Is that a personal preference or a moving too fast kind of thing?

I've cooked for a girl at her place on one of our first dates. Got laid. But didn't turn into a long-term thing.

.

It's all about what you're looking for - what's your end game?

It's a no for me. I normally wouldn't want to set the expectations that high that soon. The only time I've done it I knew it was going to be a short term deal as she was moving in a couple weeks.

If you're already friends with the girl you can avoid the creep factor. Just don't do any silly unintentional body brushes while reaching for the salt kind of thing and you lessen the idea that you're predatory.

If you barely know the girl then I'd avoid it unless you ooze charm and come with references.

If a girl accepts an offer to have a date in your home, she isn't creeped out by you, and I would guess has accepted the fact that the night will end with SOMETHING physical.

She's a friend of a friend. Weve hungout before but not exclusively.

The dinner at my place was always my go to when a) I was short on funds, and/or b) I didn't want to be seen out with you. KC is a small city.

I typically (almost always) date outside of my social circle. However, recently I've started to date someone who I was set up with through mutual friends. I had heard about her through a few of my female friends and I first met her at another mutual friend's birthday party. A couple of days after the party I asked another friend to give me her number and took things from there. We've gone out a few times now and, for the first time since we started dating, met up with mutual friends together yesterday. Still not at the point yet where I'd have her over my place for dinner.

I would not ask her to dinner at your place in this situation. There is a big difference between "one of the first dates" and "THE first date".

Eh, you come with references then. Make it sweet and funny and you're fine.

Women are amazing.

This girl was throwing my signs like crazy and saying we should hangout blah blah. I send a text last night asking to go out tonight and no response.

I've always found that I will find "love" (using that term very loosely) when I'm not looking for it. Any time I've actively pursued it, I struck out. That's not very good advice I know.

It helps to always act confident, be funny, and be attractive. Shouldn't be hard if you do all 3.

I would still make dinner and set it up for two just in case.

Come over.

Went on a nice coffee date at Starbucks for 2 and a half hours. This girl seemed to really be awesome, so I'm taking her out to dinner tomorrow night.

Basically that's a 2nd date I guess. Should I go in for the kiss if things go well again or wait?

First date get to know her. Second date small goodnight kiss. 3rd date full carnage.

That's a quick turnaround

This coffee date was on Thursday. Can coffee really be considered a date? I would assume that's just an icebreaker. Idk if first date just means something real like dinner?

Oh, and she is a virgin apparently..and she's 25. I haven't decided if that is a bad thing yet?

25 year old virgin?

Bull ****ing shit.

If you literally sat and talked with this girl for 2:30 that's amazing and a real connection IMO.

Definitely a date BTW.

The virgin thing is a red flag. Find out quickly if she's waiting until marriage.

Just how ugly is this chick?

Ruuuuuuunnnnnn!!!!!!!!!

There's no rule for when to go for the kiss or what to do. Every person, and every date is different. I've gone on first dates that finish with nothing more than a hug, and I've been on others where we ended up banging in the car.

Just feel it out, and if it feels like she's giving you the "come hither" eyes, then go for it.

Concur wholeheartedly, Jesus talk about a red flag...

twas nice. I'll find out more tonight about the virgin thing. She did make it seem like a bunch of assholes at clubs just wanted to bang her and want nothing more. Can't really blame a girl for not wanting to do that.

Bullshit.

Yeah but if she's 25 and still a virgin, either she's never had a long-term boyfriend or she's got some religious hangup. Or she's a fat nerd who lives in with her parents and dresses up like Boba Fett.

Got a kick out of some shit last night hanging out with my friend and his girl because they both independently made references to not getting laid to me at different times.

First off, I was like "The ****? TMI" but then I was like "WTF is the point of dating if you aren't screwing on the regular?"

I then referred to them as a married couple for the rest of the night. I don't think they appreciated that.

Or she made a plan from the beginning to wait until marriage.

