Office ettiquete

[Saulbadguy]

Post them as you see fit, and when you come across them today.

Rule #1:
Please do not forward emails to me when I am clearly on the original SEND list. I have already received them. Thank you.

[Scaga]

After I've done what you've requested in an email...do NOT send me another one saying "THANK YOU".....catch me later at the coffee machine!

[Dartgod]

If you see that I am on the phone, please do not stand outside my cubicle laughing and joking with other co-workers. It makes it hard to hear the person on the other end of the phone.

[Iron Chef]

After I've done what you've requested in an email...do NOT send me another one saying "THANK YOU".....catch me later at the coffee machine!


DITTO :clap:

[Zebedee DuBois]

Always use REPLY ALL for any e-mail correspondence, especially corporate mailes from HR.

[seclark]

don't make your fancy-dan mint chocolate-mocco coffee you're so proud of in the company coffee pot...if i want that shit, i'll go fill my cup out of the freaking toilet. the same goes for that pussy caffeine-free crap.
thanks in advance.
sec
p.s. leave the damn air conditioner turned on!!! grab a effn sweater if you're cold.
p.s.s. don't make a cake for my birthday and expect me to sit around w/you for a little party...i don't like you guys, so gfy.

jeeze...i could write a whole book.

[jiveturkey]

After I've done what you've requested in an email...do NOT send me another one saying "THANK YOU".....catch me later at the coffee machine!
Don't send me an email and then walk over here and ask me if I got it and then tell me exactly what it says.

[Saulbadguy]

Don't call me to tell me important information I need to remember. Chances are, I won't. Just use email.

[jiveturkey]

I also agree with the A/C issue.

Men are the only one's allow to ajust the temp. 72 degrees is totally normal.

[Saulbadguy]

Stop wasting paper and toner by printing out worthless shit like Farside/Dilbert/Doonesbury strips.

[jiveturkey]

Don't ask me a question and then refuse to write down the answer. If you ask me the same question the next day I'm going to tell you to check your notes.

[jiveturkey]

If you drink coffee turn off the freaking coffee pot before you leave.

[KCTitus]

If you know that I am the desktop/PC support person, dont walk up and ask me 'who should I call' with a problem with your PC...

[Saulbadguy]

If you know that I am the desktop/PC support person, dont walk up and ask me 'who should I call' with a problem with your PC...
Thats when I usually direct them to another co-worker.

[stevieray]

if you ever see me working in an office, shoot me.

[ptlyon]

Don't bring your kid into work for any reason. Not if it is a newborn, not if you need to watch him/her for awhile, and not for "Take Your Child to Work" day.

They don't belong here.

[siberian khatru]

Don't fondle the secretaries, unless they have unimpeachable reputations as sluts.

[HC_Chief]

Do not speak to me.
Do not look at me.
Quit being such a f*cking moron.

:D

[jiveturkey]

Don't stay late just because you hate your life and waste my time with BSing. If I'm staying late I have chit to do and I want to get it done and haul ass. I like my life and I would rather be at home living it.

[jiveturkey]

Don't bring your kid into work for any reason. Not if it is a newborn, not if you need to watch him/her for awhile, and not for "Take Your Child to Work" day.

They don't belong here.Don't bring pets either!

[Boozer]

Don't fondle the secretaries, unless they have unimpeachable reputations as sluts.
Boy, today's my first day on the job...this could come in useful. Thanks a million.

[Saulbadguy]

Don't bring your kid into work for any reason. Not if it is a newborn, not if you need to watch him/her for awhile, and not for "Take Your Child to Work" day.

They don't belong here.
Howdy, ptlyon. I drove through your fair city a month ago. It smelled like death.

[seclark]

Don't bring your kid into work for any reason. Not if it is a newborn, not if you need to watch him/her for awhile, and not for "Take Your Child to Work" day.

They don't belong here.
absolute truth...one gal brought her little cracker-snapper in to my office while i was out and took my bob gibson autographed baseball out of the case so he could play w/it. now it's covered w/chocolate fingerprints...
sec

[Saulbadguy]

Don't talk to me about politics. I don't want to hear it.

[Saulbadguy]

absolute truth...one gal brought her little cracker-snapper in to my office while i was out and took my bob gibson autographed baseball out of the case so he could play w/it. now it's covered w/chocolate fingerprints...
sec
I call shenanigans.

[HC_Chief]

Howdy, ptlyon. I drove through your fair city a month ago. It smelled like death.

:spock:
Aren't you from <i>Topeka</i>?!

[seclark]

I call shenanigans.
???
over my head...
sec

[Saulbadguy]

:spock:
Aren't you from <i>Topeka</i>?!
Yes. Topeka doesn't smell though. Doesn't smell bad, at least.

[jiveturkey]

Stop aking me what other people are whispering about. I don't have super hearing, I don't have actual listening skills, and I don't even care.

[Saulbadguy]

???
over my head...
sec
shenanigans


synonomous to bullshit (aka. shens)

I call shens!

[HC_Chief]

Yes. Topeka doesn't smell though. Doesn't smell bad, at least.

lol
Try driving by Frito Lay or Hills on a warm day and tell me that. :p

[Mark M]

Hold your fart until AFTER you get off of the elevator.

If you see me standing outside your office, end your personal, not-anywhere-close-to-work-conversation with your co-worker. I've got too much shit to do. The last thing I need to do is wait for you to discuss your kids soccer game.

If I'm standing at the urinal, I'm busy. Don't fuqqing talk to me while I have my dick in my hand -- it makes it crawl back up.

If the coffee is too strong, add water you pussy. It's easier to make it weaker than it is to make it stronger.

I'm sure I'll think of a few more as the day goes on.

MM
~~:)

[jiveturkey]

Don't talk to me about politics. I don't want to hear it.And religon.

[Saulbadguy]

lol
Try driving by Frito Lay or Hills on a warm day and tell me that. :p
Dude..its NOTHING like Sioux City. Ever driven through there?

[KCTitus]

Dont forward an email you received from your spouse/brother/cousin/son/sister who believes all chain emails are true warning me that there is a virus and I should delete my kernel32.dll file or my PC will blow up.

If your machine has a virus, you will be hearing from me first.

[MOhillbilly]

in the morning dont say Good Morning. I decide what kind of god damn morning im gonna have.

