A) Watch your mercury levels
B) Consider the muzzle flash in scenario 1 below

Good points on both counts. I should look up mercury levels. I eat a lot of salmon and tuna and shrimp these days.

Squeaky floors were actually the first thing I thought about with choosing your own place... I was just in an older building with squeaky floors and knowing exactly where not to step would be a huge advantage.

I like the trebuchet idea, think those were in Empire Earth years ago and was one of my favorite weapons.

Shotguns in a maze would be tough though... easy to hit a dead end or have very close combat. Depending on the size of the maze, perhaps you could get some paths down and have an advantage there, but I'd be concerned about that one, TBH.

Pro tip: If your penis becomes as hard as a rectal thermometer for no apparent reason, see a doctor

The maze would definitely be lower on the list. I was just trying to think of a scenario where my cyborg hearing could be put to advantage.

We are Kin somehow. I just don’t know how

On another note, getting my cyborg hearing has had an immense impact on the squeaky floors in my house. I used to hear squeaks, and now I hear amazing multi-octave squeak chords.

Sub Pumpkin for Pecan and I'm there. Occasionally we have Pecan but Pumpkin just fits right now and is delishy dishy

Maybe in the woods with a bow and arrow?

How are you with a bow and arrow, and possibly climbing trees?

You only get three weapons for the fight - pick 'em.

Well, if you ever have mice, you will be able to tell when one farts

Have you guys been to Capriotti's and had their Bobbie sandwich? It's turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and mayo on a bun. Delightful.

Sorry, I “accidentally” gave your post a thumbs down

I always thought I'd be a good sniper, but doubt my opponent would take a break and meet me at the bar

No worries. Everyone has their likes and dislikes.

I'm more of a blueberry guy myself.

I'm probably average for a non-archer on the bow and arrow stuff. I used to be good at climbing trees, but probably not so much now. I don't think that would be a good situation for me.

Can you use a trebuchet in there?

Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes.

Everything else is just window dressing.

I like the dark meat from the fried turkey. The stuffing with gravy. And the twice baked potatoes.

I only have those once a year, and they are very good. I would take those three, but the stuffing might get traded for pie.

Either my mom or my aunt makes pumpkin pies. The pie crusts are made from scratch. The actual pumpkin is from a can, but probably some more things are added?

The whipped cream is actual heavy whipping cream whipped up not that ****ing shit that comes in a can.

Real whipped cream is actually pretty easy. Even if you buy a ready made pumpkin pie, real whipped cream is easy if you have a hand blender. It is much better.

****ing hell man, started this thread as something everyone could get into but here came the trolls anyway... you just can't win around here anymore, too many pussies are alive and well

Most commercial cherry pie. No.

But a really good, dark cherry pie. Yes.

However, if you have really awesome peaches, which seem harder to come by then they used to be, and a really good pie cook. Peach pie is my favorite.

Very basic bitch setup for me, but it keeps me happy -

Ham (I'm open to all this prime rib talk, tho)
Mashed Taters w/cream gravy (HE SAID CREAM LOLOLOLZZA)
Green Bean Casserole


Mock me for my love of green bean casserole and I will ban you

Okay, that's it. Get your trebuchet and meet me in the foothills near Golden, Colorado.

Turkey
Chips
Baked beans

But thankfully I won't have to make that decision because Thanksgiving isn't a thing and is just a more shitty version of Christmas.

Turkey w gravy, stuffing, mashed turnips.

Almost everyone is going to pick stuffing, it's so damn good. Even if you make it quick and cheap with Stove Top.

:hmmm:

Root vegetables are perhaps the most underrated food in America. A mix of roasted turnips, parsnips, and carrots is hard to beat.

Goose (never a turkey) and sauce
Stuffing
Pecan pie

Ham, mashed potatoes with butter, chocolate for desert.

Turkey/gravy, mashed potatoes, stuffing. Without a doubt.
Turkey is not my favorite thing but I’ve learned to love making creative stuff with the leftovers

Turkey
Green Chili Mac N Cheese
Mashed taters with gravy

Thread mash up: pick a location and weapon to kill your Thanksgiving mains.

Brined slow roasted turkey w/ homemade gravy.
Bourbon mashed sweet potato casserole.
Broiled bacon glazed green beans and carrots.

Just never heard of that before.

I'll buy turnips at the farmers market and just eat them raw. Just trying to imagine what it would be like. Definitely be different, and probably better to me than mashed Taters, for me at least.

Smoked turkey, sweet potatoes (candied), pie (any and all)

I would take a flamethrower to a green bean casserole in front of the George Brett statue.

It better. It's what we do.

Mom would always make me cook the turkey. And I put in effort and figured it out. End up with a pretty good smoked turkey. I never got the super crispy skin down right, it wasn't a floppy mess, skin was good not great the rest was excellent. Then some how or another mom asked me about it, and I told her I didn't really like turkey. She was like totally shocked.