I dated a girl for about 6 months when I was 23. She was 21 and still a virgin. She had had a serious boyfriend from the age of 16 to 21 when I met her. She legitimately planned on waiting till marriage. And I would put her as a solid 7-8. Found out later that she ended up dating some dude after me and got married to him after 3 years.

She did have one long relationship, so we'll see how this goes. I've only spent one night with her so I don't know her that well.

Tonight will tell more.

Sounds like someone we know

Interesting....and what would make you say that?

And it would be interesting to know what is wrong with waiting till marriage?

Some of you will change your way of thinking once you have daughters of your own.

It's possible, for sure; but women are known to lie about their sexual escapades to make themselves seem more favorable to potential mates.

If a chick is a 25 year old virgin and not religious, she's either lying her ass off or she's a ****ing weirdo.

Would you buy a cow without tasting the milk?

Sexual compatibility is important in any relationship.

What if you're not sexually compatible? The marriage will be ruined or at best extremely stressed.

But you didn't qualify that in your first statement.....and with the proliferation of diseases many women are choosing to wait.

Or just have exclusive sex with your girlfriend. Not hard, bro. Marriage is just a piece of paper.

This shows how little you understand about relationships and marriage. If you truly think the only thing that keeps a marriage together is a sex life then you have much to learn and I would suggest you never, ever get married.

Trust me.....women put less of a value to sex in a marriage than men do. Oh, they value and love sex, but you can be the best in bed ever, but if you have no clue what makes her happy beyond that YOU are doomed.

Wait for what?

To shack up with a dude at 28 after he's been proliferating those diseases for the previous 12 years?

I'm not saying it isn't smart, but I don't know many people that wait that long to have sex for any reason that isn't extremely religious.

I didn't say that.

If you are not sexually compatible with someone, getting married is a pretty bad idea.

To those who think marriage is all about a piece of paper....I say don't get married.

Marriage is a relationship and a bond that 2 people go into. A good marriage can survive many things....and will be tested throughout the whole time. That's why so many marriages fail these days, no one has the fortitude to work thru the things that test the marriage. (No I am not including being unfaithful in that)

Extremely religious? So what you are saying is that if a girl doesn't believe in religion she probably won't stay a virgin till marriage?

That's an all-encompassing declaration you can't substantiate, any more than I could say that all extremely religious girls stay virgin.

Absolutely. But you don't need a piece of paper to have that bond.

But you should still see if you are sexually compatible first.

You are still making sex the most important thing in a marriage....while it IS important, a girl can fish that out real quick while you are dating and she will definitely put you in the "friends with possible benefits" realm.

Your first statement I agree with.....


Your second I don't.

Why not?

Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship.

If you are not sexually compatible with someone...why stay in that relationship?

What if you are disgusted by the mere thought of sex with that person? Good luck staying committed.

Yes.

See the part I have bolded....that tells me you put the value of sex so high that if it isn't rocking your world you want to leave the marriage.

I would venture to say that if there is any one thing you need to understand better before you go into a marriage, that is it.

I would appreciate a link to something to substantiate your claim.

You just don't get it.

Do you think two people who have no interest in having sex with each other can stay together for 40 years?

Interesting...you added that last line while I was answering you.

Marriage isn't like buying a car....you don't get to "try out" the person before "buying" them.

SO much will change after you get married....I won't speak for women here, but I am betting that a woman won't leave you because you don't rock their world in bed, especially if you are a good hubby in other ways.

Go look it up....see what women value in a marriage vs. what a man values in marriage.

Really? I don't get what?

You keep missing my point because you can't think beyond the end of your Johnson....

You think the ONLY thing that is important in a marriage is sex. I am telling you that the longer you are married, the less you FOCUS on sex. It is still there, and it can still be great, but the reason you stay with a person has nothing to do with performance in bed.

Let me ask you this.....would you want your wife to leave you if you had an injury that rendered you incapable of sex?

That's exactly what dating is. Sex included.

And you aren't answering my question.

What if you are completely sexually incompatible with a person?