[seclark]

shenanigans


synonomous to bullshit (aka. shens)

I call shens!
call it what you want...i aint mailing my balls to you for inspection.
sec

[Nzoner]

1.When you borow anything from my desk please put it back where you found it.My tape dispenser does not belong on your desk,this is why it is called mine.

2.If and when you take a message for me please make sure to repeat the number to make sure you wrote it down right.

My wife is a co-worker of mine I could write a book.

[Saulbadguy]

1.When you borow anything from my desk please put it back where you found it.My tape dispenser does not belong on your desk,this is why it is called mine.

2.If and when you take a message for me please make sure to repeat the number to make sure you wrote it down right.

My wife is a co-worker of mine I could write a book.
Nzoner: "He took my stapler..im gonna set the building on fire"

[KCTitus]

My wife is a co-worker of mine I could write a book.

Dude...that's got to be tough. I couldnt work with a family member at all. It's amazing you're still married.

[KC Jones]

Your collective bosses asked me to relay the following message:

Hey look - it's the cranky whiners club!

Now why don't all of your stop bitching, rub some sand in your vaginas, and get your asses back to work.

:D

[Jenny Gump]

don't make your fancy-dan mint chocolate-mocco coffee you're so proud of in the company coffee pot...if i want that shit, i'll go fill my cup out of the freaking toilet. the same goes for that pussy caffeine-free crap.
thanks in advance.
sec
p.s. leave the damn air conditioner turned on!!! grab a effn sweater if you're cold.
p.s.s. don't make a cake for my birthday and expect me to sit around w/you for a little party...i don't like you guys, so gfy.

jeeze...i could write a whole book.
ROFL ROFL ROFL
I echo those sentiments.

Also, if you are going to have a conversation with me, don't just stare at my chest. They aren't going to accidentally spring out of my blouse. (I hope our office breast man is reading this)

I don't want your happy horsesh!t chain emails. Save it for your mutha.

Unless you are reporting the latest gossip that is circulating about me, I don't want to hear your useless drivel. My life is complicated enough.

If I am on the phone, don't just stand outside of my office waiting to talk to me...where you are in earshot of everything I am saying. Talk about annoying. I HATE THAT!

PLEASE, PLEASE do not assume that I want to know every personal thing about your life. I do not. If I look busy, it's because I am. Don't camp in my office.

Oh I could go on and on....

[jiveturkey]

Your collective bosses asked me to relay the following message:

Hey look - it's the cranky whiners club!

Now why don't all of your stop bitching, rub some sand in your vaginas, and get your asses back to work.

:D
Rule number 43: Don't tell me to get back to work when there's nothing to do. If you're mad about the lack of business then take it out on your dog that you're so eager to talk about.

[MOhillbilly]

1.When you borow anything from my desk please put it back where you found it.My tape dispenser does not belong on your desk,this is why it is called mine.

.


Samething goes for the warehouse you get something out and decide you dont need it four days later dont just throw it on the floor for me to find.

You want boxes for you kids to move out w/ go to the FN grocery store dont pilfer my stash.
You wanna send shit out UPS dont be a dick to the guy whos gonna send your package out then wonder why it ends up in alaska,three weeks after you mom/brothers/aunts birthday/christmas.
You need a tapegun go to lowes and get you ****in own.
You need an invoice hard copy from 99' dont go through 4 years get pissed cause you cant find what you want and just mix those four year together.

And NEVER EVER ASK ME TO DO SHIT ON MY LUNCH HOUR,WHEN THERES TEN ****S JUST SITTUN AROUND PULLIN THERE PUD!
MATTER OF FACT DONT TALK TO ME AT ALL EVER!

[ptlyon]

Howdy, ptlyon. I drove through your fair city a month ago. It smelled like death.

Not death but close. It was either the sewage treatment plant or the hog plant.

Surprised you didn't stop by to visit. :)

[Saulbadguy]

ROFL ROFL ROFL
I echo those sentiments.

Also, if you are going to have a conversation with me, don't just stare at my chest. They aren't going to accidentally spring out of my blouse. (I hope our office breast man is reading this)


Golden Rule #2: If you have big breasts, and wear clothing that flaunts them, don't expect men NOT to stare at them.

[jiveturkey]

Also, if you are going to have a conversation with me, don't just stare at my chest. They aren't going to accidentally spring out of my blouse. (I hope our office breast man is reading this)This rule was vetoed last year.

We get to stare at boobs all we want. If you want us to look at your face you're going to have to put a vagina on it.

[Nzoner]

Nzoner: "He took my stapler..im gonna set the building on fire"

That was based on working with my wife,believe me my other employees know better :D

[ptlyon]

Dude..its NOTHING like Sioux City. Ever driven through there?

I've been to Topeka, and he's right

[Mark M]

This rule was vetoed last year.

We get to stare at boobs all we want. If you want us to look at your face you're going to have to put a vagina on it.

Teh rep.

MM
~~ROFL

[Jenny Gump]

Golden Rule #2: If you have big breasts, and wear clothing that flaunts them, don't expect men NOT to stare at them.

Ok...busted. But for pete's sake, at least look up from time to time.

[Saulbadguy]

Ok...busted. But for pete's sake, at least look up from time to time.
Just depends on if there is anything worth listening to coming from the upper half.

[Jenny Gump]

This rule was vetoed last year.

We get to stare at boobs all we want. If you want us to look at your face you're going to have to put a vagina on it.

ROFL
Classic.

[Jenny Gump]

Just depends on if there is anything worth listening to coming from the upper half.

Actually, I find myself quite entertaining.

[Nzoner]

If you see that I'm busy on Chiefs Planet do not interupt me to see if I can talk to someone about ad rates.:)

[beavis]

I realize it may cramp your style of the dockers with the elastic waste band hiked up over your beer gut, and that puke green polo that's about 15 years old, but the company will provide you with a headset, USE IT. I don't need to listen to your ****ing asinine conference calls 8 hours a day.

[Swanman]

If I'm standing at the urinal, I'm busy. Don't fuqqing talk to me while I have my dick in my hand -- it makes it crawl back up.

Along those same lines, if the bathroom has three urinals and I'm at the one on the far right, don't use the one in the center if the one on the far left is available.

Also, don't congregate around the bathroom sink and have conversations, it's a crapper, not a conference room.

