Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow






Colon Blow

Man.....Phil Hartman


[ fade in on a man at a table, eating oat bran cereal from a bowl ]

Announcer: Hold it! Is that what you’re having for breakfast?

Man: Sure, haven't you heard? Fiber is really good for you.

Announcer: Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber. Try this.

[ offstage hands replace cereal box with Colon Blow cereal box ]

Man: Hmm.. Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But is it really higher in fiber than my oat bran cereal?

Announcer: Take a guess: How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Colon Blow?

Man: Two?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Three?

Announcer: A little higher.

Man: Four?

Announcer: Keep trying.

Man: Five?

Announcer: No, you'll have to do better than that.

Man: Seven?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Eight?

Announcer: We'll give you one more guess.

Man: Nine.

Announcer: Not even close. [ table starts shaking ] It would take over 30,000 bowls. [ a giant pyramid of cereal bowls shoots up from under the man, who yells in terror as it rises ] To eat that much oat bran, you'd have to eat ten bowls a day, every day for eight and a half years.

Man: [ after the pyramid settles; shouts from afar ] Wow! I think I get the picture! Colon Blow must be the highest fiber cereal on the market!

Announcer: Not any more, now that there's new Super Colon Blow.

Man: Super Colon Blow?

[ pyramid rises even higher with the man screaming ]

Announcer: It would take over two and a half million bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Super Colon Blow.

[ pyramid settles ]

Man: [ overwhelmed ]I'm convinced! [ looks down the pyramid in panic ]

[ cut to close-up of bowl with Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow boxes ]

Jingle: "Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning"

Announcer: Colon Blow and new Super Colon Blow.

Voiceover: Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.

Did it just tnmble around when you tried to flush?

True story:
Back in my trucking days I stoped at Hebron OH ( Truckers World) one time, went into the bathroom, chose one of the stals, and was "ABOUT" to do my deed, when low and behold a turd the size of a Tomato Juice can was floating there, I kicked the flush handel and the damn thing just tumbled, it was so damn big it wouldn't flush!!!!
Needless to say I waited for another stall.
But man, I'd love to see the size of the guy that "thing" came out of

Did a relative take you for indian food la4t night?
Posted via Mobile Device

:D

Thank you very little

I just dropped a 5lb deuce myself. Fritz and I, doing our part to stimulate the economy.

To the ship!

Did it look like U2's Bono?

Huh, the first thing I thought of was Cookie Miller, and not a mini version, but I'm in more of a basketball mood at the moment...

show your new friends

Two pound sh*ts for the Tourette's Guy...about 20 seconds in--

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exu4H...eature=related

nah...don't think so.
sec

Now that you've successfully removed your head, maybe a little work in the ears with some Q-tips and you'll finally be able to hear.

I love shit stories.

A friend of mine went out on a camping trip. It was really dark. He needed to take a dump real bad so he ran far from the camp, took his pants out and just started shitting in the grass when he suddenly saw the shadow of a person next to him. He absoutely freaked out that his shit got stuck in his rear. He really believed that it is some freaky creature, not a human not an animal, when suddenly that creatures said "Dude, I am like you, takin' a shit so chill and look the other way". My friend continued his release of the brown stuff then left the scene.

Another story of another friend of mine.

They went to meet some friends in a camp, but they got lost, so they opted to sleep in the car until light comes out. Then it would be much easier to locate the camp. He needed to take a nice fat shit so he left the car, went behind some bushes and got done with it.

In the morning, they discovered it was a few feet away from the camp. Those who witnessed it during day light said it was so massive they thought it was a cow's poo.

If I eat a lot of sunflower seeds then they seem to resemble him, but my last meal dictated a Jamal Charles version.

"fuck Salt"; that's ROFL right there Cheater5!