Originally Posted by triple (Post 5182520)

what does he do? he is 34 and can't pay a phone bill?

Originally Posted by FAX (Post 5182423)

Dear Dr. Doom:

Serious question here.

We have a neighbor across the street who has recently acquired a small dog who is, apparently, kept out-of-doors and yaps continually, incessantly, relentlessly and without let up both day and night. Did I mention it never stops? I'm certain that someone has already contacted the home owners' association, but the asshole dog continues to bark in its high-pitched, shrill, and extremely aggrevating manner so it's safe to assume that the association is doing nothing about it.

To make matters worse, the dog is in their back yard which is enclosed by a very high, wooden fence that would be difficult, if not impossible, to breach without a ladder. Also, the fence prevents me from getting a good shot at the little bastard. What should I do?

FAX

Originally Posted by Bootlegged (Post 5182647)

The fence impedes your ability to shoot, but not to lob. Try lobbing.

Originally Posted by FAX (Post 5182660)

I like lobbing. Lobbing's good. What am I lobbing, though, Mr. Bootlegged?

I suppose I could lob a poisoned bone or something in there. But, to be honest, I'm not inclined to do that. Murdering dogs is sort of against what remains of my moral code. Unless it's some kind of rabid, deadly, attack dog that's trying to kill me or somebody else I like. Or one of those devil dogs like in The Omen. I'd probably be okay with murdering one of those. This, however, appears to be some kind of little dog - just a loud, shrill, obnoxious one with tons of stamina.

FAX

Originally Posted by Bootlegged (Post 5182668)

The Something About Mary technique has been proven effective in these situations.

Originally Posted by FAX (Post 5182673)

Ah! The "Something About Mary" technique! Why didn't I think of that? Of course! The "Something About Mary" technique is bound to work!!

.... uh ... if you don't mind, Mr. Bootlegged ... what exactly is The "Something About Mary" technique?

FAX

Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 5182680)

I've been doing man-stuff. I am now parenting. Your concerns will be adressed with effort after food, bath and books, one of which may include "9 little monkeys" and the 34,000th reading this year of "night before Christmas".

Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 4576741)

By "Locals" are you refering to the yokels, or the financially secure arseholes who migrated their with their penile-compensating boats to live on the lake?

Dislike for Iowans likely stems from our high literacy rates and full sets of teeth. I doubt many of them would like the income at local businesses, demand for services and goods, realestate prices, tax rates and lack of infrastructure being paid for by fuel, hotel, sales, Local Option sales taxes, as well as financial contribution to the communities during our visits.

Next time this topic arises, tell them that this Iowanian considers the Ozarks a flyover territory on the way to a real lake, that resides on the Arkansas-Mo boarder. Invite them to fornicate their relative of choice in the location that makes their orthadontist cringe.

Originally Posted by Bootlegged (Post 5182689)

Originally Posted by luv (Post 5182582)

Right now, he's collecting unemployment. He might have an IT job at a hospital in Osage Beach. Yeah. I'll believe it when I see it.

Originally Posted by luv (Post 5182054)

Dear Keyboard of Doom-

Just suspended the ex's phone line and went down to a smaller plan on my cell phone. Took less than an hour for at&t to call to let me know that he had tried to access my account. He's called me several times from another phone, but I'm at work. I will not answer and get into it with him here. He left a voicemail, so I'll listen to that after work. Any good tidbits on what I should say when he calls tonight?