And what did you solve, your problem is with your shitty woman not the guy?

GoChiefs with a shitty haircut, Iowa rage feel it, better hide the corn.

It may not solve anything. Its a reaction.

You're married. Put yourself in that situation. The Dude just knocked on your door. You going to fix him a drink and pull out the checker board?

So you need anger management?

What makes a woman who cheated on you worth fighting over?

Yeah, if some other guy smacked your wife, it's on, but if she's running out on you, what's the point of putting yourself in even more physical and legal danger (in addition to the STDs you may or may not get) by fighting some other dude.

Best case scenario: You whip the guy's ass and you still have a wife who cheated on you.

That still leaves you open to felony assault charges.

So again, I ask, what is to gain from this?

They were not married. Oh, and she may be 3 months along. Did I mention that?

anger masks sadness...if something like that doesn't make you angry or sad..then you prolly won't ever have a loving relationship.

that said, some people handle things differently, and the risk of being shot does exist.

Hey that's what I said.

In Iowa logic doesn't apply.

I don't need life skills advice from a semi employed dipshit who lives at home and has no family of his own. I know that much for certain.

This isn't an issue in my home, because I chose wisely.


Hopefully, next time you noodle up some other guy's gal, he finds you and does care.

I can see the guy knocking on your door getting a lot different reaction. It's not nearly the same as seeking this guy out.

Abide. Not cool.
Posted via Mobile Device

No girl is peed on enough that there isn't some hunchbacked wildebeest dying to hump her.

Then at that point it's misplaced, your anger should be at her, not some guy you don't know.

That was my entire point.

It's not black and white, though. You don't have to roll over like a whipped dog.

If the guy actually had the gumption to come and tell you that, it would be pretty surprising.

Of course, you'd be irate. My first reaction would be to toss out a suitcase and tell her she's got 15 minutes to pack.

My second reaction would be to tell the guy you never want to see or hear from him again.

Why let the woman manipulate you even more by going to blows with some dude over it? She already cuckolded you. **** her (figuratively).

I think the most devastating thing to do in that situation would be to tell them both, "Well, your desired partner is someone who can't keep their wedding vows. What a winner you are."

I think that would sting longer than any shit kicking.

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If it's your kid, and she has it, at least take care of it.

The guy knew she was living with an "ex". He's at fault as well as her. The anger's not misplaced, and there's usually plenty of it to go around.

That's just one situation but say he really believed it was her ex, he doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong.

Of course. Problem is finding out when, if, and where she has it.

only an idiot wouldn't be able to figure out he's sleeping with someone who is married..unless it was one time..the truth is eventually going to come out.

besides, just because the woman has no integrity, doesn't give the guy a free pass...if you'd sleep with a friends girlfriend, you aren't a friend.

And yes I did believe her, until her shady actions really got me to thinking about it. Then when I asked her man if they were together, he said yes, I then told him what had been going on. Not before.

Anger isn't always the "right" reaction, but based on my previous experience, and those I've watched and helped through this situation this year....its the first one.

Did I not cover the difference between it being a friend of yours and just some random guy earlier in the thread?

Well, if you change the terms of the hypothetical, you can get all kinds of different answers. The partner is always going to be at fault, and the 'other person' is at fault if they knew or should have known.

Either way, going to the house after you've been sleeping with a woman, and telling the 'ex' about it in person is just asking for the guy to go UFC or pistol range on your stupid ass.

Yea Dude that probably wasn't the best thing to do, you're lucky the guy didn't lose his mind on you alot of people lack rational thought.

Well, see at that point I didnt give a shit about my own life, or what happened. You know how things are after a break up. Especially when you have just found out you have been cheated on for 3 years.

Did I not address that in the first sentence of the reply?

It's always funny to me when it's always the other guys fault no matter what...logic is overrated.

Didn't you post this thread a while back, shyguyms?




dumbassecca,
There is plenty of blame left for the spouse.

I'll have to defer to your EXTENSIVE life and relationship experience to tell me how the average family man would react.

