Well then, that kinda ruins the leverage you have, other than that you are paying for it.

If I ever was going to give one for my kid, I would pretty much set simple ground rules. I would pretty much simply say that I am not going to invade their privacy, but more of their simple trade-off rules, like since if I am paying for it, I expect the person to at least do some simple chores that is being asked out of my child. Along with the lines that I am trusting that child that they would make good decisions on the phone.

So, yes, I think turning off the phone is a little overkill, UNLESS you happen to find incriminating evidence of her showing her private parts to the person in question. Texts are borderline, but I would be willing to overlook that, but photos? Boom, gonna kill it with a sledgehammer.

I think you and your wife need to re-establish the rules as far as that is concerned. Don't mention anything about that what you saw. That's history now. The fact is that she didn't do what you have asked her to do, I'd say take the phone away for a week, and give it back to her if she does do the chores. If she continues not to do what you have asked her to do, then I'd extend the punishment longer.

I think she needs to understand that you two are respecting her privacy, but that she needs to respect you guys, as far as being asked to do.

Time for a long, detailed conversation about sluts, pregnancy, and hysterectomies.

I would be glad to speak with her, Mr. wutamess, if you wish. I sure am glad I don't have daughters, though. I have spent a large portion of my entire life attempting to remove the undergarments of young ladies. The irony of having a daughter would be more than I could bear.

FAX

But that's just it! What's my fuggin line?
"Don't talk to boys?" That's kinda weak. Especially when we were all doing it around that age.

"Don't kiss boys?" Weak also.

What do I have to stand on... how to you "discipline that"?
By doing nothing though it sends the signal that it's ok and condone and she KNOW's we can't really do anything. We still have that "control/fear" aspect over her... looks like we're losing that so what do we do... just ride and hope that our teachings have been instilled and she'll make the right decisions.

Thing is... My pete peeve is a chick that put guys on fuggin pedestal and her trying to impress this guys show's that she's emotionally weak and that's what I really want to fix here. Thin is... other than showing her examples of idiots and family members, I have no idea what to do.

To everyone saying "take the phone away for X amount of weeks."

What would be your reasoning for taking it away without spilling the beans?

And speaking of boys issue, I think you are also, to a degree, restricting her ability to grow into an adult. I wouldn't restrict the boys thing, because then, how is she going to be able to find the one she really likes?

There are going to be moments that you may not like the fugger, but sometimes, kids are going to have to learn it the hard way.

Here's what I mean when I say her turning on you:

Scenario A: You set some clear boundaries with consequences. She knows what they are. You give her age-appropriate freedoms (you have to determine what age appropriate means). When she violates a boundary, you follow through with consequences. And then you take your chances just like every other parent. And you probably don't go digging for information that you don't want to learn.

Scenario B: You keep her under close surveillance. You monitor her every activity. You scare away every boy that comes close. You limit her opportunities to be without adult supervision. She becomes bitter and feels like you don't respect her. How do you think she will respond when she turns 18 or goes away to college?

As I said, my daughter is 20. She is no where near ready to support herself financially. But if she gets knocked up I'll help her give the child up for adoption. I won't support one of her kids and I won't help her with an abortion. If she doesn't want to give the child up for adoption, she can figure things out for herself. That is my boundary that I am comfortable with. Someone else's might be different. I hope I never need to resort to that contingency, but I have a plan in place if worse comes to worse.

Just take a sharpie and color over the camera when she leaves it laying around.

Honestly, though, kids can pick up on sincerity and will respond to the honest communication more than bringing the hammer down. Once you explain what is wrong and what is okay, and make boundaries clear, she will know what will fly and what won't.

If she violates these boundaries, punishment is necessary. Sounds like she doesn't know the boundaries yet, though. So coming down hard on her won't accomplish anything positive, it will just confuse and anger her.

I'd simply say "Be yourself. You are beautiful on who you are. If other people or a guy can't see that, then well, that's their problem. Not yours."

My advice is to compile the advice from Luv and Clay. Then take everything they say and follow it to the last detail.

Damn, that would be tough to kick a grandkid to the curb like that. But I understand what you are saying.

Great points but you're focusing on the chores too much. She does the chores no problem and is honestly quite good about it. The story I gave was just a story about today. But we have no problem with her and chores... She's actually a GREAT kid, honest, sneaky as we all were, with a good head on her shoulders.

Pictures, I don't think she's sent nekidd pics of anything more than the fat girl lips out profile pose.

But I will make it clear that it's a proviledge. Text was disabled, so she got around that with Skype. Since I've disabled Skype from our network also.

This this this. That shit gets out on the Internet it can haunt her forever.

As far as the rest theres not a whole lot you can do. Just keep trying to be a good parent, and find positive activities to keep her busy and boost her self-esteem. If that happens the other stuff will take care of itself.

I would advise against letting her know you read her entire conversation. That will just push her away and make her a lot more secretive in the future.

She knows we looked through it and wifey has spoken to her about what was found and called her on it.

Remind her that her worth is not determined by those around her, especially by those who want something from her. Only she gets to determine her worth, and others will react accordingly.

Make sure she knows the only people worth valuing and keeping around in her life are the ones who care about her and build her up, rather than manipulate and keep her down.

So you dealt with it and then asked for advice? Little backwards thinking there.