go on

I liked the plot twist of speeding to traffic school, cdcox. It really calls into play your subconscious objection to the penalty and your resistance of the state.

The instructor then revealed spycam footage of cdcox speeding to class as an example, and failed him on the spot.

that is ****ing weird. the EXACT same thing happened to me today.

Friday night
went to bed.
woke up at 3am; couldn't sleep
slept on the couch watching Ancient Aliens
woke up by the wife at 0730 and told to get in bed.
slept for 1 hour.
text by brother to ask about time to meet up for bike show
texted by brother asking if we should ride or drive
long debate in my mind
Mind said "**** it", let's ride
Rode
Saw wool and bikes.
froze.
I can haz cheese burger
froze
had beer with brother at his house
froze
locked out of house / garage code didn't work
garage code worked.
let dogs out
dogs shat
fed dogs
wife returned.
procured beer and tobacco for my lip cancer
log on to Chiefs Planet for knowledge and wisdom.


......you know, a normal Saturday

I think his brilliant use of the coffee as a strawman saved him that fate. It was a masterful subterfuge of Keyser Soze proportions.

Today I managed to:

Do my laundry
Do the dishes
Clean the kitchen
Complete my tax return
Work 7 hours

Beat that.

99 Problems But a W2 Aint One

Before class began, the instructor encouraged us to use the restroom because the first break was going to be a "loooooooong" time coming. Earlier I forgot to mention that I sort of needed to poop as I was leaving the house. But by the time the urge hit, there wasn't time and I just suppressed the need. At this moment, I was good to not poop, but I decided it would be best to start the class with an empty bladder given my plan to sip on coffee all morning. There were two single occupancy restrooms one for each sex. I was fourth in line, and squeezed out a few drops without event.

The driving instructor was probably around 50 with thinning hair and probably was over 3 bills. I liked him okay. He kept the class interesting, didn't get derailed by some really dumb questions, and didn't repeat himself too much.

I was a bit of an outlier among the clientele. Most were younger than me and of a different socioeconomic class. There was one guy who looked like a possible peer. I felt kind of stupid for getting a ticket and having to spend my Saturday morning here. Clearly I was going to fast that night in November and vowed to stay within 10 miles of the posted speed limit in the future, which seems to be acceptable to law enforcement agents in my city and state.

By the time the first break rolled around I was having significant cramping. I'm a morning pooper, and this sitting in class all morning wasn't working for me. The instructor indicated that we had six minutes and thirty seconds for our break and there was only that single occupancy restroom. Most of the class headed outside for a smoke. I debated what to do. One guy headed into the restroom while I was debating. I decided I needed to take the plunge. I blew out tons of gas, which partially relieved the cramping, but didn't produce any poop. Uh oh, I think forgoing the poop when I had left the house had resulted in constipation. I exited the restroom after about 3 minutes feeling a little better.

By the next break my coffee mug was empty and I had gas again. I took my coffee mug out to my car, and walked around a bit farting away from class mates.

Overall the class was okay. I leaned that the new recommended hand position is 4 - 8 instead of 10 - 2. If your air bag goes off with your arms in the 10 - 1 you are likely to get two broken arms in what is called a "night stick break". I also learned a new way to position your side view mirrors that reduces the size of your blind spot.

He told about some of the former students in his class who if they needed to merge into the left lane, and their left turn light was out, would instead use their blinker to signal a right hand turn. I expressed shock. Some of my classmates were oddly quiet and looked own.

Class was supposed to get out at 1:30 but we were a few minutes late. He dismissed the people who were there for an 8 hour class for lunch. Then he began to pass out the class attendance certificates to the 4 hour people. He implored us to check the spellings of our names, birthdates, and DL numbers. If we left the room with an error on our certificate, it would cost us $15 to get a new certificate printed. He made made a 20 year error on my birth date so I waited for him to print a new certificate. I would normally be ticked at such an error, but on the brink of achieving my freedom from traffic court jail, I was in a good mood and joked with him about how I wish I was 20 years younger.