[PastorMikH]

Stop wasting paper and toner by printing out worthless like Farside/Dilbert/Doonesbury strips.



No kidding! Scan and print it with the 'puter so it's in color!:p

[PastorMikH]

Golden Rule #2: If you have big breasts, and wear clothing that flaunts them, don't expect men NOT to stare at them.



What is it with this anyway? Being a Pastor, there have been times when I have fielded complaints about people checking out the complainee or their daughter. Ladies, if you wear something so tight that everything can be seen or something so loose or low cut that men might possible catch a glimps, I can gaurantee that most men will look. So if you don't want them looking, don't wear stuff that is revealing.


(Disclaimer: Not directing this at you Jenny, just speaking in general)

[Amnorix]

Don't send me an email and then walk over here and ask me if I got it and then tell me exactly what it says.

ROFLROFLROFL I get that all the freaking time...

[Saulbadguy]

What is it with this anyway? Being a Pastor, there have been times when I have fielded complaints about people checking out the complainee or their daughter. Ladies, if you wear something so tight that everything can be seen or something so loose or low cut that men might possible catch a glimps, I can gaurantee that most men will look. So if you don't want them looking, don't wear stuff that is revealing.


(Disclaimer: Not directing this at you Jenny, just speaking in general)
Preach on, brutha.

[Amnorix]

1. If you have big breasts and you're wearing a supertight shirt, please don't put a sweater over the whole ensemble. Show 'em and be proud of 'em.

2. If you're the chick in #1, above, and you just finished stretching, don't worry about the drool problem I seem to be experiencing.

3. If I ask you about the belly button piercing after you're done stretching, don't be offended.

4. if I seem to be talking to your lovely breasts, it's mainly because of that supertight shirt you're wearing over those glorious puppies -- now take off that stupid freaking sweater....

-Amno (who just had a 20 year old UNBELIEVABLE BABE wrap up her summer job here. Frankly, it's probably for the best that she's gone....) :deevee:

[Iowanian]

Putting the 5 gallon bucket of fresh salsa on table right next to the guy with the ulcer is just an A-hole thing to do.

No.....I don't want to discuss the budget, through the outhouse door.

[cdcox]

Don't post little signs and notes everywhere telling me about your little pet peaves.

[ptlyon]

What if she's 16 and has a nice ass?

The kid or the mom?

[|Zach|]

Do you guys remembe that picture that Saul (I think it was him) posted that showed a tire swing or something like that and had it from the engineer's point of view...the designers point of view and so on....

[KCWolfman]

Don't ask me about the television programs you watched last night. I told you last week I don't watch the programs and this is work, not school. I can't believe the way the hens cackle over American Idol day after day.

Don't tell me about an argument you had with another employee and ask my opinion. Chances are I will tell you that only shallow people with low self esteem need me to back their arguments and office politics - that IS my opinion.

If I keep facing my work while I am talking to you, I don't have time for chit chat or pleasantries - say what you need to say and move on.

Meetings and conferences should be carried out with a yardstick. Anyone who complains without offereing solutions should be beat about the head and neck with said yardstick.

If you didn't attend a party last Friday, don't open the email from iamhot4u@aol.com asking you to look at the party pics. You don't know iamhot4u and it is a virus that you are spreading to everyone else - just like the nude pics of Anna Kornukova was months ago. Stop being stupid.

I don't want to talk about my job at lunch. It is the reason I stick a book in my nose while I eat. If you want to talk about work, bring the timeclock with you so I can punch in and get paid for it.

I am not paid to be nice. I cannot be written up for being an ass and your complaining won't change my attitude - deal with it and get back to work.

[Saulbadguy]

Do you guys remembe that picture that Saul (I think it was him) posted that showed a tire swing or something like that and had it from the engineer's point of view...the designers point of view and so on....

[Saulbadguy]

Don't talk about co-workers behind their backs. Now I know you talk about me behind your back. This is childish and stupid.

[Saulbadguy]

No, I don't want "deskflag", "weatherbug" or "holiday lights screensaver". They are not cool programs, they are stupid.

[Saulbadguy]

Oh..here is a biggy:

If the Chiefs lose over the weekend,

DO NOT MAKE A STUPID FVCKING COMMENT ABOUT IT, ESPECIALLY IF YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT FOOTBALL!!!

[|Zach|]

Thanks thats prob the funniest picture on CP.

[ptlyon]

Don't bring your kid into work for any reason. Not if it is a newborn, not if you need to watch him/her for awhile, and not for "Take Your Child to Work" day.

They don't belong here.

I don't Fing believe it. It is happening right now!

[KCTitus]

When trying to print a document to the printer...if it doesnt print the first time you tried it, do NOT try to print it 832 more times before asking IT why you are unable to print.

[KCTitus]

But... the guy in the other wing is really enjoying all those copies of the Dilbert cartoon I'm sending him.

In my enterprise it could be the other state/country....

[ptlyon]

Is it a 16 year old with a nice ass?

No, looked like a freaking 3 year old.

Mom looked 24ish tho, and she had one.

[ptlyon]

Hey... and you know she puts out...

you bet - probably only with her husband that was standing next to her tho.

[Saulbadguy]

I don't care what you say, NASCAR is not a sport, and no, even if I do go to a race, I will not like it.

[Saulbadguy]

Yes, I know the Royals suck. Do not remind me.

[Saulbadguy]

If you need something done, please do not walk by my cubicle barking orders in a a tone of voice I cannot understand.

[ptlyon]

She wanted it

[Saulbadguy]

Golden Rule #3...don't tell me about your sexual experiences the night before....or hell, any night. One of my bosses (a huge redneck) was telling me he got "gummed" the night before by a lady who has no teeth.

[ptlyon]

Hell, she was askin' for it.

Wait a minute, maybe that was me.

[Pennywise]

If it's a computer problem and you need help, GET YOUR FAT F*CKING ASS UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT! I shouldn't have to ask you to unass your chair.

Don't ask me what I did as your not going to understand anyway.

And by all f*cking means, don't stare, perched atop my shoulder, and watch me work. Hawk somebody else.

[Saulbadguy]

If it's a computer problem and you need help, GET YOUR FAT F*CKING ASS UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT! I shouldn't have to ask you to unass your chair.

Don't ask me what I did as your not going to understand anyway.

