Without more information as to your current situation, this is a difficult problem to solve. I'll do my best to cover both common problems in Houston.

1. You may begin to feel relief from the problem, by having the man behind you remove the firm object from the area. While I don't know from personal experience, it would make sense that this might cause your discomfort.


2. The more common cause is obvious. I have some sollutions to alleviate your pain. In Iowania, if one is foolish enough to go to the field without the standard issue ESK(emergency shit kit) in the truck or preferably tractor...One can often find himself in a similar situation as yours.

There are many possibilities to solve your dilema. First, I'd scan the area/truck/tractor/construction site for napkins that may have been left from previous lunches. The next would be to locate other paper products...Paper grocery bags could be effective, the backing of fiberglass insulation is also a possibility. In a real pickle, Iowanian has been known to cut or tear the bottom half of the front of his teeshirt off and use that.

I'd say your sollution, as painful as it may be, is to tear off the required about of the WHAM! concert tee that you're so fond of. this time of year, in your line of work, you should be sporting a standard Plad Flannel shirt to cover you anyway.

The other option is to use the ARAB Method.....and just shake and eat with your right hand for the rest of the day.

Iowanian is not a video gaming expert, but Has recently purchased a couple of games for PSII. I found Madden04 to be satisfying, but it seems to have worn off its usefullness at this time. I've also purchased MOH, Allied assault, and MOH Rising Sun. While Both had great graffics, I conquered rising sun pretty quickly. Most recently, I purchased NCAA football 04 and am working on my 3rd season.

If I were you, I'd save some of that money and give Iowanian $35 for Rising Sun.

Ayden is a trendy name because of that chic show on HBO that shows just enough T&A for a man to allow it viewed in his home. While many may not aggree, I personally believe that a boy should be given a strong name. I'm not a big fan of the "fad names" and prefer more traditional names. I'm also a believer in spelling the name the way it should be instead of getting all Clever. The kid has to spell that when he's 5. There will be 3 other Aydens in his class, spelled 3 different ways.

Given the Choice of those 2, I think my choice is obvious.


At least its not Schkylar.



disclaimer: Should Mrs M so choose to go with Ayden, prooving she indeed wears the pants in the household, iowanian will deny any posts relating to the issue and inform Markand MrsM that Ayden is an excellent selection....to their face.

Bob Dole can't help it...the openings you offer are staggering...

"...make this reeruned bitch forget my phone number?"

Evidently she's not as reeruned as your usual "conquests."

"...make her forget she's ever met me?"

Why not use the same method you've used on every other living person?

"Plus, it's difficult to get laid at the bar when..."

Keep telling yourself that's the reason, Stuart Smalley.

This is a common problem. I believe its caused by kissing them too good when you allow them to come around the first time. Its is double edged sword.

You should start by having your cell phone company block her number from your phone. You CAN make her forget she's ever met you, but it will take some sacrifice on your part. It involves you going home with her again(its important that it is her house)...and is followed by a well placed donkeypunch. Others may disapprove of that method, but it would be effective.

The other tactic I'd recommend is to kill her with kindness....Not the sincere kindness....the annoyingly, antagonistic kindness. In your best Eddie Haskell, in front of others(next time she approaches you in public) inform her that while you enjoyed your time with her initially, it just isn't going to work, and that you hope she finds someone that deserves her.

This should be followed up with a well placed rumor with a loudmouth. It should involve things like her poor personal hygiene, a curable STD, incorrect dosage of her mental health medication. If she continues....Its important that you bed her sister,best friend, or arch rival.

You could use one of these:

http://www.neweyestudio.com/ebe437.jpg

Just don't forget to put your sunglasses on first.

Not Bob Dole's job.

That would be why it's called "Ask Iowanian" instead of "Ask Bob Dole."

Another dissatisfied customer.

If you don't shape up, the Consumer Products Safety Commission is going to recall that defective dick of yours.

It's the allliteration -- a cheap tool used by us scribes. (Michael Michigan can tell you more about it.)

This knowledge must come due to years of experience with your personal "affliction" discussed above? Get your recall notice last week?

Warm it up!

ROFL

:shake:

Sally is 14, Susan is 7 (just read the first sentence)

...Can't believe the great Dr. got worked by a second grade arithmetic problem... ROFL

Dr. Iowanian,

I have a "friend" who lives in Houston. Being that far away was comforting since I knew he couldn't just drive up to my house on a whim. I have recently learned, however, that he is moving to KC which is only a 2 hour drive from my house. I kind of like living here, is moving my only option???

So Iowanian, now that you have no more plans for the Super Bowl, I have been asked to tell you a certain poster outside Dallas would like you to go his Super Bowl party. He only asks that you not bring Brideowanian.

Will you be going?