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-   -   Life Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female (https://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=241563)

Rams Fan 02-12-2011 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wutamess (Post 7426736)
We're very open (prolly too open) so it's not embarrassing for her to have to discuss it. Wifey found out the where/how she's doing things with.
Don't you think it would be a bit awkward for her to have a talk like that with her? You'd make her feel like daddy's little girl(which isn't a bad thing). If I were in your shoes, I'd have your wife talk with her about what she's been doing. If I were you, I'd talk about the discipline.

wutamess 02-12-2011 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by pr_capone (Post 7426729)
The last thing you want to do is overreact to her budding sexuality. Have a conversation with the wife, then have a conversation with the kid. Time without the phone is likely warranted but flat shutting it down will only make her not want to talk you guys about sex in the future.
It's funny... because I know there's little we can do, but how do you tell someone that's curious to wait? The phone is just so NOT needed. and I don't really want to know when she's having sex. I mean, it'd be nice to know but for some reason. I'd rather not know at that age.

I'd just rather prevent it from happening as much as I can. My main issue with her though will get her confidence up about trying to impress boys. Might be talking to a deaf ear at the time but I gotta get it out.

DaFace 02-12-2011 11:22 PM
Antifreeze. You guys are slipping.
Posted via Mobile Device

Coach 02-12-2011 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chiefspants (Post 7426740)
Turning the phone off is going to do nothing for her except exacerbate the problem, however, I think there are a few effective ways to respond to the issue.

I think one thing you can do is take away her phone until her chores are completely done. Remind her that you're paying completely for the phone and she needs to do her share to earn it.

About the guy, things can get bad fast if she ever decided to send pictures of herself. There, you need to explain that anything she tells/shows the guy can be saved by that guy, and if the two ever get in a fight, he can show all of his friends and then they could show anyone in the area. Tell her that if she is going to use the phone you bought to have a relationship, then she needs to at least be honest with you about the relationship. Tell her that you don't want to know the details, just that you want to know the guy that's dating your daughter.

And..That's the best I got, I"m an eighteen year old guy, and these strategies seemed to work pretty well for my parents and I.
I agree with his comment on the things can get bad really fast if things goes bad. Especially with photos. Those things can find their way into the internet, and they are stuck there forever. Those things can be damning to her, especially if she is going to be able to get a real job at some point.

luv 02-12-2011 11:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chiefspants (Post 7426740)
Turning the phone off is going to do nothing for her except exacerbate the problem, however, I think there are a few effective ways to respond to the issue.

I think one thing you can do is take away her phone until her chores are completely done. Remind her that you're paying completely for the phone and she needs to do her share to earn it.

About the guy, things can get bad fast if she ever decided to send pictures of herself. There, you need to explain that anything she tells/shows the guy can be saved by that guy, and if the two ever get in a fight, he can show all of his friends and then they could show anyone in the area. Tell her that if she is going to use the phone you bought to have a relationship, then she needs to at least be honest with you about the relationship. Tell her that you don't want to know the details, just that you want to know the guy that's dating your daughter.

And..That's the best I got, I"m an eighteen year old guy, and these strategies seemed to work pretty well for my parents and I.
Don't want details? Dating? She's 13!

BigRock 02-12-2011 11:23 PM
If you want to get rid of the cell phone, just tell her that, for no real reason at all, you decided to go through her phone and look at the conversations she's been having. She'll never use it again.

wutamess 02-12-2011 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Superturtle (Post 7426732)
You need to have a conversation with Chris Hanson. Seriously. If she acts like this at 13 ****ing years old, you might have a problem. Of course, it could also be her "exaggerating" things in a way to make herself appear more attractive.

13 is about par for the course.
I got my first tongue around 13-15 range (in front of the church).
What planet you on?

Hammock Parties 02-12-2011 11:23 PM
I bet she would be more receptive if it came from her mom.

If it comes from dad it's just gonna be "Dad is being a bastard again! I'm gonna be a virgin forever!"

jspchief 02-12-2011 11:23 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by wutamess (Post 7426733)
We've had the talk years ago.
It may mean more to her now.

And I don't mean the "bolt goes in the nut" talk.

I mean the "getting pregnant or a disease at 14 will f'ing destroy every part of your life that you currently enjoy".

Jenson71 02-12-2011 11:24 PM
I wouldn't grill her about her grinding and french kissing. That's normal behavior for many at that age. Plus, she could be lying to impress him. If you brought it up, she'd likely feel awkward and really pissed off at you.

Disclaimer: not a parent.

Rams Fan 02-12-2011 11:25 PM
I remember when I was 13, there were rumors about 2 people having sex. And the guy involved said he had sex with the gal, but the gal denied it.

Demonpenz 02-12-2011 11:25 PM
Show Cassel's throwing motion and tell her this is what happens when you have sex too young. Have barf bags ready

wutamess 02-12-2011 11:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by jspchief (Post 7426735)
So what is the issue? The boy or the phone?

I can think of a lot of good reasons for a 13 year old to have a phone, mainly that she is always a call away, so no good reason for you to not know where she is and whats she's doing.

As for the boy... first you'd have to tell her you went through her phone which could be a whole other can of worms. The "how far she's been" sounds about right for her age, but it may be a good time to drive home your morals and remind her of the dangers of promiscuity.

Maybe something like increased monitoring of phone usage, taking the phone away for awhile.
She lives under our home. We pay the phone bill. So she has no privacy. We don't play the... "her space" game here.

Coach 02-12-2011 11:26 PM
wutamess, you are paying for the phone, correct?

Edit: Since you answered jsp's question, then I think you need to let her know that, "I'll give you one more chance. If I ask you to do something, please do it. I pay the phone for you, so it's fair for me to have you to do the chores that I have asked you. If you chose not to do what I have asked you to do, then I will have no choice but to disable the phone."

Let her know that you are paying the phone for her. She needs to realize that you are helping her, but she needs to hold up her end of the deal.

Rams Fan 02-12-2011 11:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenson71 (Post 7426751)
I wouldn't grill her about her grinding and french kissing. That's normal behavior for many at that age. Plus, she could be lying to impress him. If you brought it up, she'd likely feel awkward and really pissed off at you.

Disclaimer: not a parent.
This. I'd be more concerned if she sent any pictures of herself to the boy.


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