Let's hear the most offensive jokes you can think of!

[Clint in Wichita]

To avoid a debate, you may want to leave out the ethnic jokes. However, if you do decide to post an ethnic joke, it won't bother me at all.

My first contribution, heard about a week ago:

Q: What's even better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

A: Not being retarded.


Next?

[Clint in Wichita]

Quit talking about golf, you bastards!

[Mile High Mania]

"Ladies and gentlemen the starting defense for YOUR 2002 Kansas City Chiefs..."


Damn right as offensive as any I ever heard. :p

[DenverChief]

Q: What's black and white and red all over, and can't turn around in a doorway?

















A: A nun with a javelin through her head:D

[Taco John]

How many busted hips does it take to wreck the 2003 season if you're the Kansas City Chiefs?













ROFL

[Taco John]

Oh, here's one... Totally tasteless...


How many doctors does it take to screw a legbone into a hip socket?









ROFL :LOL: ROFL

[angel]

What's funnier than a dead baby?




A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

[angel]

What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?



Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

[angel]

How many babies does it take to paint a house?



Depends how hard you throw them.

[DenverChief]

Whats the worst part about eating a vegetable?




Taking off the diapers





:Lin: :LOL:

[Clint in Wichita]

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?


Christopher Reeve after a house fire.

[Clint in Wichita]

Originally posted by DenverChief
Whats the worst part about eating a vegetable?




Taking off the diapers





:Lin: :LOL:


Damn...I think you might be the winner! ROFL

[siberian khatru]

I can see I'm going to loooooove this thread!

I'm just waiting for some Church Lady poster to drop in and admonish all of us for being so insensitive. "You realize this IS a public BBS. The family of Christopher Reeve or some vegetable could read this and have their feelings hurt! Put yourself in their place. How would YOU feel?"

[KCWolfman]

http://ca.yimg.com/i/ca/cp/20020820/4161789978.jpg
I parked over there, under the handicap sign.

[ChiTown]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?

A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole

[Mr Grimm]

What do a Gynecologist and a pizza delivery man have in common???





They can both smell it but they cant eat it!!!!


:fart:

[ChiTown]

Q: What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?

A: You know she'll swallow!

[KCWolfman]

A man pays for a hooker and they get started. He feels like he is pummeling sandpaper.

He says, "Damn, your pu**y is rough".

She gets up and says, "I'll be right back". She comes back and he slides in smooth as silk.

He says, "That's nice, what did you do?"

She replies, "I pulled the scabs."

[ChiTown]

Q: What are the two biggest lies in Poland?

A: "The check is in your mouth" and "I won't come in the mail."

[ChiTown]

Two gays are driving down the street when they see a dog on the side of the road licking his prick. "I sure wish I could do that," said the one gay. To which the other replied,

"Don't you think you ought to pet him first??"

[bkkcoh]

What is more gross than a truckload of dead babies???????











A live baby at the bottom trying to eat his way out....

[ChiTown]

Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?

Free ham.

[angel]

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?



You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork

[ChiTown]

How did the Puerto Rican woman know that her daughter was having her period?

She could taste the blood on her son's penis.

[ChiTown]

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...

The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimers disease or AIDS."

"What do you mean?" The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"

"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what.. Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fock her."

[ChiTown]

Martina Navratilovna won the 1994 Wimbledon match, and she is retiring from tennis. An interviewer thought she might speak more freely now that she is off the circuit, and asked:

"Tell us, Martina, did you ever use steroids?"

Her unequivocal reply:

"Suck my dick!"

[Mr Grimm]

A Rabbi and a Catholic priest are walking down the street. The C. Priest sees a little boy.
The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and asks," You wanna take him back there in that alley and screw him??".
The Rabbo replies "Out of what??".


;) ROFL

[ChiTown]

Q. What's the definition of Trust?

A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob

[DenverChief]

Originally posted by ChiTown
Q. What's the definition of Trust?

A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob ROFL

[angel]

a brother and sister are having sex, and the sister says, "you're a lot heavier than dad is"
brother says, "yeah, that's what mom always says"

[ChiTown]

Three vampires walk into a bar. One orders a blood on the rocks.
Another orders a double blood. The third simply asks for a mug of hot water.
"Why didn't you order blood like everyone else?" asks the bartender.
The vampire pulls out a tampon and says, "I'm making tea!"

[ChiTown]

Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found
young Johnny furiously scrubbing his dick with a
toothbrush and toothpaste.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, young
man?!" she exclaimed.
"Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna
do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm
gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my
sister's."

[Mr Grimm]

Originally posted by siberian khatru
I can see I'm going to loooooove this thread!

I'm just waiting for some Church Lady poster to drop in and admonish all of us for being so insensitive. "You realize this IS a public BBS. The family of Christopher Reeve or some vegetable could read this and have their feelings hurt! Put yourself in their place. How would YOU feel?"

If i were Christopher R. Likely....
i wouldn't feel much at all!!!


:evil:

[fbal4lif32]

With the Hitler movie fresh on the mind....
How many Jews can you fit into a car?






6. 2 in the front, 2 in the back, 2 in tbe ashtray.

[Baby Lee]

A little dated:

Magic Johnson goes to his physician for an update on his HIV. Doc says "I got good news and bad news."

"What's the good?"

"You'll live to be 95."

What's the bad?"

"95 pounds."

[fbal4lif32]

How do you starve a Bosnian?






Hide the food stamps under his soap.

