So..... You're just joking then. Right?

You, sir, get it.

Stress free living is my new mantra.

I have turned full vegan, swore off sex, am about to utilize mass transit full time and don't watch any TV or read the newspaper.

I am ascending.

Ooma >>> magic jack

Actually, no.

Everything but the interwebs, right? ROFL

I don't have a problem with any of them except for the sex thing. How do you swear off sex? I mean, unless it's painful for your rectum. Then I guess I could understand. Can't empathize but I do understand...

I have a special affinity for this place.

I've come to realize that sex is gross. It's base. Animals have sex.

The exchange of fluids...ewww.

And what are you supposed to do afterwards? It's just awkward all the way around.

And I was dating this girl that loved putting on the strap on. A little painful, but you get used to it I guess...

Anything to make her happy, right?

Have sex again.

You have been exchanging fluids with the wrong person and also eating somebody's bad meat. I've always thought you were cool but you got some issues. Please don't be mad at me.

ooma?

Jesus Phobia...gross.

http://gifs.gifbin.com/092009/125293...f#puking%20gif

Oh, I don't get mad at people anymore. It's another part of the stress free world I am know embracing.

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/RpdOiq-2DFU?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

You don't get mad? You've given up all the finer things of life so you can live to 98 years old pooing in a bag. I'd rather have some steaks and do the horizontal mambo every day and die at 70. Golf is fun but it's probably hard to swing with that bag strapped to your side.

That's why you get a back pack and a bigger hose.

Don't say bigger hose around Phil. It's kind of a touchy subject since his failed male enhancement.

Nah. I can't afford to live a long time. Old age is expensive. I had most my fun 20-30 and I prefer it that way.

We've genuinely got some weird mother****ers that post on this site.

Speaking of hosed... Syracuse screwed me today. Thanks for that.

They beat the spread. Offense was disjointed and off all day. Going to be a long season.

I would go so far to say weird, angry and unloved.

There aren't very many cool people who like a shitty football team.

Just like my Hawkeyes. I'm going to find something different to do on Saturdays... like maybe eat lots of beef and have plenty of sex.

My God, I absolutely loathe golf.

And, in actuality, I've got a plan for that poo'ing on yourself deal. When it's time, I'm going to cook up a batch of some of the best Escoffier level demi-glace, take it up to Yellowstone, pour it over my head and let the bears eat me.

Recycled through nature. The way it ought to be.

And just think, how cool will it be for my daughter to take her children on vacation up there and point out a bear to her kids and say "Look sweeties, that might be the bear that ate your grandpa."

****ing awesome sauce if you ask me.

When it's my time, I'm going to start an amazing "why I committed suicide" blog and off myself at the police station.

Please record some beautiful renditions of James Taylor and Kenny Rogers first.

Lord help your offspring.

Yea. They still have all that info. and now you can't play candy crush.

No kidding. There's shit in this thread that just plain doesn't compute.

^ROFL

Takes all kinds homie
Posted via Mobile Device

This thread belongs in the hall of classics. Either someone is off his rocker or this is some of the best trolling this site has ever seen.

Zuckerberg is an ass that will give all your private info to the government and to anyone for a price.

Right right.

Trolling schmolling.

I was thinking about it, and the last time I had sex was this past Christmas.

First off, I had to get drunk to do it, secondly I'm sitting there thinking is this really worth it, thirdly I'm trying to equate the monetary level of involvement as it relates to the dividends produced in said relationship.

I mean, my Christmas is ruined because I'm hungover, secondly I realize that I'm totally out the $45 I spent on her Xmas present as there is no way possible that I'm going to recoup that, and C., I'm not overly thrilled with the pressure of being responsible for someone else's emotional and physical well-being.

Screw that.

