When I was fresh on a new client's site I went to lunch with of the employees who offered to drive since he had a handicapped plate. I couldn't see anything particularly wrong with the guy, but agreed. After getting back from one of the scariest rides of my life both to and from the restaurant I asked someone else if they knew why he had a handicapped plate. "Oh, he's nearly legally blind."

ROFL

Good stuff.

ROFL

I'll tell one on me.

Back in the day, I had to investigate the collapse of a half-dozen or so chicken houses from a recent ice storm. I arrive in below freezing temps and the chicken carcasses are still everywhere. Thankfully, it was cold enough to minimize any decomp smell. As I looked at all the dead birds, I mentioned that I was glad that it wasn't the middle of August as the smell would have been terrible. The farmer looked at me and "Son, we hardly get any ice storms in August."

One of my students submitted a plagiarized paper. When confronted with the evidence (it took about 30 seconds to find online), she swore that it was okay because she had purchased it. When I tried to explain to her why that wasn't allowed, she replied, "But I have the receipt!"

I called Avis to find out if I could rent a car in Atlanta, drive it to New Mexico, then drop it off in Phoenix? The response was I could drive it to Phoenix, but I could not take the car to New Mexico because the car must remain in the country.

After several unsuccessful tries to convince the Avis rep. that New Mexico was part of the US I asked to speak to the supervisor. The supervisor got on the phone and immediately informed me that I could not drive the car through New Mexico because I was not allow to take the car out of the US.

I also enjoy all the signs I've seen lately that say something costs $.01c.

Idiot sightings = Here's your sign

I was once asked if Mt. Rushmore was carved.

I replied, "No, that's wind erosion".

She bought that answer.....and wasn't even blonde.

Hold on.. wait a minute I think I need to check the meter on this one..

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3133/...b32c32b070.jpg


Ohhhhh yeah.. yep, there it is. That's just what I thought.

Guess who said all the things in that e-mail?

Robin Williams

I thought it was George Carlin who emailed these to a friend the night before he died.

ROFL

My family and I were taking a tour of a navy cruiser down in San Diego. When the sailor showed us the harpoon she asked why they were hunting whales when she thought it was illegal.