"WHAT You don't like turkey?"

"Nah, not really. I mean it's not the worst thing ever, but if I'm going to spend all day cooking I'd like to end up with something better than friggin turkey."

"How can you not like turkey?"

"Who actually likes turkey?"

"Well... I do?"

"More than something really good?"

"...

Why didn't you say anything?"

[thinks to myself, I do a mountain of shit I don't want to do for the holidays] "It's Thanksgiving I figured I'd get yelled at."

So then the next year she went and bought a ribeye roast (thinking it was a prime rib). Dry brined it for 36 hours, put it on the smoker to medium and if it wasn't the best thing I've ever turned out, it's gotta be right there. It was ****ing incredible.

So I've got some morons in my family that absolutely can't eat anything with pink, so I lopped the end off to give to a couple of them, and the others are all up there ****ing microwaving this ridiculously expensive piece of meat that is the pinnacle of my culinary skill. And to top it all off my sister is over there being the biggest **** imaginable, making puking noises and shit. Just being insufferable in the loudest possible way. All this incessant bitching because my mom spent ridiculous money to feed us all the best thing I've ever done.

I figured that was the end of that. So I asked my mom if she wanted to do something else because all the dumb****s that are too good for science (It's BLOOOOOOODY!!! :deevee:) just bitch incessantly. It was tough for me to listen to and I didn't drop the cash. But apparently she liked it because we're doing it, and apparenlty my nephew is doing a turkey for those that can't do actually food.

So yes. It counts.

Prime rib. Roasted Brussell Sprouts with some hate and fury. Home made dinner buns.

We aren't doing the sprouts or buns because it won't scale but it's the answer.

We've done the ribeye roast (and prime rib) for Christmas, providing we don't have to get approved for a loan. ;)

Like that's gonna happen......

Buehler - for those who want it well done (an atrocity in my book as well), cook it in Aus ju

*wet blanket alert*

Nothing about traditional Thanksgiving fare excites me at this point

My grandmother than my mother always made mashed turnips on Thanksgiving. Tons of butter, little heavy cream, salt and pepper, and nutmeg. They used the old two beater band mixer. As kids we loved to help whip the potatoes and turnips.

They made so many veggies: sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, mashed turnips, corn, french green beans.

The answer is just....no.

I just absolutely refuse to boot a piece of incredible protein. It's just a hill I'm willing to die on. After the microwave fiasco, I fired up my blackstone and let the dumb****s do it on there. Problem is it takes a fair bit of cleanup which I have to do in addition to cleaning my kitchen.

This year I think I'm just going to throw some charcoal in my chimney and then throw it in the grill when it's time to serve. You get what you get and if it's not good enough, cook it yourself.

Especially with turkey around, no. Just no.

I'm running mine on the smoker and not keeping the jus. I didn't want to lose the bark.

I bet I'd like it. Just never heard of it.

Man, you guys were rich growing up. To this day still use the hands 9 masher for Taters.

This.

My sister in law brought some pumpkin roll thing that was really good. Otherwise, meh.

Like I said if I have to cook all damn day, I better end up with something better than damn turkey.

turyey, ham, mashed potatoes

Ham

Mashed potatoes

Green bean casserole

Understand.

But you don't serve Aus jus? Horseradish?

Pad Thai
Pad Seeewe
Thai Sticky chicken wings

It was a couple years ago the wife made pumpkin pie milkshakes, which were wonderful, but also the high point over the shark moment when we knew it was time to move on

It is the best pie in my opinion. When I was young I requested it over cake. To this day cake is the last dessert I crave.

I'm with you on the green bean casserole. Since everybody believes there has to be some type of green bean dish for Turkey Day, my wife makes these green bean bundles that are fantastic. Green beans wrapped with bacon and then covered with a brown sugar/garlic sauce and baked for 30 minutes. Super tasty.

Stuffing
Deviled eggs
Sweet potato casserole

Wild Turkey is the cure for hatred of Turkey meat. You will never want a Butterball again.

Turkey with cranberry sauce, mashed taters and gravy, green bean casserole for the mains, punkin pie with cool whip for dessert.

I refuse to be limited to 3. I must have turkey, ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, deviled eggs and end it with some pumpkin pie. You know like the pilgrims.

Sprouts scale up - just buy them pre-sliced. Otherwise you'll be doing that all day. But you can make a big ol' mess of those things. Remember to put them cut side UP so that the steam can escape as they cook - keeps 'em crisper on the outside.

As for the meat - cook it at higher heat. Low and slow gives you very little temperature gradient so you can have it at 132 degrees almost heel to heel. But if you cook it at a higher heat, the outside of the rost will be at 145 or so by the time the inside gets to that sweet spot. So then you can have some medium/well stuff AND some medium rare stuff.