And by all f*cking means, don't stare, perched atop my shoulder, and watch me work. Hawk somebody else.
Amen.

[ptlyon]

If it's a computer problem and you need help, GET YOUR FAT F*CKING ASS UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT! I shouldn't have to ask you to unass your chair.

Don't ask me what I did as your not going to understand anyway.

And by all f*cking means, don't stare, perched atop my shoulder, and watch me work. Hawk somebody else.

Wow. Obviously in tech support.

[KCTitus]

Don't ask me what I did as your not going to understand anyway.

Great GOOGLY MOOGLY! How could I forget this one...

How do you tell someone you're not going to answer the question because they're too stupid to understand in a nice way?

[Saulbadguy]

Great GOOGLY MOOGLY! How could I forget this one...

How do you tell someone you're not going to answer the question because they're too stupid to understand in a nice way?
I usually make something up.

[Pennywise]

Great GOOGLY MOOGLY! How could I forget this one...

How do you tell someone you're not going to answer the question because they're too stupid to understand in a nice way?


Make up something creative. I actually told someone today one of their cables was kinked (stopping the flow of bits) and they bought it hook, line and sinker.

[bogie]

if the urinal is about to overflow, jiggle the f***ing handle. oh, and wash your hands, really.

[Iowanian]

Golden Rule #3...don't tell me about your sexual experiences the night before....or hell, any night. One of my bosses (a huge redneck) was telling me he got "gummed" the night before by a lady who has no teeth.

You're just pissed that you couldn't score with $100 in a crack ally.


How'd you know he was a "redneck" kcsaulman? He eat lunch at Golden Corral?

[Saulbadguy]

You're just pissed that you couldn't score with $100 in a crack ally.


How'd you know he was a "redneck" kcsaulman? He eat lunch at Golden Corral?
Cause he talks like you post!

[Frosty]

Make up something creative. I actually told someone today one of their cables was kinked (stopping the flow of bits) and they bought it hook, line and sinker.

One of my favorites is "I removed the high impedence source", when a cable and/or power cord is unplugged (I can't believe how often that's the case).

[KCTitus]

So you guys dont go into the story that MS04-011 patch might cause the ntoskrnl.exe file in NT to copy outside the 8GB barrier that NT has and you have to boot the NTFS partition and continue to attempt to copy the file to the disk until it hits the 8GB partition?

I allways fear making something up should any of my associates here me saying something stupid. I typically say it's an IT secret or it was magic. Im not creative and dont care, I just want to get back to CP...

[Iowanian]

If you'd do your job right dipshit, I wouldn't have to walk by your cubicle shouting out orders in a way you'd understand over the crunching of that mouthfull of Twinky filling and Corn chips.

[Frosty]

Im not creative and dont care, I just want to get back to CP...

Actually, what I really want to say to them is "It's working now when I do it because you are too f*cking stupid to be using a computer". I can't believe these people are teachers. :rolleyes:

[Saulbadguy]

If you'd do your job right dipshit, I wouldn't have to walk by your cubicle shouting out orders in a way you'd understand over the crunching of that mouthfull of Twinky filling and Corn chips.
Whoa there hoss, don't get ahead of yourself. I was told you were the one ending up with a mouthful of twinkie filling everynight.

[Saulbadguy]

I also hate it when my redneck boss tries to tell me about crap that I have absolutely no frame of reference for, like driving his pickup with half his body out the window chasing a cow because he is trying to give it a shot with a bow and arrow.

[Pennywise]

Actually, what I really want to say to them is "It's working now when I do it because you are too f*cking stupid to be using a computer". I can't believe these people are teachers. :rolleyes:

Or ask them, "Don't you have Dr. in front of your name?"

"Shouldn't you be just a bit f*cking smarter?"

[Iowanian]

Whoa there hoss, don't get ahead of yourself. I was told you were the one ending up with a mouthful of twinkie filling everynight.


"I know you are but what am ah?"

Weak. Maybe if you'd share that bag of Kosher Funions with that 400lb Divorced Librarian, you'd have a chance a date that doesn't inflate OR have faux-wool.

[Saulbadguy]

"I know you are but what am ah?"

Weak. Maybe if you'd share that bag of Kosher Funions with that 400lb Divorced Librarian, you'd have a chance a date that doesn't inflate OR have faux-wool.
I'll tell your sister you said hi. :thumb:

[Iowanian]

whoah............there's a clever retort.

My sister would beat you like you do your twig when you get the latest issue of boys life arrives.


maybe I could dig up a couple old Gochiefs threads, so he could help you improve those "how to get a chic without paying" skills.

[Monty]

improve those "how to get a chic without paying" skills.


Actually, there is no such thing. You ALWAYS pay. It may upfront, during, or after, but payment is a requirement at some point. :banghead:

[Iowanian]

Not true Monty...........Stick and move....stick and move.

Its a sweet science.....but unfortunately, too often when we have it figured out, we are domesticated.

[Monty]

That's not true.


Your account shows a past due balance. ROFL

[Saulbadguy]

whoah............there's a clever retort.

My sister would beat you like you do your twig when you get the latest issue of boys life arrives.


maybe I could dig up a couple old Gochiefs threads, so he could help you improve those "how to get a chic without paying" skills.
How to get a chick without paying....that i'm interested in. At least now sometimes she pays.

[Monty]

too often when we have it figured out, we are domesticated.


There's your proof right there. :)

[Iowanian]

I'm tempted to drop the joke about the guys who go to heaven.....are told not to step on a duck......the 1st 2 guys see each other with Skankasauras beastie women....ask what happened........they say" stepped on a duck, stuck with her for eternity".

Saul swagger's in with a real fox on his arm....beautiful, intelligent, and built for speed....and they say "hey saul, damn man, how'd you rate a chic like that?"

She pipes in "I stepped on a duck".


But I'm not going to....because that would be mean.

[cadmonkey]

I don't care what you say, NASCAR is not a sport, and no, even if I do go to a race, I will not like it.


How can you say that NASCAR is not a sport? I understand that you think all it is is driving around in circles. What do runners in Track do? They run around a track a bunch of times and that is a sport.