Its always funny is that nothing is ever YOUR fault.

this

this too

Wow.

You're gay for even bringing it up.

If dude knocked on my door and told me he'd been banging my wife, I'd get about 1 inch from him and ask what his purpose was in telling me. If I was satisfied with his answer I'd wish him luck in life, close the door and start packing my shit. If I wasn't there'd be a race on who got out of there first. Me with my shit, or him with his teeth.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you're genuinely just shooting for revenge then it's the right place and right time for me. Better to know than not.........

But if you're just trying to rub some shit in my face I'm gonna rub my knuckles in yours. Fighting is a last resort for me, but if there are no words, there are no words..........

I am NOT cool with being the other man under any circumstance, that shit is just foul.

When I am with a girl I am not a posessive, jealous, or controlling type. I could care less if my girl flirts with other people when we're out in public, or whatever. But there can only be one king, and she will know that.

If she cheats, she's done, there won't be any argument of any kind, just get your shit and leave, and never contact me again, no 2nd chances. As for beating the other dude's ass, only if he pops off at the mouth to me unprovoked it would be very hard to not break his face even though I'd probably feel even worse after I did that.

Okay, but who was cheating on who? Didn't you say that she was living with a guy? Her ex to be more specific? And you don't think that nothing is going on there? That they are co-habitating platonically after they had already had a relationship (as far as you know)? And that after "dating" her for three years, you had never been to her place once? That pretty much makes you the cheatee and her the cheater. Actually, it pretty much makes you a reerun.

And you going up to the door trying to be a bad ass because you got cut off from the snatch, and nobody giving a rats ass about you is just classic. The Ex doesn't give a shit because he's still tapping that ass, the skank doesn't give a shit because you just proved yourself to be a jealous, borderline violent tool that doesn't look as attractive a long term prospect as the other guy.

I'm just shocked that the guy didn't shiv you or put a gun in your face and pull the trigger, pull you in the house or leave you on the doorstep and call the police saying you threatened him with his life while being on his property because you got cut off from the cooz and went psycho. I don't know what kind of Deadly Force laws you got there and if an action like that would fall under a justifiable homicide thing. People get shot because of stuff like you pulled more often than not. You were lucky.

However, the guy just nodding at you and shutting the door and going back and laying the pipe to Ms. Skank is just as good, if not better than, as a bag over the head punch in the gut.

I have a little experience with this and I've always thought the "guy should get his ass kicked" contingent has it all wrong. I mean, shit, the guys that ****ed my wife weren't the ones who were breaking any kind of committment to me; she was. Kicking their asses weren't going to make her less of a tramp. I guess if it makes you feel better about yourself, go for it, but it's not going to change anything. And in the end it really is about her, and not them.

And you, dude, you should only be pissed at yourself for getting into and (worse) staying in that situation.

I agree under one circumstance. If the guy was deceived by her, ie: he thought she was single. If he knew she was married then he has it coming too.

If women do this... men shouldn't beat them, although, in rage, some men smack that ho...

however, I think that if a woman does this... then she should have to get into the octagon ring with Lace from American Gladiators or one of the WWE Divas for an ass whooping.

Why? I mean, yeah, he's a scumbag and I'd never do it or condone it, but at the same time what does one guy really owe the other in a situation like this? It's not like the two of them exchanged any vows. That would be the wife, and it's ultimately on her head, at least in my book.

I realize this reads like a defense of of the cheating guy, but it's really not. He's pretty much a soul-less douche. The point I'm trying to make is that there's not nearly enough emphasis on the responsibility of the woman. Shit, dudes think kicking the other guy's ass will fix this, then take their wives back like they're Odysseus conquering Troy, and then wonder why when it happens again. And again. And again. Because it's somehow hard for them to come to grips with the fact that they married a whore. It's the other guy's fault, after all.

I got a neg rep for saying this....I guess Iowa doesn't agree with us man.

It has nothing to do with logic and everything to do with pissing on the fire hydrant.

