Women and Toilet Seats

[Otter]

Last night around 3:30am MST I wake up to a sound that I assumed someone was assaulting my wife in our bathroom It was so rowdy and roaring that even my loyal canine friend jumped up on the bed and pulled me off by my subtle, yet boldly anatomy defining boxer briefs to alert me that there's something awry in the otter abode.

Burgler? Nope.
Natural disaster? Nope.
Alien invasion? Nope

I forgot to put the toilet seat down and love of my life, the twinkle of my eye, the woman I want to be buried with (especially if I die first) went bare ass first into cold toilet water.

Grew up in a house with 4 men; My father, myself, and two brothers and and I sit down to take a dump at lease once a day and in my 40 years taking these movements I've never, not once, went ass first into toilet water.

I assume the toilet is up much like I assume the roads are going to be slick if it was snowing or if I reach for an horderve which has a flame underneath it's going to be hot.

If I forget to put the toilet seat down and you forget to check after 7 years the best answer I can come up with is "You can argue which one of us is more stupid" and I will not agree with you.

/EndMarriedLifeRant

Oh, and welcome to the post season!!! :toast:

[displacedinMN]

odds are you die first.

either she kills you or you try to get away

[TLO]

Happy Valentine's Day!

[Rain Man]

If she can't look out for her own wellbeing, she'll eventually be eaten by a large carnivore. That's how nature works.

[Hammock Parties]

you should put a live snake in there

[seclark]

Lights were off, huh?
sec

[Otter]

you should put a live snake in there

I think a shock ring around the porcelain would allow for quicker negative reinforcement results while negating me having to be on the lookout for snakes.

[Katipan]

We just don't like to think you guys are rude.

When you lift the lid and pee, you occasionally dribble and or splash on the exposed rim.

When the lid gets lowered it comes in contact with the pee.

When we go to lower the lid after you pee we get to touch your pee.

It's bullshit.

Sit like the rest of us.

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

Just tell her any time she's done to leave the lid up or it'll be covered in piss.

Just like the floor!

[sd4chiefs]

Lights were off, huh?
sec

Get on of these.

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Or This

<iframe width="956" height="538" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qgFch-agM-k" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[FAX]

FYI ...

FAX UNIVERSITY offers a course that teaches women how to pee standing up.

Advanced classes begin in March.

FAX

[Bwana]

Get on of these.

<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LEq3ziKjTOc" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" width="956" height="538" frameborder="0"></iframe>


Ha Ha neat idea, if you can talk the old hide into cleaning it. :p

[Katipan]

FYI ...

FAX UNIVERSITY offers a course that teaches women how to pee standing up.

Advanced classes begin in March.

FAX

We all know how to cut the side of a Mtn. Dew bottle.

[Otter]

We just don't like to think you guys are rude.

When you lift the lid and pee, you occasionally dribble and or splash on the exposed rim.

When the lid gets lowered it comes in contact with the pee.

When we go to lower the lid after you pee we get to touch your pee.

It's bullshit.

Sit like the rest of us.

Men don't sit to pee for the same reason women don't ask for the check after dinner - simply don't have to.

The only times in life where my genital areas are exposed and I'm not paying attention to what's going on in the immediate area is sex and the doctor office. This flaw is a woman flaw.

[Rain Man]

I'm getting pricing to redo a bathroom, and I'm currently including the Toto Washlet Supreme 350e bidet toilet. Among its many features are a night light and a motion sensor that raises and lowers the seat as you approach and leave. Apparently it can't differentiate gender, though, because it only raises the top lid upon approach. It lowers both when you leave, though.

https://www.bidetsplus.com/review-toto-s350e-S300e.html

[Easy 6]

Get on of these.

<iframe width="956" height="538" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LEq3ziKjTOc" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Boom

Marriage saved

[Katipan]

Men don't sit to pee for the same reason women don't ask for the check after dinner - simply don't have to.

The only times in life where my genital areas are exposed and I'm not paying attention to what's going on in the immediate area is sex and the doctor office. This flaw is a woman flaw.