What then? How do you stay together?

I didn't say that. At all.

But if you are not sexually compatible with a person...getting married is a bad idea.

I can't, of course, but don't need to. I rarely ever speak in absolutes (just to avoid people like you) and even in your post that I bolded and agreed with, you qualified it with a "probably".

I'm not saying there aren't some women out there that have waited until marriage to have sex for reasons completely separate from religion.

Dating is the "trying out" period - that's pretty much the whole point. No, you won't get the "I've lived with you for 10 years" experience while dating, but you try and figure out as much of that as possible.

Sexual compatibility is an important part to any relationship. Nobody here is saying it has to be the best sex of your life, but making sure sexual interests and similar, and most importantly, sex drive/frequency are along the same lines is extremely important. Devaluing sex is crazy. There's a reason why sex and money are the two biggest issues of contention in marriages.

Source: was married for 10 years.

I answered your question....you are avoiding mine.

People don't stay together JUST FOR SEX!!!!!!! You really need to understand that.

Read my post above.....

No you didn't.

You are completely sexually incompatible with someone. The sex isn't even mediocre. It's awful, at best. Horrific. Disgusting. Putrid.

How do you stay with them for 40 years? Do you even think you would be happy having awful sex, or no sex, for 40 years?

Answer that for me.

You are correct....dating is a trying out period, but not specifically for sex.

I never said sexual compatibility isn't important...quite the contrary. But I say it isn't a reason to leave marriage. And trust me, women adapt more to mens sexual desires that vice versa. And in all reality money is the biggest reason that marriages crumble...infidelity is the second.

Source: Married for 30 years.

So people who aren't sexually compatible...shouldn't be married?

Yes or no.

I answered your question....you are sticking your fingers in your ears and pretending I am not.

You are saying that the only way that a marriage can last 40 years is if people "try each other out" first....I say that you are wrong.

Let me turn this around....do you think if people are compatible in bed they will last 40 years in marriage?

Answer it again for me. Because I don't see that you did.

Let me rephrase:

You HATE having sex with someone. Why would you stay married?

I've answered this before.....and you refuse to acknowledge it.

You still haven't answered my question I posed earlier:

Would you want your wife to leave you if you had an injury that rendered you incapable of sex?

If we had just gotten married, yes.

Now, go ahead and answer:

You HATE having sex with someone. You're very young. Why would you stay married? Or get married in the first place?

You won't answer mine....but I will state it plain as day for you.

People do it all the time because they don't place an importance on sex in a marriage that you do.

There I can't answer it any more plainly. Now...how about my answer?

People stay together when they hate having sex with each other? ROFL

You're full of shit, dude. Religion has polluted your mind.

Then you don't understand what marriage is all about...I suggest you don't get married.

Or maybe you should talk to a spouse of someone who, because of injury or other medical reasons cannot have sex. Ask them why they chose to stay with the one they loved.

If she's not ****ing you she's cheating on you

And you lack maturity and intelligence. I highly suggest you consider never getting married.

Wrong....link to support that?

Because they didn't care about that, indicating sexual compatibility.

I mean seriously dude. You find out you hate having sex with someone. Staying with them for 40 years is not in the cards at that point. You would be miserable.

I'm intelligent enough to put off marriage until I know I'm COMPLETELY compatible with someone. And part of that is sex.

See....now that is an intelligent comment but nowhere near what you were trying to support.

But you will never know you are completely compatible with someone until after you are married. And sexual desires/needs/interests change...are you going to leave your wife if she decides after 10 years and 3 kids that she ain't giving it up every other night like you want it?

What is the nature of the hatred? A kink factor should be discovered long before cohabitation. Too much moaning, perfume, hair? These things would be easily overlooked for someone in love. Or altered. Perhaps a frequency disagreement? Even that one doesn't have to be a deal breaker unless under the most disfunctional situations.

Bullcrap.

Live with them for 10 years. You'll know.

Wrong. Sex before marriage should be avoided at ALL costs.