I seriously used to spend like 45 minutes in the shitter when I was a kid because I loved to read, and that was one of the only places I could go and not get harassed by my family to do chores or whatever. To actually poo? Not long. To engage in extracurriculars (rubbing one out, reading a book, escaping from my insane kids, playing iPhone games)? I can still be in there for a while.

I seriously used to spend like 45 minutes in the shitter when I was a kid because I loved to read, and that was one of the only places I could go and not get harassed by my family to do chores or whatever. To actually poo? Not long. To engage in extracurriculars (rubbing one out, reading a book, escaping from my insane kids, playing iPhone games)? I can still be in there for a while.

That drives my wife even crazier. She never knows if its going to be a 30 second shit or a 30 minute one.

Haha. Change NewChief's name to "The Phantom"

Unless I'm not feeling well, from ass touch to wipe I'm usually around a minute~

speed pooper here.

I seriously used to spend like 45 minutes in the shitter when I was a kid because I loved to read, and that was one of the only places I could go and not get harassed by my family to do chores or whatever. To actually poo? Not long. To engage in extracurriculars (rubbing one out, reading a book, escaping from my insane kids, playing iPhone games)? I can still be in there for a while.

That drives my wife even crazier. She never knows if its going to be a 30 second shit or a 30 minute one.

Depends.

Are you still on the shitter?

surprised a MOD hasn't changed big smoke's name to big poop.

just sayin'. ;)

Like 30 seconds?

If it takes you 20 or 30 you might have a problem...

Probably, since I live here. But I have a group coming down from KC so I'll probably be with them.

I used to poo only about 3 times a week.

now I'm able to knock one out every day and a half.

LMAO

Try Metamucil or Citrucel, powder or pills.

It'll work wonders for you.

Takes me like 2 minutes. I'm convinced a couple of my coworkers use it as a 30 minute break while they screw around on their phone. Also, I'm a smoker (I know, I know) but in 12 years I've never taken a smoke break at work. Non-smokers bitch about people abusing the "Smoke break", and they're right.

I ate some Fiber One bars awhile back and thought I was going to ****ing die. My guts were more unstable than the Baltic States after the dissolution of Yugoslavia.

LMAO

holy shit.

when I was taking them, I noticed it said something ridiculous like taking 5 of them 3 times a day. screw that. I would down about 8 of them in the morning.
man, I was a walking fart machine.

The remedies I suggested are different.

They add "weight" to your stomach and bowels so that it becomes fully formed.

Don't go to Costco and buy 600 pills for $16 dollars, just go the local pharmacy and try two pills in the morning and two pills at night. After a few days, your body will begin to regulate itself and in a few weeks, you'll be golden. Then you can go to Costco and buy 300 pills for $17 dollars.

In the immortal words of Scott Pioli, "It's a process".

o:-)

If true, you have IBS

Just clocked myself at 86 seconds.

Clearly that phrase had to be viable for something. Didn't realize that it was true for, literally, shit.

That's probably how the phrase was coined.

And it's actually less useful.

I guess you missed the post where I said I have IBS. :D

Oh, I absolutely did. :redface:

Try my solution and PM me. I was diagnosed almost three years ago and while I've found few remedies, the few I have found do work.

And BTW, IBS is just doctor lingo for "I'm Bull Shitting: I have no idea what's wrong with you".

I come from a long line of people with guts of aluminum foil. Oddly, I have an iron bladder. My mom once told me she thought I was part camel, and a girl who heard me pissing from 30 feet away told me that I must have an amazingly powerful prostate.

Perhaps she was hitting on me, or she was just a really weird med student. I'm not sure.

Love it. Wish it didn't have the subtitles. That was friggin hilarious.

depends on how cheap on went on the beer the night before


it' ain't the duration, it's the frequency

Just did a no wipe job. Pleasantly surprised. Made my day.

Depends on if I am doing a cleanse or not.

LMAO

I ate those once, and I was burning holes in my couch and all my chairs for the rest of the day.

:hmmm:

Hit 7 in a row this morning, but the attempt for number 8 ended in horror. Still an epic journey of clean wipes though. Seeing that brown on number 8 was quite scary.

Can't wait for the first preseason game to get here......

Are you saying this is a shitty thread?

Ya gotta love the no wipers.

Let them finish and clean up first, for Christ's sake.

It can range anywhere from about 30 seconds with wipe to a few minutes. I ****ing hate the secondaries. I will lay a nice ****ing log with a clean break and then feel there's still some more lurking in there preventing me from feeling completely satisfied. I then have to sit there and struggle to get it out and it pisses me off. IDK why it happens.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/sz_A6K9rSko" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

ROFL

<iframe width="640" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bFyXw5Q5F8A?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I see what you did there lol!

Just a few minutes usually. I don't sit on there all day and pleasure myself like a lot of you num nuts.

15-30 seconds

Just be glad you're not from India.

When I feel it crown, I know it's time to sit down.

I call those 'End of the Roads"

OK, I'm done now.

ROFL

ROFL You people are insane!

ROFL I have got to break this terrible habit of listening to you people but I just can't help myself.

A few tablespoons of hummus and 2 cups of turnip greens.

Your movements will be smoother than Beethoven's.

At work, it takes longer

She knows you can multitask.

Once you have kids it takes longer. No longer exists the quiet, peaceful serenity of the shitter. Instead it turns into something akin to the floor of the stock exchange.

Good to see this thread was bumped. Solid, solid thread.

As long as is necessary.

Depends on the TP.