Let me be clear. I never whooped anybody who slept with my ex. But I wanted to. I think it probably brings some closure for the problem plaguing most me, our egos. Will it help anything else? No.

If somebody came into my house and disrespected me I'd put them out on their tail and hoped they learned a lesson. If we, as a society don't hold scumbags accountable then who will? This lackadaisical attitude is what allows scumbags to continue their scumbag behavior.

A mere 150 years ago, civilized people in this country shot or hung men who stole cattle. It was an acceptable part of culture at the time. After a couple of guys swinging from a rope the rest of the thieves start thinking long and hard about their chosen profession. Somewhere along the line, we stopped holding people accountable for their actions. I won't continue to contribute to that in my life.

If you honestly think that the severity of punishment equates to lessening the chances of crime, I think you should probably take a look at how the war on drugs has impacted rates of drug use in this country.

There's nothing "lackadaisical" about it, because that's exactly my point: hold the committed people who cheat responsible for their actions.

The way I see it, socially we have some weird views on things. If a husband cheats, the wife generally wants to forgive him and beat up the other woman. If a wife cheats, the husband generally wants to forgive her and beat up the other man. It's this whole "I'm sorry, baby, let's go into couples therapy and work this out" approach. I say **** that. You broke your vow. Marriage over, do not pass go, do not collect half of everything.

To me, the other person in this trio of dismay is guilty of being an asshole, but that's pretty much it. They certainly haven't 'stolen' anything, unless there was some form of rape involved. The reality, to use your analogy, is that your partner, whether we're talking about a man or a woman, unlocked the door for them, let them into your house and said 'please, go ahead, take whatever you want'.

So do we hang them both, then?

You're making to much sense, you obviously aren't a good family man sense that's what I was told.

Drugs are mind-altering substances. I don't really expect anybody to demonstrate common sense, an ability to reason, or expectations of consequences under those circumstances.

Is this Chi's hairdresser? I gotta know I gotta know

no offense, but let's recap...

keg..has sworn off women...was repeatedly cheated on
mecca..has slept with a mariied woman
hamas..fights chicks in bars.

maybe a little bias going on?

c'mon, now nobody is denying the girl isn't without fault, just that if the guy knows he's just as deserving...he is insulting your marriage as well.

I actually have dated since I was divorced, I just don't talk about it. I have a persona on here that I enjoy maintaining.

And yes, I have been cheated on, which I think gives me a little insight into this.

I don't think anybody would argue that the person outside the relationship isn't 'insulting' it in some way - all I'm saying is that the primary responsibility should be on the head of person involved in the relationship who cheated. They're not a victim, and are in my eyes, by far the most wrong. Which isn't absolving the third party, who've also committed a wrong.

But for some reason, it seems to me that the people in the relationships are held less to account than the people outside of it. People actually take back spouses, which just blows my mind.

My example of hanging was exclusive to the "crime" of cheating. The point was that there was a tangible accountability in the past and now there's not.

The jerk cheating with your wife is stealing your dignity and disrespecting you. He's wrecking your home. It's one thing if we're talking about a young married couple w/out children but it's COMPLETELY another when a dude humps your wife and destroys a family. That's an inexcusable crime for me and yes, in my mind, it's criminal. There's absolutely no excuse for any man to participate in that. Anybody who does it or condones it is a complete piece of garbage and I won't associate with them. That goes for the man who does the same thing to his family.

It's not just drugs. Increasing the punishment for a given infraction does not reduce the chances of that infraction being committed.

You are trying to apply a reasonable and logical approach to acts committed by people who are generally sociopaths.

The death penalty was reinstated in 1976. The next fifteen years saw the greatest amount of violent crime in the history of this country at the same time when we were setting records for incarceration rates, both numerically and per capita.

Did Stevie just call me a bad person?

Yes, because throwing a beer in someone's face after they've done that to you equals fighting them.

Maybe that's what the husband should do. Throw a Miller Lite in his face, since that now equates to a fight.

Give me a ****ing break.

