WOMAN ACCUSED OF STEALING A PUMPKIN BY HIDING IT IN HER VAGINA

[MatriculatingHank]

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/woman-accused-of-stealing-a-pumpkin-by-hiding-it-in-her-vagina/

https://worldnewsdailyreport.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/pumpkinthief.jpg


A woman was arrested this morning in Greenville, Mississippi after trying to steal a 15 lbs pumpkin from a supermarket by inserting the large squash in her vaginal cavity.
31-year-old Sonia Smith was intercepted by security guards from a Supervalu store after they saw her enter the store’s bathroom with the pumpkin and come out with it.

The security guards first thought Mr. Smith had either eaten the pumpkin or flushed it down the toilet, but they soon noticed that she was sweating heavily and looked very uncomfortable.

James Reynolds, one of the security guards who intercepted Ms. Smith says he was in disbelief when he understood where she had put it.

“My colleague suddenly went pale and started muttering something, “she can’t have… that’s impossible…” After a few seconds, I understood what he was thinking and I instantly felt very nauseous.”
The two security guards called the Greenville Police Department who rapidly proceeded to a cavity search and discovered the pumpkin.

Mr. Reynolds says the officers dispatched on the site thought they were being pranked when they first explained the situation.

“The policemen just couldn’t believe that any woman could fit an entire pumpkin down there. They only accepted to search her because she was screaming and yelling like she was giving birth.”

The squash showed extremely difficult to extract and the 31-year-old woman had to be transported to the hospital, where it was finally removed after a delicate two-hour surgery.

Sonia Smith now faces two charges of shoplifting and disorderly conduct, but she could be judged unfit to stand trial due to her long history of psychiatric problems.

The young woman has already made several stays in mental institutions across the state since 2009.

A source close to her family has confirmed that she suffers from schizophrenia and “hears voices that command her to insert various objects in her body cavities.”

The result of her psychiatric evaluation should be available in two or three weeks and the result will determine if the trial will take place or not.

[Frazod]

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/DimpledSeveralBlackbuck-small.gif

[KurtCobain]

Alright.

[Jewish Rabbi]

I mean she looks like the spawn of a pumpkin so makes sense.

[eDave]

Something like that you just grab and walk out. Like ice.

[CasselGotPeedOn]

Also from that site:

ANGOLA: MOTHER ON DEATHBED SAYS 12-YEAR-OLD SON IS OFFSPRING OF HUMAN-CHIMPANZEE LOVE AFFAIR

[Why Not?]

Would. But only if pumpkin remained.

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

ribbed for her pleasure

[eDave]

Would. But only if pumpkin remained.

I don't think I'm comfortable hanging out with you anymore.

[KurtCobain]

I don't think I'm comfortable hanging out with you anymore.

Why not?

[lcarus]

I mean she looks like the spawn of a pumpkin so makes sense.

Looks like a pumpkin got fucked by Twinkie the Kid and he didn't pull out before spraying his cream filling in it. And then the pumpkin gave birth to her. Hell pumpkin might be her ancestry. Are they sure she was stealing a pumpkin or just giving birth to her little pumpkin/twinkie hellspawn?

[ptlyon]

Why Not?

Fyp

[digger]

the things people will do for pumpkin pie...

[Why Not?]

LMAOI don't think I'm comfortable hanging out with you anymore.

[Frazod]

This reminds me of an old poem:

I spoke to a miner right before he died
I still don't know if the bastard lied
He said he had a wife with a cunt so wide
She just could not be satisfied
So he built himself a big iron wheel
Attached to it a prick of steel
Two brass balls filled up with cream
And the whole damn thing was run by steam
Round and round went the big iron wheel
In and out went the prick of steel
Finally that damn whore cried
"Stop oh stop I'm satisfied!"
But now here comes to the bitter bit
There was no way of stopping it
Split that whore from cunt to tit
And the whole damn thing blew up in shit

[Spott]

Well, at least this one wasn’t from Florida.

[R Clark]

Even a Shetland pony wouldn’t do her any good

[TribalElder]

If she would have bought the pumpkin then filmed the reverse birthing she could have made tons of money from internet freaks

Instead it’s shame, pumpkin c-sections, and criminal charges

[HayWire]

If she would have bought the pumpkin then filmed the reverse birthing she could have made tons of money from internet freaks

Instead it’s shame, pumpkin c-sections, and criminal charges

What the hell kind of pron are you watching?