I mean I won't do it because my family aren't a bunch of godless heathens that request medium beef. That's just horseshit. But it's how my mom always did it as a kid and we'd lose 1/3 of the roast to mediocrity.

(side note, I would also say that a ribeye roast is a prime rib. What's the distinction? A prime rib is just ribeyes that haven't been sliced yet; I guess maybe they de-boned it first?)

It's a cure for a lot of things on Thanksgiving.


https://i.imgur.com/OdVhLay.jpeg

I look at it as a 5 day feast
1-Tonight Smoking Whole Brisket 13 lbs after trimming and a point (for burnt ends) for consumption on Tuesday
2-Wednesday- Smoked Tri Tip Santa Maria style
3-Thursday smoked Turkey
Friday left overs
Saturday left overs
Sunday fast and call the Nutrisystem crisis hotline

That's a sign that you should start doing the holidays on your own.

I had to read this twice. I was trying to get the joke about booze. ROFL

Nah. I ****ing hate horseradish. I should catch drippings and do jus, but I'm lazy and I just want to get the meat right. I'd have to eat a bullet if I ****ed the meat to get the accoutrements.

Just buy the packet. Add water and boil.

RE: Sprouts
I cook them for 20 minutes on 450 with convection. I can get a couple sheet trays done, 3 if I use the other oven without convection, but the oven is so ****ing busy it just can't be tied up for 40 minutes.

I can process sprouts like a son of a bitch, I guess. Halving them takes me next to no time.

RE: Meat
No. I lopped the heel off for a couple of these jackasses, but it's just not worth it. My job is to optimize the pile of money mom spent on this thing.

Besides, they're over the top. There are like 4 or 5 of them that can have NO pink at all. One time I was grilling burgers for everyone and my jackass brother in law rolled up and was like "Woah man, you're pulling these at 160 (which is higher than I normally do)? I cook everything to 180 to be sure." I think the suggestion was that I should be doing this. While I was temping and pulling burgers I had to google up the table that says at 160 microbes die in 1 ****ing second. He then bumbled about that he didn't want to blah blah blah. And then I harassed him RELENTLESSLY. I was meaner than I should have been. "Look at this mother****er be too good for science." and "Nope USDA has nothing on him." Later he told me he cooked some hamburgers to 160 and they were way better but "I'll never eat anything with pink in it." I mean these asswipes are cooking PORK CHOPS to 170 and thinking they're solving the worlds problems. What they are doing do these poor protein fibers is criminal. This is the environment I'm operating in.

No. They get my best shot at decent food with out getting super wild. If that's not good enough, I'll provide some hot ass coals so their ignorant asses don't have to microwave it. That's the best I have.

RE: Cut
They're different. One year mom bought both and they were remarkably different and cooked much different. The ribeye roast was indeed unsliced ribeye, but the prime rib was much smaller and trimmed differently. I think it was from the back halfish of the ribeye where the spinalis is smaller and the eye is a consistent size, before the eye starts to shrink down. At least that's what she gave me from whatever butcher she bought it from.

I maybe could have trimmed the ribeye roast down to a similar size/shape as the prime rib roast, but I was going to have to cut off some really good shit, so I didn't do it. I just managed the cooks differently.

I agree. I'm alone in the sentiment though.

Meh. If anyone feels compelled I won't stop them. But I don't feel the return is there.

Your level of commitment to the holidays is really coming into question here

Good eye. I didn’t even think about the booze. In all fairness that would work too.

After a fifth, I wouldn’t care about turkey.

You seem like the green bean casserole type.

Prime Rib(if only traditional meat allowed I will go ham), green bean casserole, sweet potatoes

I grew up eating turkeys dad shot for Thanksgiving, and yes, they were great. You do have to know how to cook them properly, however, or they end up being too dry.

Also, be prepared to bite into the random pellet. Been there, done that. :D

Prime Rib, Crispy Rotisserie Duck, Truffled garlic mash.

That's fine. I'd love for someone else to do it. I wouldn't even bitch when they ****ed it up like they bitch about mine when I cook the protein properly.

But mom asked me, so I do it. I get the protein right.

Ooohhh I gotta try doing that sometime soon. GF won't have any part of it tho.

Sounds like it's time for a GF upgrade

Yep. Wild turkey is pretty lean so you have to keep it moist. Shoving a couple pounds of butter inside the skin works well.

Horseradish rules you neanderthal!

That was my stepmom's department, but shoving a couple of pounds of butter in something sounds like she'd do. She was the master of cooking delicious food that was absolutely horrible for you. But dad wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Look, I'm open to being wrong. Non-zero chance the shit I've had has been garbage and a horseradish sauce done right is the way the truth and the light.

But based on the stuff I've had....Nah.