It's not like you bodyslammed her through the table dudley style....it was the first story that popped in my head.

The man cheating with your wife didn't make vows to you, or your kids. Your wife did.

The wife didn't slip and fall on the guy's dick, she made a conscious decision to do that.

I've yet to understand why people outside of a marriage are responsible for it. It's the responsibility of the people inside the marriage to maintain it, not people outside.

It's easier to project those feelings onto some guy they don't know and want to kick his ass than the person or peoples fault it really is.

that and an unattractive attitude towards women.

Hamas should obviously just let women abuse him, that's great behavior.

no, but he contributes to putting her marriage and kids at risk.

yup, and he made conscious decision to let her do that.

So if it my responsibility to maintain my car, you should be able to treat it however you want?

Reading that, I see it's the fault of a man if he cheats with another man's wife, and the fault of a man if he cheats on his own wife with another woman. So apparently there's no situation at all where a woman has any responsibility.

Whereas I say, if a wife cheats on a husband, she's the home-wrecker, she's the one disrespecting her husband, she's the one taking a vow and flushing it down the commode. She's not some innocent victim, she is responsible for the whole situation.

Which again, is not absolving the man (or the woman; there are homosexual affairs) outside of the couple. They're certainly wrong, too, but I say the lions-share of responsibility should be on the married couple. If they're not strong enough to commit, and I mean really commit, then they shouldn't marry in the first place. If their relationship is struggling, or if they feel lonely or unfulfilled or like the 'spark' is gone, then they need to find a constructive way to deal with it. Instead of putting themselves in situations where they're tempted to stray, or where they cheat. Because when they do, in my mind at least, while it is a reflection of the character or morality of the person they cheat with, it's a reflection of who they are, and, beyond that, they've broken what should be the tightest bond there can be between two people. They're certainly not a victim.

I see it as a sort of degree of wrongness. Adultery is wrong, regardless, and an act I don't ever expect I'd knowingly commit (I've actually had the opportunity and declined), but in the end who's more wrong: the person outside the married couple, or the person in it, who broke their wedding vow?

That's a completely preposterous analogy that has absolutely no bearing on this situation whatsoever.

The third person isn't married to you. They have no loyalty to you, or anyone else in your family. The person who is cheating on you, does. A spouse who is going to cheat on you is going to do it with someone. With whom they do it is irrelevant.

Who is the one performing the betrayal here?

And that's usually a lot more fun.

FWIW, a woman isn't a piece of property, like a car. You don't own her. She's not your possession. That itself is a pretty unattractive viewpoint to take towards women.

She's a partner. If she betrays the partnership, that's her failure. Yeah, the person she's cheating with is displaying some moral turpitude, but it's not their responsibility to maintain your marriage.

I've discussed how wrong my ex was over and over and over on this site. She destroyed a family through her actions. She's a real piece of crap and I'm sorry my children are forced to be associated with her. I worry for them every day for what values she's taught them.

And yet, it takes two people to screw up this badly. If a dude catches wind that the woman is married he needs to run. Far. If fathers don't teach their sons this very basic form of respect for fellow man, then they've failed too.

[QUOTE='Hamas' Jenkins;5499481]That's a completely preposterous analogy that has absolutely no bearing on this situation whatsoever.

The third person isn't married to you. They have no loyalty to you, or anyone else in your family. The person who is cheating on you, does. A spouse who is going to cheat on you is going to do it with someone. With whom they do it is irrelevant.

Who is the one performing the betrayal here?[/QUOTE

betrayal, to deceive or seduce.

you're kind of proving my point..you keep coming from the pretext that women initiate it, when in fact that many men hit on married women, with no regard for either her or her husband's vows.

That's a good point, too.

I thought at first it was the typical "I've been wronged, I'm gonna kick his ass" testosterone-fueled reaction, but what I think I'm seeing here now is a 'women as victim' mentality, that the wives somehow aren't responsible for their own actions. Bad guys are tricking good girls into doing bad things that they don't really want to do.