Yes I understand that you are going to say "But they are athletes actually doing an athletic activity"

If you don't want to call the driver an athlete than call the pit crew guys athletes. They are able to change four tires and fill a tank of gas in under 15 secs. Eash tire weighs 75 lbs, each fuel cell is 45 lbs and the car jack weighs 45-50 lbs. let me see you run around a car and do that in that amount of time. They train for weeks to get that type of stuff perfect. Most Crew Guys need to woork out 5-6 days a week to keep up their strength.

And what really makes a sport? Hunting iand fishing are considered sports. You don't do anything than shot a gun or throw a line in the water. That's not to f*cking tough. Sometimes all a sport consists of is using your head. NASCAR is like chess, you need to see what is happening before it happens.

Check, Check Mate. That's the best way I can put it.

[Saulbadguy]

I'm tempted to drop the joke about the guys who go to heaven.....are told not to step on a duck......the 1st 2 guys see each other with Skankasauras beastie women....ask what happened........they say" stepped on a duck, stuck with her for eternity".

Saul swagger's in with a real fox on his arm....beautiful, intelligent, and built for speed....and they say "hey saul, damn man, how'd you rate a chic like that?"

She pipes in "I stepped on a duck".


But I'm not going to....because that would be mean.
Whatever it takes...whatever it takes.

[Monty]

But I'm not going to....because that would be mean.


If you did that, you're right, it would be mean. Rep for showing restraint.


What about funny? If it were funny would you post it?

[Saulbadguy]

How can you say that NASCAR is not a sport? I understand that you think all it is is driving around in circles. What do runners in Track do? They run around a track a bunch of times and that is a sport.

Yes I understand that you are going to say "But they are athletes actually doing an athletic activity"

If you don't want to call the driver an athlete than call the pit crew guys athletes. They are able to change four tires and fill a tank of gas in under 15 secs. Eash tire weighs 75 lbs, each fuel cell is 45 lbs and the car jack weighs 45-50 lbs. let me see you run around a car and do that in that amount of time. They train for weeks to get that type of stuff perfect. Most Crew Guys need to woork out 5-6 days a week to keep up their strength.

And what really makes a sport? Hunting iand fishing are considered sports. You don't do anything than shot a gun or throw a line in the water. That's not to f*cking tough. Sometimes all a sport consists of is using your head. NASCAR is like chess, you need to see what is happening before it happens.

Check, Check Mate. That's the best way I can put it.
Yeah, those pit crew guys are pretty tough.

[Saulbadguy]

Wow. Who knew that cadmonkey was the guy who puts the South in south Boston.
Ever been to Baws-tin? Ever see those crazy assholes drive?

[Lzen]

- If you have paint on your gloves, take off the damn things before you handle other items in the work area. I hate picking shit up only to get paint all over my hands because someone was too stupid to just remove their gloves.

- Don't play your music that sounds like an Indian (the country) version of Madonna from the 80s over your speakers so that I have to listen. Nobody else wants to hear that crap.

- If I'm working away and have my MP3 player on, don't talk to me. I hate having my groove interrupted.

- Stop always taking a shit at work. I get sick of smelling that every time I walk into the bathroom. Don't people do that at home anymore? Of course, I guess that might be more of a problem with our old bathrooms' piss poor ventilation system.

- Speaking of bathrooms, quit picking your nose while taking a dump and then flicking them on the walls, you disgusting bastards.

- And wash your hands with soap, you disgusting bastards.

- When I specifically tell you I need you to cut pieces of aluminum sheeting in precise sizes(area figures into the formula), don't give them back to me all crooked. WTF? You are supposed to be a machinist, aren't you?

- Wear a shirt that comes down far enough so that you don't look like a fat old man trying to imitate Britney Spears. For that matter, wear a belt so that I don't have to see your ass crack, either. You're supposed to be the boss. Dress professionally, you disgusting bastard.

- Just because I don't have any work at the moment, don't make me take over a portion of my co-worker's workload. Don't get me wrong, I like being busy as opposed to having nothing to do all day. But I don't like to do someone else's work so that they can sit on their butt all day. And then don't come to me and ask about getting an extra project done while I'm busy doing my co-worker's workload so he can sit on his butt.

[Iowanian]

Paid Vacation....delt....Paid Vacation.

[Pennywise]

I couldn't swipe your material and pass it off as my own.

There is an ass wiping joke in there someplace.

[Pennywise]

Whoa... now I'm even more opposed to "swiping Iowanian's material"


Don't put an image in my head of Iowanian in the shitter and standing up to yell,

"ENDELT, I'm through!!"

[cadmonkey]

Wow. Who knew that cadmonkey was the guy who puts the South in south Boston.

:spock:

Is this a cross over from the other thread?

[trndobrd]

-Don't ask me to tell anyone you are out of the office. I can see that you are here, fix your own mess.

-Don't complain to me about things that neither you or I can fix. Bitching doesn't make things better, it just pisses me off.

-If it didn't get done, don't tell me you told a subordinate to do it. Your job is to supervise, I don't need you to tell people to do things.

-Mr. IT guy, don't touch my computer. It is mine. I will tell you if I need something done.

-If I look busy it is because either I'm busy or trying to look busy. Your BS chit-chat doesn't further either goal. Please go away.

-Don't ask my secretary to help do your job. She is there to help me do my job and I sign her paycheck. Hire your own secretary if you need help.

[Lzen]

Hmm... feels like it's vacation time.

You disgusting bastard!
:cuss:

[Lzen]

Couple more for the boss:

- Stay out of my template folder. It is labeled templates for a reason, not for other crap. For that matter, don't screw with my spreadsheets, either. Your half assed knowledge of the program only screws up things.

- Stay out of my work area. Your job is to tell me what needs to be done. I'll do the work. I don't want you coming around and screwing up the way we have things back here.

[Saulbadguy]

Couple more for the boss:

- Stay out of my template folder. It is labeled templates for a reason, not for other crap. For that matter, don't screw with my spreadsheets, either. Your half assed knowledge of the program only screws up things.

- Stay out of my work area. Your job is to tell me what needs to be done. I'll do the work. I don't want you coming around and screwing up the way we have things back here.
I hear you on that one. My supervisor stays around after hours and likes to snoop through peoples desks.

[Lzen]

...On the plus side, if my clothes absorbed even a fraction of that monstrosity, people should pretty much stay out of my office the rest of the afternoon.