[Mr. Mean]

Q: Why do Catholic priests like to shower with twelve year olds?



A: Because when you smooth their hair back, they look like they are nine.

[angel]

Whats something that only women can do?



Get laid after they're dead

[angel]

How do you make a baby drink?






Stick it in the blender.

[BigMeatballDave]

A West Virginian father takes his daughter to the doctor cuz she's having feminine problems...

The Dr. asks: Is she sexually active?

Father: No, she just lays there...

[KcMizzou]

Originally posted by angel
How do you make a baby drink?






Stick it in the blender. :eek: good gawd, angel...

:shake:

who'da thunk it...

[ChiTown]

A Leper with lots of money went to a five-star restaurant to have his best and last dinner. He wasn't turned away despite his appearance and the oozing leprotic wounds in his body. He was served as equally as the other patrons of the restaurant. In the middle of his meal, a disgusted patron called on to the manager of the restaurant to complain. Angrily, she told the manager "How can you allow such thing in your fine establishment". The manager replied "but Madam, despite the way he looks, he is a paying customer and he deserve the same rights as everyone else dining here". She said "No! I wasn't talking about the Leper. I mean...the blind guy sitting behind him dipping his bread into the Leper's neck".

[siberian khatru]

Methinks o:-) is more the :evil:

[ndbbm]

What's the difference between Madonna and a Kit Kat?


You only get four fingers in the Kit Kat.

[bkkcoh]

Originally posted by ChiTown
She said "No! I wasn't talking about the Leper. I mean...the blind guy sitting behind him dipping his bread into the Leper's neck".

:Lin:

[KC Jones]

A man is driving down a highway in the desert when he notices a young boy walking down the road. The man pulls over, gets out of the car and walks up to the kid. "Young man, what are you doing out here all alone - where are your parents?", he says. The kid sobbing too hard to talk just points down the road towards a wrecked minivan that's burning. The man says "My god, that's awful! Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Again the kid just points to the wreckage of the minivan. "Dear lord that's horrible. Do you have an aunt or uncle - anyone to take care of you?" asks the man. The kid shakes his head no. "My god kid, this really isn't your day" says the man as he starts to undo his belt and unzip his pants. :eek:

[Baby Lee]

Chinese guy walks into a bar. The barkeeper is black. Being an inveterate racist, the chinese guy walks up and demands 'give me a jigger ******!'

What the **** did you say, son?!?!? In this day and age? How do you think that feels? Hey, step behind the bar here and I'll show you how it feels.

So the chinese guy steps behind the bar, the black steps out and back into the establishment, bellies up to the bar and yells "GIVE ME A DRINK, CHINK!!!!"


"Sorry, we don't serve niggers here no mo."

[Iowanian]

What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle's back?











WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

[ChiTown]

A girl's mother is constantly riding her about getting married. Every day, her mother says, "You're thirty-two, and you've never been married. You're thirty-two, and you've never even been engaged. Never married, never engaged. You've gotta get married." She says, "Leave me alone, Ma. Leave me alone." Her mother goes on and on, "You've gotta get married. You've gotta get married. You've gotta get married." She says, "Ma! Leave me alone!" One day she walks into the house, and she's got rice in hair. Her mother says, "You did it! You finally got married!" She says, "No. I was blowing a chink and he threw up on my head."

[angel]

Originally posted by KcMizzou
:eek: good gawd, angel...

:shake:

who'da thunk it...

come on- dead baby jokes are funny!

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by Iowanian
What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle's back?











WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
:eek: - don't hold back Wan. That's one's sure to piss everyone off!!

[ndbbm]

What's the difference between acne and Michael Jackson?

Acne comes on your face AFTER puberty.


:eek:

[Iowanian]

BL,

You gotta dip a toe in the water to test the temp, before you just "jump in".

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by Iowanian
BL,

You gotta dip a toe in the water to test the temp, before you just "jump in".
Takes some balls to take on the 'snail lobby.'

[ChiTown]

What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common? They've each got about one chance in ten million of ever becoming a human being.

[ChiTown]

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

[ChiTown]

Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms? For better traction in the mud.

[siberian khatru]

How do you drive Helen Keller crazy?
Lock her in a room with stucco walls.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a doll house in the backyard?
Neither did she.

[bkkcoh]

A sexually active young woman goes to the doctor for the yearly exam. He mentions to her that she should be taking precautions not to get pregnant, even with anal sex. The lady says, "You can't pregnant through anal sex!" The doctor says, "Oh yes you can, where do you think lawyers come from!".

[ChiTown]

A guy gets on an elevator with a big, fat woman. He says, "Can I smell your snatch?" She says, "No." He says, "Then it must be your feet."

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by ChiTown
Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms? For better traction in the mud.
ROFL ROFL - "Bruce" brand condoms - the Steel Belted Rubber

[ChiTown]

Originally posted by siberian khatru
How do you drive Helen Keller crazy?
Lock her in a room with stucco walls.

Did you know that Helen Keller had a doll house in the backyard?
Neither did she.

ROFL I love it!ROFL

[siberian khatru]

One day Jesus was walking by the pearly gates when St. Peter asked him to watch the gates for a few minutes. Jesus agreed and in a few minutes he saw an old, old man approach. This man was old! He walked very slowly, had a halting gait, and long white hair and beard.

When Jesus asked if he could help, the old man advised him in a shaky voice that he was looking for his son. Jesus wanted to help
but didn't think he could as there were millions of people there.