I drove home with my hands in the 4 - 8 position. Life's been good to me so far played on the radio. As I pulled away from an intersection, a mini cooper blew around me as my Mazerati does 185... came across the speakers. I let him go without challenge. Once he got if front of me he was content to drive at the same pace I was going.

and the moral of the story boys and girls...is that life is shit

I can't believe I read that whole post and there was not 1 single mention of a theater bj.

What that 70 year old ex-chief did was to rob us of all the joys of the theater.

**** YOU MAD TEXT CHECKING POPGUN POPCORN COP

It was 2:09 when I got home and we had planned to go see The Wolf of Wallstreet at a 4:00 matinee. My daughter's stomach was bothering her, so we decided not to go.

Time for a late lunch. I was going to splurge and eat a Totinos three meat pizza all by myself. Normally I'd get a sausage and pepperoni combo, but they they were sold out at the grocery store. My wife asked me if I wanted to split it and decided I could get by with half. I made a cup of coffee while I waited for the oven to heat. The box said to bake it for 13 to 14 minutes at 450 F, but since we have a convection oven I decided 10 minutes was about right. While it was baking I carried out two large boxes from the space heaters we had bought when our heat was off to the recycle bin. They had been laying around our house because the bin was full, but the trash company emptied it yesterday so there was room for them. I also made my wife a cherry coke, cracked open a few filberts, and reviewed my retirement plan earnings from 4th Q 2013. It was a good year.

The pizza was pretty tasty. I ate it in my chase lounge chair while watching a documentary about the USS Indiana during WWII. Tragic story. I dozed through probably half of it but caught the gist of it. Near the very end of the war they were sent toward Japanese waters without a destroyer escort and without being warned of Japanese sub activity in the area. The torpedoed ship wen under within 12 minutes. Even when they didn't arrive at their destination the next day no one came looking for them. It was like 4 days later when a plane on routine scout mission spotted them. Like three quarters of the crew perished. Apparently after they were rescued, the Navy made the captain the scapegoat.

I wasn't completely filled up by the pizza so I decided to have a couple of pieces of whole wheat toast and reheated the half cup of coffee left over from lunch. As I started buttering it, I wondered why the butter was so soft? ACK it was stick margin! And I had used it for the chicken with mushrooms and sherried cream sauce last night! I quickly scraped it off the toast and got the butter out. The toast was enjoyable.

The rest of the afternoon/evening was a mixture of Chiefsplanet, TV, and napping. I really wanted to do something worthwhile like working on Sandbox or work, but I'm usually sleep deprived by the time the weekend arrives and napping wins the day. Since I have a 3 day weekend I decided to give the day to laziness. At some point I reheated the potato soup I had made on Wednesday night. The soup my daughter and wife ate had Crackerbarrel Sharp Cheddar Cheese melted in it, but I preferred my soup without cheese. While I reheated theirs in the microwave, I tried an experiment with mine where I reheated it in a teflon skillet over very high heat. The idea was to caramelize the milk and potato starch. The soup developed a nice golden color that I was trying to achieve but it was a little too thick and not that interesting. Oh well.

Thank you. Up until reading this post I felt old. Seems that my life has a whole bunch of spice in it.

Ir's good to know I provide a useful service. But, had my daughter been feeling well we would have gone to a movie and had dinner out. So you should take that into account.

Would you have thrown popcorn at anybody?


As a late update, I bought the new Springsteen album and listened to it while researching races. I wasn't overly impressed by anything other than Dream Baby Dream, which is a great song.

I signed up for the OC Half-Marathon in Orange County, and am about to pull the trigger on a half-marathon in Grand Junction, Colorado. I like running in that part of the state because I can take the train and don't have to drive over the Continental Divide, which makes me uncomfortable from a "don't want to die in a car wreck" way.