ROFL

[Saulbadguy]

I've either read the newspaper, checked out CNN.com, or watched the local news today. Don't read off the headlines to me like its breaking news. Chances are, I and everyone else in this god for saken place has already heard about it.

[Saulbadguy]

Don't leave me a voicemail that says "call me". Leave a complete message for petes sake, including information that pertains to your problem. I'm not calling you back if you just say "call me".

[Saulbadguy]

All work should cease 30 minutes before quitting time. Don't expect me to get anything done during this time.

[Slayer Diablo]

If you happen to have a good voice and sometimes want to sing along with what's on the radio, go ahead, but don't hum through most of the lyrics and music just to say the song's most popular word or phrase.

[PastorMikH]

If you want to forward me an email, forward it from the actual page that contains what you want me to see. I don't care how good the email may be, if I have to click and open more than twice, I'm not going to read it.


(Does anyone else get those fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:fw:" where you gotta open 15 windows to finally see the message or is my brother in law the only one that does that?)

[Rain Man]

Employees - politely look the other way if you walk in and I'm on Chiefsplanet.

[cadmonkey]

Ever been to Baws-tin? Ever see those crazy assholes drive?


Why do you think I like NASCAR so much ROFL

[trndobrd]

Employees - politely look the other way if you walk in and I'm on Chiefsplanet.


On the flip side...

Employees - If I walk in and you are on Chiefsplanet, checking your personal email, or booking a flight, please at least act like you know you are supposed to be working.

[Jenny Gump]

Don't leave me a voicemail that says "call me". Leave a complete message for petes sake, including information that pertains to your problem. I'm not calling you back if you just say "call me".

Azzhole. So THAT's why you won't call me back.

[Amnorix]

How can you say that NASCAR is not a sport? I understand that you think all it is is driving around in circles. What do runners in Track do? They run around a track a bunch of times and that is a sport.

I'm not a big fan of it, but Nascar is a sport.

Anything that involves a test of speed, skill and endurance, with some kind of physical element to it, that is measured by scoring points in some fashion or racing against a clock or other person, is a sport.

Anything that involves any kind of "voting" or "scoring" is NOT a sport.

Chess -- not a sport, it's a game (no physical element)

Olympic Gymnastics -- not a sport, just a competition (voting)

NOTE that I'm not saying that olympic gymnastics or ice skaters aren't incredible athletes doing incredibly hard things. But if someone is freaking voting on the matter, it's not a SPORT. It's a competition, to be sure, but NOT a sport.

IMHO, anyway.

[KC Dan]

I'm not a big fan of it, but Nascar is a sport.

Anything that involves a test of speed, skill and endurance, with some kind of physical element to it, that is measured by scoring points in some fashion or racing against a clock or other person, is a sport.

Anything that involves any kind of "voting" or "scoring" is NOT a sport.

Chess -- not a sport, it's a game (no physical element)

Olympic Gymnastics -- not a sport, just a competition (voting)

NOTE that I'm not saying that olympic gymnastics or ice skaters aren't incredible athletes doing incredibly hard things. But if someone is freaking voting on the matter, it's not a SPORT. It's a competition, to be sure, but NOT a sport.

IMHO, anyway.
They want me to think that Nascar is a sport, show me something different like turning right each week. Hell, I think driving in traffic against non-professionals is more a sport than 42 cars all running in a left turn with identical cars.

[Fat Elvis]

They want me to think that Nascar is a sport, show me something different like turning right each week. Hell, I think driving in traffic against non-professionals is more a sport than 42 cars all running in a left turn with identical cars.

Yeah, if you want it to be a sport, get Slayer Diablo out there on the track.

[KcMizzou]

Yeah, if you want it to be a sport, get Slayer Diablo out there on the track.


http://www.crowndesign.ch/nascar/modem/crash_talladega96.jpg

[Jenny Gump]

Here is another pet peeve in the office....

Don't ask me if I'm in a bad mood. Because either:

a) I AM in a bad mood, and chances are, it has something to do with you...

or
b) By you asking this, it means you just want me to talk to you about my personal life so that you will have dirt on me...and that ain't gonna happen...

or
c) I was in a fine mood, but now I'm not because of your insinuation that I "appeared" to look like I was in a bad mood.

:cuss:

[morphius]

Anything that involves a test of speed, skill and endurance, with some kind of physical element to it, that is measured by scoring points in some fashion or racing against a clock or other person, is a sport.

I'm not buying it, I think gamers on a playstation 2 could fit in this definition.

[KcMizzou]

c) I was in a fine mood, but now I'm not because of your insinuation that I "appeared" to look like I was in a bad mood.

:shake: You sound like my ex wife.

[Jenny Gump]

:shake: You sound like my ex wife.

Yeah...but I don't smell like her. And I think that is the lesson to take from this.

[Amnorix]

I'm not buying it, I think gamers on a playstation 2 could fit in this definition.

One definition can't fit every circumstance in the world, but if it involves being able to do it without ever leaving your couch, it probably ain't gonna be a sport... :)

[Amnorix]

They want me to think that Nascar is a sport, show me something different like turning right each week. Hell, I think driving in traffic against non-professionals is more a sport than 42 cars all running in a left turn with identical cars.

I somehow think that if you ever rode shotgun next to a Nascar driver during a race, you'd change your tune about this....

[KC Dan]

I somehow think that if you ever rode shotgun next to a Nascar driver during a race, you'd change your tune about this....
No, I'm smart enough to realize that it is a very difficult and taxing thing to do. That is drive in a Nascar race. But, I think of it more like daredevils in suped up cars. Sorta like the X-Games.

[trndobrd]

I somehow think that if you ever rode shotgun next to a Nascar driver during a race, you'd change your tune about this....


I used to drive at the local dirt track. That was about 10 minutes at 60-80mph and was more than physical enough for me. I can't imagine 300+ miles at just under 200mph.

[nmt1]

Mr. IT guy, don't touch my computer. It is mine. I will tell you if I need something done.

No it's not, it's company property and if it needs an update so that it stops sending random emails out because you opened an email containing a virus, I'm going to update it to keep it from infecting the whole network. By the way, please uninstall Quicken and delete all the pictures of your kids off the company's PC. Your personal junk does not belong there.

[morphius]

One definition can't fit every circumstance in the world, but if it involves being able to do it without ever leaving your couch, it probably ain't gonna be a sport... :)
Eh, either way you are sitting down letting something else do most of the work. I could see an arguement for motocycle racing, but car's... no.