[Discuss Thrower]

Well that's one way to drum up pub for your OnlyFans page

[notorious]

When I read the OP I didn't think there could be anything more horrifying.

Then TribalElder's post came along.

[BigCatDaddy]

Ironically OaklandHater was arrested on the same charge.

[ptlyon]

When I read the OP I didn't think there could be anything more horrifying.

Then TribalElder's post came along.

Welcome to CP. Grab a beer. Sit down. Stay awhile.

[KChiefs1]

Shouldn’t this be under the Florida news?

Edit: just noticed it was in Mississippi.

[stevieray]

Pack O Lantern

[ptlyon]

Imagine all of the candy she gave out on Halloween

[TribalElder]

When I read the OP I didn't think there could be anything more horrifying.

Then TribalElder's post came along.

ROFL ROFL ROFL

[Rain Man]

I always suspected that cucumbers were a gateway vegetable.

[Third Eye]

Probably doesn’t need to be said, but for my sanity, we all know this isn’t real right?

[TimeForWasp]

pumpkinfarmersonly.com

[el borracho]

"Great! Step one is complete.... Now off to find some guy named Peter!"

[Fish]

Probably doesn’t need to be said, but for my sanity, we all know this isn’t real right?

Nah, man. 15lber. In the hooch. It's right there in the article.

[el borracho]

Those security guards really squashed her plan!

[el borracho]

Undercover security gourd!

[Third Eye]

Nah, man. 15lber. In the hooch. It's right there in the article.

I know, who am I to doubt the legitimacy of World News Daily Report?

[Rain Man]

Probably doesn’t need to be said, but for my sanity, we all know this isn’t real right?

If we truly believe it, it's real.

[GloryDayz]

"Great! Step one is complete.... Now off to find some guy named Peter!"LMAO

[dlphg9]

This is so God damn fake.

[TomBarndtsTwin]

So the ol Jack-O-Pantern, huh . . . . .

[FAX]

A fat gal from North Carolina,
Jammed a pumpkin straight up her vagina.
Cops said, "That's a first."
But the story got worse
When they learned she baked pies at the diner.

FAX

[MMXcalibur]

Well, this is a thing.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

I was listening to my daughters online Biology lecture today and learned we humans share 50% DNA with bananas. So there has to be some primal attachment to pumpkins I'm guessing here.

[Mahomes_Is_God]

Lmao

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

She may spruce up nicely

[Kman34]

Did the the pumpkin have a 2x4 tied to its ass??

[seclark]

and poor linus is still waiting for the great pumpkin...
sec

[KCUnited]

My chubb just went out of bounds up 10-7

[scho63]

That was either a very small pumpkin or a very large vagina! :eek:

[Skyy God]

Quality Mississippi inbreeding genetics right there.

[Hoopsdoc]

Pussy pumpkin potpourri.

[Spott]

Great pumpkin my ass, Charlie Brown.

[Iowanian]

Not gonna lie, if I'm at the bachelor party she's working, I want to see how far she can launch that pumpkin.

[TribalElder]

This is how pumpkin spice is made

[SuperBowl4]

This reminds me of an old poem:

I spoke to a miner right before he died
I still don't know if the bastard lied
He said he had a wife with a **** so wide
She just could not be satisfied
So he built himself a big iron wheel
Attached to it a prick of steel
Two brass balls filled up with cream
And the whole damn thing was run by steam
Round and round went the big iron wheel
In and out went the prick of steel
Finally that damn whore cried
"Stop oh stop I'm satisfied!"
But now here comes to the bitter bit
There was no way of stopping it
Split that whore from **** to tit
And the whole damn thing blew up in shitmore poems please :thumb:

[Graystoke]

This girl live close to you?

[Shoes]

At what point do you just let her have the pumpkin based on her effort alone?

<iframe src='https://gfycat.com/ifr/CarefreePlayfulEastrussiancoursinghounds' frameborder='0' scrolling='no' allowfullscreen width='640' height='524'></iframe><p> <a href="https://gfycat.com/carefreeplayfuleastrussiancoursinghounds-the-legend-of-ron-burgundy-will-ferrell">via Gfycat</a></p>

[Dartgod]

Nothing could be finer
Than a pumpkin in my 'giner
In the morning.

[Dartgod]

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
She put a pumpkin in her beaver
And left no doubt he had to leave her.

[seclark]

little miss muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider
who sat down beside her
and said wtf is that pumpkin doing in your pussay?

