Get this tattooed on whatever clear patch of skin you have left. It's that important.

It'll hurt like a bitch, but then, so does love and getting run over by a train.

Don't get the FAX part tattooed. That would be weird and it would just raise uncomfortable questions with the next chick.

You'll eventually figure out that you were probably "content" not "happy". there is a difference.


Move on from the drama....she's likely humping her lab partner who "understands" her.

Sorry to hear that dude, I went through a pretty tough breakup in college, it was my first adult relationship, the first woman who could have been "the one" and when we broke up all I concentrated on was trying to get her back. Looking back was that completely the worst thing I could have done. Not because we really should have stayed together, but because I moped on what I didn't have instead of what I did and who I was. It's easy to look back with 20/20 vision, but at the time I was not thinking straight.

You've gone through a significant part of your life with her, so you're going to feel a loss. But playing a mind game right now is not going to get you anywhere - that advice is for people trying to defensively protect their egos after a burn.

Nobody can dispense a prescription for this based on three paragraphs. They don't know the three years you've had with her, what your personalities and needs are. How you've grown together and apart since then. I do think that through college people grow a lot and often grow differently. That's just reality. I would just offer the general tips to be honest, with her and with yourself. And try to surround yourself with as many close friends and supporters as you can. If she was your best friend (or the person you shared all your daily news with) you should keep yourself communicating with other close people to mitigate that loss of personal bond. and try not to make everything about her and what you no longer have. Also, each day it will get easier. It might only get a fraction of a percent easier each day but it does get easier.

Good luck

Oh yeah, and don't be this guy...

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-li...nise-show/2527

perhaps....

Sorry about what happened and sorry for the heartache, but...What do you have to offer her? Seriously. From the sound of your OP, it seems like you were a whiny twit riding her coat-tails. She is getting a Ph.D. and in all likelihood will be moving to another part of the country. Why would she want to be tied down to you? It seems like you are the one who is afraid of being lonely and she has no problem being alone; there is a HUGE difference between between lonely and being alone. You've been with her for three years, you haven't proposed and you don't live together; I don't blame her for dumping you. You were using her. You may not agree with that statement, but if you don't understand it, you have a real clue as to why you are now newly single. If you don't know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone after a couple of years, it ain't gonna happen. She cut bait and moved on without you.

This you should tattoo on her. Unless she or her parents or the taxpayer paid for it.

That sucks man.
Always remember:
It's a short trip from pursuing your true love to stalking. Good luck bro.
Posted via Mobile Device

I agree, I was in a band when I was 18 & 19 so I didn't start college til late. I am still only 26 just wanted to clear it up. Not thinking I'm 20 or 21.

I was on the verge of getting engaged when I was in grad school. We broke up. Probably a good thing because I'm sure I'd be paying alimony now.

Been married for 15 years to the right girl who came around afterwards.

Yeah.

Ignore my rubber band deal and the train thing? Then immediately dive into 3 pages of single-spaced, detailed excerpts from the love boat operations manual?

Not fair, dude. Not fair, at all.

FAX

That's another thing. 50% of first marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, so you could be dodging an alimony bullet, unless her Ph.D. is going to provide a better salary than club hockey, in which case she could end up owing you.

But really, what are the odds of her Ph.D. being worth anything at all in this economy? Tough call.

Don't listen to Oprah here.


If she doesn't want you now, why on earth would you beg and plead and use your diamond "quarterback" as suggested by the guy who suggested you ignore platitudes.

Let her go....Go be happy, if she calls, you're doing fine. She'll either realize she made a mistake or she'll continue F'ing Beaker.


Personally, I don't think anyone is truly ready to be a good husband until they've gone through one of these situations. You'll be a man of better steel for going through some fire.

The decade following my version of your situation, I did a thousand things I'd never have done had I ended up with that miserable, unhappy fun hater. Best thing she ever did for my life was push me back out into the world. 5 years from now, you'll probably be with a better woman, who is happier, and a better match. Someday, you'll have beautiful kids with a woman you've probably never met yet, that you wouldn't have if you stay in this situation.

Move on. Go be happy.

This. Don't listen to those saying "bro, you gotta ignore her and then she will coming crawling back". Maybe that works on 90210, but this is real life. Show her your doing well by accually doing well. Focus on yourself completly and give her some time (not too much) and then if you feel the same way, talk to her.

I had a simular situation. Dated a girl in college. She was super busy (as was I) and I felt neglected. That sucks because as a man you think you should not feel that way. When you are both busy as hell and YOU are willing to make time to see her and she does not do the same, that is a shitty feeling.

I got rid of her and it worked well for me, but if she is your best friend like you say she is, its not going to be as easy for you.