[ptlyon]

They want me to think that Nascar is a sport, show me something different like turning right each week. Hell, I think driving in traffic against non-professionals is more a sport than 42 cars all running in a left turn with identical cars.

Actually, it is left. But whatever...

[KC Dan]

show me something different like turning right each week.
No, I said "show me something DIFFERENT". I know they do ovals to the left.

[ptlyon]

No, I said "show me something DIFFERENT". I know they do ovals to the left.

Sorry, skimmed a little to fast I guess!

[KC Dan]

Sorry, skimmed a little to fast I guess!
Without reading the entire thread, how the hell did an "office etiquette" thread become a Nascar as a sport thread? This board cracks me up.

[KCTitus]

No, I said "show me something DIFFERENT". I know they do ovals to the left.

Should have watched last weeks race.

[KC Dan]

Should have watched last weeks race.
Actually, I did. I enjoy watching road course racing. Now, that is good stuff.

[ptlyon]

Without reading the entire thread, how the hell did an "office etiquette" thread become a Nascar as a sport thread? This board cracks me up.

That is what I was thinking. It's like we are all stoned or something.

[PastorMikH]

:shake: You sound like my ex wife.



HEY! HEY! HEY!

If you are going to post things about Jenny like that, please do so in Big Daddy's thread to Skip. There's no need for the rest of us to have to thread jump to see spats when there is a perfectly good thread for it on the front page already!!!



:)

[KC Dan]

That is what I was thinking. It's like we are all stoned or something.
Wishes and hopes....

[KCTitus]

Actually, I did. I enjoy watching road course racing. Now, that is good stuff.

I wish they would do more...the cookie cutter 1.5 mile tracks are so boring.

[Saulbadguy]

Email I received a few minutes ago:

Saul, it will not let me save. It says there is an error in saving...Any advice? cyndi


"An error" doesn't tell me much, really.

[KCTitus]

I used to get that a lot...

User: Im getting some kind of error message when I try to do 'X'...
Me: What does the error message say?
User: I dont know...
Me: Can you read it for me?
User: I already clicked it off...

DumBASS!
-----------------------------------------------------

User: Im getting this error about 'cached' login information, can you come take a look?
Me: Just log off and back in
User: What does that mean?
Me: You need to log out and back in

------------------------------------------------------

[cadmonkey]

No, I'm smart enough to realize that it is a very difficult and taxing thing to do. That is drive in a Nascar race. But, I think of it more like daredevils in suped up cars. Sorta like the X-Games.


What people need to do is not compare NASCAR to a sport like football and baseball. If you need to take the word athlete out of the equation do so.

They are called MOTORSPORTS for a reason. They are sports that involve motors. It is a sport, like fishing and hunting are sports.

You don't have to be able to run a 4.2 40 yard dash to be involved in a sport. Just because they sit behind the wheel of a car doesn't mean they are not part of a sport. No, sitting in traffic isn't the same f*cking thing. You have no goal while sitting in traffic.

Like Amnorix said, trying to achieve a championship while competing against others, while compiling points makes it a sport. Fine, a video ganme league can also be a sport, they are not athletes, but it is a sport.

Like I said before, you don't have to be an athlete to be part of a sport. My 300 lb. uncle fishes "FOR SPORT". He is the fatherest thing from an athlete I have ever seen.

[cadmonkey]

That is what I was thinking. It's like we are all stoned or something.


I wish......man I hate being at work!

[Saulbadguy]

Don't fill a bowl on your desk with M&M's if you do not expect people to eat them. (quickly)

[KC Dan]

Just because they sit behind the wheel of a car doesn't mean they are not part of a sport. No, sitting in traffic isn't the same f*cking thing. You have no goal while sitting in traffic.
You ought to drive here in Portland or in Boston! Driving is a deathsport. Yes, I do have a goal. It's called getting from point A to Point B just like start to finish line.

[KCTitus]

Don't fill a bowl on your desk with M&M's if you do not expect people to eat them. (quickly)

Dunno...pooring the entire contents of the bowl into your makeshift bowl by holding the bottom of your shirt, I think you might be in error...

[cadmonkey]

You ought to drive here in Portland or in Boston! Driving is a deathsport. Yes, I do have a goal. It's called getting from point A to Point B just like start to finish line.


I live,work, and play in Boston dude!

[KCTitus]

The hell I don't. My goal is to kill that obnoxious motherf*cker in the Dodge that's been going five miles an hour under the limit.

Is this the same guy that when you get in the other lane that's moving faster to pass him, speed up to stay with the car to his right?

I hate that f*ker!

[Saulbadguy]

Do not enter my cubicle with the stealthness of a ninja. I want to know when you are coming so I can minimize my internet browser.

[trndobrd]

No it's not, it's company property and if it needs an update so that it stops sending random emails out because you opened an email containing a virus, I'm going to update it to keep it from infecting the whole network. By the way, please uninstall Quicken and delete all the pictures of your kids off the company's PC. Your personal junk does not belong there.


I own the company. Now get the ____ out of my office! Next time I walk in my office and find you setting in my chair leaning back with your diet pepsi _____ing up my computer settings "because these are better" your a@@ is going to be looking for a new job.

[Frosty]

Email I received a few minutes ago:

Saul, it will not let me save. It says there is an error in saving...Any advice? cyndi


"An error" doesn't tell me much, really.

Man, I get stuff like this all the time.

I support a small school about 40 miles from where I live. I usually go up once a week and get e-mails detailing problems during the week so I know what to bring to fix the problems.

I am forever getting panicked e-mails saying things like (and I quote) "Help. My computer's not working." Most normal, intelligent humans would surmise that this means that the computer won't turn on or is corrupted and won't boot.

So I trundle up there to fix this problem and find that the real problem is that they somehow deleted the Word shortcut off of their desktop. :banghead:

[Slayer Diablo]

This isn't really for at the office, but more of for when you have to take the city bus to and from your job for whatever reason.... If you know that there are many stops after yours and there are available seats in the front and middle, don't waste time by moving to the very back then come back down the aisle as slow as possible on your way out.

[Rain Man]

I somehow think that if you ever rode shotgun next to a Nascar driver during a race, you'd change your tune about this....

