It's your fault your husband turned to drugs and alcohol. Had he married a Thai gal, he'd have never been in that situation.

I think men have some part in this as well. Seems women need to start being valued for something other than their tits. I know I'm walking into a minefield right now and I know I am just as guilty as any guy of doing it, but even when guys talk to each other, they should have some responsibility in making sure women are valued for more.

I'm pretty sure she's owning her part in this or I would have zero tolerance for her at this point. You should forget about her failures because they're hers and she knows all about them.

What we should be learning from her posts is probably what she learned about herself. Intimacy was lacking from her relationship. Instead of intimacy she got violence and intimidation. That's not a basis for a healthy marriage whatsoever.

So it's okay that he was just emotionally absent? doesn't he have some responsibility in being part of this covenant and if he isn't holding his end of the covenant, doesn't that break the covenant?

I think it's because I like looking at women.
Really.

I think I'm not nuts in that way because when I see a pretty girl, I think "Oh wow, pretty girl." Like her asthetic beauty is art. Not competition. Her "value" has nothing to do with mine.

I find myself competing far more with men than I do with women.

Plus, honestly. How we look is the one thing we can't control. Maybe some adjustments, but ultimately you don't get to control what you look like. I'd much rather walk into a room and have the boys come running because I'm loads of fun to be around.

I don't know why you're not nuts that way, but I like it!

I know what you're saying.

The counter-argument for this, however, is that women shouldn't give a shit about what men think or say. A woman's individual sense of self worth should absolutely not be defined by a man.

This is a learned response, though. From an early age, women are often taught that the "happily ever after" involves finding the prince. Think classic Disney ending. Not that this is necessarily a bad thing, but women need additional healthy models for what defines success.

Back to my manly roots: I value a woman's ass as much as her tits. I keed. Sort of.

When mamma's happy, everyone is happy

Its a double edges sword....


The woman wants a guy to provide, meet her expectations in home, cars, possessions, lifestyle and vacations. He works, he works overtime, he picks up extra work to bring home what he thinks he needs to bring home to keep the family happy.

The wife gets board and pissed off and resentful that he's gone so much, that he's working. She feels neglected because he's working so damn hard to give her the things she said she needed, so she takes the car he bought her, drives to the bar and uses the clothing, new shoes and jewelry and latest stink bait, to "console" herself with some other man, who "really gets her"...

Its always the mans' fault.


I spent enough time running wild, in the bars and whatnot, that I've been around enough women to have some ideas how this works. I don't think I've ever met an aspiring tramp that ever said "My husband is nice, I'm just a pirate hooker"....they always blame the husband/boyfriend.

Men have our own set of problems...

I don't believe Jilly is saying what I did was the brightest thing in the world, I believe she's agreeing with my mindset.

It not being all that different from other female mindsets.

At the end of the day, I made one guy very happy, and I found the courage to leave the unhappy guy. There were other options available but I was too scared. I have since rectified that.

I'm cool with that. I have to be.

You have met my ex-wife? :D

Seriously though you are pretty much correct.

I'm gonna disagree with you there. My wife wouldn't turn a lot of heads if she rolled out of bed, threw on some mom jeans and walked around town. But when she fixes her hair, puts on some tasteful face paint, and wears some fancy jeans with those smokin high heel boots then I look and every other dude looks as well.

I hurt everyone in the end. Even my kids. I've moved worlds since to try and make ammends. Some have allowed me to, some haven't.

You always notice a production, baby.

They are? Not in the last 20-30 years, they're not. Women are wired so that their self-worth is defined by their family - their kids. That's why their maternal instinct is so unbelievable to we men.

I think it's cool that you'll openly discuss it. I share for two reasons:
1. Venting is healthy.
2. I hope somebody reading can learn something from my mistakes and life experience.