CosmicPal
09-15-2004, 03:10 PM
http://www.abervegas.com/american_icon_3.htm
"I'm looking forward to a 15-year career, a couple of trips to the Super Bowl and a parade through downtown San Diego,''
-Ryan Leaf, on the day he was drafted by the Chargers
Karma 1, Ryan Leaf 0.
As with most icons we choose to celebrate here at Abervegas.com, there is little doubting their God given abilities. They soar to great heights only to plummet back to earth, where're were waiting with a cooler full of beer and a pen. Enter Capt. Pudding Pack, Ryan Leaf: more talent than brains, more ego than sense. Born in Great Falls, Montana to loving parents that have since changed their names and gone underground, Ryan somehow managed to buck his nurturing in favor of becoming world class jackass on a full time basis.
Montana, while a beautiful state, isn't exactly a breeding ground for rocket scientists. In Ryan's case that was a good thing because it allowed him to slip though the system like his sister through the back door at the local wrestling camp. Once at Russell High School, the self proclaimed "King of Great Falls" discovered that by playing football, he could divert attention away from his personality which most closely resembles a slice of toast. As an added bonus the football helmet was perfect for covering up his Franken-Face.
But because the rusty mailbox, which is Leaf's brain, could not handle the volume, he was forced to cancel his subscription to character, integrity, common sense and perspective. But to his credit, football did get him out of Great Falls, Montana. Yes, out and about four rest stops west on I-90 to the burgeoning metropolis of Pullman, Washington and Washington State University. The university itself was founded in 1890 by a unemployed dirt farmer that came across a stack of books in a wheat field. Pretty soon some other dirt farmers came over to look at him looking at the books and thus was born Washington State University.
While at Washington State, Leaf racked up almost 8,000 yards passing, took the team to their first Rose Bowl since the Spanish American war, was named "All American" and even managed to get nominated for the Heisman Trophy. But his crowning achievement came when San Diego selected Ryan Leaf as the number two pick in the 1998 NFL draft, giving him an 11.2 million dollar bonus... just for signing. He wasn't required to do one single thing for that fee except sign on the dotted line, which apparently required a half dozen attempts, a box of crayons and Sears Portrait specialist with a sock puppet. This was the preverbal top of the hill for Leaf because for the next four years he would be gobbling up the down slope of fame with break-neck speed. There were rumors that during his trip from Pullman to San Diego he was diverted to Helsinki by terrorists who secretly replaced his brainstem with a vagina. While this would explain his post collegiate nose dive it would have required that someone actually locate his brain.
Once in San Diego, the Chargers soon had the sensation of purchasing a prize winning, pure bred dog for the equivalent of Uganda's GDP only to watch it roll around in it's own filth and gnaw on its swollen gonads once they got it out of the store. Anyone can understand a little buyers remorse, but this remorse stumbled around in public surrounded by a sea of microphones recording his every word. Leaf whined, he cried, he attacked reporters, alienated and entire species and all while managing to log more time on his back with linebackers on top of him than his sister did in Jr. High. San Diego wasn't the only team infected with this STD. It was passed to Dallas, Tampa Bay and finally Seattle. But enough about Ryan's sister's travel schedule. The Seattle Seahawks were the unfortunate final recipient of this sack of festering, wasted potential and had the distinction of arranging the press conference where Ryan announced his retirement in the fall of 2002.
Re-tire: to leave a job or career voluntarily
Job? Career? Voluntarily? How Fumbleina managed to fake his way though four years in the NFL I'll never know. Just another example of someone with a checkbook not paying attention. For those of you who just can't get enough of the uncomfortable embarrassment that can only come via watching someone ass out on a biblical scale, the NFL has put out a video celebrating Ryan Leaf's career. It's jam packed with two and a half minutes of highlights, and three hours of Ryan fumbling with the clipboard on the sidelines.
"I'm looking forward to a 15-year career, a couple of trips to the Super Bowl and a parade through downtown San Diego,''
-Ryan Leaf, on the day he was drafted by the Chargers
Karma 1, Ryan Leaf 0.
As with most icons we choose to celebrate here at Abervegas.com, there is little doubting their God given abilities. They soar to great heights only to plummet back to earth, where're were waiting with a cooler full of beer and a pen. Enter Capt. Pudding Pack, Ryan Leaf: more talent than brains, more ego than sense. Born in Great Falls, Montana to loving parents that have since changed their names and gone underground, Ryan somehow managed to buck his nurturing in favor of becoming world class jackass on a full time basis.
Montana, while a beautiful state, isn't exactly a breeding ground for rocket scientists. In Ryan's case that was a good thing because it allowed him to slip though the system like his sister through the back door at the local wrestling camp. Once at Russell High School, the self proclaimed "King of Great Falls" discovered that by playing football, he could divert attention away from his personality which most closely resembles a slice of toast. As an added bonus the football helmet was perfect for covering up his Franken-Face.
But because the rusty mailbox, which is Leaf's brain, could not handle the volume, he was forced to cancel his subscription to character, integrity, common sense and perspective. But to his credit, football did get him out of Great Falls, Montana. Yes, out and about four rest stops west on I-90 to the burgeoning metropolis of Pullman, Washington and Washington State University. The university itself was founded in 1890 by a unemployed dirt farmer that came across a stack of books in a wheat field. Pretty soon some other dirt farmers came over to look at him looking at the books and thus was born Washington State University.
While at Washington State, Leaf racked up almost 8,000 yards passing, took the team to their first Rose Bowl since the Spanish American war, was named "All American" and even managed to get nominated for the Heisman Trophy. But his crowning achievement came when San Diego selected Ryan Leaf as the number two pick in the 1998 NFL draft, giving him an 11.2 million dollar bonus... just for signing. He wasn't required to do one single thing for that fee except sign on the dotted line, which apparently required a half dozen attempts, a box of crayons and Sears Portrait specialist with a sock puppet. This was the preverbal top of the hill for Leaf because for the next four years he would be gobbling up the down slope of fame with break-neck speed. There were rumors that during his trip from Pullman to San Diego he was diverted to Helsinki by terrorists who secretly replaced his brainstem with a vagina. While this would explain his post collegiate nose dive it would have required that someone actually locate his brain.
Once in San Diego, the Chargers soon had the sensation of purchasing a prize winning, pure bred dog for the equivalent of Uganda's GDP only to watch it roll around in it's own filth and gnaw on its swollen gonads once they got it out of the store. Anyone can understand a little buyers remorse, but this remorse stumbled around in public surrounded by a sea of microphones recording his every word. Leaf whined, he cried, he attacked reporters, alienated and entire species and all while managing to log more time on his back with linebackers on top of him than his sister did in Jr. High. San Diego wasn't the only team infected with this STD. It was passed to Dallas, Tampa Bay and finally Seattle. But enough about Ryan's sister's travel schedule. The Seattle Seahawks were the unfortunate final recipient of this sack of festering, wasted potential and had the distinction of arranging the press conference where Ryan announced his retirement in the fall of 2002.
Re-tire: to leave a job or career voluntarily
Job? Career? Voluntarily? How Fumbleina managed to fake his way though four years in the NFL I'll never know. Just another example of someone with a checkbook not paying attention. For those of you who just can't get enough of the uncomfortable embarrassment that can only come via watching someone ass out on a biblical scale, the NFL has put out a video celebrating Ryan Leaf's career. It's jam packed with two and a half minutes of highlights, and three hours of Ryan fumbling with the clipboard on the sidelines.