"I know I can identify him very easily by the holes in his hands and feet," states the old man.

Jesus does a double take and says, "Father?"

The old man looks at Jesus and says, "Pinocchio?"

[Dartgod]

Q: How do you get 1,000 dead babies in a Volkswagen?

A: Food processor




Q: How do you get them out?

A: A straw or Doritos

[angel]

Originally posted by ENDelt260


I'm glad to see someone representin' w/ the dead baby jokes.

oh I've got more if you guys want 'em

[angel]

What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.





You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby

[Dartgod]

Q: How do you make a dead baby float?

A: Take your foot off of it's head.

[Dartgod]

Q: How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?


A: Nail its other hand to the floor.

[ChiTown]

Originally posted by Dartgod
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?

A: Take your foot off of it's head.

Ouch!

GD, am I ever glad my wife doesn't read this BB;)

[angel]

What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?




Sticking pins in their eyes.

[Baby Lee]

Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his ass.

[angel]

what's the first thing a woman should do after coming home from a battered wife's seminar?





the dishes if she knows what's good for her

[ChiTown]

Originally posted by ENDelt260
So... immediately after a woman gives birth, the doctor's holding the baby. As we walks over to hand it to the mother, he stops short, and launches the baby across the delivery room. The baby smacks up against the wall, and lands with a thud on the floor. The doctor runs over to it, picks it up, and starts punching the hell out of it. Then he drop kicks it to the other side of the room. The doctor picks the baby up by the ankles and is swinging it in circles around his head when he realizes the whole time the mother's been screaming and crying, "STOP!!! NO!!! MY BABY!!!" On and on. The doctor just looks at her w/ a smirk and says, "Relax.... he was already dead!"

That is so FN wrong, I can't comment any further

ROFL :eek:

[Dartgod]

Originally posted by angel
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?



You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?



So you can tell which ones are still alive.

[angel]

Originally posted by ENDelt260
So... immediately after a woman gives birth, the doctor's holding the baby. As we walks over to hand it to the mother, he stops short, and launches the baby across the delivery room. The baby smacks up against the wall, and lands with a thud on the floor. The doctor runs over to it, picks it up, and starts punching the hell out of it. Then he drop kicks it to the other side of the room. The doctor picks the baby up by the ankles and is swinging it in circles around his head when he realizes the whole time the mother's been screaming and crying, "STOP!!! NO!!! MY BABY!!!" On and on. The doctor just looks at her w/ a smirk and says, "Relax.... he was already dead!"


ah, memories-- that was my first dead baby joke- ever since, I was hooked

[Iowanian]

You are all some twisted effers.

[Rain Man]

I find this thread and nearly everything on it to be disgusting and patently offensive. Good job!




Oh, and I read this on a desk back in college.


What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?

You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.

[angel]

Originally posted by ENDelt260


Holy smokes. Not only was I beaten to the battered women jokes.... but, it was by a girl. Will you marry me?


what do you tell a women with two black eyes?




nothing, you've already told her twice

[Radar Chief]

Well you guys asked for it, the most racially offensive joke I know.

Three guys were out camping together, a Native American, an African American and a Cowboy.
The Native American looks longingly at the horizon and says, “once we were many, but now we are few”. The African American says, “oh yea, well once we were few but now we’re many”. At this point the Cowboy chimes in and says, “oh yea, well we ain’t played cowboys and niggers yet now have we”.

[angel]

If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

[Dartgod]

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.
A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.
The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking! It's been months since I had a WARM meal!"

[Mr. Mean]

I like "no arms and no legs" jokes.

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?

A: Art

[ChiTown]

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

[siberian khatru]

College humor:

Q: What's the difference between a Tri-Delt and a Cadillac?

A: Not everyone's been in a Cadillac.


Q: What's the first thing a Tri-Delt does in the morning?

A: Gets dressed and walks home.


Q: What's the difference between a Tri-Delt and a toilet?

A: A toilet doesn't follow you around after you use it.

[angel]

for Phobia:

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying in a ditch?




Phil.

[ChiTown]

Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.

[siberian khatru]

Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do when he finished his vegetables?
A: He threw away their wheelchairs!

[Mr. Mean]

Q: What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the bar b que grill?

A: Frank

His Girlfriend?

Patty

[siberian khatru]

The younger set may not have heard this one before:

Q: What does NASA stand for?

A: Need Another Seven Astronauts

[ChiTown]

What's long and black and smells like shit?
The welfare line.

[angel]

What does a blind, deaf, quadrapalegic baby get for Christmas?






cancer

[Mr. Mean]

Q What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves?

A: Russel

[siberian khatru]

What did Christa McAuliffe tell her husband before she boarded the shuttle Challenger?

"You feed the dog, I'll feed the fish."

[Mark M]

All of you are going to hell for posting these jokes ...

and me for laughing at some of them.

MM
~~:shake:

[ChiTown]

Why is interrogating a Mexican like a pool ball?
The harder you hit it the more English you get.

[ChiTown]

How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.

[angel]

Originally posted by ChiTown
Why do niggers stink?
So blind people can hate them too.


oh no!! :LOL:

[bkkcoh]

How did they know that Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach...

[ChiTown]

What do you call an Ethiopian with a pickle on his head?
A quarter-pounder.

[Baby Lee]

Three Polacks go down to the welfare line for free cheese. When they get back they compare their take. First one, 'Ahhh, I got that dry, shitty, American.' Second one, 'Damin it. Me too.' Third one, 'Yes! I got Nacho.'