Good luck man.

ROFL No woman is this important.

If it were me, I would rather know now than 5 years and 3 kids into a marriage, good luck to you either way.

Mrs Favre is probably looking for some payback.


Take spring break in Louisiana and go give her lady garden a tickle.

I definitely can tell who are the older, wiser posters here after this thread. I appreciate the love everyone. I really do. a fresh take on it then from what my friends have been telling me

think she likes amateur hockey players?

I beg to differ.

The real problem is, too many are. I don't think human males were intended for monogamy. I think the more beautiful, nubile, green-eyed, blonds around, the better. And, if that takes jewels, so be it.

Instead, we're forced to settle down with one girl and deal with all the ups and downs and ups and downs of one person instead of simply choosing the most positive and upbeat chick in the coop that particular day. Makes no sense and causes untold gobs of relational friction.

I occasionally worry about the future of our culture.

FAX

Listen Pushead (always wanted to say that),

Sounds like a sucky situation that's painful and I'm sorry about that.

From the above quote it sounds like you were essentially already married. So it's not really much different than a divorce.

One of your other quotes talks about easily choosing hockey over her if it came down to it. That sounds like a guy who doesn't want to be married to a real person.

So, you were a married guy who didn't want to be married.

At least you got out before you spent 6K on a ring. Sucks either way. Sorry man.

Don't know. text her a photo of your pickle in Hockey Skates.

The only thing you've proven Tonto is that you're either an ice dancer or a chic.

Go take the lint roller to your beret before you're looking unkept in your art history class.

I only meant it as I understand how she's putting her career path first. She's becoming a professional scholar in essence. I would never want her to choose. Just me saying I understand how it consumes.

Simmah!!

But, to answer your question, my brilliant commentary was, unfortunately, lost in the wash.

I ran the load and all that came out was some shrunken commentary and a single, solitary sock. Probably should have used Woolite.

FAX

If he does AtM then she's a gem.

Whoa. Dig the serious guy.

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...6WV6JQtj95lwpQ

You see maaaaaaaaan, these cats don't understand the depth of female psychology the way I do...ya dig.

The penguin is chill.

snaps snaps snaps snaps

Sounds like she might be use to you being away as is. Never been one for falling in love but tell her you love her and she's the one if you mea it. This is not dating you do not have to hard to get. If you both actually love each other you will get back together.

Sounds like this was initiated by you when you told her you felt neglected, to a degree (no pun intended), because of the time she was spending getting her Phd. Has she ever told you the same in regards to your time you have dedicated to the Hockey leagues? Anyway, you put her in a defensive mode and its possible she might have been bothered by that and said some irrational things. Just from what you have said here, and considering that this was a lady you were going to ask to marry you, I would give it some time apart to see exactly how much the two of you mean to each other.

At least you didn't buy her a $6,000 ring.

These are the facts of life. A woman will not respect a man who comes running after her. A guy might think he's proving how important she is to him by doing this, but the fact is, it just makes him her bitch. He'll give up the power in the relationship and it's doomed anyway. These things have not changed since the dawn of time.

As for the "I love you but I'm not in love with you", I pulled that bullshit on a long-term relationship once. Bottom line is, I think I was just afraid to commit and say to myself, "I will marry this person and never see another naked person for the rest of my life except this one". She may truly not "be in love with you", or she might just have cold feet on a larger commitment. As others have said, do not beg, do not plead, do your best to support yourself mentally and physically (clean your house, work out, etc.,.). She may soon see what she's giving up. And if not, you move on. Almost every person I've ever met who has a bad breakup follows it up with, "...and I'm so thankful, because then I met the woman who I eventually married, and am happy beyond belief." More fish in the sea and all that jazz.

Absolutely..........

Sound advice

I agree.......

Once again I thank everyone for the love & advice.

I call complete bullshit on this. If you have to have the "power" in your relationship then you have a pretty piss poor relationship because the two of you will never be better than you as an individual. I am married to a wonderful woman with whom I share the "power"- it makes both of us better. Our strengths compliment each and heighten each other and they also compensate for each others' weaknesses. Why would anyone in their right mind want someone who is weaker than they are?

I think Mr. Brock is referring to "pre-marriage" situations, Mr. Fat Elvis.

When I was dating the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX, her roommate had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who would not stop calling or dropping by. Eventually, she not only became disgusted with his behavior, she became fearful. I've told the story before, but one night he forced his way into the apartment and I was required to smash a lamp over his noggin. Pretty good lamp, too.

