LMAO That is fantastic.

Another reason never to waste time with women: they'll use you for dinner dates and shit while banging someone else.

UsainBoltSquid.gif

People in general do shady shit like that. It's not just chicks.

The idea is to be the guy that's doing the banging, not the one getting used.

You sound like you're about to turn gay, by the way.

"Yeahhh. I don't think I'm going to waste my time on women anymore." That's just the first step in your journey to anal Pound Town with Steve, bro.

I'm just biding time until I have enough money to hire escorts.

The worst piece of ass I ever had was still wonderful.

I'd hardly consider it wasting time.

I don't think it works that way. At least, 7 years without any relationship shenanigans hasn't turned me gay. Maybe the copious amounts of porn sustains my basic hetersexuality.

How often do you fools bang it out without a rubber?

About 60% of the time when I actually got laid

Can you stop asking cringe-worthy questions?

Let's hear a discuss penthouse story!

No penthouse writer would ever fess up to having multi-year cold streaks, brah.

It's a boring Thursday. Tell us a story.

Really not much of a story... First girl was just the tip in the back of my truck a few blocks from here mother and machete-wielding Peruvian step dad's house and I hadn't thought to purchase prophylactics.

Second girl was in college that apparently had a curse associated with her dating back to HS... nailed her two or three times then avoided her because I got enough harassment from people who knew her that she was insane and probably disease ridden.

Third girl was my last GF and the first I actually used a rubber with even though she was on the pill. I guess the lowlight here is when I took a trojan off because it was too tight and just threw it on the floor the last year I lived in the fraternity house. Forgot it was there until a fratbro saw it on the floor while we were playing MLB The Show; he decided to snag it with a clothes hanger and paraded it around the house saying "Hey, Discuss Thrower finally got laid!"

Fourth girl I tried to get one on after we got started but I guess it shrank in the packaging because it hurt like a mother****er and just told her I'd get her Plan B in the morning. She then insisted that that wasn't necessary and that she swallowed.

Fun fact: the last three girls were all in the same sorority :facepalm:

You're not supposed to pull it over your nutsack too. Probably the problem....