mr. tegu |
04-26-2019 09:35 PM |
Chiefs suspended Tyreek Hill
I’m just going to restate some of what I have been saying. Hill clearly is not good with this woman (or perhaps any) and has issues with anger, control, and dominance. He also seems to have different views on parenting and has a lack of understanding of the impact he is having if he does get as excessive as it sounds like he might. Though it still doesn’t sound like he thinks belt usage or other force is bad in itself, and it’s important to understand that we don’t know how he might utilize it or the context. I know that can be frustrating though. So when considering circumstances of abuse, that aren’t from malice or neglect, but from poor upbringing or just getting too physical or underestimating the damage your discipline and punishment can do physically and psychologically, how do we respond? The knee jerk response seems to mostly be to one of completely destroying the person, personally, publicly, and professionally. But is that really right? Should every case automatically result in jail, loss of children forever, or loss of employment? Is there no gray area that we can operate in without being accused of protecting or defending abusers?
Hill needs to change but it also represents a larger issue with parenting in that many cultures and countries view things differently than one another. Normal is a very relative and tenuous term.
So how do you counter the poor parenting tactics in someone on an individual level in someone who does seem to perhaps think their intentions are good? You have to convince him that what he learned as a child wasn’t okay despite his likely beliefs that it helped him, therefore it should help his son. You will undoubtedly get resistance in the form of it shouldn’t be others business or not wanting to change just to please others. He is probably sorry his child was severely hurt whether directly or indirectly caused by him, but he still won’t see that as abuse as others might.
Hill probably needs major cognitive restructuring. He needs to find other ways to be confident and satisfied that his kid respects him and is learning so Hill doesn’t confuse fear with respect. He probably needs help seeing his son’s typical 3 year old behaviors (not listening, crying, etc) are not unacceptable misbehaviors or a sign that his kid is disrespecting him or is somehow failing him personally. If it’s evident he doesn’t morally or personally see anything wrong with his forms of excessive discipline then you have to show how if for nothing else to be able to be more employable he has to change behaviors (not even values) so he can provide for his kids.
There are just countless more hurdles and scenarios I could keep rattling off. All of these are part of the recovery process when involved with CPS or for any person with these sorts of identified issues. He has a right to try to get better and improve and identify the underlying causes contributing to his excessive anger and outbursts towards those close him with the hope that one day he will be a good father. His best option is probably to acknowledge his shortcomings (even if he doesn’t believe they are) and make a commitment to being a better father while still denying he ever did anything out of malice or intent to physically harm and maintaining that he will do whatever it takes to regain custody.
People won’t like it, but ultimately, if possible, the best thing for the family is that the parents both improve themselves as people, even if it means separating, and most importantly of all, improve themselves as parents. That is the best outcome, and something I think people are way to eager to take off the table.
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