Whereas I think women who cheat on their husbands know exactly what they're doing, and if it wasn't one guy it would be another. I don't think they're victims, and I don't think it's accidents. People don't just trip and fall into bed together.

Or if they do, I'm going to wrong parties.

I'm not proving your point whatsoever, and I don't know how you could ever deduce that I am.

Are women so fragile that they cannot make rational decisions about who they do and do not sleep with? That some guy merely hitting on them will make her spread her legs because she's not enough of an independent person to make a decision about what she wants to do with herself?

Are we that misogynistic now?

If I were a woman I'd be deeply offended by these inferences, because it appears as though those espousing these beliefs think that women don't have any agency over their own actions.

That's a very primitive belief.

really? I don't own my kids either?

They aren't victims although most of the situations are different, some women are like some men and just frankly can't be faithful, with others there are other factors.

I'll speak from my personal experience since Stevie brought it up ever so nicely. The married woman I was familiar with, had a husband who cared more about his job than his wife. He was barely around or paid her much attention, I think she just simply wanted someone to pay attention to her like she mattered. She was married but felt extremely lonely.

Are you really saying that you own another human being?

you still are.

No, I'm really not. If you think I am, you should probably bone up on both reading comprehension, logic, and rhetoric.

(FWIW, I don't actually think that you believe what you just posted, but rather you didn't have any kind of intelligent response to proffer, so you instead decided to act as though I was a pawn in your grand persuasive scheme. No one is buying your bluff. You have 2-7 offsuit. Sorry.)

I wouldn't (and haven't tried to) argue that.

Like I said, I wouldn't put myself in that situation. It's wrong. I just think we have a tendency to focus much more on the people who are showing that disrespect instead of the people who are actually breaking vows. (And in case we get sidetracked by my earlier 'women as victims' comments, I think women do the exact same thing when their husbands cheat)

And, again from my own experience, I'd say that's probably because it's easier to look outward than it is to look inward, easier to put the fault at someone else's feet, instead of those of a loved one or even ourselves. It's a lot easier to come to grips with betrayal when you can focus the emotions that come with it on someone that we didn't trust or cherish or think we'd spend our lives with.

yes, that's exactly what I mean..and my wife and kids know it..they don't dare step out of line. I just recently allowed my wife to go back into the workforce after 10 years, only on the condition that she check in every hour. My oldest works and I keep the paychecks as collateral for taking care of her all these years. I already have a job lined up for my youngest when she turns 14 next year., she knows her paychecks will cover gas.

That's ****ing sick. I wouldn't even call that a 1950's view of the world. It's just barbaric. That's a medieval, flat-earth view of the world.

You do realize that you are treating your wife like you are her parole officer, right?

You and I had this discussion on another thread. I'd stay so far away from a situation like that...

It does beg the question of who's taking advantage of whom. I don't condone it in any way, but it seems pretty obvious that needs were fulfilled on both sides of the coin, and you weren't simply taking advantage of an innocent young flower. My guess is she was looking for whatever attention she could find, and you happened to be in the wrong place at the right time.

The operative words being "she was looking".

I still think you're nuts for ever getting twisted up in anything like that, though.

Things happen, she never acted nuts or did anything crazy and I was very aware of the situation early on.

My thought was if this guy can't even take the time to treat his wife right that's his problem not mine. We had things in common and had fun but I always took the situation for what it was and never made it anymore than that.

no dressing up, no excessive make up in public, no revealing clothing..if we get a male waiter, she knows not to respond and let me order for her.

...my girls aren't even allowed to talk to boys, though I suspect they do it behind my back...

1. You knew she wasn't single, and if you truly didn't you're not a smart fella.
2. I hate homewreckers.
3. You better pray she's not packin your kid.

That's all.

I wonder how long it will take to get the traditional "ain't nothin' wilder than a catholic schoolgirl/daughter of a minister/et cetera, et cetera" comment.

If he's being serious which I doubt because that is just to much that would lead to some extreme rebellion in later years rebellion like stripping and porn.