I'm eventually just going to cave and pay out the asshole to attend this game because I refuse to miss it. So where's the best non-club level section to sit to avoid getting whipped in the face by sub-zero wind gusts?

Yep it's all resale tix.

Since attending the Super Bowl is not realistic for most people, this is as good as it's ever going to get for most fans. Grab your credit card and bite a pillow

Jeebuz, 1k+ for anything that doesn't equate losing an appendage to frostbite?

Have you guys tried ticketsforless.com? They have no fees. I use them exclusively now. They also currently have a promo code AFCCHAMPIONSHIP that knocks $15-20 off the total. I got 2 tickets in upper level, 40-yard line, row 35, for $299 each. That was the best deal I've been able to find.