ChiefsPlanet - Life Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female

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Parenting advice needed: 13 yo female (https://chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=241563)

Quote:

Originally Posted by cdcox (Post 7426774)

It's tough. My daughter is 20, so I've been through what you're going through. There are no easy answers. You are going to have to feel your way and make mistakes, watch her make mistakes, and hope everyone comes out in one piece a the other end of the meat grinder. Here is my advice after having a tougher road than most, but not as tough as some:

1. She's not an adult yet, but she is on her way. In 5 years (not very long) she will be 18 and legally an adult. That transition doesn't magically happen the day she turns 18. It happens every day, starting now. You are going to have to start thinking about her in different ways.

2. You can't control her. She is her own person and as the years go by, will be away from the eyes of you and your wife more and more. She is going to do what she is going to do.

3. If you are always snooping in on her, she is going to turn on you. If you go spying, you aren't going to like everything you see. I would give her space and privacy unless you think she is doing something "big". See below.

This is what I need... We don't mind her turning on us (I say that now). But I don't want to give her the space where we'll be grandparents raising a grandchild in our 30's. In my mind I'm thinking be on her like flies to shit and when she's 18 let her loose.

Once she's 18 she's an adult and we've done our jobs as far as held up our end of the bargain in raising a good kid. Wifey and I have never had an issue with being together on things and always talk things through and out of site of the kiddos.
I have to go through this 3 more times ! UGH!

Just have her lurk here for awhile.

Search "MTG-10", "Hootie", or "GoChiefs" and let her read away.

She will be so horrified by what she reads that she won't even want to get close to the opposite sex for years to come.

Of course, there is always the chance that she might go lesbian if you over-expose her to their threads and posts, so be careful.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bowser (Post 7426780)

I get the whole "respect" thing, but have you made it crystal clear as to what the rules are when it comes to the phone? And as a parent of a 15 year old daughter, I can say with all confidence that if you drop the "YOU WILL NOT DO THIS UNDER MY ROOF, YOUNG LADY" bit on her, that she will find a way somehow to do just what it is you don't want her to do.

It's a juggling act to find the balance between being a protective parent and letting her have the freedom to come into her own.

And that was my point in not getting the phone in the first place. Wifey liked it because it could be restricted, but my sister was fuggin McGyver and I know these kids nowadays will find ways around all restrictions. I was and still am under the thinking that she doesn't need a phone until she's driving and can pay for her own bill.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wutamess (Post 7426807)

In my mind I'm thinking be on her like flies to shit and when she's 18 let her loose.

Think of a spring. Hold that spring down and then all of a sudden let it go, it will shoot off in a random direction. If you instead let go of it slowly, it will typically stay right where you want it to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ClayWhit (Post 7426785)

Become a Jehovah's Witness, and have the elders talk with her.

OKAY! ROFL

Why don't you buy her an old shitty phone that doesn't have web access or apps? The pre-flip phone era ones.
Posted via Mobile Device

Quote:

Originally Posted by PornChief (Post 7426778)

tell her to bring the little dude around for a BBQ or something so you get to meet him at least. Trying to stop teen girls from talking to boys? Might as well try stop time and tide.

That's another thing... I don't want to meet my daughter's BF's. I know I have to but that's weird. First lil fugger that comes around with their pants hanging around their knees I'm going to blow a gasket and embarrass her. Really not prepared for the next 5 years.

If you know any doc or cop buddies, have them take her on the tour of the E.R. that shit will scare her straight if she heard and saw some of the stories 1st hand that come out there concerning VD, rape, pregancy ect...

Just start buying her baggy turtle necks and overalls. That will clear shit up real fast.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coach (Post 7426797)

Well, have you addressed simple ground rules on the phone? I mean, not like invading her privacy, but that she is aware of that you are paying for her phone, yes? Have you mentioned to your child that "I am giving you this phone, not because I have to, but I feel that you are more than responsble to have this phone. However, it's not a right, it's a privilege. We (you and your wife) are paying your phone bill for you, so for a fair trade off, if one of us asked you to do something, like the dishes or a simple chore, I believe you will be responsible to do those."

Have you addressed that, prior to giving her the phone?

No. It was more of a Xmas present. "No boys". Have fun.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jenson71 (Post 7426798)

That show is probably a parent's dream as far as TV goes. Unfortunately, that same channel shows Skins, which glorifies that kind of stuff.

Parental restrictions is your friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buck (Post 7426826)

Why don't you buy her an old shitty phone that doesn't have web access or apps? The pre-flip phone era ones.
Posted via Mobile Device

hmmm... Possibility. Thought about it when I bought that one but Sprint didn't have one without a camera, so I said fuggit!

Montel Williams just loves stories like this. I am sure he would probably let you on the show if you bring your daughter. :D

Seriously dude I think you are on the right track. At 13 she still needs you to be a dad and draw the line in the sand. I have a friend going through this with his 14 year old. The one thing I noticed that is different is the girls are WAY more aggressive than they were when we were kids.

Quote:

Originally Posted by pr_capone (Post 7426817)

She's not totally restricted. She goes everywhere she wants to go (except to the local teenie nightclub she's been wanting to go to forever). We just like keep it limited to friends, etc. She goes to party's, etc. But we have an idea where she's supposed to be.