Caught Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever when I was 5 years old. Got my right arm almost chopped off at the elbow joint by a lawnmower blade when I was 6 years old. Got hit by a car in a parking lot hard enough to be knocked unconscious and thrown through the air when I was around 8 years old. Got chased out of a creek and up a dirt path by a water moccasin when I was 8 years old. Got caught in a landslide on the side of a mountain when I was 10 years old. Got stuck in a stand off between two escaped mental patients and the sheriffs at my house when I was 12-ish years old. I have quite a few of these stories.

Yeah, it ended up costing me a year of college, too. It happened at exactly the wrong time.

Nope. Not me.

Ah, you got the ol' Rod Stewart stomach pump, eh?

Man, you were a magnet. Thanks for self identifying cause the frag pattern of you is likely dangerous.
I could relate to the kid and cottonmouth (as we called them) story.

The one I'm most aware of (because I wasn't aware how close I was all the times we played with fire and fireworks) was at a crossing walk for Grand at the MSU Campus in Springfield.

The crossing walk had a light to stop traffic, I was waiting, walking back to my truck after class.

I wasn't really paying attention and when the light turned red and the green walk signal came on, I started to cross the street as usual without looking at the traffic.

For those you don't know, grand has 4 lane road, like most in Springfield. I was just far enough into the left lane when I heard tired squealing behind me. A car blew threw the red light, stopping well past me.

If I would have been 3 feet back, I would have died then and there, no question. I'm surprised there wasn't anyone else in the street, that was a heavy foot traffic area.

Let's see....

At 10, I developed a severe abscess when my last baby tooth didn't get loose and the permanent tooth started pushing it's way up. Went from a bump I ignored for several weeks into the entire side of my face swelled up like Popeye overnight. And **** did it hurt. Spent a week in the hospital over that shit. The doctor told my mom that the infection was so bad that it would have killed me in within another day.

Around the same age, I fell out of a tree, probably 30 or 40 feet. Hit enough branches on the way down to break my fall. If it happened to me now I'd surely explode, but back then all it did was knock the wind out of me. The resilience of children.

Swimming off Paradise Island in the Bahamas, a wave drove me into the bottom - hard. Hit on my back just below the neck. Nearly drowned, probably came closer to being paralyzed than I want to know.

More incidents in cars involving close calls with other vehicles or those giant long-legged rats otherwise known as deer to count. A swerve here, a brake slam there, gunning it at the last second - I've always (knock on wood) made the right split-second decision. I think I've got an angel on my shoulder. Probably has PTSD. :D

A couple of years ago, I was walking in Chicago on the way to the train station, passing in front of a parking garage. I was just about to cross in front of the exit when a car came shooting out onto the street, fishtailed and disappeared down Franklin Street. No idea if the driver had stolen the car, was pissed off or just in a hurry, but he (she?) obviously didn't check for/give a shit about pedestrians on the sidewalk, and had I been two steps farther I would have been splattered. That kind of freaked me out.

And as mdchiefsfan said, the things you don't know about.....

Then you just turned and looked, shrugged, and continued on your way while whistling "Pop Goes the Weasel" to yourself.

I was run over by a car. Guy was a drunk driver. He rear ended me. I got my pen and paper to go get his insurance information and the mother****er actually started chasing me in his car. I tried running for a while but 1. quickly ran out of energy, and 2. partly because I was out of energy, I tripped on a curb and fell into the street after he had chased me into a grass field for a bit. I looked up and there was his front bumper about 7 or 8 feet away and hauling ass right at me. I put my hands up, and the next thing I knew, I was flying through the air spinning. I landed 20 feet away. I was dazed, looked up again and he was almost on top of me. I covered up and he ran me over. The front tire went over my shoulder and grazed my neck, leaving a huge strawberry on my neck and totally destroying my shoulder joint and muscles. That rolled me over, and the rear tire went over my lower back, and road grated me into the concrete. Finally, as my arm flailed around, the rear bumper took about a 3 ounce hunk of my left forearm out. Fortunately, a buddy that was with me got his plate number and the cops got him and the hunk of meat was still on his bumper so he was screwed. several shoulder surgeries later, i'm good. Close call thought

What you neglect to mention is that you instigated the whole thing by choking that guy out at a little league baseball game.

Basically, without the whistling. I had to get to work.

a couple of times. I nearly drowned in a pool as a young child, couldn't swim and the teens who were supposed to be watching me weren't. Almost drowned on the Current River about 10 years ago after getting pinned under a canoe getting sunk in a bend against some trees.


The big one I dodged was in high school I ALWAYS followed a certain bus home. This day I had a dental appointment so I went a different way. Found out later a couple of kids speeding rear ended that bus when they came over a blind hill at high speed and were killed. I normally would have been between them.

I have worked pipe laying construction all my life.. I was a ditch man when I was younger so I’ve been in a lot of ditch that wasn’t shored up.. Can’t tell you how many times in the 80s that I’ve crawled out of a 10 plus deep ditch and it caved in right after.. or a cave in call would go out and I would just make it out of the way.. We do things much safer now with shoring and I’m the Trackhoe operator so I make sure everyone is safe and goes home at the end of the day..

There's a lot of really stupid shit...

Dating the Devil's direct spawn who had a thing for witchcraft and knives is probably the closest I've come to death. Toward the end, I fully expected to come to while being fully gutted surrounded by a ring of strange burning objects.

Kicking your way out of an upside down flattened cab that's catching fire isn't fun. Falling asleep behind the wheel and waking up just in time to avoid a head on with a semi changed my driving habits forever. Having a gun go off inches from your face changes who you chose to surround yourself with. Getting rag dolled at high speed ended my racing dreams and ruined a really nice helmet.

None of my stupid compares to those in uniform who went in knowing their fate. Those are the stories people should hear. Recently lost a good one who spent years fighting off whatever happened in that god forsaken sandbox.

My car was t-boned by a drunk driver who blew a red light going 70mph (they were passed out drunk so no attempt at braking). Took the front end off my car. Another half-second and he would have ripped my car in half.