ChiefsPlanet - Life New Dating Megathread

Quote:

Originally Posted by mac459 (Post 10567912)

OK so the girl who is as nutty as a bucket of squirrel turds called me tonight..After discussing the text misunderstanding she reveals to me that she is in love with me and has been forever..now that I'm getting divorced she wants to be with me

Now here comes the good stuff..so grab a soda and popcorn and be ready to have your mind blown away

From here on forth the lady shall be known as Squirrel..I shall be Mr. Awesome..my ****ing story so I choose the names..

Mr. Awesome- That's nice and I appreciate you telling me all this and calling so we could figure this all out..I'm just not ready to go back into a serious relationship due to the fact I am just getting out of a marriage

Squirrel- Don't say that because I know it's not true..you love me too..you know you do because we have been having sex

Mr. Awesome- Hold on..just because we are having sex it doesn't mean I love you..it means you are attractive and you are willing to give me sex so I have sex with you

(Mr. Awesome isn't the most subtle of people)

Squirrel- How can you say that..we could have something amazing..you know it I know it..we aren't getting younger so we need to take advantage of it now

Mr. Awesome- Look I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear but I'm not getting into a relationship with you or anyone else..I was married for almost 10 years..I'm not going to jump from it into another long term relationship..I'm going to go live my life..run through sluts..wake up with hangovers..wake up and question who the creature is next to me..go out to bars..make other people uncomfortable at the bar..make fun of stupid as kids and their shitty clothes and hairstyles

Here is where Satan comes to play

Squirrel- if you do this to me I will make your life hell
,
Mr. Awesome- huh..wait what

Squirrel- I don't just go sleeping with people..If I give myself to someone it is for and out of love..you will not leave me and we will be together or I will make you life hell

Mr. Awesome- look I got to go..load my gun and lock my doors..but you have a awesome night

I hang up before anything else can be said..I put my phone in the car and go to the gym workout then go play basketball..I was busy for about 4 hours..never checking my phone..If I knew how to take screen shots I would of..59 missed calls from Squirrel..213 texts from her as well

I think I'm going to die in my sleep tonight and she will be wearing my skin by brunch

Disclaimer: Use of "Mr. Awesome" in the above story is in no way associated with or implicative of Mr. Awesome's (DaKCMan AP) involvement.

That chick be cuckoo crazy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MahiMike (Post 10568267)

So even though I'm an old fart, I check into this thread every now and then. It's generally full of young guys trying to find something. Not sure what. True love or just sex? Anyways, I thought I'd throw in some advice from the older dudes (not quite your dad but more like your cool - wish you had - dad).

Tip 1 - Sex Life for dudes gets soooo much easier after 50. As long as you stay somewhat fit and somewhat financially secure, there are a SHITLOAD of women out there. By this time, the ones with kids are all grown up! So you don't have to put up with her brats. She's probably divorced and hot to trot. And believe me, these women are just aggressive as you are.

I recently went to a Blues Fest here in Jax. I was approached by no less than 4 women. 2 of them picked ME up. It's nuts. I don't even need some silly game. They are just READY. Several others were there for the taking had I barely tries.

Tip 2 - Attend a lot of festivals. The following week, I volunteered at a festival. 2 other ladies gave me their number - without me even asking. Same age group mind you. Festivals tend to put the ladies in a good mood.

Tip 3 - Don't get married. Ever. There's only two reasons for a man to get married. A) to double his income B) to have kids. Even then, these 2 rules are flawed when the inevitable divorce comes.

Tip 4 - Don't get married. Just think about how many cars you will drive in a lifetime. Even if your car could go 1 million miles, would you still want to drive it?

1. Ok.
2. Ok.
3 and 4. Ignore.