To show her my winking asshole?

Man. That was beautiful.

Yes I'm not even evil I was actually blessed with nice hair.

So, ah, I'm almost afraid to ask, but, uh, why do you have a winking asshole?

NTTAWWT

It's a gift. Nobody can turn a botanical wonder into an expanding human orifice quite like me.

Probably jesus....

Or any guy that was in any metal band that had long dark hair.

You look like I looked around the time I got married (c. 2001). Except my hair was longer and darker and I had a bunch of earrings.

These days...notsomuch.

Longer really?

My hair is to the middle of my back.

Mine was almost down to my ass before I finally got it cut, as I recall.

Now it's about half inch long. If that.

Almost always wore mine in a ponytail though.

Mine was that long once then I got it caught in my belt a few times and decided that was just to much...I'll never cut it short.

The advantage of short is being able to jump out of bed and leave if you're in a hurry.

I don't do anything with my hair, other than wash it. No combs or brushes or product of any kind touch it. 'cause I like my hair like I like my women: easy.

See when I tie mine up I go for more of the Shawn Michaels half up half down look.

You just need to finally give in to your inner inbred and go full mullet.

I am never ever going mullet.

Some husband's going to walk in on you and his wife wrapped up like a soft pretzel, and instead of kicking your ass, he's going to tie you to a chair and mulletize you.