'Wha??' Says the other two. 'You got dry, shitty, American. Just like us.'

Huhn-uh. I was waiting in line, when I got tired of waiting and grabbed the closest I could find. Some bidge said 'Hey man, that's Nacho cheese.'

[siberian khatru]

Why do little Polish girls put fish in their pants?

So they'll smell like big Polish girls.

[angel]

what's red and white and crawls up your leg?



a homesick abortion

[ChiTown]

How do you blindfold a chink?
Dental floss.

[siberian khatru]

How do they separate the men from the boys in the Greek army?

With a crowbar.

[bkkcoh]

What do you call an Ethiopian with a bunion on his toe?


A 3-Wood,

[ChiTown]

When does a Black man turn into a ******?
As soon as he leaves the room.

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by siberian khatru
How do they separate the men from the boys in the Greek army?

With a crowbar.
Gives a whole new meaning to the credo "Never leave your brother's behind."

[ChiTown]

Why do Mexican cars have those little steering wheels?
So they can drive handcuffed

[siberian khatru]

"Mommy, mommy, can I lick the bowl?"

"Shut up and flush the toilet!"

[ChiTown]

What's the fastest animal in the world?
The Ethiopian chicken.

[ndbbm]

A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she had been in a coma for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.

The man runs out and tells the doctor, who says this is a good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.

From this, the doctor suggests that the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed.

The man goes in and then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asked what happened.

The man replied, 'She choked.'

[bkkcoh]

What do Ethiopians use for bunk beds....

Window blinds...

[BIG_DADDY]

What do you call an Ethiopian with a dog?

Lucky



What do you call an Ethiopian with 3 dogs?


A rancher

[ChiTown]

What do you call two Ethiopians in a gold sleeping bag?
Twix.

[ChiTown]

What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.

[angel]

How are babies and the elderly alike?





Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.

[BIG_DADDY]

What do Ethiopians call venetian blinds?

Bunk beds


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?


Matt

[ndbbm]

What do you say to a black in a three piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise.

[chief husker]

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing. You already told her twice.


I like that one for an icebreaker at parties.

[ChiTown]

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
Canoes tip.

[Iowanian]

How does a blind person know when they're done wiping?




when the paper tastes like......paper.

[BIG_DADDY]

Leave it to Clint. Good thread you clown.

[ChiTown]

How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.

ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

[Iowanian]

Whats the difference between and Lesbian and a Triscuit?


One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.

[BIG_DADDY]

Did you hear about the new sushi bar down the street owned by jews?

It's call So sue me.

[ndbbm]

Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?

Cause they ain't going to work in the future either.

[Dartgod]

Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.
"What was that?" The others asked her.
"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked.
"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."
They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked her.
"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this sweater!"

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by Dartgod
Three women were in the waiting room of a gynecologist, and each of them was knitting a sweater for their baby-to-be. The first one stopped and took a pill.
"What was that?" The others asked her.
"Oh, it was Vitamin C - I want my baby to be healthy." A few minutes later, another woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked.
"Oh, it was iron - I want my baby to be big and strong."
They continued knitting. Finally the third woman took a pill.
"What was that?" the others asked her.
"It was thalidomide," she said, "I just can't get the arms right on this sweater!"
Noice!!!! ROFL

[angel]

one more before I go:


what do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the ocean?





screwed

[siberian khatru]

Originally posted by angel
one more before I go:


what do you call a baby with no arms and no legs in the ocean?





screwed

I would've said "Bob."

[Dartgod]

Joe goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Joe's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Joe finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Joe to help him out. Being a kind soul, Joe says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Joe says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Joe replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Joe pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Joe to point it for him, and Joe points for him. Joe then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Joe, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Joe says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it.

[DenverChief]

Originally posted by Dartgod
Joe goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Joe's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak.
Joe finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Joe to help him out. Being a kind soul, Joe says, "Ah, OK, sure, I'll help you."
The man asks, "Can you unzip my zipper?"
Joe says, "OK."
Then the man says, "Can you pull it out for me?"
Joe replies, "Uh, yeah, OK."
Joe pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Joe to point it for him, and Joe points for him. Joe then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up.
The guy tells Joe, "Thanks, man, I really appreciate it."
Joe says, "No problem, but what the hell's wrong with your penis?"
The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, "I don't know, but I ain't touching it. ROFL

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by siberian khatru


I would've said "Bob."


ROFL I should be writing this stuff down.

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by Kevin



ROFL I should be writing this stuff down.
He's Bob if he's in a lake. In the Ocean, he's Skip.

[Dartgod]

Originally posted by siberian khatru


I would've said "Bob."
Huh?

[DenverChief]

What was Evil Knevils last stunt?





Riding thru Ethiopia with a ham and cheese sandwich tied to his nuts

[Dartgod]

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

[Pennywise]

What would you call the Flinstones if they were black?



















Niggas.

[munkey]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out. The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat. Once he was gone the mother turned to the father.

The mother said, "That's wonderful. Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?!"

