Some might read the paper
While sitting on the crapper.
But if you eat while dumping,
you're one nasty bastard.

men's PMS?

That's called TPS=Testorterone Poisoning Syndrome.

And when they age the lose hormones and get those man-boobs!
ROFL


Anyhooo...still sounds like pregnancy to me.
Great literature allows the reader to add their own meaning...right?

Girls go to the head in pairs, its not to catch a peek.
She's there to help in case of a brown blunder.
Because they dump only once a week,
They have to double team the plunger.

http://sh.stonks.com/junk/snapshot20060330065510.jpg
You got something to say about coffee, schtunad???

This reminds of how much I hate crapnel chunks hitting my nipple.

Why'd I have to be the one
To walk in here with that guy?
I don't think I'll ever get,
the foul grit from my eyes.

Slow motion blur forms in my mind
as I pass him near the sink
A toxic funk came from that guys arse
and Oh Laaaawd does it stink.

It was his choice to smile.
All part of his evil plan.
He didn't even wash the crap off..
his toxic, nasty hands.

He should have used some bleach and soap
to detox his nasty binge.
Now instead of using the door knob,
I'll have to kick it off its hinge.

I'm glad he was a stranger,
Someone I'll never know.
An environmental warning
Should follow him in tow.


If he comes back, I'll be ready
and I if he does the same.
I think I'll drown him in that toilet
and give the EPA his name.

T convalesces
Silvio is on the throne
Skipper on crapper.

wise guy creates stench
ruling from hospital loo
asthma to ensue

She placed some calls to Guiness
To see what the feat was worth..
While she hadn't measured the cable yet
She assumed it had a record Girth.

A lady doesn't crap and tell
but sometimes she just must
She birthed a brown so big around,
she thought her pelvis would bust.

She has an horseman there to verify,
the cable when it lands
He tipped his hat and said
"by gawd, I think your brown is 19 hands".

Ripley sent the cameras
Guiness sent the measure tape,
Her landlord brought a shovel
For the skidmarks left to scrape.

She feels her face a flushing
as every one who takes a peek...
laughs at her new fortune
that with Ripleys now she seeks

So get a ticket to stand in line
To get yourself a look...
Or look for the record cable
In this years' Guiness book.

A trombone player friend of mine told me this story about a gig he was doing in Nashville in a pit orchestra for a musical. They were all wearing tuxes but were given the option, given the heat and humidity, to take off the jackets.
In front of him was a trumpet player, who was battling an intestinal bug.
Halfway through the second number, said trumpet player was required to hit a very high note. When he hit the note, said trumpet player lost his seal and proceeded to shit not only his pants but the force of the note he was trying to hit and the broken seal caused him to shit all the way up the back of his white tux shirt.
He was given the rest of the night off. ROFL

A brand new jar of pickled eggs
Glistening in a jar brine
After eating half a dozen
It might be doodoo time.

Some might have made decisions
not to eat all of them in the bowl
But I'm a pickled egg stuntman
Thats just how I roll.

The impending trouble brewing
my stomach gurgles and it growls
I fear the contents working
In my now troubled bowels.

Its bound to smell like oakland,
Newer than a bolt fans gear.
It just might be a bronco fan
being birthed from my burning rear.

ROFL. Rep to Iowanian

This is much better than

Sat on the stool brokenhearted
tried to shit but only farted

Almost to 100 posts
this thread on a roll
A lot of crappy football games
Is this the most entertaining bowl?

yep, pretty much...

.

much time you've spent here
reading of my defication
I'm honored that you're entertained
by my online bowel evacuation.

In playoff form I've practiced
I'm in shape and well prepared.
I've taken out a match and candle
to sweeten up this musty air.

As others pull into indy,
and find a place to park.
I'll sink a pic of Peyton,
Paint it with skid marks.

Althought Its not a licensed Fathead
for that I'm not ashamed.
I'll drop a duece that looks like Manning
A first Poop ballot Hall of Fame.

That kid looks like he's flickin a brown booger with his left hand :p

Poor meal selection
Applebee's Fajita Burger
I-70 is long.

Iowanian, Taco is a real classy guy and wouldn't have posted what you shown in this thread.

Ask him he will tell you.

I'll never sweat the Taco
He's a flaming bag of donkey brown.
Even our dipshit fans look smarter
with his dumbass around.

He likes to be a martyr
thats just his bronco way
he's the one for quentin sanders
and jake plummer he'd go ghey.

I could choose to take the high road
and show I have more class.
But he can take a wooden spoon,
and eat some knowledge from this Chief fans arse.

I find my first class seat,
Aboard the American Standard Throne.
I Open up this months' Field and Stream
to Enjoy 5 minutes time alone.

I hear the scratching at the door,
I see the handle turn.
This is one of those moments
From which my child should not learn.

