]

The rules are:

1. You can vote 'yes' on as many as you like, AND you can vote 'no' on as many as you like. Feel free to run wild.

2. The winner of the heat will be the name that has the highest net score (yes minus no). This will reflect the name that has the most satisfaction and least disapproval. In other words, it will be the least controversial name.

We'll have 16 heats in Round 1, with one winner per heat. The entrants have been selected randomly from the nomination thread.


As background, assume that it's 2024. President Ted Nugent has just distributed holsters to every American household. He is now seeking to build consensus across the parties, so he names Elizabeth Warren as the nation's "sports czar". Elizabeth's first order of business is to eliminate Native American-themed sports names, because there's nothing she hates more than white people making money by appropriating native american culture.

So the Chiefs have no choice but to change names. If they don't, the team will be banned and a new replacement team will be formed in Los Angeles, because if you keep putting teams there, eventually people will start watching them. (That tentative team name is the Los Angeles Trembling Fawns if you're curious.)

In a bit of good news, they're allowing the fans to select the new name, so we're on the clock. Do your best work, people.

[Rain Man]

Okay, my thoughts.

Positive - Crawdads. It's locally interesting, and who doesn't want to yell, "Suck our heads!" to the other team?

Neutral - Fighting Banana Slugs, Redlegs, Barbecuers. I like the Slugs name, but Santa Cruz really owns it. Maybe we could come up with a different slug or something. Redlegs isn't objectionable, but it's kind of Cincinnati's name. And I could live with Barbecuers, though I'm not in love with it.

Negative - Scouts. So here's the thing. It's a great name. It's an awesome name. But will it fly? What type of scout is it? If it's a white scout like Kit Carson, there's no way it'll pass. We're replacing an Indian theme with a theme of people who conquered Indians. If it's an Indian scout, then maybe it's okay, but are Indian scouts showing the proper reverence and adulation towards Indians? Are we talking about scouts who killed white people or scouts who worked for white people? I love the name, but I think it'll prove to be problematic in implementation.

I'm pretty sure that I'm going to very reluctantly vote against any option that involves a human being of any type. Humans aren't perfect, and any imperfection will make us a target.

[KCUnited]

Swap out Barbequers for Barbecutioners and it gets my support vote

[The Franchise]

If they don’t like Chiefs....then they aren’t going to like Scouts.

[smithandrew051]

The Kansas City Bald Goatee Overweight Mid 40’s Camaro Drivers

[KurtCobain]

These all end in S, so they are better than trash.

[jettio]

I was outside yesterday morning and saw a salamander with an incredibly bright blue tail and googled "salamander blue tail" and they are called skinks.

That might not help considering the Chiefs colors, but if they come after the Royals for obvious reasons, that might be an option.

[Shiver Me Timbers]

Positive - Crawdads. It's locally interesting, and who doesn't want to yell, "Suck our heads!" to the other team? .

[Rain Man]

I was outside yesterday morning and saw a salamander with an incredibly bright blue tail and googled "salamander blue tail" and they are called skinks.

That might not help considering the Chiefs colors, but if they come after the Royals for obvious reasons, that might be an option.

A quick search also reveals no evidence that skinks engaged in slavery or violated treaties with Native Americans. Good suggestion.

[RollChiefsRoll]

Move the team to Independence and call them the Methheads.

[Rain Man]

Heat 4 scoring

Scouts -6
Crawdads -23
Barbecuers -23
Redlegs -26
Fighting Banana Slugs -33

Scouts will move to Round 2.