I don't believe Rico mentioned her cheating, unless I missed it.

Average distance between ass and face upon wake up?

You are correct.

Like a half inch.

The worst phase was the first couple years I started working at my current employer...she was a bartender. And she would drink on the job. Her excuse for that is that many customers tip better if you do shots with them. Anyways, I mentioned that she is the type who, when she has one drink, wants to keep going until morning... yeah, the bartending days were a BITCH. I was totally distracted at my job.

On the bright side, she doesn’t pull this as much anymore. We have 7,6 and 1.5 year old daughters....she stopped doing this as much when she became pregnant with the 1 year old. So the “bartending” phase while I’m working 3rd shift are over. Thank God.

ThaVirus: Yes she finds sitters. No my issue isn’t that I envious that she is out when I want to be. It’s that no man should have to stew all night at work (providing for the family) wondering what in the hell is going on.

This.

I experienced those thoughts as well in my brief encounter.

I don’t party like I did in college. I work every night. Yeah, I like to party, but it’s become a special occasion/once in a while type thing. It’s not prioritized. And again, I am not upset at all because I am “not able to.” Seriously? It’s because I am working all night wondering what the **** is going on.

One thing that I firmly believe contributes to this is the way she was raised. Her dad is at a dive bar every...single...night. He has been for decades...and he brought her in to those dive bars all the time since she was a little girl. I’m not shitting you, my wife learned to drive at age 8... why so young? Because she would have to give her dad a ride home from these dive bars when he was shitfaced. No joke.

So there is a cultural component to this.

She is a lot like her dad in the way where a large part of the reason she wants to go out is because she is very social and she HATES missing out on things. Like if something funny or crazy happened and she wasn’t there to see it, it drives her nuts. Her dad is the same way.

She is not like her dad in the way that she would ever have our 7 year old daughter drive her home because she is drunk. She is a good mommy.

That’s close.

She could reach the pedals when she was 8?

Yeah she was tall at 8. She hasn’t grown an inch since she was 10.

Rico I think it’s great that you are trying to make your marriage work and get better. I assume counseling will help with both you two as knowledge is power and that will help you two cope with challenges in the future.

The OP is in a crappy situation but like many have said there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was engaged for 5 years to what I thought was a great woman for me (she was smokin hot). As we grew we changed and broke off the engagement. Live and learn and a bit less paperwork! Many years later I am now engaged again and it feels right from my brain & hearts point of view.

This was very nice of you. Thank you for the encouraging words.

There's are a lot of steps between "my wife went out drinking without me" and "I want a divorce".