Same here. JFC. I thought I was ready to take a nice massive dump at work last night, but boy I had no idea what I was in for. The dump last night was satisfying, but then I ended up having terrible stomach cramps all last night which have continued throughout the day. Been in and out of the bathroom continuously . :(

Those are mesmorizing! I think to myself "I know what just happened...but where is it? THANK YOU BABY JESUS!!!"

I hate it when I'm shitting in the morning, and it's "The Dangler". You know what I'm talking about. You've pooed, you think you're good and you're trying to squeeze one last chum from your bum that seems to have implanted itself there with the intention of becoming part of the interior decorating. It's ridiculous. You try with all your might, and as you come to the conclusion that you're being irrational in thinking this can actually hang out with you all day, you wipe furiously trying to just get whatever you can that has already crowned. The real downside is as you stand up to zip up your trousers, you know later on that it's going to itch when it dries...

To eliminate "The Dangler", you need to order some One Wipe Charlies from dollarshaveclub.com. They are literally like the hand of God reaching down and wiping your ass.

I saw that video and there is a glimmer of hope. If they deliver on the goods. I want them sanitized enough that I can reach 4 inches into my colon to get ALL OF IT. All of it.

I ordered some and so far so good. Haven't had to wrangle with a Dangler yet, but they work wonders on the old fashioned mud sprayer dumps.

Mildly aroused.

I hate the "Oil slick" poops. The ones that are hard but it takes you 15 wipes to get it all.

Like wiping a marker

A wierd fact : If your poop floats you have a good diet and will live longer . If your poop sinks you are destined to be cancer ridden and die horribly. True story.