In my vast experience in dealing with the softer sex, it's important to give the girl space and focus on your own self-improvement and personal happiness ... without her. Then, if she wants to be with you, she will. Girls know all about this kind of stuff and they are acutely aware of relational dynamics. The worst thing a guy can do is "chase". It never, ever works and sometimes makes things irretrievably bad.

FAX

You share the power. She doesn't run the relationship. I daresay your wife never made you run after her or do other doggie tricks to prove yourself, no?

When it comes to "power and weakness", I agree that there can't be any on either side or the other person will just think less of you and take advantage of you. When I was young, my first g/f tried to break up with me and I pussied out to the point of almost grabbing her ankles and sobbing to keep her from doing it. She reluctantly took it back... and, obviously, the relationship went right in the toilet.

I'll leave you with a quote from a great modern philosopher:

"Cameron has never been in love. At least, nobody's ever been in love with him. If things don't change for him, he's gonna marry the first girl he lays, and she's gonna treat him like shit, because she will have given him what he has built up in his mind as the end-all, be-all of human existence. She won't respect him, 'cause you can't respect somebody who kisses your ass. It just doesn't work."

Nor should he, since she pulled the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" card. Translate that from woman bullshit and you have "I'm screwing around on you or at least thinking about it".

First off, I'm shocked that nobody has offered the most apropriate immediate response, and that is to go meet some floozy at a bar, take her home, and bang the absolute shit out of her. After this, forget about "whats her face", and if it is meant to be she will call you. It's like when your dog dies, you really need to get a new dog pretty quickly. Actually, it's not like that at all, cuz you dont **** your dog, but you get the point.

Don't take advice from someone who thinks it's spelled advise.

If she's not in love with him, he's already lost her.


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Dear Pushead:
Take her to dinner at an expensive restaurant. Order the most expensive thing on the menu. When the bill comes, act like you lost your wallet. Make her pay. Stop on the way home, make her buy a bottle of really good champagne. Go back to her place. Get her drunk then proceed to do every nasty, kinky, perverted sexual act you can think of to her. When she falls asleep from sexual exhaustion, steal $50 out of her purse. Go into the kitchen, take a dump in the fridge crisper bin. Leave and never call her again.

She'll either think you're a wild man and want more, or want to "fix your flaws" because you are now a challenge. If she doesn't respond within two weeks, grudge-fuck her best girlfriend.

Sincerely,
Every Un-Married Guy on the CP
Who Offers Relationship Advice

I don't get the "waiting" thing. If you make the decision to propose to someone, then buy the ring and do it ASAP. I was going to wait two months, only because I'd wanted to do it on our vacation. I was going to do it on top of Millennium Force in Cedar Point, but then realized that whipping out a diamond while going 90 MPH was probably a bad idea. So I did it earlier than that, simply proposing to her while she and I were spending a lazy early-summer day in her parents' swimming pool. (I also don't get the public-proposal stuff. I always think, "She was probably just guilted into saying yes," LOL.)

Her: "I'm not sure if I love you."

Him: "Will you marry me?"

Her: "Yes! Absolutely! I've completely changed my mind!"

Yeah, this isn't a ****ing recipe for disaster. The euphoria and thrill of moving to the "next step" will last forever and ever.

Doesn't seem like it now, but consider yourself very lucky.

I admire your fire and passion, Mr. Comanche. It reminds me of Grandma FAX and that time she chopped off a finger whilst rendering a chicken for soup.

We may disagree on this subject, and that's okay. However, before you become inexorably fixed in your views, let me suggest that you read any woman's magazine on the planet. Girls thrive on relational dynamics ... hell, it's practically all they think about. They know when a guy is "worth it" or not and, when they decide they want a man, they will swim the Pacific Ocean bound in 50 feet of logging chain for the guy. When a guy "chases" a girl, it communicates "neediness" and girls don't want a guy who "needs". They want a guy who "gets".

That's why I initiate a meaningless argument with the beautiful and witty Mrs. FAX at least twice a month then storm out of the house swearing to God and all the Saints that I'll never return and the next time I see her one of us will be in a box. That way, she realizes that I have my sh*t together.

FAX

I masturbate. This way I get to have sex with any woman in the world I want. Celebrity, coworker, 3rd cousin. Its a sure thing. And I can have it any way I want to and role play and everything. And afterwards I don't have to pay for it with the talking and complaining and nagging. And then I can watch football all I want. Wear what I want. Eat what I want. Its really working out a whole lot better than the 2 wives, 2 fiancees, and 100 or so nutbags I've dated. If all else fails and I really need the real thing I just drop a couple of hundred on a nice hooker I met on the backpage. She's hotter and nicer to me than all the others combined.