If you're paying for all my food, I guess that's ok.

[scho63]

I just bought a new toilet yesterday. A one piece dual flush elongated Glacier Bay from Home Depot. My current one is like trying to crap in a coffee can. Small round and a ball crusher.
Excited for my new one!

[ptlyon]

We just don't like to think you guys are rude.

When you lift the lid and pee, you occasionally dribble and or splash on the exposed rim.

When the lid gets lowered it comes in contact with the pee.

When we go to lower the lid after you pee we get to touch your pee.

It's bullshit.

Sit like the rest of us.

We'll just leave it down then

[lawrenceRaider]

We just don't like to think you guys are rude.

When you lift the lid and pee, you occasionally dribble and or splash on the exposed rim.

When the lid gets lowered it comes in contact with the pee.

When we go to lower the lid after you pee we get to touch your pee.

It's bullshit.

Sit like the rest of us.

If you could pee while standing, 100% you would.

[Donger]

If you could pee while standing, 100% you would.

They can, it's just messy.

[Katipan]

If you could pee while standing, 100% you would.

Like as an optional upgrade sure.

But half the time I don't even know I have to poop until I'm sitting down. It's also our secret to why girls don't fart as much rankness as you.

We're doing you a solid. Maybe you should think about that the next time you're helicopter peeing in a bathroom.

[stevieray]

wait a minute, she forgot to leave it up for you when she was finished?

all's fair in love and pee.

LMAO

[seclark]

Ha Ha neat idea, if you can talk the old hide into cleaning it. :p

Wife got one for my bathroom but bitches about having to change the batteries
sec

[morphius]

I always close both the lid and seat...

Sent from my motorola one action using Tapatalk

[seclark]

I always close both the lid and seat...

Sent from my motorola one action using Tapatalk

Man,I’d get up in the middle of the night and piss all over your bathroom
sec

[Rasputin]

Like as an optional upgrade sure.

But half the time I don't even know I have to poop until I'm sitting down. It's also our secret to why girls don't fart as much rankness as you.

We're doing you a solid. Maybe you should think about that the next time you're helicopter peeing in a bathroom.

Well that's a myth. I use to be a route driver and put air fresheners in bathrooms. Guess whose bathrooms stunk the worst ? Girls bathrooms were horrific compared to guys bathrooms 9 times out of 10.

[Katipan]

Well that's a myth. I use to be a route driver and put air fresheners in bathrooms. Guess whose bathrooms stunk the worst ? Girls bathrooms were horrific compared to guys bathrooms 9 times out of 10.

Because of sanitary products in trash cans.
Not farting.

Although do not google “why does my vagina smell like buttered popcorn?”

[Johnny Vegas]

I just bought a new toilet yesterday. A one piece dual flush elongated Glacier Bay from Home Depot. My current one is like trying to crap in a coffee can. Small round and a ball crusher.
Excited for my new one!

When I bought my house last year it came with the shortest toilet not elongated. Threw my back out taking a wall down and jackhammering concrete and could barely sit on it let alone get off of it. New toilet is nice. Just took a couple weeks to get used to the seat.

[Hydrae]

This is simple. Men lift and lower the lid and the seat when they piss. Women lift and lower just the lid when they piss. Either way, when ANYONE is done using the toilet the seat and lid should be closed. And they should expect to lift some portion of the liftable apparatus when using the toilet.

[FAX]

We all know how to cut the side of a Mtn. Dew bottle.

If what you claim is truthful, you may well be able to test out of our 101 class, Ms. Katipan.

However, our advanced course will teach you the proper pelvic alignment and diaphragmatic focus required to knock over a 1/2 full Pepsi can at three paces.

You will also learn the techniques associated with Rapid-Fire, The Intermittent Staccato method, and Pinpoint Accuracy Under Duress.

Zoom courses are available for your convenience.

FAX

[stevieray]

The Intermittent Staccato method, .

FAX

This has always been a fav of mine.

:rockon:

[mlyonsd]

It's going to be a long off season.

[Jewish Rabbi]

I always put the seat and lid down because I respect my bitch. Drives me crazy when she doesn’t put the lid down.

