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-   -   Science Hypothetical: An Intruder In Your Home (https://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=275528)

Rausch 08-23-2013 07:40 AM
I have a rusty (but sharp) machete.

I'd prefer a WW2 German Luger.

I figure holding either one causes the intruder to think "aw $#it, this ****er ain't right..."

Iowanian 08-23-2013 07:56 AM
Simple.

I remove all of my clothing as danger brings me to full staff.
I calmly walk to the dresser where I put on my rabbit fur deer camp hat.
I pick up my Bad FutherMucker Wallet and a bottle of water.

I calmly stroll to the steps, breeze down the steps in near silence, sneak up behind the perp and drop my wallet in front of him and begin to recite a verse.....
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.....

At that point turns around to see me naked and angry and he truly knows...

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...G3QK8nHE59yU3w

Sandy Vagina 08-23-2013 08:01 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 9908072)
Simple.

I remove all of my clothing as danger brings me to full staff.
I calmly walk to the dresser where I put on my rabbit fur deer camp hat.
I pick up my Bad FutherMucker Wallet and a bottle of water.

I calmly stroll to the steps, breeze down the steps in near silence, sneak up behind the perp and drop my wallet in front of him and begin to recite a verse.....
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.....

At that point turns around to see me naked and angry and knows....knows he's F'd.
Very good. Very, very good. :clap:

Molitoth 08-23-2013 08:13 AM
Classic.

blaise 08-23-2013 08:18 AM
Call out, "Anyone that comes to the top of these stairs is getting their head blown the hell off. I don't want to kill a man but I will." And hope he doesn't call your bluff.

ShortRoundChief 08-23-2013 08:20 AM
I have nothing to worry about. I have a sign that says I am armed (even though I'm not). I will never have to deal with an intruder.

Raiderhater 08-23-2013 08:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaepernick (Post 9907815)
You forgot an option:

Shoot with spare gun hidden away from ball-and-chain.


Another option:

Divorce wife, keep gun.

This was going to be my response. :thumb:

ShortRoundChief 08-23-2013 08:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by blaise (Post 9908115)
Call out, "Anyone that comes to the top of these stairs is getting their head blown the hell off. I don't want to kill a man but I will." And hope he doesn't call your bluff.
And if he comes up?

Do you throw your wife at him to "blow his head off?"

Saul Good 08-23-2013 08:29 AM
The knife is the way to go in this scenario. Bats require too much space, and if you don't land the first shot clean, you're ****ed. Knives don't miss.

digger 08-23-2013 08:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iowanian (Post 9908072)
Simple.

I remove all of my clothing as danger brings me to full staff.
I calmly walk to the dresser where I put on my rabbit fur deer camp hat.
I pick up my Bad FutherMucker Wallet and a bottle of water.

I calmly stroll to the steps, breeze down the steps in near silence, sneak up behind the perp and drop my wallet in front of him and begin to recite a verse.....
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.....

At that point turns around to see me naked and angry and he truly knows...

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...G3QK8nHE59yU3w
"What?"

Iowanian 08-23-2013 08:37 AM
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...3a0qKRPaZ6R4NQ

Say "What" again......

COchief 08-23-2013 08:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by gochiefs(exceptQB) (Post 9907775)
I'd just throw the futon down the stairs. Gonna be hard to survive that.
Don't you mean "up the stairs"?

Mom's basement jokes never get old...

Sandy Vagina 08-23-2013 08:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saul Good (Post 9908132)
The knife is the way to go in this scenario. Bats require too much space, and if you don't land the first shot clean, you're ****ed. Knives don't miss.
If the intruder is arriving at the top of the stairs, and you can't protect the home by swinging a bat at him in his precarious position? (not saying you).. then you need to buy a home monitoring alarm and a gun... and put bars up on all the windows... and reinforce the doors... and get a vicious guard dog.. and...

Sandy Vagina 08-23-2013 08:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by COchief (Post 9908157)
Don't you mean "up the stairs"?

Mom's basement jokes never get old...
also a winner! :LOL:

MMXcalibur 08-23-2013 08:51 AM
My guard pug would have alerted me ahead of time. I push my wife and 4-month old in the closet and grab a part of the baby's crib to use as a club. Lock the bedroom door, barracade it with the dresser and call 911 from my cell phone.

Sorry, I'm not Rambo and my family's well being comes first.


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