The father replies "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"

[DenverChief]

The pope, the president, the smartest woman in the world and a boy scout were all riding on Air Force one over the Atlantic ocean when the pilot comes back to inform the passengers that the plane was going to crash and that other than the pilots there were only three parachutes so they had better decide who was going down with the plane. At that moment the pope stood up and said " I am the leader of the largest religion in the world, I must be saved!" and grabs a parachute and jumps out the door.
The president then stands up and says " I am the leader of the most powerful country in the world, I must be saved." and grabs one and jumps out the door. The smartest woman in the world stands up and says " I am the smartest woman I must be saved for the sake of women!" and she follows suit. About this time the pilot comes back and sees the boy scout busting out in laughter. Curious the pilot asks " I see you have made your decision, but why are you laughing in the face of death?" and the Boy Scout responds " I'm not lauging in the face of death I'm laughing becasue the smartest woman in the world just jumped out of the plane with my backpack on."

[siberian khatru]

Originally posted by Dartgod

Huh?

Think of a buoy on the ocean, riding the waves, bobbing up and down.

[Dartgod]

A man answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

The man says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."

[Dartgod]

Originally posted by siberian khatru


Think of a buoy on the ocean, riding the waves, bobbing up and down.
No, I though you were addressing me...by name.

[munkey]

A woman walks into the doctors office with a huge boil on her arse.

The doctor squeezes it, pushes it, and then looks at the hard white pus core. He says this is too big a job for me so he sends her to Gus the pus sucker.

The woman goes to Gus who looks at the bulging red, inflamed boil festering with pus and says "this is no problem" and he proceeds to press his lips to her arse and sucks out the pus and core of the boil.

Halfway through, the woman drops a mammoth fart. Gus stops what he's doing, looks up and says "You know lady, its people like you that make this job ****ing disgusting."


:Lin:

[munkey]

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.

The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."

The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

[munkey]

A girl and a boy were at the back of the cinema, kissing passionately.

When they come up for air, the boy says, "I really love kissing you, but do you mind not passing me your chewing gum."

The girl replies,"It's not chewing gum, I've got bronchitis".

[siberian khatru]

Originally posted by Dartgod

No, I though you were addressing me...by name.

:spock: :doh!:

[munkey]

Two guys were swapping stories in the park one day and one guy (a war vet) mentioned that during the war he was captured and held for weeks without food.

The other guy asked, "How could you survive without food?"

"It wasn't easy," he said. "But I had a big meal before I was captured and learned to eat my own shit."

"WHAT?? That's disgusting!" said the first guy. "I don't believe you!"

Without a second thought the vet reached into his pants, shit in his hand and promptly ate it on the spot.

The second guy (now gagging) said, "My God! If you can do that so easily, we can bet big money and rake in a fortune!!"

"Sounds good to me," said the vet "I can use the money."

The next day the guy had set up a bet with two wealthy but unbelieving high rollers.

"This I gotta see," said one of the gamblers.

"It aint gonna happen," said the other. "No one can eat their own shit."

"Lets do it," said the vet's buddy as he set down a plate full of shit in front of the vet.

The vet looks down ready to dig in, when all of a sudden he bolts from the table and projectile pukes a streak across the room right on the two gamblers. In a rage the gamblers kick the living crap out of both the vet and his buddy, they take their winnings and leave.

"We lost it all!!" said the buddy. "Why in the hell didn't you eat the shit??"

"There was a hair in it!" said the vet.

[Garcia Bronco]

Originally posted by KCWolfman
http://ca.yimg.com/i/ca/cp/20020820/4161789978.jpg
I parked over there, under the handicap sign.


dirty

[Bwana]

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."

Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a **** hair off each side and put the mother ****er back up."

Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."

When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get ****ed. That's the electrician's job."

[JakeT]

What does a 65 yr old pussy taste like








Depends

[Bwana]

Do you know what a rodeo fuk is?

Your wife/girlfriend gets on all fours. You mount up, making sure you have a good grip. Then you say, "Honey, you're the worst piece of ass I ever had!"

Then you try to hold on for 8 seconds

[Cowgirl]

There's a nudist campground, 3 flys happen upon. It starts to rain, and they notice a naked woman, so the fly towards her seeking shelter.

The first flys into her nose.....
The second flys into her mouth...
The third into her twat..........

The next morning the flys emerge and ask each other how there's night went.

Fly #1 complained that he kept getting blown our all night.

Fly #2 complained it was to wet were he was.

Fly #3 Kept having some bald guy poke him all night. Finally after repeated pokies, I kicked him, and the jerk spit on me.

:eek:

[JOhn]

Mommy, Mommy, can I lick the bowl?



NO...........













Flush it like everyone else

[Yosef_Malkovitch]

What's red and silver and keeps crawling around bumping into things?



A baby with forks in its eyes!

[R&GHomer]

Q. What do you call a male Gay Dinosaur?

A. A lickasoreanus


Q, What do you call a female Gay Dinosaur?

A. A Lickalotofpuss.


Budda Bump.

[RealSNR]

ROFL :LOL: ROFL

First dead baby joke I heard was on here from reading this thread. You've opened my eyes to a whole new world. Thank you to whoever posted these

[Baby Lee]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER
Q. What do you call a male Gay Dinosaur?

A. A lickasoreanus


Q, What do you call a female Gay Dinosaur?

A. A Lickalotofpuss.


Budda Bump.
I thought the gay dude was MegaSOREass.

[DenverChief]

Originally posted by Baby Lee

I thought the gay dude was MegaSOREass. :LOL:

[DenverChief]

whats green and red and goes round and round and round?



















Kermit in a blender



Whats green and smells like miss piggy?


