[Dartgod]

It's The Great Pumpkin Snatching Vagina, Charlie Brown!

[seclark]

Hey, diddle, diddle
The cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
The little dog laughed to see such fun
and some crazy bitch jammed a pumpkin up her cootch

[ptlyon]

Shoulda left it at your first one sec, sorry

[seclark]

Shoulda left it at your first one sec, sorry

sorry, it's monday and i've been listening to smashing pumpkins all afternoon.
sec

[ROYC75]

"Great! Step one is complete.... Now off to find some guy named Peter!"

:thumb:

Sort of beat me to it, I was going to say she hasn't had sex in 2 yrs, her Husband Peter was waiting back home when the police came!

[Rain Man]

On a side note, is the photo the same woman who was doing the peep eating contest a while back that got posted here? She was one of the "1000 pound sisters" on that TV show.

[J Diddy]

Lil bit of yeast, a lot of warmth and a whole lot of pumpkin.. She's just trying to bake a pumpkin pie.

[Otter]

It's her lazy eye ball that turns me on.

[REDHOTGTO]

well i aint gonna do her no good !

[Beef Supreme]

Probably doesn’t need to be said, but for my sanity, we all know this isn’t real right?


https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia1.tenor.com%2Fimages%2F93d2af03823f6a98e89fd2e938a6fda0%2Ftenor.gif%3Fitemid%3 D12446406&f=1&nofb=1

[seclark]

It's her lazy eye ball that turns me on.

Is one eye lazy, or the other looking for thunder?
sec

[Frazod]

more poems please :thumb:

Heh. It's not mine - read it in a Playboy or Penthouse when I was a kid. But for some reason I've never forgotten it. :D

[Dartgod]

Nothing could be finer
Than a pumpkin in my 'giner
In the morning.

Peter, Peter pumpkin eater,
Had a wife but couldn't keep her;
She put a pumpkin in her beaver
And left no doubt he had to leave her.

Not even one guffaw?

[ptlyon]

Not even one guffaw?

Just like sec's, 1st effort was the best. Sorry.

[Marcellus]

While new meaning to the term Pumpkin Patch.

[JakeF]

I think you just let her have the damn pumpkin, she's earned it. Not worth going through all that to get it back. You can't can sell it after you get it back anyway.

Ewwww.

[Kman34]

“hears voices that command her to insert various objects in her body cavities.”

“Sonia.... Wouldn’t it be awesome if we put that pumpkin under your armpit... Hey bitch I said armpit.. Oh well...”

[OrtonsPiercedTaint]

"Become a Broncos fan" evil voices

[Simply Red]

A fat gal from North Carolina,
Jammed a pumpkin straight up her vagina.
Cops said, "That's a first."
But the story got worse
When they learned she baked pies at the diner.

FAX

I wish there were a way to resurrect Wendy video, the n00bs will never know the COMPLETE brilliance of FAX.

[MahiMike]

Oh my Gord!

[Iowanian]

I've speculated that this was merely a test run. Her long game is to become a Trojan Horse where she wears a dress and walks into liquor stores and jewelry stores, hikes up her fupa and offloads a team of steathy dwarves to raid and loot.

[wazu]

I wish there were a way to resurrect Wendy video, the n00bs will never know the COMPLETE brilliance of FAX.

"Wendy Meets a Draftabulator" is still the greatest post in CP history.

[jdubya]

Why? Why did I open this thread?

https://media3.giphy.com/media/IIjH0wN7F3uzS/giphy.gif

[m80mayhem]

Fake. This is Amy Slaten. Her and her sister have a youtube channel. The mug shot was from when she got busted stealing a book. Cannot comment as to if she did or did not smuggle it out via her snatch.

[Iowanian]

I just realized she needs medical attention. It looks like that pumpkin stem is pushing on the inside of that left eye....looks like she's trying to spotlight coons with that thing.

[BigRedChief]

"Wendy Meets a Draftabulator" is still the greatest post in CP history.agreed. Sorry that magnificent masterpiece was lost during the draftabulator wars. Probably stashed in some Nazi cave in Austria.

[HayWire]

Damn buzzkill....I think.

I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed that this is fake. I'm also not sure about myself for caring...or looking it up. I need a shower.

https://leadstories.com/hoax-alert/2018/10/fake-news-woman-accused-of-stealing-a-pumpkin-by-hiding-it-in-her-vagina.html

[Marcellus]

"Wendy Meets a Draftabulator" is still the greatest post in CP history.

Yes it is.