I'd probably just be fiddling with the radio the whole time, and occasionally asking if we've passed a Dairy Queen.


Here are a half-dozen things that would make car racing more interesting for me.

1. Fans get to throw oil-filled water balloons at the track.
2. Vehicles must hold their fuel in an open container roped to the trunk.
3. All figure-eight tracks, all the time.
4. Naked female drivers. (Oh, who am I kidding? Even semi-naked would work.)
5. The drivers have to get out and run the last lap, even if other cars are not yet on their last lap.
6. Drivers must down three shots of whiskey during every pit stop.

[KC Dan]

1. Fans get to throw oil-filled water balloons at the track.
2. Vehicles must hold their fuel in an open container roped to the trunk.
3. All figure-eight tracks, all the time.
4. Naked female drivers. (Oh, who am I kidding? Even semi-naked would work.)
5. The drivers have to get out and run the last lap, even if other cars are not yet on their last lap.
6. Drivers must down three shots of whiskey during every pit stop.
ROFLROFLROFL LMAO!!! I was thinking the same thing earlier but didn't post it.

[trndobrd]

I'd probably just be fiddling with the radio the whole time, and occasionally asking if we've passed a Dairy Queen.


Here are a half-dozen things that would make car racing more interesting for me.

1. Fans get to throw oil-filled water balloons at the track.
2. Vehicles must hold their fuel in an open container roped to the trunk.
3. All figure-eight tracks, all the time.
4. Naked female drivers. (Oh, who am I kidding? Even semi-naked would work.)
5. The drivers have to get out and run the last lap, even if other cars are not yet on their last lap.
6. Drivers must down three shots of whiskey during every pit stop.


I see you've gotten off the interstate in Arkansas.

[Nelson Muntz]

No, sitting in traffic isn't the same f*cking thing. You have no goal while sitting in traffic.



If you drive like I do it sure is a sport.

[Frazod]

I'm not reading through over 200 posts, so if this one's already on here, my apologies.

If it takes you longer to explain to me what needs to be done that it would take to do it yourself, F#CKING DO IT YOURSELF! I'M BUSY!

:cuss:

[Saulbadguy]

Just remembered this thread:

When talking on your phone, you don't need to FVCKING YELL! They can HEAR YOU YOU OLD FVCKS!

[sd4chiefs]

I think that all of you should get back to work instead of wasting time on the internet.

[Jenny Gump]

I'm in a new office, those of you that pay attention already know this. Anyway, one annoying thing I have noticed are a handful of people who feel obligated to look at me as they walk by my door.

I know this sounds benign, but seriously, it's annoying. I'm just sitting here, working, and these 2-3 people consistently turn their head to look as they walk by.

Maybe I'll start crossing my eyes everytime "they" walk by.

[morphius]

I'm in a new office, those of you that pay attention already know this. Anyway, one annoying thing I have noticed are a handful of people who feel obligated to look at me as they walk by my door.

I know this sounds benign, but seriously, it's annoying. I'm just sitting here, working, and these 2-3 people consistently turn their head to look as they walk by.

Maybe I'll start crossing my eyes everytime "they" walk by.
I think it is when people stop looking that you have to worry...

[Jenny Gump]

The other thing around here is flavored coffee. Disgusto-matic.

[Saulbadguy]

I'm in a new office, those of you that pay attention already know this. Anyway, one annoying thing I have noticed are a handful of people who feel obligated to look at me as they walk by my door.

I know this sounds benign, but seriously, it's annoying. I'm just sitting here, working, and these 2-3 people consistently turn their head to look as they walk by.

Maybe I'll start crossing my eyes everytime "they" walk by.
Yeah. I am in a cubicle, and I hate it when my stupid fvckin boss peers over the wall just to "check if im here".

[stevieray]

I'm in a new office, those of you that pay attention already know this. Anyway, one annoying thing I have noticed are a handful of people who feel obligated to look at me as they walk by my door.

I know this sounds benign, but seriously, it's annoying. I'm just sitting here, working, and these 2-3 people consistently turn their head to look as they walk by.

Maybe I'll start crossing my eyes everytime "they" walk by.

uh huh.... you love it and you know it.

[Saulbadguy]

Oh...let me also reitirate...I already got the email. I don't need a printed copy of it, EVER.

We have quite a few printers, tons of paper, and tons of toner cartridges...and what do we print out the most? Fuggin EMAIL.

[Jenny Gump]

uh huh.... you love it and you know it.

OMG, the worst offender just did it again. No. I do not love it. DEATH TO THE LOOKERS!

[JimNasium]

Oh...let me also reitirate...I already got the email. I don't need a printed copy of it, EVER.

We have quite a few printers, tons of paper, and tons of toner cartridges...and what do we print out the most? Fuggin EMAIL.
Yup, that is the worst. Our old director did that all of the time. You could clearly see that my e-mail address was already on the distribution list but he would print a copy and walk it to my office.

[Saulbadguy]

Yup, that is the worst. Our old director did that all of the time. You could clearly see that my e-mail address was already on the distribution list but he would print a copy and walk it to my office.
I'm totally anti-paper. Anytime anyone hands me a memo, I just crumple it up while they are still standing there, and throw it away. 100% of the time i've already got in electronic form. My cubicle is virtually paper free.

[Monty]

Maybe I'll start crossing my eyes everytime "they" walk by.

Try crossing your legs....that might just do the trick. ;)

[Jenny Gump]

Try crossing your legs....that might just do the trick. ;)

Kah-boom
ROFL

[Donger]

OMG, the worst offender just did it again. No. I do not love it. DEATH TO THE LOOKERS!

Are you attractive?

[Jenny Gump]

Are you attractive?

Nope. Hideous.

[Donger]

Nope. Hideous.

Well, people rubber neck at car accidents, too.

[ChiTown]

Nope. Hideous.

Try throwing a bag over your head. That might help.....

[DT4everaChief]

When someone replys to all and it is only meant for one person.

[Rain Man]

Nope. Hideous.


Even before the accident?

[Inspector]

Great GOOGLY MOOGLY! How could I forget this one...

How do you tell someone you're not going to answer the question because they're too stupid to understand in a nice way?


Back when I used to work on the equipment, I used to tell them I oiled the fladgulator. That even ended up in a upper management report. They really thought that's what I did to fix the problem. Stupid a$$es....