Kermits finger

[MrBlond]

As the doctor in the delivery room delivers a newborn, he suddenly raises the infant above his head, spikes the kid and goes into a Gastenaeu sack dance. As the horrified parents look on the doctor pauses and says:

"Just kidding. It was stillborn"

[Mr. Christopher]

Why should you never go down on your girlfriend/wife after a long night of sex?






Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

[Joe Seahawk]

Originally posted by Mr. Christopher
Why should you never go down on your girlfriend/wife after a long night of sex?






Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Good Lawd! :shake:

[Mr. Christopher]

One day, a teacher was teaching her inner city students to learn about farm animals and the noises they made.

She asked a question to the class: "Who knows what a cow sounds like."

A young girl raises her hand and replies: "Mooo, mooo!"

The teacher replies: "Good! Now who knows what sound a chicken makes?"

A small boy raises his hand and replies: "Cluck, cluck, cluck."

The teacher replies: "That's right! Now who can tell me what a pig says?"

A young black kid raises his hand: "Freeze!! UP AGAINST THE WALL, MOTHERF---ER!!!"

[Mr. Christopher]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?


One's white and harmful to children....and the other is a plastic bag.

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by ENDelt260


Well, there's the third appearance of that one.


Fourth, if you count people who quote it.

[Mr. Christopher]

How do you circumcize a redneck?


Punch his sister in the jaw.

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by Mr. Christopher
Why should you never go down on your girlfriend/wife after a long night of sex?






Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwich?



Man thats just F***ed up. ROFL.... NAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSTY

[Mr. Christopher]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER




Man thats just F***ed up. ROFL.... NAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSTY

Quite possibly the nastiest joke I have ever heard. :D

[Mr. Christopher]

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her for staying out too late?



They rearranged the furniture.

[Mr. Christopher]

How did Hellen Keller's parents teach her about sex?



They left a plunger in the toilet.

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by Mr. Christopher


Quite possibly the nastiest joke I have ever heard. :D


I was taking a drink out of my coke when I read that. Spit coke all over my desk.. monitor... computer... shit came out my nose. Thanks I needed that. I'm still laughing.

[Mr. Christopher]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER



I was taking a drink out of my coke when I read that. Spit coke all over my desk.. monitor... computer... shit came out my nose. Thanks I needed that. I'm still laughing.

ROFL ROFL ROFL

[Baby Lee]

And Buckwheat said "Show! Ahh kin use 'dictate' inna seh-tahns. HEY DAHLA!! HOWMAH DIC-TATE LASS NAGHT?"

[R&GHomer]

Q. Why did the blonde quit using birth control pills?


A. They kept falling out.

[DenverChief]

Originally posted by ENDelt260


:shake: No, no, no... that's not offensive. Change to a young boy, a pastor, a priest and a rabbi. The pastor says "we should save the boy, he has a long life ahead of him, blah blah blah". The rabbi says "Screw the boy!". The priest says, "Is there time?"

actually your supposed to replace smartest woman with smartest black guy, mexican etc etc

[MrBlond]

What did the blond say when she woke up under a cow?


"Can one of you guys take me home, now?"

[siberian khatru]

What's the difference between spit and swallow?


About 40 pounds of pressure on the back of her head.

[DenverChief]

Originally posted by siberian khatru
What's the difference between spit and swallow?


About 40 pounds of pressure on the back of her head. ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL

[RNR]

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonders wife?...neither has he.

[Raiderhater]

Three Mexicans ride into an old west town on their horses and ride up to a bank. They go in to rob it and the first Mexican runs out and goes to jump on the horse and sails right over it and lands in a big hole. The second runs out and does the same thing. The third runs out and goes to jump on his horse and lands on it rides away with the money.

The moral of the story - 2 out of 3 Mexicans don't know their @ss from a hole in the ground.

[Rain Man]

That joke would be even funnier (or at least funny) if they were riding mules.

[DenverChief]

Originally posted by raiderhader
Three Mexicans ride into an old west town on their horses and ride up to a bank. They go in to rob it and the first Mexican runs out and goes to jump on the horse and sails right over it and lands in a big hole. The second runs out and does the same thing. The third runs out and goes to jump on his horse and lands on it rides away with the money.

The moral of the story - 2 out of 3 Mexicans don't know their @ss from a hole in the ground. ROFL

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by Kevin
That joke would be even funnier (or at least funny) if they were riding mules.


I suppose I could spruce it up a little.


I have a REALLY sick one, but I can't remember exactly how it goes. :banghead: Maybe I'll run a search for it and see if I can find it on the web. Jeez that'll probably take days though. :rolleyes:

[Chiefaholic]

How can you tell when a girl from Arkansas is on the rag?

She's only wearing one sock.

[memyselfI]

George W. Bush...




























sorry if this one has been mentioned three million times on this thread already.

[Chiefaholic]

How can you make a woman pick cotton?




cut the string

[Chiefaholic]

How do you kill 200 flies all at once?







Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.........

[R&GHomer]

What does it mean when the flags are at half mast at the post office?

They're hiring.

[Chiefaholic]

What did the Mexican do with his first 50 cent piece?

Marry her...........

[Chiefaholic]

What do you call a Mexican baptism?






Bean Dip...........

[Chiefaholic]

What's the definition of confusion?


Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market............

[R&GHomer]

In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.

Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can't feel my legs!

Doctor: Yes, we've had to amputate both your arms.

[Chiefaholic]

What's the most confusing day in Harlem?