[Otter]

I wonder if rudimentary AI device can create a situation where it detects who is coming into the room be male or female and give in Hal 2001 Space Odyssey voice a preventive warning.

Male: Good evening, Sir. The toilet seat is up and ready for upright urination.

Female: Go evening, Mam, the toilet seat is in an upright position and you should be cautioned.

Did I just invent the new millioin dollar idea?

[Hog's Gone Fishin]

This is simple. Men lift and lower the lid and the seat when they piss. Women lift and lower just the lid when they piss. Either way, when ANYONE is done using the toilet the seat and lid should be closed. And they should expect to lift some portion of the liftable apparatus when using the toilet.

This is bullshit!

[Easy 6]

I always close both the lid and seat...

Sent from my motorola one action using Tapatalk

Damn right you do, ya castrated gimp!

[digger]

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[Otter]

I always close both the lid and seat...

Sent from my king kong, super vibrations, spiked dildo my wife made me buy for her while I sobbed in one action using Tapatalk

Fixed

[FloridaMan88]

I wonder if rudimentary AI device can create a situation where it detects who is coming into the room be male or female and give in Hal 2001 Space Odyssey voice a preventive warning.

Male: Good evening, Sir. The toilet seat is up and ready for upright urination.

Female: Go evening, Mam, the toilet seat is in an upright position and you should be cautioned.

Did I just invent the new millioin dollar idea?

Kohler Smart Toilet with Amazon Alexa...

Link: https://www.smarthome.kohler.com/smart-intelligent-toilets-numi2

Welcome to a whole new world of intelligent. Numi 2.0 with KOHLER Konnect is Kohler’s most advanced toilet, giving you the freedom to set every detail to your personal preferences — from warm-water cleansing and a heated seat to ambient lighting and air freshening. With built-in Amazon Alexa, Numi 2.0 lets you create your ideal environment with only the sound of your voice.

The KOHLER Konnect app lets you create personalized presets for each person in your household. Enjoy your preferred temperature, cleansing pressure and ambiance, every time you use the bathroom.

Take clean to the next level. From UV sanitization to automatic flush and hands-free seat closing, every element of Numi 2.0 is designed to leave you feeling refreshed and comfortable.


https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5d39c53105896f00017f93c7/1566409839065-53USO1D3VNL6T8NKHNRF/ke17ZwdGBToddI8pDm48kLkXF2pIyv_F2eUT9F60jBl7gQa3H78H3Y0txjaiv_0fDoOvxcdMmMKkDsyUqMSsMWxHk725yiiHCCLf rh8O1z4YTzHvnKhyp6Da-NYroOW3ZGjoBKy3azqku80C789l0iyqMbMesKd95J-X4EagrgU9L3Sa3U8cogeb0tjXbfawd0urKshkc5MgdBeJmALQKw/zac62911_rgb.jpg?format=1000w

[Katipan]

What compels a male to kick back for 30 minutes to poop but not to kick back to pee?

[Otter]

What compels a male to kick back for 30 minutes to poop but not to kick back to pee?

Less travel from position to destination and what you're passing. Come Katipan, tha't like saying why isn't childbirth like taking a poo.

[Katipan]

It's going to be a long off season.

I’m having a hard time with the NFL’s concussion protocols.
It’s making me struggle with football.

I should do something about it.
But I really like getting high and sitting too.

[vailpass]

Man,I’d get up in the middle of the night and piss all over your bathroom
sec

Indeed.

[Katipan]

Less travel from position to destination and what you're passing. Come Katipan, tha't like saying why isn't childbirth like taking a poo.

4 kids and I still have no idea what that feels like.

[Katipan]

If what you claim is truthful, you may well be able to test out of our 101 class, Ms. Katipan.

However, our advanced course will teach you the proper pelvic alignment and diaphragmatic focus required to knock over a 1/2 full Pepsi can at three paces.

You will also learn the techniques associated with Rapid-Fire, The Intermittent Staccato method, and Pinpoint Accuracy Under Duress.

