I don't really have any advice for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts.

I know little about this kind of stuff, but if it's serious enough to kill you, what other motivation for change do you need? Move this up to Priority #1, and good luck.

Answer my question, please.

Have you ever gone to meetings?

FAX

People drink themselves to death every day, Mr. Rain Man.

FAX

I'm assuming no, Mr. Fax.
SR, perhaps this isn't a bad idea. You can catch a meeting any day of the week. Just call and go. (Please don't drive if you have been drinking)

You are appreciated around here man. Even though we never see each other we are a community, or a family of sorts and we try to be there for one another.

Here you go, SR: St. Martin of Tours.

One step at a time. Don't let the big picture scare you. One step at a time. Start off by finding a meeting. You are not alone, there are millions of people out there that have gone through and are going through the same thing. You can't do this on your own, that's not abnormal. Get help and don't beat yourself up because you need help.