Fathers Day

[Raiderhater]

Denise

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by Chiefaholic
What do you call a Mexican baptism?






Bean Dip...........



ROFL

[whoman69]

"Mommy, mommy, I hate my brother's guts."
"Shut up and eat what's on your plate."

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by Chiefaholic
What's the most confusing day in Harlem?


Fathers Day



ROFL

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader
Denise

Copycat. :rolleyes:

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by raiderhader
Denise



Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, your going to HELL for that. ROFL

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER




Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, your going to HELL for that. ROFL


Nah, I fully expected some unoriginal half brain to post that after I posted my joke. The only question remaining was which one.

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Copycat. :rolleyes:


It didn't seem to bother you.


sorry if this one has been mentioned three million times on this thread already.

One good turn deserves another.

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi
unoriginal half brain


Takes one to know one.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader



It didn't seem to bother you.




One good turn deserves another.

Had it been mentioned? I didn't read the entire thread before I posted...


not that folks here would actally post it. The crew here is alittle too 'right' for that. :rolleyes:

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER




Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, your going to HELL for that. ROFL


It's worth it.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader



Takes one to know one.

how old are you again?

Ah, a few years older than Slayer if I remember correctly.

Hence the similiar thought process. ROFL

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Had it been mentioned? I didn't read the entire thread before I posted...


not that folks here would actally post it. The crew here is alittle to 'right' for that. :rolleyes:


Doesn't matter if it was or wasn't. You seemed to think that it was a possibility and decided to be "unoriginal" anyway. You ain't squiggling out of this one.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader



Doesn't matter if it was or wasn't. You seemed to think that it was a possibility and decided to be "unoriginal" anyway. You ain't squiggling out of this one.

Nah, I'm the one not choosing to waste my time with barely post puberty know it all virgins. ROFL

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


how old are you again?

Ah, a few years older than Slayer if I remember correctly.

Hence the similiar thought process. ROFL



As much as Slayer annoys me, I'd rather have his thought process than yours.

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Nah, I'm the one not choosing to waste my time with barely post puberty know it all virgins. ROFL

You had better be careful RaiderHader. I think she likes you. ;)

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Nah, I'm the one not choosing to waste my time with barely post puberty know it all virgins. ROFL


:spock: No? Just what have you been doing then?

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER


You had better be careful RaiderHader. I think she likes you. ;)

Please...

I like my men to know where things are, why they are there, and how to use them. :p ;)

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER


You had better be careful RaiderHader. I think she likes you. ;)



- shudder -


:Lin:

[CrazyHorse]

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader



:spock: No? Just what have you been doing then?

making you think you are interesting... humoring you. I'm sure you'll get that from quite a few women in the upcoming years. :D

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Please...

I like my women to know where things are, why they are there, and how to use them. :p ;)

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader



Ah, the originality continues. I bet you'll end up with your best friends leftovers someday.
ROFL

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


making you think you are interesting... humoring you. I'm sure you'll get that from quite a few women in the upcoming years. :D


Oh yeah sure. :rolleyes:



Hader,
she still wasted her time with me one way or the other

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Please...

I like my men to know where things are, why they are there, and how to use them. :p ;)


For RaiderHader 's sake I hope that doesn't enclude plastics and batteries.... :p

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi



Ah, the originality continues. I bet you'll end up with your best friends leftovers someday.
ROFL


Ah, ther old "original" comeback, again.



Hader,
now that's original :rolleyes:

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER



For RaiderHader 's sake I hope that doesn't enclude plastics and batteries.... :p


What the he!! is this "for RaiderHader's sake" crap?



Hader,
when it comes to Denise I'm happily ignorant

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER



For RaiderHader 's sake I hope that doesn't enclude plastics and batteries.... :p


Have you seen the fake plastic/rubber vaginas they sell these days...he could get lucky yet. ;)

http://www.toysforusonline.com/shopR.cfm?=GRB1

[RealSNR]

Ahh, this one was a classic when I was in elementary school... ROFL

A young boy was doing his homework one night when he was stuck on a problem. He opened his parents' bedroom door and saw his mom standing there naked. He pointed at her private area and said "Mommy, what's that?" His mom said "that's mommy's jungle"

The next night he had to go to the bathroom really badly. So he rushed down the hall and opened the bathroom door and saw his dad taking a piss. He pointed at his dad's penis and said "Daddy, what's that?" His dad said "that's daddy's snake"

The next night there was a huge thunderstorm and the boy wanted to sleep with his parents. About halfway through the night, the boy was awake and looked under the covers and exclaimed "LOOK OUT MOMMY! THERE'S A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR JUNGLE!"

[R&GHomer]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by raiderhader
[B]


What the he!! is this "for RaiderHader's sake" crap?



Sorry Man! If your into that kind of thing... my bad. :)


Just playing into the MeMy and RaiderHader love triangle... hehe you two crack me up.

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi



Have you seen the fake plastic/rubber vaginas they sell these days...he could get lucky yet. ;)

http://www.toysforusonline.com/shopR.cfm?=GRB1


She sure pulled that up in a hurry. Shop for those very often Denise?

[RealSNR]

Originally posted by raiderhader



She sure pulled that up in a hurry. Shop for those very often Denise? There's reason to be suspicious, that's for sure

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by memyselfi



Have you seen the fake plastic/rubber vaginas they sell these days...he could get lucky yet. ;)

http://www.toysforusonline.com/shopR.cfm?=GRB1


Ewwww, Yuk. I'm a self professed hypocrite. Its ok for Woman, but no real man is gonna stick his junk in that. Nope!