"no no!" doesn't do the trick,
and before me she now stands
"Daddy, daddy Whachu Doin?"
this 1 year old Demands.

"Woman get her out of here!"
the Alpha Male now Shouts.
What a lovely family gathering,
Now all of you get out.

In shock and some embarrassment,
Forced to pinch off the angry beast.
What does a man have to do at home,
for time to deficate in peace?

I hear the wife a laughing,
And what else could she do?
The child shouts outside the door,
Daddy! Daddy poopy! peee yeeeeeeeeeew.

So...you know how you can catch the flu over the phone? I had to run to the crapper immediately after reading this.

Now Iowanian, if you can wipe all that up while only using one square... you'd make Ms. Crow one happy woman!

Funny.

I actually started a final verse on that very subject, but ran out of time and creative spirit.

Sometimes life is funny
In the way our paths will cross.
Two men in adjoining crappers
Only One can be the boss.

Dualing crapping banjos
an orafactory fury they unleash
just then in walk some people
Unprepared for this stink beast.

Awkward shuffles all around
I hear an old man mutter, underneath his breath.
"how'd we get so lucky?,
better check those stalls for death".

3 constipated days of frenzied eating
my friends I cannot lie.
When its time to drop the bricks I'm building
this poster might just die.

2 girls and their cup have nothing
their time is over, they can suck it.
The hottest coming interweb craze?
1 Io-wanian, 1 bucket?

So, good night old Kris Kringle
Another Year until I see ya.
If I've been a good Boy this year
I'll wake up with Diarhea.

Merry Christmas Iowanian. You are a Poets poet. :thumb:

Arrowhead toilet has been clogged
for nearly 20 seasons
'The team is almost there'
among too many infuriating reasons.

Now Clark Hunt's hand is on the handle
of the Arrowhead American Standard Throne
He finally flushed our own hot-carl
But he's not quite yet alone.

An unsinking floating cheerio
our desires Herm Edwards Will not heed
Soon a brand new GM
will bring the exlax that we need.

Flustrated as he's swirling
His 3 year streaks left in the bowl
A new hope for Playoff glory
A Chief fans re-inspired Goal.

The Stench of Carl Peterson
wafting through the air
A final spray of glade's new fragrance
Will end This Kansas City fan's dispair.

As a new guy I hadnt read all of your previous works, but A+ job on those and this new one as well.

Geez, back from the grave this thread is.

The last sentence of the poem makes it all worthwhile.

Iowanain,

When you get published (its only a mater of time btw) I want your autograph.
What will your book cover look like ?

forgive me bumping an old thread to share a moment too perfect to not share.


By poorly engineered design, by office bathroom shares a wall with the desk of the adjacent office secretary. I knew it was a bad arrangement during my first day's visit when I could hear her stapling papers.

Today, we're both loners in our respective suites.

Irony? Perfect Timing? Cosmic intervention? You be the judge.

As I take my seat for an emergency evacuation, as I make the necessary adjustments, as quietly as possible, I hear it. She's beginning to hum, then mumble and now breaking out in song. As I'm beginning to do work...it becomes clearer and clearer, louder and louder what she is singing.

pffffffft.
"nanana na...nanana nana hey hey hey....goooooooood byeeeeee"

pfft
"nanana na....nanana na na hey hey hey...gooooood bye"

It varies in tone....from her attempt at Barry White....to what must have been a boy band rendition...ending in an Operaesque crescendo......

It hit the lever for the final "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD BYE"....and it stops.

I think the reality of the irony of this moment has begun to sink in on both sides of the wall.

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL:clap: gracias dude, dat be some funny ass shit right there

A young man with special needs
visits me on friday mornings.
But his last 3 trips to see me
should have come with a warning.

We talk about life and women,
and share a couple jokes.
but lately that boy's farting
makes me gag and choke.

The crapper in my office
is about 10 feet away
and lately when he's leaving
he decides to drop in to play.

I must admire his effort
as he talks himself through the trial,
but then he doesn't flush and leaves
and man that crap is vile.

I'm not sure what gets me more;
the devils tower of duke,
or leaving the bathroom door open
that makes me want to puke.

His visits make me happy
I relearn topics I've forgotten
but glade doesnt' make a fragrance
to tame that feller's rotten.

Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them in the late morn when
the planet deems their words are due...

I work with the elderly,
clean up their messes and such,
and then this woman name beverly,
she came on to me just a little too much.

You see, I try to be nice,
I give them all hugs at the door,
but those hugs no longer suffice,
now they want so much more.

She asks me why I wear so much clothes,
I ask her why she's so damn old.

She tells me we could be together for life,
I tell her I got better things to do till five.

Im reading it to Cake....
He's going the distance.
He's going forrrrr speeeed.....

...