Zoom courses are available for your convenience.

FAX

Do you teach Calligraphy or shall I seduce Mrs. Fax?

[FAX]

Do you teach Calligraphy or shall I seduce Mrs. Fax?

Due to her personal career choices, the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX is not affiliated with FAX UNIVERSITY.

However, to address your question specifically, Ms. Katipan, we do offer a traditional lab in which you are trained to write your name in new-fallen snow.

FAX

[Otter]

4 kids and I still have no idea what that feels like.

4? How does the vagina compensate?

This is a real question that a man may never be able to ask without the cushion of the internet and out of punchy range.

[stevieray]

What compels a male to kick back for 30 minutes to poop but not to kick back to pee?

30 minutes?

:eek:

[Katipan]

4? How does the vagina compensate?

This is a real question that a man may never be able to ask without the cushion of the internet and out of punchy range.

The sitcom answer is that she buys expensive toys.

[Katipan]

30 minutes?

:eek:

You’re not a lingerer?
I respect that.

It’s odd tho.

[kjwood75nro]

Easy fix.

You use the master bathroom, she uses the other one.

Don't have a second bathroom? She can go out in the yard. No toilet seat issues out there.

Neighbors? If they're worth hanging out with, they'll be good with it.

[Rain Man]

Well that's a myth. I use to be a route driver and put air fresheners in bathrooms. Guess whose bathrooms stunk the worst ? Girls bathrooms were horrific compared to guys bathrooms 9 times out of 10.

I'm a pretty normal guy who does one weird thing. I go to the woman's bathroom to do number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.

[Fish]

Why would you drop your pants and sit down without taking a quick gander at your target?

[Otter]

The sitcom answer is that she buys expensive toys.

I will never underestimate you in a knife fight, katipan. My bourbon and too fucking cold to go outside comes to and end.

[Frazod]

The best thing a married couple can do to ensure happiness is have separate bathrooms. Haven't had to deal with toilet seat issues or maneuvering around all her crap for almost 20 years now.

[Bugeater]

I used to work in an apt complex with an office full of women. Let's just say...I got trained to put that fucking seat down...and I had to make sure my staff was trained to put the seat down...


At home, we're living the dream with separate bathrooms.

[morphius]

Damn right you do, ya castrated gimp!I think part of the reason is to see if I ever hear a women yell, "who put the lid down". Which hasn't yet, so apparently sometimes they check before they sit.

Sent from my motorola one action using Tapatalk

[Johnny Vegas]

The best thing a married couple can do to ensure happiness is have separate bathrooms. Haven't had to deal with toilet seat issues or maneuvering around all her crap for almost 20 years now.

I’m actually making this happen. It’s so true. Second I moved in I started hammering away for a new full bath downstairs. Best part is the lady doesn’t give a shit how it’s done. Which is a blessing when they want full control on the rest of the house.

[SuperBowl4]

I always have a night light on in the bathroom

[notorious]

wait a minute, she forgot to leave it up for you when she was finished?

all's fair in love and pee.

LMAO

This guy gets it.

[FlaChief58]

This is a conversation I've had with the mrs many times over the past 25 years. It's pretty simple, I'll do my best to put the seat down after I'm done, but if I forget and you wind up soaking the fish taco, that's on you for not looking at the toilet as you approach. To this day, she's never fallen in

[Bearcat]

What compels a male to kick back for 30 minutes to poop but not to kick back to pee?

Suggestion of more water and/or fiber for those referenced.

[tmax63]

Guys get to pick what hill they die on. The toilet seat battle has been waged since man figured out how to build a shitter. This is/hasn't been my choice. I'll give her this one to win a bigger one.

[LoneWolf]

The best thing a married couple can do to ensure happiness is have separate bathrooms. Haven't had to deal with toilet seat issues or maneuvering around all her crap for almost 20 years now.

Yep, we designed and built our house this way. We both have a bathroom connected to the master bedroom. Her bathroom has a toilet, shower, and bathtub along with a makup/hair station. Mine just has a shower and a toilet. We also have separate closets we can access from our bathroom.