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER
[QUOTE]Originally posted by raiderhader
[B]


What the he!! is this "for RaiderHader's sake" crap?



Sorry Man! If your into that kind of thing... my bad. :)


Just playing into the MeMy and RaiderHader love triangle... hehe you two crack me up.



:shake: You sick f#cker.


Hader,
glad R&G is enjoying himself

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER
[QUOTE]Originally posted by raiderhader
[B]


What the he!! is this "for RaiderHader's sake" crap?



Sorry Man! If your into that kind of thing... my bad. :)


Just playing into the MeMy and RaiderHader love triangle... hehe you two crack me up.


:eek:

Please. I'd happily stick to the plastic and batteries vs. the vestal virgin. :D

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by SNR
There's reason to be suspicious, that's for sure


Yeah I know. The man hating winch.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by SNR
There's reason to be suspicious, that's for sure

The site is bookmarked. ;)

Not that particular page...I do have other favorites on the site though. :D

[R&GHomer]

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals.
The Chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, then we'll eat you, and then we'll use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman cries "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief hands him a gun, the Englishman points it at his head saying "God save the Queen!", and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over; the stomach, sides, chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing all over the place, it's horrible.
The chief is appalled and asks, "God almighty, what are you doing?"
The New Yorker sneers and says, "So much for your canoe, you stupid ****!"

ROFL

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER



Ewwww, Yuk. I'm a self professed hypocrite. Its ok for Woman, but no real man is gonna stick his junk in that. Nope!

It is pretty gross. The blow up dolls are even worse.

No offense, Hader.

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by memyselfi


It is pretty gross. The blow up dolls are even worse.

No offense, Hader.


Yes, but on the flip side. They always seem so happy and surprised to see you. ROFL

[CrazyHorse]

Denise with a rubber vagina... now that's offensive....and funnyROFL :dom:

[stevieray]

I like the one where the "Chief" fan stands up in Arrowhead, and cheers for the Raiders, once they learn they are going to win the game.


That one cracks me up every time.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by R&GHOMER



Yes, but on the flip side. They always seem so happy and surprised to see you. ROFL


ROFL ROFL ROFL

[siberian khatru]

A wife says to her husband, "Howard, I want breast implants."

He says: " We can't afford it. Go grab a wad of toilet paper and rub it up and down between your tits."

"Will that make them bigger?" she asks.

He says, "It worked on your ass."

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


It is pretty gross. The blow up dolls are even worse.

No offense, Hader.


You do a lot of assuming. Just because YOU have to get off artificially doesn't mean everyone else does.

[siberian khatru]

A woman is walking down the street. A guy says, "Hey, lady, there's a tampon hanging out of your mouth."

She says, "F*ck, what'd I do with my cigarette?"

[2bikemike]

Originally posted by raiderhader



She sure pulled that up in a hurry. Shop for those very often Denise?

Now I am convinced Denise is a pervert. She was talking about Captn Stabbin earlier. I think she surfs some pretty nasty sites.

[R&GHomer]

Originally posted by siberian khatru
A wife says to her husband, "Howard, I want breast implants."

He says: " We can't afford it. Go grab a wad of toilet paper and rub it up and down between your tits."

"Will that make them bigger?" she asks.

He says, "It worked on your ass."

:LOL:

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by stevieray
I like the one where the "Chief" fan stands up in Arrowhead, and cheers for the Raiders, once they learn they are going to win the game.


That one cracks me up every time.


Yes, a true classic.

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by raiderhader



You do a lot of assuming. Just because YOU have to get off artificially doesn't mean everyone else does.

Darling, I have the real thing...

The toys are for fun but don't compare. You'll see, hopefully, one day. :D

[2bikemike]

Man gets on an elevator there is a woman already on the elevator. Tha man says "Can I smell your Pussy?" The woman says "Why no of course not." The man says " Oh it must be your feet"

[Raiderhater]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Darling, I have the real thing...

The toys are for fun but don't compare. You'll see, hopefully, one day. :D



Yeah, what's her name?

[siberian khatru]

A cowboy is captured by Indians and tied to a stake, as they prepare to burn him alive. He asks the chief if he can say one last thing to his trusted horse. The chiefs says OK.

The cowboy leans over and whispers something into the horse's ear. The horse suddenly tears off at full gallop over the hillside. A few minutes later, as the flames are beginning to lick at the cowboy's feet, the horse suddenly reappears, galloping furiously up to the site carrying a beautiful woman in its saddle.

As the horse pulls up, the cowboy screams, "I said POSSE, you idiot!"

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by 2bikemike


Now I am convinced Denise is a pervert. She was talking about Captn Stabbin earlier. I think she surfs some pretty nasty sites.

Sweetie,

sometimes links take you where you don't want to go. Unfortunately if you search 'sex toys' sites you end up with a bunch of places you wish you had not been shown.
:eek:


How do YOU know Captain Stabbin...did you take up B.D.'s offer for a ride on the boat? :D

[JOhn]

Originally posted by memyselfi


Sweetie,

sometimes links take you were you don't want to go. Unfortunately if you search 'sex toys' sites you end up with a bunch of places you wish you had not been shown.
:eek:


:shake:

[memyselfI]

Originally posted by jOhN



:shake:

You obviously do not know who the hell Sue Johansen is. :spank: