Tl:dr on the scenario. I did go over to the ex's 2 hours ago with a 6 iron, however.

I'd just throw the futon down the stairs. Gonna be hard to survive that.

Write in vote for "Test Rain Man for adderal/ other amphetamines " .

One of each. The one where Winchester had the record player and the one where Burns temporarily ran the camp.

We also need a "strip naked throw alka-seltzer tablets in your mouth and charge him yelling 'Bath Salts'" at the top of your lungs option.

For the WIN.

Too late. He killed me while I was reading all that.

Well that simplifies things. The following list would be quickly done, employing my sub 4.4 40 yd dash speed.

1. Unplug bedroom lamp. Cut the cord off with the bowie knife; making sure that a good inch of wire was exposed at the non-plug end .

2. Cut a hole in the bottom of one of the Japanese stacking boxes. (Sorry this is so obvious.)

3. Snake exposed end of cord thru hole in Japanese stacking box. Place box next to bathroom sink (with lid on).

4. Using the organic toothpaste, write "cash" on lid of altered Japanese stacking box.

5. Plug cord into the GFI circuit near the bathroom sink.

6. Carefully create big puddle of water on the floor in front of sink w/o touching the electrified Japanese stacking box.

7. Leave electric toothbrush on and place the working toothbrush on the back of the toilet tank. This will be loud enough to garner the intruder's attention.

8. Go back to bedroom.

9. Construct a proper mace from the bat and knife. (Duct tape in nightstand. Left over from "date night" with the SO.)

10. Hide behind bedroom door with newly fashioned medieval weapon.

11. Be quiet.

12. Wait for intruder to investigate noise in bathroom.

13. Wait for intruder to see the "cash" box in bathroom and unwittingly move into the puddle of water to investigate the found treasure.

14. Wait for intruder to greedily open "cash" box and get the shock of his life.

15. Bum rush "shocked" intruder and disembowel him with mace.

16. Return to living room to watch M*A*S*H episode where Harry Morgan plays the crazy General Steele.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/8X7PzZJXbi8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You forgot an option:

Shoot with spare gun hidden away from ball-and-chain.


Another option:

Divorce wife, keep gun.

I've always had a fantasy about beating the ****ing shit out of someone with a baseball bat. This would be my chance.

Who cleans up the broken glass?

This for sure.

I'd be stealthy about it, just in case. If it were just me, maybe I entertain the thought of intimidation first. Not going to put my family at risk for fun, so I would use the element of surprise and smash him with the bat as he nears the top.

My question...just so we're clear on the scenario...is this: Is my home located in Florida?

in this particular scenario, i'd just go to bed. that's the way it sounds every time my wife comes home. i'd just figure it was her coming back early.
sec