I wasn't looking for advice or even describing who I am now as much as just trying to paint a picture of what it can be like. And I think maybe letting the other guy know that there was somebody out there who might 'get' what he was trying to say. I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, because I've been there, and sometimes it helps just to hear somebody say that...

The difficult thing with people with low self-esteem and relationships (in my experience) is that we expect too much from them. They can't fix you. Being with someone else doesn't make you like yourself. And beyond that it's really easy to land yourself in a bad situation. You think so little of yourself that any attention you get is gratifying, at least at first. But as the relationship normalizes and the honeymoon phase ends, you start to see everything without the rose colored glasses. Maybe you wonder how you got yourself in the situation you're in. Maybe you hate yourself just a little bit more because of it. But at the same time you stick with it, because, hey, it's the best you can do. At least somebody likes you, so why not let it play out.

Personally, I think dating's bad enough on its own. Adding all that to the mix on top of everything else is just toxic. The words "recipe for disaster" come to mind...

There's no easy fix. I think he probably needs therapy, someone to help him unravel what's going on psychologically. Then, maybe, it'll be time to try dipping a toe in the dating pool. I do think it needs to go in that order, work on the self first. But he will have to work at it. And that's the hard part. It's easier to just stay who you are. Even if you don't like him/her.

Don't forget to hide your love of Star Trek.

:facepalm:

put a sock down your pants when you meet her. at a minimum you'll get a call back.

There are real geek girls out there. Star Trek's probably an easier sell than Star Wars. Although maybe the Bad Robotification of it will help with that. Or not.

It's always amazed me over the years how many people (not just women) hate Star Wars without ever watching it. Like it's some kind of stigma. Then they watch and it's like "oh man, this is cool, why didn't I watch it sooner?"

Who the F hasn't seen Star Wars?

I've only seen probably 10 minutes of it when I was little

Maybe I just encounter sheltered people.

Correct. I was just trying to give my personal experience on the subject.

Even geek girls are out of my league anymore.

Or they're also weird as shit ones that like anime and cosplay.

Yeah. I was mostly steering the conversation away from me. More interested in anything I can say that might help him, wasn't so much talking about myself, wanted to make sure people understood that.

Sure they are, if you tell yourself they are, and by extension tell them they are.

Another way to think about it which helped me a time or two is to consider how you're disrespecting other people when you do that. You're not giving anybody a chance to make their own mind up about you when you project on them. People can surprise you if you give yourself a chance.I dunno. There can be some hot freaky chicks.

The only way a girl is out of your league is if you believe she is. Period.

I met a girl that was a 'bud light' girl wearing a referee's outfit at a bar one night. all my lame buddies were hitting on her while playing pool. I said something like if you leave, can I go too". sarcastically etc. rest of the night she was hanging aound me etc.

Ended up being my only 'conquest'