ROFL

I can get across town in 30 minutes. And that's with traffic.

Tell locals you are from Washington and you are there to help them.

My whole recollection of the event is skewed. I remember being drunk enough that groomsmen were chasing Javalina on the golf course at around 3 am

Ode to Arizona
The Devil wanted a place on earth.
Sort of a summer home:
A place to spend his vacation
Whenever he wanted to roam.

So he picked out Arizona.
A place both wretched and rough.
Here the climate was to his liking
And the cowboys were hardened and tough.

He dried up the streams in the canyons
and ordered no rain to fall:
He dried up the lakes in the valleys,
Then baked and scorched it all.

Then over his barren desert
He transplanted shrubs from Hell.
The cactus, thistle and prickly pear --
The climate suited them well.

Now, the home was much to his liking.
But animal life, he had none:
So he created crawling creatures
That all mankind would shun.

First he made the rattlesnake.
With its forked poisonous tongue:
Taught it to strike and rattle
And how to swallow its young.

Then he made Scorpions and Lizards
And the ugly old Horned Toad.
He placed spiders of every description
Under rocks by the side of the road.

Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter.
Hotter and hotter still.
Until even the cactus wilted
And the old Horned Toad looked ill.

Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom.
As any creator would:
He chuckled a little up his sleeve
And admitted that it was good.

'Twas summer now and Satan lay
By a prickly pear to rest.
The sweat rolled off his wearthy brow.
So he took off his coat and vest.

"By Golly," he finally panted
"I did my job too well.
I'm going back where I came from
Arizona is hotter than Hell!"

You know you're in Arizona when ...

*You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.

*You can say 110 degrees without fainting.

*You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.

*You can make instant sun tea.

*You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

*The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

*You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

*You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

*You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

*Hot water now comes out of both taps.

*It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.

*You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

*You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.

*No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.

*Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

*You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

I won a project in Tucson once, and the client said they eliminated one competing proposal because they spelled it Tuscon every time they wrote it. I thought that was kind of funny, in part because it really should be spelled Tuscon.

Tucson does feature some nice young hotties, so I do recommend 4th street. I'm a bit old to chase college tail; but I have indulged my baser instincts in the past since I, fortunately, look young for my age and have less than 10% body fat.

Little known fact: Tucson is Apache for "armpit of Phoenix"

4th ave and tittie bars. You can score your drug fix off Oracle. The most exciting thing I've done is seeing the" leaving tucson city limits sign." In all seriousness if you have a chance hit up Tombstone. Great time.

Been there once, don't wanna go back.

OK, this place SUCKS!!! Yes, it brown, everything is brown! The mountains are fugly, and I can only imagine this must is where the wheel fell off the wagon - there's no other reason to start a city here... Tucson = dump!!! I'm at a the Hilton resort, and I don't plan on straying far from the bar!

OK, home now, and on balace, it turned out to be pretty cool. Never got into town (not sure I missed anything!!), but the bar was good. I'm not much on cactus, scorpions or snakes, but hey, none bit me... Did I mention the bar was good??

you didn't even try. Don't blame the city, blame yourself.

LMAO This thread is hilarious. Tucson is awesome, and has plenty of stuff to do. Check out the dog track and bet on a pup. There's plenty of nightlife going on, and is a cool town all around. The later we get in the year, the nicer it is, as it's warmer than most other places right now. Tucson rocks. Enjoy it.