Actually, my friends think I'm nuts because I just throw away the numbers I get when we go out to the bars and whatnot. (And seriously, what's with bartenders and their piss poor attitudes when you order an 80/20 water/cranberry with a slice of lime instead of booze? I still pay for the drink and tip them. ****ing enablers.) Actually, once you get the number, it's pretty much over and I've won the game. What's the point of following up when you know it's going to end up costing you money, time and stress just to get to the ultimate conclusion of bad, awkward sex. Really, is that they whole point? A piece of ass? Because I'm pretty okay with myself emotionally so I'm not looking for a "companion" to grow old with so I'm don't have these feeling of abandonment and insecurity issues. Because, you know, it's going to end up the same...you are just going to sit there and wonder what all the trouble and effort is about and what you are really getting out of the deal. Is it really worth all that for a piece of ass that's going to just get wrinkly and grey and sit in your living room watching the same ****ed up syndicated television re-run over and over again every last living day of your life until you die? Because you know you aren't going to want to put your shrivled up old wang into that shit anymore no matter how hot she was earlier, so you sit there mentally masturbating to all the pretty young things on her ****ing re-runs while asking her when dinner is going to be ready at three in the ****ing afternoon. Well, my good sir...**** that shit.

It's all about living a clean existence from here on out.

I'll take "off his rocker" for $1000 Alex.

Yeah. You have some relationship issues. That's okay. Not everybody was meant to grow old with a soulmate. Do whatever makes you happy.

I was willing to defend your choice to not have a cell phone, but you're on your own with the rest of this.

I thought you were just trolling. :hmmm:

Is this real? Come on man let it go and fess up

Soulmate?

There's 7,000,000,000+ people on this planet. Do you really think that you've found your true soulmate?

Shit. You're true soulmate is probably a 58 year old taxi driver in Bangladesh. You've just never met him.

There is no way possible that you've met your "soulmate."

The fact is, humans settle for just about any piece of ass because they are so terrified of being alone that they'll take any warm body that shows any inkling of attraction to them.

I'll even take this back to the OP. What's the purpose of facebook? Attention. Inclusion. Somebody please make me feel wanted...needed...please...

I admit it.

I order water and cranberry juice with a slice of lime when I go out instead of alcohol.

If that makes me a freak, so be it.

No, you're right about several things there. The term "soulmate" is probably overused and watered down. I'm on facebook because it's a tool for me. Originally, I used it to stay in touch with my daughters. Now I use it for entertainment and to push my business interests.

There's something to this...

Not at all. I don't think that's freaky whatsoever.

So you are trolling. Cool :thumb:

Not really.

I "broke up" with her the day after Christmas because of previously said reasons.

Come to think of it, I also did the same thing back in 2005 when I stopped picking up the phone on February 13 with some girl I dated for about a year.

I didn't have sex after that one for five+ years.

It's just sex. Not a big deal.

Maybe I just don't like Holidays.

Though, I often find myself wanting a date on Halloween. Costume parties are much more fun in coordinated, historical "couple" costumes.

Wait. What?

Right? WTF?

this insnt a religious thing, correct?

Could be some religious guilt messing with his mind. Even bad sex is mostly preferable to no sex at all. I would ditch a Chiefs game to have sex with the worst lay I've ever had.

So hot. I do like the "crazy" ones though.

This thread took an interesting turn. (Not sure if serious)

Not sure I like them, but they tend to "like" me... That or they're all crazy

If you are going to dump FaceBook, first unfriend everyone on your list. Then remove any info that you have posted into your settings. Place of birth, schools, jobs, etc. Once you have a bare bones profile, change your name. You're allowed to do that several times. Then you go with A or B. "A" is that you make a boring name and fake up a few details then just never log on again. Just leave it. Don't delete it, just abandon it. No one else will notice it, and it will disappear much more cleanly than a deletion. "B" is that you make a fun or interesting name and turn your page into a fake celebrity. Make up a bunch of ridiculous details and post deep, meaningful quotes followed by drunken foolish party ramblings. Push that for as long as you want then let it flame out on its own. Either way you don't exist anymore.

