Drove the van a couple of years back. The wife ran errands the next day and then bitched me at because the gas light came on when she was heading home.

lolwut?

Why does she need the van? Does she need to drive herself to the kitchen?

Make a joke about emptying your man tank. You know what I mean. Oh yeah.

Or she had a lead on a sale on Celebrator and was going to surprise you with it. In that case, you really should have filled the tank up.













(don't taze me, Pink. Show up and post more and we won't feel the need to snipe at you. :) )

I told my wife I was taking her truck to work one morning, but ended up taking mine. A few days later she text me that same shit "thanks for using all the gas in my truck"

I said:

**** off, I didn't take your truck. Stop letting that ****ing thing run empty.

Winner

I always let my wife drive whatever is on empty.

She has more free time than I do
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And I suppose it would be stupid to ask if when you were going out the door she asked 'If you take my van you'll fill it up right?'.

I hope not. I like my food to be edible.

Love and Marriage Love and Marriage, Go Together Like a Horse and Carriage...

I did my 13 years in the pen, its gonna be a reeeal special one that gets me back in.

Tell her you will no longer be picking up groceries, since you clearly suck at it.

win-win

She may be setting things up to frame you for a murder.

"Officer, the tank was full when he left, and it was almost empty when he came back. And then I found the body of this woman that I hate in the basement."

What was your escape plan?

The wife was having a long agitated conversation with one of her friends on the phone the other day. After she hung up she walked into the living room and I said ",What was up with that?" She starts to tell the story and pretty quickly gives up and says ",nevermind...it's too hard to explain." Later that night she's giving the cold shoulder. I finally asked what was wrong, and she goes ", I just can't talk to you about anything." WTF??

He kept criticizing her for leaving the car low on gas, and then framed her for a murder.