My 13yo Labrador can handle that without the chili. I'd call 911 and have them dispatch, then hit the MF with a ball bat

We meet on the third step down and someone is dead from massive head trauma before they hit the bottom of the stairs.

If the dude has a gun, a bat may or may not do the trick. The guy is coming up stairs. He is in motion. He only has to move very slightly to cause an adrenaline-filled, untrained homeowner to miss delivering a knockout blow. After one swing, a bat is nearly worthless in close quarters. If that guy has a gun, he will get off a shot before you can swing again.

Knives don't miss from close quarters.

**** it - I'm out.

I'm young and pretty spry, I've jumped off a hell of a lot of things in that 8-10 foot range with nothing more than a stinger. 12 feet isn't going to break my leg.

I'm not ****ing around with the Bowie knife - if I lose, he stabs my ass. That's not good times.

The bat...well it's wood vs. aluminum at that point. Sure, I might get the drop on him, but if I don't, he's got a faster bat with more force behind it. And that's assuming that he doesn't have a gun as well (and he might) Nah, also not a good idea.

Replica shotgun would probably be my choice if I couldn't escape in that I'd club his ass with it then turn it on him. There's little risk of having it turned against me because it doesn't fire and it's still pretty scary. Most home invaders will get out of dodge once they're challenged. Even if he has a gun, he's just looking for easy money, not a shootout at the OK Corral. If he thinks you're as armed as he is, he'll most likely jet.

But in the end - I just don't care. I'm insured. Heck, I'm over-insured. In your hypotheticals my dogs aren't there and any family is gone. So WTF do I care if this dude breaks some shit - I'll just get to buy new shit with the money State Farm gives me.

Nah, I'm not going to risk getting beat into a coma or stabbed in the throat to save some dishes.

Changed my mind.

I climb out the upstairs window and go poop in the drivers seat of the getaway car....or steal it. Depends on the mood. Maybe both.


See how that sonnabitch likes losing all of his Journey and 38 Special 8 tracks.....

The thought of a gun definitely gives you an edge on this one... I was thinking he had no gun.. only a bat.. but I guess you can't be sure. Anyway, with this part as part of the given scenario...

I'd say you had an excellent chance of winning this battle... if only because he is in a very difficult position on the stairs. A mere push would have him hurling down the flight of stairs.. so a bat would all the more do the trick of taking full advantage.

.. but not knowing if he has a loaded gun and is ready to fire it at the mere twitch of something crossing his vision? Yeah.. it's a risk... but I like my chances still.

I was hoping for Texas. You can pretty much do anything you want to an intruder, even if said intruder flees from your home, and still smoke him into BBQ brisket afterwards. All legally.

Where is the option for "Kill him to death"??

Where's the squatting at 35 degrees option?

Or you could put anitfreeze in a cup next to a half full bottle of Midori. Like the pic below but the bottle is half full and the cup is full of anitfreeze. Home Invader drinks the antifreeze thinking its Midori and dies.
http://imadethisicecream.com/wp/wp-c.../04/midori.png

I heard one comedian do a bit where he said he'd act like he was there robbing the house, too. Like, "You're robbing this place? Me too!"

That dumb**** is getting stabbed repeatedly in this scenario.