Sorry bro. I was in a similar situation at the end of my undergrad, except I was lacking time for her. I loved her and all but she was upset with my inability to spend time with her as often as we both would like. We seperated and honestly looking back Im happy. I grew more as a person and changed (for the better I hope). I ended up finding a new girl I could make new connections with, and this girl will be my wife now in July. I think at younger ages (especially 18-22) we change so quickly and discover more about ourselves then we can even imagine. This all changes our idea of what we are looking for and our concept of a relationship. Give it time, the answers will come pal.

I see your point, but it could be a little more complex. Maybe the man wasn't committing enough for her liking, so she started to pull away thinking he clearly wasn't "in love" with her enough to want to propose. Maybe the act of proposing makes the woman realize how much she values him and wants him in her life. I dunno. I do agree that, in this situation, any further discussion of continuing the relationship or deepening it into marriage should be prefaced with, "if you truly believe it in your heart... don't just ****ing say yes because you think it's what I want to hear, because you'll end up resenting me and just divorcing me anyway".

Why would anyone want anything to do with someone who has a "hidden agenda"?

I think it was Wanda Sykes who said something like, if honest, it would be, "I'm tired of ****ing you. I would like to **** someone else. I suggest you go do the same."

So why not say that?

Sure, I can absolutely agree with all of this. And it could be that she's having a panic attack about starting a doctoral program. She'll soon learn that the coursework part isn't as daunting as she might otherwise anticipate.

I'm glad you think you have this all figured out, champ.


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Boys, it really isn't that hard. Most females want you to be just like her best friend, with a penis.

I love reading men's insight into the female mind.

That's because we make marriage, and divorce, too easy nowadays. People have no sense of commitment. They get married on a whim, after weeks of dating someone, without living with them, whatever. My wife and I dated for 4 years, 2 of which were spent living together, before marrying. And we know that there will be no divorce: if we tire of each other, whoever gets the shovel quicker and kills and buries the other one in the woods is the winner. :D

We know you better than you know yourself. :LOL:

If a man on this board said, "I love reading women's insight into the male mind", you'd probably call him an idiotic misogynistic neanderthal. Just saying.

It's like looking into the abyss.

Unless her best friend buys a strap-on. In which case, you're probably not needed... but please get some videos for us. :thumb:

IMO... worth repeating.

You've had a four year relationship and a three year relationship? How young are you? Goodness.

Anyway, if she needs space to work on her education, then give it to her. I don't see why it has to be a "fight for her or forget her" type of thing. Check with her from time to time to see how she's doing. Put forth the effort to show her that you still care about her, but give her the space she needs. When she's done, see where things are at. Who knows? Maybe giving her space will give you time to step back and re-evaluate where you're at compared to where you want to be.

Tough call dude. going for phd isn't exactly like she was out ****ing somebody behind your back. and ftr, long term relationships are never the same as they were in that first 2 month glowfest of almost every great relationship. ;) good luck with what ever decision you make on this.

women are fickle ****s that way

Yes, I do believe that. There is no reason for anything to be hidden. If there are things being hidden, then there isn't true intimacy and you're wasting your time.

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Sorry to hear that dude. Now we both don't have girlfriends and both have shitty hockey teams.

Absolutely right. If you don’t have trust, what do you have? It’s certainly not love.

If I want to run a business, and I want it to succeed, I'm going to surround myself with people who are smarter than me. Those people are going to want to be wanted, they are going to want their talents appreciated; I am going to do whatever I can to keep them in my employment if I value their talents. Does that mean they run the business relationship? Do I have to give them raises, bonuses or whatever to prove my appreciation of their worth to the company? Anyone who wouldn't do these things for their best employees are flat out idiots.

Why wouldn't you do similar things for the one person who you would be willing to spend the rest of your life with? That is a far greater investment of your time, money and life than any business venture.

Would you put up with an employee who acts as if they don't care about the job, or otherwise jerks you around, no matter how valuable they are?

sounds like she has moved on and she was crying hysterically because she cares about you a ton and hated the fact she knew she was breaking your heart...

I think it's best to just let her be...

when bad shit happens to me I just think "in 5 years I won't even be thinking about this" and then take a deep breath and treat yourself to a new video game or whatever your hobby is and try to keep your mind off of it...

it's tough dude but time heals all wounds

well it is 2011, you 2 could always hookup ROFL

You're a silly bitch aren't you?

go stuff the ceremonial gourd in your peace pipe.


Now run along and do the dishes Martha, your wife will be home soon and you don't want ole Buffalo Hump angered.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_XaEbKZS_gI...ance_banjo.jpg

What makes you say that?

No. But please explain to me how someone who is working on a Ph.D. and spent the past four years of their life with me jerking me around.