I don't think you can avoid the crying either way but if they are given something after you have passed, they'll already be upset and the gift then would equate more to fond remembrance as opposed to "I'm dying, please take this", which might bring both of you down. My wife has always told me, about our own children, that you have to deal with each of them differently and I think that is probably the case with each person in your situation. Some people you can do that with and others are better left for after.

You might consider a video that you narrate or a letter, a letter if you don't want to cry on them.

Your daughter, depending on her age, would probably cherish a video for the rest of her life and though it might make her cry each time she watches it, it will help her to hear your voice saying "I love you".

My father died when I was young and I cannot recall the sound of his voice, but I have a video that I taped during the holidays when I was a teen and on one scene of it I zoomed in on my grandpa and said "I love you" and he replied back "I love you too". Kills me every time, but in a good way.

dammit, just when I think I've got problems...you come around and give me a dose of perspective. sad to hear it's coming to this.

and to answer the question, I'd do whatever helps you have a sense of peace.

Yes, I would give people things. But I would also put it in writing. Your actions can greatly show your intentions, but a writing is legalistic, and also shows your intentions. Plus, perhaps you have already made promises, or have some will that you can't remember. I would just make sure to update the will or draft a new letter stating your intentions. It's better safe than having your relatives fighting over a lamp that you had allegedly promised, or written a letter about.

I have a written statement that indicates some of my items would go to specific people in the event of my death. I have written on the document my wish of the casket, donations, and things of that nature.

Are you doing Hospice, Pam, or heading down that road soon?

NOT doing Hospice yet.

God bless, and I truly hope the best for you and yours. I honestly can't begin to tell you what I would do in that situation. If I were your son or husband though, I think I would want to spend as much time as I could with you without having to think about the end.

I would want to get in as many great memories as I could, not dwell on the past or the future, but live in the moment while we were still together to make moments.

A little mushy, sorry.

I think very thoughtful letters to go with the specific items you are thinking of that would be kept unopened (and hidden) until god finally calls you up (hopefully a long long time away).

Try not to dwell on it. I know I would want my loved ones to fight to the very last breath and to spend as much time with me as possible, and overall to be positive and as happy as possible. I can't imagine how hard that would be, but I am sure that is what your family really wants.

Letters would be the most cherished possession you could leave. Maybe also a diary for your daughter and future grandchildren (or current grandchildren, I don't know your family.)

God bless, and fight the good fight.

I like the letters and definitely a video tape. I WISH I could plug in a tape of my daddy and just hear his voice once in a while.