Antifreeze for the other team instead of Gatorade...

Be competitive.

Free single malt scotch.

Are we allowing fewer points? Nope
Are we allowing fewer yards? Nope
Are we scoring more points? Nope
Are we getting more yards? Nope
Is our ST coverage better? Yes
Is our kicking game better? Yes
Is our in-game coaching better? :spock:

I think the Chiefs were competitive against Dallas and could've won that game easily. Same for Oakland, who they trounced except on the scoreboard. They could easily be 2-3 right now, in which case everyone would be psyched that they already equaled their '07 win total. It's just bad luck that they're 0-5. Like my Patriots, for example; yeah, without a lucky fumble in week one against Buffalo, they could be 2-3 and have everyone proclaiming their doom and calling for heads; but with only one more play agaisnt Denver, they could also be 4-1, and have three consecutive wins against formerly-undefeated opponents, and have everyone sucking their schlong and labeling them Super Bowl favorites. :shrug: It's too easy to look at the Ws and Ls. Denver is 5-0 and thus must be an unstoppable powerhouse; the Chiefs are 0-5 and thus must suck donkey balls. It's not that simple. When a team is building itself up, you have to look at the big picture. As long as you think the Chiefs are heading in the proper direction, thare's really nothing you can do to feel better, 'cause unless it's a W it feels sucky... even though you know, right now, the W or L doesn't matter.

yeah the hard part is finding something we ACTUALLY are improving on

Im going with .. free bbq and beer with blowjobs in the parkin' lot ................

Get drunk and sing " I'm so Pretty" in harmony during the game.

You know that PAVED HIGHWAY that's wide open to Cassel after each offensive snap? Yeah. The O-Line might want to start putting something in the way sometime soon.

The following are correlated with winning http://advancednflstats.com

offensive pass efficiency ((passing yards - sack yards)/(pass attempts + sacks) (Chiefs rank = 30 down from 27 last year)
offensive running efficiency (net yards per carry) (Chiefs rank = 28 down from 4th last year)
offensive interception rate (Chiefs rank = 7 up from 22nd last year)
offensive fumble rate (Chiefs rank = 29 down from 22nd last year)
defensive pass efficiency (Chiefs rank = 30 down from 29th last year)
defensive run efficiency (Chiefs rank = 21 up from 32nd last year)
defensive interception rate (Chiefs rank = 27 down from 22nd last year)
penalty rate (Chiefs rank = 22 down from 10th last year)

Relative to other teams, we are worse at running, fumbling more, and are creating more penalties this year.

On the bright side we are throwing fewer interceptions and stopping the run a little better.

This is more of what I am talking about... but maybe more tailored to what our coaches are trying to establish (whatever that may be...)

Pay my Visa bill? :shrug:

Draft a few superstars!!

Uh - parking and ticket prices commensurate with the team's competitiveness.

That, and apply it to beer and food prices as well.