This is actually really good advice IMO.

LMAO I was actually wondering your thoughts on that post.

There is a lot of truth to what you say about the soulmate thing but I don't think sane people actually believe in that concept anymore. Or maybe they do with these 50+% divorce rates these days..

But your whole life premise is based on the idea that the single life is somehow better than living with a partner. I don't knock you because that's your journey, but I can't say I agree.

You dont have to answer these questions and I'm really just curious, but you don't get lonely? What things do you like to do?

EDIT: This post was directed to Sacc.

Nice dude. I have texted a couple of times on my wife's phone but that is it. Otherwise, I am right there with you. I have a company cell phone because they make me but, I don't own one. **** all that shit.

Including that ham planet you used to be married to?

BURNED!!!

http://i164.photobucket.com/albums/u...ps51c30eec.gif

In her prime? Yeah. She was a fine piece. That's the only reason I married her. But heh, touche.

I assume that you have sworn off sex as well? :)

Do I get lonely? Not really. Like I said, maybe Halloween would be nice to date on, but in all honesty, I'll have a girlfriend for a little bit and it cures up that "loneliness" shit pretty damn quick, especially when I'm trying to read a good book or listen to my music and they want to watch the tv or ask you to turn it down. And they always want to watch the TV and ask you to turn it down.

I like to fish, hike, garden, read, cook, write poetry, camp, work on my piece of shit novel, volunteer with a couple of different organizations, work a lot and spend time with you wonderful folks. Just normal stuff like everyone else does.

And I'm not completely against relationships or marriage. But I'm not going to get completely bent out of shape about not having a girlfriend right here right now. If it happens, it happens, but I'm not throwing myself at the first person through the door in order to fulfill some psychological need of companionship/want.

Quite a thread.

You don't have to be lonely...


At farmers only.com


Sounds like the perfect spot for sacc
Posted via Mobile Device

Those commercials crack me up.

Don't judge, I gave up sex too, wife went through menopause, glory to GOD for beer!

Herding cattle with an average of 4 days between whorehouses. Those where the days.

I don't drink anymore...

It's like I'm soaring through the clouds of ascension.

See you in heaven brother?

I was racing through a half gallon every couple of days. 6-7 days a week. I had to stop. It's been well over a month. I'm developing a helluvan opiate addiction now. Pick your poison baby!

Is Sac electronically illiterate? Besides using a keyboard?

I don't know what the hell I'm addicted to now. After the surgery the vast multitude of pharmaceuticals they threw my way (ranging from thyroid, depression, anxiety, and all the way up to a medication that is designed to lower my heart rate despite it being automatically controlled through a pacemaker) to booze, to smokes, to naked pictures of midgets. I'm sure I'm hooked on something.

Wait...so you arent kidding?

Ill never understand why ppl are so against drinking. Ppl drink because its fun now and again. Drinking every day...or even 2 times a week? Well thwn it becomes work and like a job. But just giving up drinking at all, because of some higher reason. Makes no sense. I guess im one of those ppl that doesnt understand alcoholism. To me, thats work and is not fun. But 90% of the times I drink I have more fun than I do otherwise. That is why ppl drink in the 1st place.

I just dont understand never drinking ever at all cuz ur scared of it. OR drinking just every single day because that effing sucks.

Anyone want to be kind enough to let saccoPOO know he's gay?

I assume he already knows? :hmmm:

I dont think not wanting to have sex makes you gay. I want to have sex. The physical urge is there, but I realize and understand that this impulse probably is not a real helpful thing in life. If I could get the same enjoyment out of mowing my lawn id probably prefer that.

I'm thinking of deleting my account as well -using this form: https://www.facebook.com/help/delete_account

I have done it before and all my data was actually deleted

do I want to give a warning to my "friends" that if they want to keep in touch they will have to find other methods to reach me?

Or just say Screw it and bomb it....after i do what listopencil said